Fear, Desire, and Realization
There was a thumping noise; Harry opened his eyes, feeling exhausted and hurting with an ever-present physical pain. He had fallen asleep at the desk, his head cradled in his arms. He closed his eyes, his dream was fading and disappearing, but he remembered someone screaming. Harry sighed; all of his dreams were along the same lines. People he knew dying and screaming.
He sat up and felt pain flare, his leg was stiff with sitting in one position for how ever many hours he had slept and his half healed skin itched and burned. He shook his head and slowly got to his feet.
The thumping noise continued. Harry glanced toward the direction from where the noise came from. He walked to the desk and laid his hand lightly upon it. It was a boggart; he knew it, but the fact that only such creatures lived in dark confined places. Not many creatures would want to live in a desk tucked away in the corner.
Harry felt an irrational rage. Boggarts, they were considered dark creatures for they preyed upon the fear of others. Dark creatures had destroyed much of Hogwarts, they had killed and maimed defenseless students. Harry flipped open the desk and took a step back, a spell forming in his mind.
Boggarts. Harry had faced them plenty of times and they are always showed him the same thing. Dementors, creatures that were fear themselves. He had faced that fear, he had triumphed over it. He was ready for it as he opened the desk, but what came out made him step back in surprise and his spell die upon his lips.
Ginny stood before him, smiling prettily and her arms opened wide as if saying come to me. Harry gaped for a moment.
"What are you doing here, Ginny?" he asked.
Ginny just smiled.
Harry suddenly felt weak. He dropped to the floor, gasping in pain that flared through his mind. he looked up and just saw Ginny standing there smiling. It suddenly hit him, this wasn't Ginny.
"Expelliarmus!' He shouted. Ginny suddenly flew back and twisted into something. A boggart! Harry realized, getting to his feet. It was a damn boggart. He clutched his wand tightly and pointed at the morphing creature upon the ground. "Riddikulus!"
Harry staggered to a chair, feeling drained. What was that? He thought, shaking his head. What was the boggart playing at? Every time he'd ever faced one, it had always been a dementor, but now it seemed to have changed.
Harry shook his head again, rising to his feet. His leg pained him, but he had gotten use to the pain, he ignored it and made his way to the door. The image the boggart had shown him bothered him and Harry walked off, his mind occupied.
XXX
What did it mean? What did it mean? Harry paced back and forth down a deserted hall. The thought had been rattling in his mind for hours now. He knew it meant something, that what the boggart had shown him meant something. But he couldn't understand what it meant. He didn't know why he was desperate to find out what it meant, but he needed to know.
He turned a corner and spotted a door. For a moment he didn't recognize it, for there was no picture before it. The Fat Lady was gone, and the plain door took its place. Harry paused, afraid to move any farther.
He had never been back to the seventh floor, not since that day. The tower itself was gone, a broken charred stump, though the house elves had cleared away all the debris and patched up what they could. It would take a major effort to repair the tower, for it would have to be rebuilt from scratch. The same with the Ravenclaw Tower.
Harry shook his head and turning away. He couldn't go back to this place; it was too horrible of a memory. He quickly walked away. Heading down the corridor, no place in mind.
He stopped for a moment and looked back. He hesitated and then headed back toward the tower door. He went a dozen steps before he stopped again. w hat was he doing? He clenched his fist and turned about.
Harry stopped, standing in the middle of the corridor. He looked down the hall, at the plain door. So much had happened, so much death and destruction. So many friends had been killed in a sudden and vicious attack by a monster.
Harry sighed, leaning against the wall. He looked about and noticed another door that hadn't been there a moment before. Harry looked at it quizzically and then remembered, the Room of Requirement. He took a glance down the corridor and pulled open the door and stepped inside.
The room was large, it was dimly lit, and there was something big in the back covered by a dusty gray cloth. Harry looked about, there were a few large chairs and a low fire burning in a fireplace.
The chair was soft and Harry sighed as he took weigh off his leg. He leaned back in the chair suddenly feeling exhausted. The nap in the classroom hadn't taken the edge off of his exhaustion and Harry didn't know if he would ever be fully rested. His sleeps were always plagued with nightmares, but it seemed his body was stronger than his mind and he felt himself tugged into sleeping.
XXX
Harry awoke, his stomach growling and the scent of food in the air. He opened his eyes and saw a large tray of food sitting upon a table that hadn't been there when he fell asleep. He wondered if Dobby or one of the other House Elves had brought the food or it was a creation of the Room.
After dinner he quickly washed his hands and face in a tub of water that appeared. He wrinkled his nose, he needed to take a shower and find clean robes. Two days now he had been wearing the same thing.
