Disclaimer: No, I still don't own the TMNT. Not that I ever will… but I can play, can't I? Oh well. I do own Liv and the baby. And that's good enough for me.

A/N - OK, I generally just don't like some parts of this chapter. I'm sorry. I had a hard time with certain parts of it. Please keep reading, though, it will get better (I hope). Then again, I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so I'm never happy. I'll try my best, and that's all one can ask for, am I right?

Thanks to all those who have sent me some wonderful and encouraging reviews. I just hope I don't disappoint. Thanks again!

By the way, if you do review, I will try to email you back. Try being the operative word. Sometimes I'm terrible at things like that. But my gratitude goes out to you all anyway, and I love every bit of it. Thank you in advance.

Chapter 3 - Understanding

The wail of a baby woke Donatello, and he rose, going into the kitchen to heat a bottle. He groaned as he sat down at the table. In the last two days he'd gotten about six hours of sleep. He put his head down on the table. No word from Liv yet, either. He stayed there for a minute more, then got up to check on the bottle. He tested it, then went to feed the baby.

When he returned to the kitchen to put the bottle in the sink, he didn't even notice someone else sitting at the table. Only when he turned from the sink did he notice a blur of green, facing toward him. He rubbed his eyes and then blinked them a few times, clearing up his vision to see who was watching him.

"Hey." He said, quietly, sitting down at the table "The baby wake you up, Leo?"

"No." Leo said, looking down at his hands, which were folded on the table. "I couldn't sleep."

"Oh." was all that Don said, then they sat for a few minutes in silence. Donatello had almost nodded off right at the table when Leo spoke again.

"It's been a few days, Don."

"I know." Donatello ran a hand over his head, sighing, frustrated.

"Um, April told me something about the baby that I think you should know." Leo stopped, wondering exactly how to put this. He'd kept his mouth shut for the past two days, but now he felt that his brother had a right to know exactly what was going on.

"What?" Don sat up, wide awake now.

"The baby, she… she wasn't born in a hospital."

"What?!" Donatello couldn't believe his ears.

"They… he thinks that it was probably a home birth. Just the mom and no doctor. That child is lucky she's alive."

"But then why…?" Don started, trailing off as this thought sank in.

"I don't know." Leo said, shaking his head. He felt bad for his brother. This was obviously a situation where he'd gotten himself in over his head. Over all their heads, probably. Donnie just wanted to do the right thing. Leo sighed. But sometimes the right thing is the hardest to do. He thought to himself.

"Oh no." Don said finally. "I… I can't believe it, I… that poor baby."

"I know." Leo said, nodding.

Don sat there for a few more minutes, lost in thought. "OK, Leo, it's been a few days. I gave it a few days. Just give me one more." He said finally, his voice growing softer.

"OK." Leo said, softly.

Donatello moved to stand, then looked back at Leonardo. "But it was fun while it lasted, wasn't it?" He said sadly, then left without an answer.

"Yeah." Leo said softly, after Don had left the room.

******************

The next day was filled with the now almost normal blend of diapers, bottles and clothes changes.

During a rare moment when the baby was taking her nap, Donatello sat down at his computer. He signed online for the first time that day, not hoping to find anything useful. Before, he used to be excited at the thought, at the anticipation, but now it was… now it was different. He heard the usual greeting telling him of his mail, but he just skipped through it, seeing nothing interesting. Nothing that he wanted to see. Suddenly, a noise sounded telling him that someone had just signed online. He bleakly looked over at his buddy list when his gaze hit a very familiar name. His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Liv had just signed online.

Donatello clicked on the name, typing furiously. *Liv? Liv where are you? Where have you been?*

There was a prolonged pause as Donatello held his breath, waiting for an answer. Finally a message came onto the screen with an identifying beep.

*Sorry, not Liv.*

He typed back, his fingers flying over the keyboard. *What? What do mean not Liv? Who are you?*

*Who are you?* Was the typed response.

*I'm Liv's friend. Where is she?*

Another prolonged pause. *She's not here anymore. She's gone.*

Donatello sat back in his chair, shocked. It couldn't be…

*What do you mean? How? Why?* He typed back, his heart sinking.

*The why is why I'm here. I used to be her roommate about a year ago. I thought maybe I could find someone on here who could help me find out why. See if anyone knew why she'd kill herself.*

Don's mouth dropped open. No, oh God, no… *What do you mean, killed herself? Are you serious?*

*Of course I'm serious. And I mean she… you know…*

*What about her baby?*

The response that came back made Donatello gasp in shock. *What baby? Liv was never pregnant.*

Don typed again, his hands shaking now so hard that he could barely type. *Oh, I just thought that she was. Never mind. My mistake.*

The next message took a little longer to send. *I guess she just couldn't take it anymore. She was all alone, you know. And her boyfriend killed himself just about two months ago. I remember reading it in the newspaper.*

Don typed again, trying to calm his mind down enough to think straight. *So there's no one else? No other family?*

*No. No one. Look, I've got to go. Sorry that you had to find out this way.*

*Thank you for letting me know.* Donatello typed in, quickly. Trying to remain calm. Trying. *I'm sorry about your friend.*

*And I, yours. You know, it was a bit of a surprise. She seemed so much happier these last few months when we spoke on the phone. I thought maybe she was over him. I guess I thought wrong.* Then another sound signaled that the person had signed offline.

