"Everytime"
Wolfy
Disclaimer: I do not own this song, nor do I own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters.
A/N: I'm in the middle of my Hatchet re-write, but I decided to take a break from it to work on this. Leave a review and let me know what you think. Rating may go up if people think it should. =)
"How about this... I'll be here..."
"...Why?"
"The reason why you couldn't find me was because we haven't promised yet."
"Promised...?"
"I'll be waiting for you. If you come here, you'll find me. I promise."
Rinoa could hear the words over and over in her head. She'd replayed the scene so many times, that she could speak with it in perfect time and rhythm. They were words that should've brought a happy smile to her pretty face, but instead, they brought salty tears to her chocolate eyes, burning and stinging them with strong ferocity.
Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
Rinoa looked down at the shower drain, watching with emotionless, unfeeling eyes as the pink water swirled down into the pipes. Her right hand held loosely onto the knife, which was also dripping with diluted blood.
With a sigh, the teenage girl put a hand to her neck, reaching for the chain that rested along her chest and closed her fingers around the ring that was bound to it. Feeling the coolness of the metal brought to her a sense of liberation from all of her troubles. She thought of Squall, and how he'd allowed her to keep the ring that was obviously quite important to him.
She smiled as more tears welled up in her eyes.
Ever since she'd become a Sorceress, her whole world had been turned upside down. Even being with Squall in the Ragnarok was poisoned by the fact that she was now a creature that was feared by basically all of humanity. She was looked upon as something to hate and be afraid of. Wasn't she the same Rinoa? She had still felt the same. The only difference was now she had magical powers. She wasn't nearly about to cause anyone harm by using them.
She thought it was best to go and stay in the Sorceress Memorial in Esthar. That way, there was no chance of her hurting anyone if Ultimecia decided to possess her again. It had happened once, and she'd released Adel from her tomb, almost killing everyone aboard the Air Station.
Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
Squall came to her rescue however, and demanded that she be set free of her prison. She wanted to tell him so badly to just leave her there, that it really would be better that way, but he refused to even entertain the notion.
So what was she supposed to do? Walk around and try to just ignore the stares and whispers? She shook her head at her own thoughts. It was hard, just so hard... Too hard, even. And by sticking around, she was only putting the others in danger. That led her back to her original question. What was she supposed to do?
She couldn't get rid of the powers without dying, at least to her knowledge. And she couldn't alienate herself from everyone, especially Squall, now that his feelings for her were finally out in the open, and vice versa.
She couldn't believe her next idea, and let a whimper escape her mouth as she allowed that one idea to continue on like a derailed train inside her mind.
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
And now, here she was, standing naked in the shower, two perfect cuts on her wrists, watching the blood seep from them, splattering on the tile walls and splashing against her legs and feet. It was done, and now all she had to do was wait for the darkness to come.
Inside her mind, she apologized to everyone. She knew they would be upset once someone came along her cold, dead body. At least she hoped, because if not, it meant they never cared at all, and taking her own life would've been meaningless. But if they were upset, and it turned out she was right about how they felt about her, then she was sorry for causing them so much pain.
"It's better this way..."
The words came out in a shaky whisper, dizziness starting to hit her full force. She shook her head and leaned against the wall, feeling the warm water cascade down her body. It vainly tried to wash away the scarlet liquid coming from the slits on her wrists, more flowing out as soon as the last few drops were swept away.
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done?
You seem to move on easy
Her fingers trembled and the knife slowly slipped from between her fingers, the blade landing first, making a puncture wound on her foot, which instantly bled now as well. Rinoa looked down at her foot, then the knife and back again. She hadn't even winced at the new injury. She was completely numb to it now.
She held her wrists up to her face, watching intently as they continued to bleed out. It didn't come quickly, not like a raging river, but more like a stream. It was a slow stream of cherry, and she suddenly wished she'd done something different.
She didn't want to have so much time to think.
Salty tears came from her eyes again, mixing with the water and disappearing in the mess of blood at the bottom of the shower. She tried blinking them away, but it was almost as if they were purposely pushing themselves out from behind her eyes, as sort of a signal that she really hadn't meant to slit her wrists.
She became angry all of a sudden. Why did it have to be her? Why did Edea have to pass her powers onto her? She could've picked anyone else, someone stronger, who could've handled it better. Maybe someone who didn't have a problem endangering those they loved, or threatening the lives of everyone in the world
Anyone but her.
Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
She didn't have to worry about that anymore though. Once she was dead, the powers would be passed onto someone who was deserving of them, someone who was strong enough to handle them. She didn't have to constantly fear that she was hazardous to the people around her.
Suddenly, a wave of dizziness hit her unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Her knees buckled out from under her, and as she began to fall backwards, the chain of her necklace came flying up off of her body, catching on the cold water knob and breaking before she smashed her head against the bottom of the porcelain tub.
She could hear both the chain and ring clinking as the landed, her eyes growing heavy. More blood trickled from the back of her head. She slowly shifted her gaze down towards her feet, seeing the ring sitting next to the chain a few inches away from her wrinkled fingers. With effort, she stretched her arm further, trying desperately to grab it and be able to hold onto it as she died. Her fingertips brushed the metal, but were too slippery from the blood to actually be able to get to it.
After a few moments, she gave up and stared up at the ceiling, tears flooding her eyes viciously as everything began to get dark, and soon, she knew nothing of the world around her.
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
Receiving no answer when he knocked on Rinoa's door, Squall entered the dorm Headmaster Cid had given her to keep her close by and safe. "Rinoa?" he called, wandering around the main living area. He glanced over at where the kitchen was. "Rinoa...?"
He continued further inside until he heard water running from inside the bathroom. She must've been taking a shower, Squall concluded, and the slight panic he'd felt began to dissipate.
He needed to talk to her however, and knocked on her bathroom door as well. "Rinoa, are you in there?" he asked, to which he received silence. "Rinoa, please, I have to talk to you."
Now, his fear came back to him, and he didn't care suddenly if he'd end up seeing the girl without any clothes. He just wanted to make sure she was alright. It was highly unlike her to not answer him.
The steam inside the room was overwhelming, and he could hardly breathe when he opened the door and went inside. Trying to see through the murky air, he called again. "Rinoa... Rinoa, answer me!"
He carefully walked further inside, almost slipping on something when he reached the side of the shower. Looking down, he saw it hadn't been water as he'd first suspected. It was blood, and turning to face the tub, he saw Rinoa lying in it, covered in the sticky substance from head to toe.
His hand went to his mouth, a frightened cry escaping his lips. "Rinoa, oh Hyne, Rinoa..." He quickly reached over to shut the water off, then fell to his knees alongside the edge of the tub. He picked up the towel that was laying on the floor, half soaked in itself already, and wrapped it around her body, gently pulling her out of the tub.
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
"Rinoa!" He continued to yell her name so loudly, he thought her eardrums were going to explode. He searched her body, feeling as though he were somehow violating her at the same time, to try and find the source of all the bleeding and attempt to stop it.
He came across the stab wound on her foot, but it seemed to have long since clotted, although the injury was very recent. It wasn't until he came across the two long slits on her wrists that he knew what had happened.
"You killed yourself?!" he demanded, shaking her violently as though she could hear him and argue back. He blinked back tears and reworded what he'd said, not wanting to believe the truth. "You tried to kill yourself, Rinoa?! Why would you... why would you do something like this to yourself?! To me?!"
Through shimmering eyes, Squall looked about the room, trying to figure out a way to help her. But the bleeding was so bad, she had just bled so much, he knew there was nothing at this point that could be done.
He knew why she'd done it though. She'd been scared. She was afraid of what people thought of her now that she was a Sorceress. She was afraid of these new powers she'd acquired. And that fear had driven her to erase herself from the world, from his life.
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry
He saw the knife laying at the bottom of the tub. Most of Rinoa's blood that had been left on it was washed away, although there were still small traces of it left on the blade.
Squall reached out with a trembling hand, grasping its wet handle firmly in his own hand. He stared at his blurry reflection in the shiny metal, and saw his face laden with a strange anguish that he'd never seen before. He knew he loved Rinoa. He loved her with all of his heart. No matter how long it took for him to admit it, the feeling had always been there. Maybe it was buried in the back of his mind, covered up by other emotions to try and protect himself, but it didn't change the fact that it was just there.
"I have to be with you, Rinoa," Squall murmured, turning the knife on himself. "Even if I have to be dead to do it. I have to have you with me."
After a few more tears fell, Squall plunged the blade deep into his own stomach, twisting it so that the wound wouldn't close. He knew he wouldn't die right away, so he positioned himself so that he was lying right next to Rinoa, kissing her forehead softly as blood began to seep from his mouth. Minutes later, reality slipped away for Squall Leonheart as well.
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
"Rinoa?"
The shower water was running; steam was just beginning to fill the small bathroom of Rinoa's dorm. She held a large butcher knife in her right hand. She was still dressed.
Her dark eyes flicked about the room, her breathing labored, her heart pounding beneath her rib cage. She looked down at the knife and threw it to the floor, listening to it clatter loudly.
She turned around and looked in the mirror. Her face was incredibly pale, her eyes bloodshot. Placing a hand to the side of her face as she began to relax, she suddenly realized it had all been a dream.
"No," she said to her reflection. It wasn't a dream. It had been real, in a sense. Being a Sorceress, she must've gotten some kind of physic ability, sort of like seeing into the future. What she was about to do must've triggered something inside her mind, causing her to "see" what would've happened as a result.
"Squall was going to come here and find me..." she said to herself as she paced the room. "And he was going to be so upset, that he..."
Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
A few quick pounds came from the other side of the door. "Rinoa, are you in there?" The girl's eyes widened. It was all the same. Exactly the same. "Rinoa, please, I have to talk to you."
Clutching the ring, she blinked back stinging tears and smiled. "I'm here, Squall." She sniffled as she picked up the knife and set it aside, then proceeded to shut off the water.
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby
"I'm here."