Disclaimer: I think by now we've all got the point that these characters do
not belong to me, so from now on I'm no longer putting a disclaimer. I
don't really think J.K. Rowling is going to prance in here, see that I'm
writing about her characters and sue me. Besides, she doesn't even know my
name. And I'm not making money off this. So ::blows raspberry::.
Draco stayed in bed late the next morning. It was a Saturday, so there were no classes to worry about. He had spent an hour in the shower last night rubbing his skin raw before collapsing on his bed and falling into dream- filled sleep. Images from his dreamscape flashed before his eyes as he slowly awoke.
Harry...kissing Harry...holding Harry...having sex with Harry...loving Harry...the warmth inside himself...the lightness inside his head...no more...gone...
He shook his head angrily. To hell with that damn Potter, he'd pay for fucking with Draco Malfoy's feelings. But it had been really nice...being in love, having a whole new reason to live.
"No," Draco growled into his pillow. Potter would pay. But for what? Making him happy? More happy than he had ever felt in his life?
He groaned and covered his head with his comforter. He needed to think. He lay there for a moment while his brain became muddled with thoughts of Harry and their short-lived relationship; a relationship that he had somehow started. How in the bloody hell had that happened? Harry, he did something, made you fall in love with him. He's a bastard who deserves to die. But it had been wonderful while it lasted.
"Stop thinking like that!" He screamed aloud, clapping his hands against his temples.
"Draco?" A hesitant voice spoke up," Hey Drake, you all right?" It was Blaise.
"Fine." Draco said a bit too quickly. He needed to get out of here, he needed to be alone.
He sat up quickly and grabbed some clothing out of his trunk, pulling it on as he walked out of the room.
"You can talk to me if you need anything," Blaise yelled after him.
"Yeah," he replied vaguely, stalking up to Slytherin Commons and out into the dungeons. It was a short walk before he reached the Great Hall, which he walked past and continued into a hallway to the right of the staircase. After a right and a left, he found himself in a hallway he had become very familiar with in the last few days.
So many memories. The thing that bothered Draco the most was how much he enjoyed these memories, how warm they made him. It infuriated him. He should hate remembering all those precious moments he had spent with Harry, he should absolutely loathe them. But he didn't, he couldn't.
He sat against the wall as he would've just the day before, but now it was so empty. Stupid bloody Potter! How have I allowed you to affect me this way? Malfoys don't love, they don't even like, they tolerate. And you, Potter, I'm not even supposed to tolerate. What's wrong with me? I can't even decide if I'd rather kill him or beg him to come back. I hate him. I do. But without him, it's empty again. It had never bothered me before, but now...I know what it's like to be warm.
-
Harry had gotten to the Great Hall early. Ron had walked down with him silently, avoiding eye contact. Harry had ignored it and walked solemnly to Gryffindor Table, grabbing a chair in the middle of the table where the seats were virtually empty. Ron sat next to him, and quietly dished up his food. That was it.
"What's wrong!? What the bloody hell have I done!?" Harry burst out, causing Ron to jump, startled.
"W-What?" Ron blustered, his look bewildered.
"You've been avoiding speaking to me since a few days ago. What the hell is wrong?" Harry glared at him pointedly. He had a reason to be angry. Ron was his last best friend, if he lost Ron...he couldn't lose Ron.
"I've just been...really...stressed." Ron said, his face twisting in effort that made it obvious to Harry that his friend was lying.
"Fine. If you won't tell me, then just fine." Harry growled, standing immediately and stomping out of the Hall. Ron looked after him, his face full of sadness. But Harry didn't care if Ron was sad, if he was sad then he could damn well tell his best friend why. If he wasn't going to, then to hell with him.
He clomped down the corridors heavily, to the right of the staircase, taking a right, then a left.
His throat tightened when he saw who sat in his secluded hallway. No, he wasn't sure if he could face him yet.
Grey eyes looked up from the floor to meet his, a sneer upon the pointed face.
"What do you want Potter?" said Draco, attempting to sound menacing, but his voice coming out a bit too softly.
Harry's heart flipped and he swallowed. "I wanted to be alone." He tried hardening his face, but was pretty sure he failed.
"The Weasel finally dump you?" Draco spat, trying to think of a comment that would bite.
Harry remembered when he had shared everything with the boy in front of him, every thought and feeling, every opinion and memory. Hell, it was just yesterday they had been in love, though it had only lasted a few days. A wonderful few days. No, don't think about it like that.
His face must have shown his thoughts because Draco's face softened in the slightest and Harry distinctly heard the word "sorry" push it's way through the blonde's lips. Then the pale face hardened again, attempting to stay menacing and hostile. But Harry had seen it, a flicker to the past. Even if that past was only yesterday.
Draco looked like he was contemplating saying something, but remained silent. Harry just looked at him, trying to close off emotions that were supposed to have withered away since last night.
Suddenly Draco stood," Who do you think you are to fuck with my feelings Potter? You could have anyone you wanted in the school, but no, you just had to prove something. So you made me fall in love with you, and I fell for it. What spell did you use? Huh? Did you chicken out in the end, or were you just not strong enough to hold it?" He demanded, stepping toward Harry quickly, fists clenched threateningly.
Harry's eyes flashed with anger," I did not make you fall in love with me! Trust me when I say you are the last person I would choose to fall in love with. In fact I would choose your ugly henchmen over you because you're such a slimy bastard."
Draco looked stunned," Hey now, I'm not all that bad. Do you know how many girls would kill to be able to say they've fucked me?" Then he shook his head irritably," But that's not the point! This whole fucking thing is your doing! I can't get these stupid thoughts out of my head!"
Harry stopped dead in his tracks. No way. "What thoughts?"
Draco suddenly looked embarrassed to have said anything," N-nothing."
"Seriously Draco, what thoughts?" Harry inquired, hating how hopeful he sounded.
"Don't call me Draco." The blonde snapped. A chaos of emotions swirled behind his stone grey eyes.
"Do you-do you still think about...well..." Harry didn't know how to say it, didn't want to admit that he thought about it too, didn't want to admit that some part of him wanted it all back,"...do you think about us? When we were together?"
"Why?" spat Draco," Do you? Is that how you get your jollies?"
The hurt that rose in Harry's face surprised even him," Just tell me the truth just this once. Do you think about us still?"
Draco glared, obviously fighting an internal battle," Maybe." He admitted hesitantly.
Should he admit it as well, Harry asked himself. What would Draco say? Would he turn away right then and tell everyone that Harry Potter was a freak who loved his mortal enemy? But what if, by saying it, everything could go back to yesterday?
Screw it all," So do I." Harry whispered.
Draco's eyes opened wide and his mouth parted in a silent "oh". His face softened completely, all of his emotions lay plainly on his open face.
"I-I hate you Potter," said Draco non-convincingly.
Harry half-smiled wryly," I hate you too Malfoy."
"But..." Draco started, but he couldn't finish that. His defenses wouldn't let him, his upbringing wouldn't allow him.
Harry looked at him for a while, and when Draco continued to stay silent he spoke quietly," I miss you."
No. You hate Potter, you really do, Draco told himself. But the boy just admitted what has been dying to leave your lips. What could it hurt to give in? What could it hurt to feel warm and happy again?
"I-I miss you too." Draco said tightly," Yesterday I was...I was happy, and whole. Now...everything is...it's all empty again."
"I sort of know what you mean." Harry stepped toward Draco, wanting to wipe the blonde's pain away. But something still kept him back, something inside him that screamed "No! He's your enemy! Kill him on the spot!" Would Draco hurt him? Probably. Did he care right now? Not in the least.
Draco advanced slowly as well, he couldn't tear his eyes away from Harry's. He hated that he knew how much of an open book he was right then. Every feeling displayed so plainly in his eyes, on his face.
"It would never work. I'm supposed to murder you." Draco whispered, his eyes flickering down to Harry's lips.
"If someone kills me, it should be you." Said Harry, not having a chance to regret the thought that had left his mouth. It was true, if he was to be killed, he'd rather it be at Draco's hand.
Pain peaked in Draco's eyes. He didn't want to kill Harry. But he couldn't just...give in to this emotion. "I-I can't love you Harry."
With their faces centimeters apart, the comment had little effect. "Then why did you use my first name?" Harry asked, leaning in to bring his lips to Draco's. A small jolt went through both the boys' bodies. A spark that had been dancing around inside them turned into a full-blown fire and their blood ran hot.
"Oh gods, I love you," Draco sighed, tangling his tongue with Harry's, kneading the brunette's lips with his own.
Harry didn't need to say anything, the words were clearly portrayed as he laced a hand through Draco's soft blonde locks, pushing his other hand up the blonde's shirt to press his hand against Draco's bare, muscled back. Draco moaned softly, bringing his hands tightly around Harry, embracing the brunette as if tomorrow would not exist.
Eventually they parted for much needed air, continuing to cling to each other and leaning their foreheads against each other.
Draco opened his eyes slowly and realized how much his life had just changed.
"It really wasn't a spell?" He whispered.
Harry opened his eyes as well," No."
Draco still couldn't understand everything, but now that this was all back he found that he didn't really care. He loved Harry, Harry loved him, but he didn't want the entire school knowing. He didn't know what his housemates would say. They wouldn't accept it. They may even tell their parents. The information was be bound to find it's way to his father, and consequently to the Dark Lord. Lord Voldemort might not accept him then, or might make him turn on Harry, which he couldn't do.
"We can't let people know." Draco told Harry, regretting it right away.
"Why?" Harry asked indignantly, pulling away slightly.
"Because this can't reach my father, and if my housemates know, it will." Draco looked into Harry's eyes, hoping the boy would just understand.
Harry stayed silent for a little while, contemplating," All right,' he said. What else could he say? He couldn't help but grant all of Draco's circumstances, as long as in the end they were together.
"I've got to go." Draco looked down, breaking eye contact," My housemates..."
"Yeah, Ron'll probably be wondering where I was off to...hopefully." Harry looked behind him, in the direction of the Great Hall.
Draco bit thoughtfully on his bottom lip, a memory suddenly surfacing," You should talk to Hermione. She misses you." She may be a filthy mudblood, but she was Harry's friend.
Harry looked back at Draco and smiled gently," Thanks."
They walked toward the Great Hall, spirits lifted, and parted quickly as they entered the Hall. Draco resumed his mask as he stalked to Slytherin Table arrogantly. Harry tried doing the same, but stopped when he saw Hermione sitting alone at the end of Gryffindor Table. He sat down across from her and waited for her to look at him.
Her eyes rose slowly, unsure. She didn't say anything as she stared at him sadly.
"You're my best friend." Harry stated firmly.
A sardonic smile spread across Hermione's lips," Not according to Ron."
"Ron doesn't get to say who my friends are." Harry looked at her, unwavering.
"You're mad at me." Hermione said, pain flashing through her eyes.
"Was." Said Harry," You're my best friend, and one stupid fight won't change that."
Tears began to run down Hermione's face," Oh Harry." She bolted from her seat to run around the table and bring him into a big hug," I've missed you terribly."
Harry returned the hug happily. Now everything was right, everything was perfect. "Promise we won't go that long without speaking again."
"I will if you will." Hermione cried joyfully.
"I swear." Harry replied, smiling contentedly.
Draco stayed in bed late the next morning. It was a Saturday, so there were no classes to worry about. He had spent an hour in the shower last night rubbing his skin raw before collapsing on his bed and falling into dream- filled sleep. Images from his dreamscape flashed before his eyes as he slowly awoke.
Harry...kissing Harry...holding Harry...having sex with Harry...loving Harry...the warmth inside himself...the lightness inside his head...no more...gone...
He shook his head angrily. To hell with that damn Potter, he'd pay for fucking with Draco Malfoy's feelings. But it had been really nice...being in love, having a whole new reason to live.
"No," Draco growled into his pillow. Potter would pay. But for what? Making him happy? More happy than he had ever felt in his life?
He groaned and covered his head with his comforter. He needed to think. He lay there for a moment while his brain became muddled with thoughts of Harry and their short-lived relationship; a relationship that he had somehow started. How in the bloody hell had that happened? Harry, he did something, made you fall in love with him. He's a bastard who deserves to die. But it had been wonderful while it lasted.
"Stop thinking like that!" He screamed aloud, clapping his hands against his temples.
"Draco?" A hesitant voice spoke up," Hey Drake, you all right?" It was Blaise.
"Fine." Draco said a bit too quickly. He needed to get out of here, he needed to be alone.
He sat up quickly and grabbed some clothing out of his trunk, pulling it on as he walked out of the room.
"You can talk to me if you need anything," Blaise yelled after him.
"Yeah," he replied vaguely, stalking up to Slytherin Commons and out into the dungeons. It was a short walk before he reached the Great Hall, which he walked past and continued into a hallway to the right of the staircase. After a right and a left, he found himself in a hallway he had become very familiar with in the last few days.
So many memories. The thing that bothered Draco the most was how much he enjoyed these memories, how warm they made him. It infuriated him. He should hate remembering all those precious moments he had spent with Harry, he should absolutely loathe them. But he didn't, he couldn't.