With that, Donatello's last hopes of getting the baby back to her mother vanished. His heart sank. She was gone. He grieved for the baby in the other room that would never know her mother. For his friend. He sat there at the computer, trying to decide what to do. For the first time in his life, he couldn't think. Couldn't reason. He hated that feeling. Feeling so… helpless.

When he did finally emerge from his room and walked into the kitchen it was nearly suppertime.

"Hey." Michaelangelo said, grabbing Don's arm as he walked by. "Where were you, man? The baby cried for her food, but no one was there. It was your turn, you know. I fed her for you, though." His anger melted at the look on Donatello's face. "Hey, you OK, bro?" He said softly. "Donnie?"

"Where's Leo?" Don choked out, then went toward the training room without waiting for an answer. He knew he'd be in there. He always was.

Leonardo was in there, like Donatello thought. He was practicing his katanas. He stopped suddenly when he saw Donatello run in.

"Don?" Leo dropped his blades and walked toward his brother, who stopped in the middle of the mat. "Don, what's wrong? Don. Donnie." He shook him gently, trying to get him to snap out of it.

"She… she's gone." Don mumbled finally.

"What? Who? Who's gone, Donnie? Who?" Leo was beyond concerned now. Donatello, aside from when he got lost in scientific thought, was always the one (besides him, of course) to stay focused and calm. This was a new one, and Leo didn't like it one bit.

"Don…" Leo began again when Don looked up at him.

"Liv." Don said weakly, and then sunk to the mat, Leo's arm around him in an attempt to slow his fall.

"Don." Leo was down on his knees in front of Don, looking him in the eye. "Donnie what about Liv? Did you hear from her? What do you mean she's gone?" Donatello looked down at the ground.

When Don looked back up at Leo, his eyes were filled with tears. "Liv's dead. She killed herself." Then he buried his head in his hands.

Leo sat, in shock over this news. "A… are you sure?" He finally said.

Donatello nodded from his position with his head in his hands. "Yeah, I… I checked it out." He looked back up at Leonardo. "It was in the paper and everything." He said softly. "Look." he held up a few papers. "Parents died two years ago, along with a brother and a sister."

Leo grabbed the papers, reading it over again.

"No one knew anything about a baby." Don said, looking away from Leo, at the wall. Leonardo looked at his brother, who wouldn't meet his gaze. "I talked to one of her friends online. She has no other family. There are no records of this baby. Technically, this baby doesn't even exist."

Leo sat back. He didn't know what to say.

"What am I going to do?" Don looked at Leo. Leo ran a hand over his head and then shrugged.

"What do you think you should do?"

"I… I guess I should…. I think it's time to call April." Don's shoulders slumped, dejectedly.

"Don…" Leo put an arm on his shoulder. "It's for the best." He said, softly.

Don shrugged it off, suddenly feeling angry, and turned to look at his brother. "Best for whom, exactly? For you? For Raph? For Master Splinter's dream for us?" He hadn't meant to say it, but the words slipped out before he could stop them. He braced himself for the fallout.

"Don't you bring him into this!" Leo stood up straighter then, the mention of his beloved master's name being spoken about like that angering him.

"I'm sorry, Leo." He shrugged slightly. "I… I just… I just want to hear your opinion of what I should do. Not the ninja way. Not what Master Splinter would have done. Your opinion, Leo, please."

Leo looked away. "I… I've always told you my opinion. We were trained…"

"Leo!" Don cried, making his brother look to him in shock. He'd done it again: gone into 'leader mode', leaving 'big brother mode' behind. "Look," Don shook his head, signaling that the conversation was over. "I'll call April. I'll talk to you later."

Leo simply nodded.

***************

Leonardo absently stirred his drink as he sat, chin resting on his hand at the table in the kitchen. He didn't look over as Donatello sat down silently next to him.

"Hey." Don said softly.

"Hey."

"Look, I… I'm sorry, Leo." Don moved closer to him. "I just… I miss him, too, Leo. Honestly I do. We all do. You know that. And it was his choice, you know? He avenged his master, and that's what he wanted. That's what he waited his whole life for…" Don stopped, getting off track. "Leo, we were raised by him. We know his opinions on stuff. I know what he'd say. I just wanted to hear yours."

Leo's jaw tensed as Don talked. Their master, their beloved sensei, had been gone for over a year, and he still couldn't listen to them talk about him. Mike and Don did, from time to time. Raph had yet to mention him. He'd taken it almost as hard as Leo had. They'd all taken it hard but, Leo…

Leo closed his eyes. It all rushed back to him as Don's words echoed through his head. 'His choice…. His choice.'

In their last battle with Shredder, Splinter had sacrificed himself to avenge his own slain master. The end result was the destruction of both he and Shredder. He'd left them alone…

Leo shook his head. "I'm sorry, Don, I… I think that you need to decide this one yourself."

"I…" Don began but was cut off when they both heard April enter the lair.

"Hey guys?" she called, then walked up to Leo and Don when she saw them. "Hey." she began, looking at Donatello. "Don, I… I came as soon as I could. