Bara no Scarlet
Chapter 34
Secrets
The teacup slipped out of dark-skinned hands, falling against the table, chipping and spilling its contents onto the cookie saucer, the store- bought cookies starting to absorb the tea.
For a moment, Anshii froze. She could feel the warmth of Utena's back, feel the chill of the epaulet her hand pressed against. She could also feel the cold steel of the sword in her right hand, the sword that she slid up against Utena's side, slicing it into her friend. Akio had wanted Anshii to kill her. Anshii couldn't do it. It was all that she could do to bring herself to stab Utena in the side. She'd had to do it. She wasn't given a choice. But it had hurt so badly, so very badly.
Anshii blinked. Ayomi was sitting there, looking at her with clear blue eyes, waiting for the answer that Anshii wasn't sure that she truly had. Instead of hedging and redirecting, she opted to take the straightforward path and be truthful, even though Ayomi might hate her for it in the end. Looking down at her hands, those hands that had done that hateful deed only two short years ago, she attempted to reply. "Ayomi. I've asked myself that almost every day since. Akio controlled me. he practically owned me. What he said to do, I did. Without question, without pause. I had no compunctions against doing anything he told me to do. Except that one time. He told me to do something once, and I didn't do it. You see, Akio wanted me to kill Utena. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill her. She was my friend. she had given me hope." Tears started pouring down Anshii's face, just as they had the night that he had told her that she would have to kill Utena. It was the night that she had warned Utena with the canterella that Akio had called her to him before bed. It was that night that she had tried to throw herself from the Rose Tower because she knew she couldn't do it. The night that Utena had saved Anshii and condemned herself.
"I had tried to warn her, tried to convey to her that she needn't take the risk. I tried to kill myself instead of allow her to come to pain by my hand. but she saved my life that night, nearly throwing herself off of the Rose Tower to catch me. It was as if she knew the dangers, and accepted them. And when I told her that she should leave the school and forget all of this, she told me that she couldn't."
"How could I do that? There's no way in Hell that I could do that."
Anshii shivered, tears continuing to fall. "I warned her again the day of the final duel. I told her that she didn't have to go, that she could leave and not concern herself." She shook her head. "She smiled and showed me her ring. I told her that she didn't have to, but she went, anyway. At one point, in the duel, I think she could have won. She might have actually been able to defeat him. But he used me as a shield against her, and she pulled her attack, stepping in front of me, pulling me behind her."
"Instead of hoping that she could defeat him, I acted uncaring. I drew the sword and hurt her as much as I could bring myself to do, hoping that it would be enough of an injury to save her from Akio. But. somehow. somehow she kept going." Her voice broke and she sat there, sobbing quietly for a minute before she recovered. "Somehow. she opened the gate and rescued me. I did all of those awful things, I betrayed her, and she still protected me."
"You did what you were told to do. That is who the Rose Bride is, that is what she does." Ayomi said quietly. "Perhaps she was only doing what she was supposed to do. Sometimes, things go the way that they are supposed to, even if we think that they are not."
Anshii looked at Ayomi, green eyes still filled with tears. "But that's just it. I didn't do what I was supposed to." She looked to her hands. "For once in my life, I had started to feel hope. I disobeyed, and what did it get me?"
"The chance to come back and set things right. And now you have that chance." The voice changed slightly. "And if anything ever bothers you, you can come tell me."
Anshii looked up. Ayomi was smiling, and she echoed the smile faintly through her tears. She knew, all the more certain now, that Ayomi was Utena. Utena had said that to her before.
It was time to learn the truth from Akio. He'd be at the ball tonight, she knew it. It was time to end things once and for all.
Utena was depending on her.
The teacup slipped out of dark-skinned hands, falling against the table, chipping and spilling its contents onto the cookie saucer, the store- bought cookies starting to absorb the tea.
For a moment, Anshii froze. She could feel the warmth of Utena's back, feel the chill of the epaulet her hand pressed against. She could also feel the cold steel of the sword in her right hand, the sword that she slid up against Utena's side, slicing it into her friend. Akio had wanted Anshii to kill her. Anshii couldn't do it. It was all that she could do to bring herself to stab Utena in the side. She'd had to do it. She wasn't given a choice. But it had hurt so badly, so very badly.
Anshii blinked. Ayomi was sitting there, looking at her with clear blue eyes, waiting for the answer that Anshii wasn't sure that she truly had. Instead of hedging and redirecting, she opted to take the straightforward path and be truthful, even though Ayomi might hate her for it in the end. Looking down at her hands, those hands that had done that hateful deed only two short years ago, she attempted to reply. "Ayomi. I've asked myself that almost every day since. Akio controlled me. he practically owned me. What he said to do, I did. Without question, without pause. I had no compunctions against doing anything he told me to do. Except that one time. He told me to do something once, and I didn't do it. You see, Akio wanted me to kill Utena. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill her. She was my friend. she had given me hope." Tears started pouring down Anshii's face, just as they had the night that he had told her that she would have to kill Utena. It was the night that she had warned Utena with the canterella that Akio had called her to him before bed. It was that night that she had tried to throw herself from the Rose Tower because she knew she couldn't do it. The night that Utena had saved Anshii and condemned herself.
"I had tried to warn her, tried to convey to her that she needn't take the risk. I tried to kill myself instead of allow her to come to pain by my hand. but she saved my life that night, nearly throwing herself off of the Rose Tower to catch me. It was as if she knew the dangers, and accepted them. And when I told her that she should leave the school and forget all of this, she told me that she couldn't."
"How could I do that? There's no way in Hell that I could do that."
Anshii shivered, tears continuing to fall. "I warned her again the day of the final duel. I told her that she didn't have to go, that she could leave and not concern herself." She shook her head. "She smiled and showed me her ring. I told her that she didn't have to, but she went, anyway. At one point, in the duel, I think she could have won. She might have actually been able to defeat him. But he used me as a shield against her, and she pulled her attack, stepping in front of me, pulling me behind her."
"Instead of hoping that she could defeat him, I acted uncaring. I drew the sword and hurt her as much as I could bring myself to do, hoping that it would be enough of an injury to save her from Akio. But. somehow. somehow she kept going." Her voice broke and she sat there, sobbing quietly for a minute before she recovered. "Somehow. she opened the gate and rescued me. I did all of those awful things, I betrayed her, and she still protected me."
"You did what you were told to do. That is who the Rose Bride is, that is what she does." Ayomi said quietly. "Perhaps she was only doing what she was supposed to do. Sometimes, things go the way that they are supposed to, even if we think that they are not."
Anshii looked at Ayomi, green eyes still filled with tears. "But that's just it. I didn't do what I was supposed to." She looked to her hands. "For once in my life, I had started to feel hope. I disobeyed, and what did it get me?"
"The chance to come back and set things right. And now you have that chance." The voice changed slightly. "And if anything ever bothers you, you can come tell me."
Anshii looked up. Ayomi was smiling, and she echoed the smile faintly through her tears. She knew, all the more certain now, that Ayomi was Utena. Utena had said that to her before.
It was time to learn the truth from Akio. He'd be at the ball tonight, she knew it. It was time to end things once and for all.
Utena was depending on her.