He sat against the wall as he would've just the day before, but now it was so empty. Stupid bloody Potter! How have I allowed you to affect me this way? Malfoys don't love, they don't even like, they tolerate. And you, Potter, I'm not even supposed to tolerate. What's wrong with me? I can't even decide if I'd rather kill him or beg him to come back. I hate him. I do. But without him, it's empty again. It had never bothered me before, but now...I know what it's like to be warm.
-
Harry had gotten to the Great Hall early. Ron had walked down with him silently, avoiding eye contact. Harry had ignored it and walked solemnly to Gryffindor Table, grabbing a chair in the middle of the table where the seats were virtually empty. Ron sat next to him, and quietly dished up his food. That was it.
"What's wrong!? What the bloody hell have I done!?" Harry burst out, causing Ron to jump, startled.
"W-What?" Ron blustered, his look bewildered.
"You've been avoiding speaking to me since a few days ago. What the hell is wrong?" Harry glared at him pointedly. He had a reason to be angry. Ron was his last best friend, if he lost Ron...he couldn't lose Ron.
"I've just been...really...stressed." Ron said, his face twisting in effort that made it obvious to Harry that his friend was lying.
"Fine. If you won't tell me, then just fine." Harry growled, standing immediately and stomping out of the Hall. Ron looked after him, his face full of sadness. But Harry didn't care if Ron was sad, if he was sad then he could damn well tell his best friend why. If he wasn't going to, then to hell with him.
He clomped down the corridors heavily, to the right of the staircase, taking a right, then a left.
His throat tightened when he saw who sat in his secluded hallway. No, he wasn't sure if he could face him yet.
Grey eyes looked up from the floor to meet his, a sneer upon the pointed face.
"What do you want Potter?" said Draco, attempting to sound menacing, but his voice coming out a bit too softly.
Harry's heart flipped and he swallowed. "I wanted to be alone." He tried hardening his face, but was pretty sure he failed.
"The Weasel finally dump you?" Draco spat, trying to think of a comment that would bite.
Harry remembered when he had shared everything with the boy in front of him, every thought and feeling, every opinion and memory. Hell, it was just yesterday they had been in love, though it had only lasted a few days. A wonderful few days. No, don't think about it like that.
His face must have shown his thoughts because Draco's face softened in the slightest and Harry distinctly heard the word "sorry" push it's way through the blonde's lips. Then the pale face hardened again, attempting to stay menacing and hostile. But Harry had seen it, a flicker to the past. Even if that past was only yesterday.
Draco looked like he was contemplating saying something, but remained silent. Harry just looked at him, trying to close off emotions that were supposed to have withered away since last night.
Suddenly Draco stood," Who do you think you are to fuck with my feelings Potter? You could have anyone you wanted in the school, but no, you just had to prove something. So you made me fall in love with you, and I fell for it. What spell did you use? Huh? Did you chicken out in the end, or were you just not strong enough to hold it?" He demanded, stepping toward Harry quickly, fists clenched threateningly.
Harry's eyes flashed with anger," I did not make you fall in love with me! Trust me when I say you are the last person I would choose to fall in love with. In fact I would choose your ugly henchmen over you because you're such a slimy bastard."
Draco looked stunned," Hey now, I'm not all that bad. Do you know how many girls would kill to be able to say they've fucked me?" Then he shook his head irritably," But that's not the point! This whole fucking thing is your doing! I can't get these stupid thoughts out of my head!"
Harry stopped dead in his tracks. No way. "What thoughts?"
Draco suddenly looked embarrassed to have said anything," N-nothing."
"Seriously Draco, what thoughts?" Harry inquired, hating how hopeful he sounded.
"Don't call me Draco." The blonde snapped. A chaos of emotions swirled behind his stone grey eyes.
"Do you-do you still think about...well..." Harry didn't know how to say it, didn't want to admit that he thought about it too, didn't want to admit that some part of him wanted it all back,"...do you think about us? When we were together?"
"Why?" spat Draco," Do you? Is that how you get your jollies?"
The hurt that rose in Harry's face surprised even him," Just tell me the truth just this once. Do you think about us still?"
Draco glared, obviously fighting an internal battle," Maybe." He admitted hesitantly.
Should he admit it as well, Harry asked himself. What would Draco say? Would he turn away right then and tell everyone that Harry Potter was a freak who loved his mortal enemy? But what if, by saying it, everything could go back to yesterday?
Screw it all," So do I." Harry whispered.
Draco's eyes opened wide and his mouth parted in a silent "oh". His face softened completely, all of his emotions lay plainly on his open face.
"I-I hate you Potter," said Draco non-convincingly.
Harry half-smiled wryly," I hate you too Malfoy."
