Chapter 2: awaken to a new life.
Morning came in a celebration of sunshine. A debt, it may seem, for the stormy night before. The warm light poured in through the window and onto Severus' bed. A bird sang somewhere outside. The world was content...for a while.
The bird's sweet song roused Severus from his black, dreamless slumber. His eyes flickered open. He was warm and comfortable in the fresh clean hospital bed. All the matrons had disappeared from the hospital wing, leaving Severus fully healed, though it had taken a long time to do so. His mind was in a blissful blur, as if nothing from the previous night had happened. Suddenly the sickening feeling of realisation crept over him. The misery was so intense that it squeezed at his gut, giving him the feeling that a clamp was closing tightly around his stomach. It was sadness so strong he could have wretched. He slumped miserably back onto his pillow. He could feel the blunt meaninglessness gnawing at his dulled and heavy brain.
"Good morning!" said a voice to his right.
Severus couldn't even be bothered to jump. He glanced to his bedside. Dumbledore smiled warmly at him.
"We nearly lost you there!" Dumbledore said with a slight chuckle.
Severus did not reply. For a long while there was silence.
"Why did you save me?" said Severus miserably. "I wanted to die!"
"I can't allow anyone to waste their soul by throwing it away, Severus." Dumbledore replied on a greyer note.
"I wouldn't have! I would've been with her again...in her arm!" Severus cried.
He broke down into tears. Dumbledore's felt his heart crack as he watched Severus grieve. He a placed a hand on his back and rubbed it in a comforting way.
"No good things come to those who choose to take their own life, Severus. It is not ones choice to choose ones fate..."
"FATE IS BULLSHIT!!!!!" Severus screamed. He glared at Dumbledore. His cheeks blotched from the tears and hate creasing his face. His expression slowly slid down and he hung his head, whimpering slightly.
"I loved lily so much! I would have given my life for her! If only I had held back! If only I had never met her again! If only we had held our passion back for at least a week... she would still be alive! Its all my fault!"
"Do not blame yourself. If it wasn't for you and lily, Voldemort would still be at large."
Severus had flinched at the mentioning of the dark lords name. He unconsciously began to rub his left forearm. Dumbledore glanced at the behaviour.
"You wont have to put up with that mark anymore, at least." He said calmly.
Severus froze and stared, horrified, at Dumbledore.
"How did you know?" he asked his voice wavering in anger.
"You didn't expect to keep your occlument guard up while you were unconscious, did you?" asked Dumbledore, somewhat in reply.
"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT, ALBUS!!!!!!" Severus bellowed.
"I had to find out the reason you jumped from the tallest tower, Severus, I had no choice. You would never tell..."
"HOW COULD YOU?!!" Tears streamed from his eyes that were full of hatred and anger at the old man. He screamed in frustration and punched his quilt. He finally slumped back with a despairing sigh.
Dumbledore looked solemn. "I am afraid I will have to have you trailed, Severus."
Again Severus did not reply.
"But I know your situation from what I saw in your memories. You were forced by your father, weren't you?"
Severus nodded.
"Then I shall see to it, that you come out of that trial without a life sentence in Azkaban."
Severus looked up, his eyes widened.
"You'll really defend my case?" he asked.
Dumbledore nodded, smiling.
Again there was silence.
"What about Harry? Will he remain with the Dursleys?" Severus asked.
"He will have to. It is too dangerous for him to live with you. If Voldemort is ever to regain his strength, the first thing he will do is hunt the both of you down... if he is ever to find out you are his father." Dumbledore replied with a sober expression upon his ancient face.
Severus nodded sadly.
"Harry can't know that I am his real father." He said. Dumbledore placed his hand on Severus' own, a twinkle in his bright blue eyes.
"But one day, he will have to know." He said softly to the young potions master.
Morning came in a celebration of sunshine. A debt, it may seem, for the stormy night before. The warm light poured in through the window and onto Severus' bed. A bird sang somewhere outside. The world was content...for a while.
The bird's sweet song roused Severus from his black, dreamless slumber. His eyes flickered open. He was warm and comfortable in the fresh clean hospital bed. All the matrons had disappeared from the hospital wing, leaving Severus fully healed, though it had taken a long time to do so. His mind was in a blissful blur, as if nothing from the previous night had happened. Suddenly the sickening feeling of realisation crept over him. The misery was so intense that it squeezed at his gut, giving him the feeling that a clamp was closing tightly around his stomach. It was sadness so strong he could have wretched. He slumped miserably back onto his pillow. He could feel the blunt meaninglessness gnawing at his dulled and heavy brain.
"Good morning!" said a voice to his right.
Severus couldn't even be bothered to jump. He glanced to his bedside. Dumbledore smiled warmly at him.
"We nearly lost you there!" Dumbledore said with a slight chuckle.
Severus did not reply. For a long while there was silence.
"Why did you save me?" said Severus miserably. "I wanted to die!"
"I can't allow anyone to waste their soul by throwing it away, Severus." Dumbledore replied on a greyer note.
"I wouldn't have! I would've been with her again...in her arm!" Severus cried.
He broke down into tears. Dumbledore's felt his heart crack as he watched Severus grieve. He a placed a hand on his back and rubbed it in a comforting way.
"No good things come to those who choose to take their own life, Severus. It is not ones choice to choose ones fate..."
"FATE IS BULLSHIT!!!!!" Severus screamed. He glared at Dumbledore. His cheeks blotched from the tears and hate creasing his face. His expression slowly slid down and he hung his head, whimpering slightly.
"I loved lily so much! I would have given my life for her! If only I had held back! If only I had never met her again! If only we had held our passion back for at least a week... she would still be alive! Its all my fault!"
"Do not blame yourself. If it wasn't for you and lily, Voldemort would still be at large."
Severus had flinched at the mentioning of the dark lords name. He unconsciously began to rub his left forearm. Dumbledore glanced at the behaviour.
"You wont have to put up with that mark anymore, at least." He said calmly.
Severus froze and stared, horrified, at Dumbledore.
"How did you know?" he asked his voice wavering in anger.
"You didn't expect to keep your occlument guard up while you were unconscious, did you?" asked Dumbledore, somewhat in reply.
"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT, ALBUS!!!!!!" Severus bellowed.
"I had to find out the reason you jumped from the tallest tower, Severus, I had no choice. You would never tell..."
"HOW COULD YOU?!!" Tears streamed from his eyes that were full of hatred and anger at the old man. He screamed in frustration and punched his quilt. He finally slumped back with a despairing sigh.
Dumbledore looked solemn. "I am afraid I will have to have you trailed, Severus."
Again Severus did not reply.
"But I know your situation from what I saw in your memories. You were forced by your father, weren't you?"
Severus nodded.
"Then I shall see to it, that you come out of that trial without a life sentence in Azkaban."
Severus looked up, his eyes widened.
"You'll really defend my case?" he asked.
Dumbledore nodded, smiling.
Again there was silence.
"What about Harry? Will he remain with the Dursleys?" Severus asked.
"He will have to. It is too dangerous for him to live with you. If Voldemort is ever to regain his strength, the first thing he will do is hunt the both of you down... if he is ever to find out you are his father." Dumbledore replied with a sober expression upon his ancient face.
Severus nodded sadly.
"Harry can't know that I am his real father." He said. Dumbledore placed his hand on Severus' own, a twinkle in his bright blue eyes.
"But one day, he will have to know." He said softly to the young potions master.