Bara no Scarlet
Chapter 9
Loss
She'd lost the Duel.
She'd failed.
She sat in the chair that Juri had pulled up for her, her tears still trailing down her cheeks. She felt lethargic, as if she were under a vast amount of water, looking up through the surface at a distorted world, drowning and unwilling to fight.
A hand touched her shoulder. "Hime… Anshii…" Miki started awkwardly, but then silently offered her a tissue. He didn't know what to say, didn't know how to give her sympathy. He wasn't even sure that she wanted it.
She took the tissue without looking up, burying her face in it and sobbing. "I failed… I failed her… again… I never should have believed in any of it… I'm still nothing more than a doll…"
Juri had remained silent until Anshii's last comment. "Enough of that. Will you throw away everything that she did for you? Will you take her sacrifice as worthless? She didn't want to fight, but you were important to her, and so she fought." Anger crackled in Juri's eyes, and the cold blue depths threatened to swallow Anshii as she looked to them.
"But… I…" Anshii tried before Juri cut her off with an impatient flick of her hair as the fencing instructor turned away.
"But nothing. You didn't see her when she lost to Kiryuu. You weren't allowed to see what it did to her."
A cold shock of memory flashed in Anshii's mind. A slap, inadvertent, a startled look, a glass of water. She winced, wrapping her arms around herself. "But I knew… I knew it all… and I didn't believe…"
Juri turned and knelt to look at Anshii, blue eyes gone gentle. Her voice was a soft whisper when she spoke. "And yet, knowing what you do, will you still not believe?"
Anshii looked to Juri with pain in her eyes. "Dios came. He came to me. Just as he did for Utena. He came down from the castle… but I'm a witch. He can't help me. I can never be a Princess…"
Miki was the one who spoke, in a soft voice that recalled something shining from his memory. "Anshii… what if… what if you were never a witch?"
Startled, she turned her head to look at him, long hair spilling over one shoulder. Tear-filled eyes blinked at him in confusion. "What do you mean? I am a witch!"
Juri raised her eyebrow at Miki, but he continued. "What if the other Princesses were jealous of you? What if they called you a witch because you were stronger and more beautiful than they were? What if they said it to drive the two of you apart?"
The idea was completely alien to Anshii. The hint of a smile flickered around Juri's lips as she began to see where Miki was going. True or not, his words would have the intended effect.
Miki started to pace as he spoke. "What if you were a Princess? Being the sister of a Prince, it would make sense that you were, yourself, a Princess. But because the others coveted your brother, they saw you as an obstacle. And if that were the case, would they not take whatever action necessary to get you out of the way?"
Anshii blinked. Her tears had stopped, and Juri was pleased to see the glimmer of light in the green eyes. "They would have done anything to get to him… they'd willingly put themselves in such danger… just so that he would come rescue them… Oh, what a fool I was!" Again, she buried her face in her hands.
Juri stood and walked to the nearby desk. She reached out and picked up the sword. When she walked back to Anshii, she inverted the blade, and held it out to Anshii, hilt first. "You'll need this."
Anshii looked up, first to the sword, and then to Juri. A hundred thoughts went through her mind, things to say, things to do. But she only did one: she took the sword in her hands.
"Believe in yourself, Anshii. Dios will come and you will win," Juri said as she released the sword.
The bell sounded to indicate the first classes of the day were to start, and all three looked towards the door. Miki gave a guilty start and headed for the door. "Oh no! I didn't unlock the music room… they'll be waiting!"
Juri pursed her lips in amusement, shaking her head as she watched Miki sprint for the music room. "That boy… sometimes I wonder. But, regardless, you should go and rest, Anshii. Come find me after lunch; I only have morning classes today. We'll practice some more before you challenge Keuseke."
Anshii nodded and stood, holding the sword carefully. I'll challenge him today, after practice, she thought. And this time, I will win.