"But..." Draco started, but he couldn't finish that. His defenses wouldn't let him, his upbringing wouldn't allow him.
Harry looked at him for a while, and when Draco continued to stay silent he spoke quietly," I miss you."
No. You hate Potter, you really do, Draco told himself. But the boy just admitted what has been dying to leave your lips. What could it hurt to give in? What could it hurt to feel warm and happy again?
"I-I miss you too." Draco said tightly," Yesterday I was...I was happy, and whole. Now...everything is...it's all empty again."
"I sort of know what you mean." Harry stepped toward Draco, wanting to wipe the blonde's pain away. But something still kept him back, something inside him that screamed "No! He's your enemy! Kill him on the spot!" Would Draco hurt him? Probably. Did he care right now? Not in the least.
Draco advanced slowly as well, he couldn't tear his eyes away from Harry's. He hated that he knew how much of an open book he was right then. Every feeling displayed so plainly in his eyes, on his face.
"It would never work. I'm supposed to murder you." Draco whispered, his eyes flickering down to Harry's lips.
"If someone kills me, it should be you." Said Harry, not having a chance to regret the thought that had left his mouth. It was true, if he was to be killed, he'd rather it be at Draco's hand.
Pain peaked in Draco's eyes. He didn't want to kill Harry. But he couldn't just...give in to this emotion. "I-I can't love you Harry."
With their faces centimeters apart, the comment had little effect. "Then why did you use my first name?" Harry asked, leaning in to bring his lips to Draco's. A small jolt went through both the boys' bodies. A spark that had been dancing around inside them turned into a full-blown fire and their blood ran hot.
"Oh gods, I love you," Draco sighed, tangling his tongue with Harry's, kneading the brunette's lips with his own.
Harry didn't need to say anything, the words were clearly portrayed as he laced a hand through Draco's soft blonde locks, pushing his other hand up the blonde's shirt to press his hand against Draco's bare, muscled back. Draco moaned softly, bringing his hands tightly around Harry, embracing the brunette as if tomorrow would not exist.
Eventually they parted for much needed air, continuing to cling to each other and leaning their foreheads against each other.
Draco opened his eyes slowly and realized how much his life had just changed.
"It really wasn't a spell?" He whispered.
Harry opened his eyes as well," No."
Draco still couldn't understand everything, but now that this was all back he found that he didn't really care. He loved Harry, Harry loved him, but he didn't want the entire school knowing. He didn't know what his housemates would say. They wouldn't accept it. They may even tell their parents. The information was be bound to find it's way to his father, and consequently to the Dark Lord. Lord Voldemort might not accept him then, or might make him turn on Harry, which he couldn't do.
"We can't let people know." Draco told Harry, regretting it right away.
"Why?" Harry asked indignantly, pulling away slightly.
"Because this can't reach my father, and if my housemates know, it will." Draco looked into Harry's eyes, hoping the boy would just understand.
Harry stayed silent for a little while, contemplating," All right,' he said. What else could he say? He couldn't help but grant all of Draco's circumstances, as long as in the end they were together.
"I've got to go." Draco looked down, breaking eye contact," My housemates..."
"Yeah, Ron'll probably be wondering where I was off to...hopefully." Harry looked behind him, in the direction of the Great Hall.
Draco bit thoughtfully on his bottom lip, a memory suddenly surfacing," You should talk to Hermione. She misses you." She may be a filthy mudblood, but she was Harry's friend.
Harry looked back at Draco and smiled gently," Thanks."
They walked toward the Great Hall, spirits lifted, and parted quickly as they entered the Hall. Draco resumed his mask as he stalked to Slytherin Table arrogantly. Harry tried doing the same, but stopped when he saw Hermione sitting alone at the end of Gryffindor Table. He sat down across from her and waited for her to look at him.
Her eyes rose slowly, unsure. She didn't say anything as she stared at him sadly.
"You're my best friend." Harry stated firmly.
A sardonic smile spread across Hermione's lips," Not according to Ron."
"Ron doesn't get to say who my friends are." Harry looked at her, unwavering.
"You're mad at me." Hermione said, pain flashing through her eyes.
"Was." Said Harry," You're my best friend, and one stupid fight won't change that."
Tears began to run down Hermione's face," Oh Harry." She bolted from her seat to run around the table and bring him into a big hug," I've missed you terribly."
Harry returned the hug happily. Now everything was right, everything was perfect. "Promise we won't go that long without speaking again."
"I will if you will." Hermione cried joyfully.
"I swear." Harry replied, smiling contentedly.