He noticed a large copper tub sitting in the far corner of the room, and a clean set of robes on a chair beside it. Harry nodded, remembering where he was. What he required was provided. He was walking toward it when he noticed the large cloth covered object. He glanced at it curiously and then pulled it off, a cloud of dust arose and he blinked at his own reflection.
Harry gaped. It was him, but it wasn't him. He wore glasses, his hair was an untidy mess, and he stood whole and clear skinned. There were no half healed skin, there was no limping leg, and there was an easy grin on his face.
The Mirror of Erised. Harry shook his head. What was it doing here? He thought. He continued looking at the Mirror, frowning slightly. Before he had seen his parents now he was seeing himself whole. No scarred skin, no healed vision, and no broken wrecked body.
"What rubbish." Harry snarled, turning away, but then something caught his eye. Another person walked into the frame, a smiling red headed girl who stood beside him. Ginny.
Harry whirled around, but there was no one there. He looked back at the mirror and saw her. It was an illusion, a desperate desire. Harry frowned and clenched his wand in his hand. It was nothing but a foolish trick. The mirror didn't show anything real, it didn't show anything important, only what you wished.
But he couldn't stop looking. He couldn't pull his eyes away. Thrice now he had seen her. Once hiding in a closet, the other in the trick of a boggart, and now this.
Harry sighed and pulled up a chair, it hadn't been there before. He sat down and stared at the two in the mirror, both were smiling and both were waving at him.
What did any of it mean? She was his fear and she was his desire? Harry dropped his head into his hands. How could he fear Ginny? She wasn't going to harm him, she wasn't out to cause him pain, it was the opposite in fact. She was at his side, there to help him. She had always been there; from the moment he awoke, to the times when everything didn't seem to matter, to now. She had always been there for him, not demanding anything and shouldering the burden for him as he stumbled.
Harry looked up. She had always been there for him. No. He suddenly realized. It was not her that he feared; it was what she was freely offering. It was her love that he craved and was terrified of.
He no longer feared fear. He had faced the terror in his life, he had beaten it and he had lost everything. Harry found it ironic, what he feared most now was love. The love of someone who could so easily be wiped away. Too many of those he had loved had perished. What was the point of loving someone when they would just be taken away in a sudden and violent moment?
Harry sighed, clenching his eyes shut. But he wanted it. He wanted that love. He felt the ache within himself. I could have it, he suddenly thought. He suddenly stood up. All he had to do was tell her, all he had to do was conquer the fear, the fear of loving another person.
His mind was ablaze. He suddenly felt a sudden sense of determination. He left the Room and headed down the stairs. He wasn't watching where he was going and blinked in surprise as he opened a door and saw himself sitting in a chair. He had unconsciously walked back to Dumbledore's office.
"Everything will be set to rights." He whispered.
Harry shook his head stepping into the room. This had been played out before. "It won't work, you know." He said.
His duplicate stared at him, as he pulled up a chair and sat heavily in it. He ran his hands through his hair, suddenly feeling exhausted and weary.
"Who are you?" The other said.
Harry eyed the time tuner. He could grab it and he could use it again. He could do it right this time and not drop it. He could fix everything. The sudden burning desire to snatch the hourglass filled him, but he pushed it down.
Time isn't easy to bend to our will. You can try, I won't stop you. In fact I encourage you." Harry said. He sighed and rubbed his face. His eyes felt gritty. No, time travel wasn't the way to go. There was no way he could change what happened, it was done and now he had to face the world. But he didn't have to face it alone. "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a shower and then I have to have a couple or three words with a girl. Trust me, it's a learning experience."
He walked out of the office, shaking his head. He wondered if there would be any consequences for what he had done. The last time he'd ever used a time turner, he had to hide from himself. Rules said you couldn't talk or come in contact with your past selves.
"Harry?"
Harry looked up to see Ginny. She was starting up the stairs into Dumbledore's office.
"Ginny." Harry breathed.
"We have to talk, Harry." She said, a determined look upon her face.
Harry nodded. "We do."
They walked in silence for a few moments. "I have something to say." Harry said.
"What?"
Harry cleared his throat, suddenly feeling foolish and clumsy. Fear, cold and nerve shattering suddenly filled him. He crushed it down viciously.
"I love you." He managed.
Ginny just stared at him.
"I'm sorry about the other day, I'm sorry about getting mad, about the yelling and about the storming off. I wasn't in the right state of mind, but I've had time to think about it. Time to come to realizations, that there's nothing I want more in my life than you. Not revenge, not hate."
Ginny stared up at him, her eyes tearing. "Oh, Harry." She cried, gripping him tightly in a hug. Harry winced, but didn't say anything, instead, he hugged her back tightly, And for the first time in several months he smiled, tears running down his face.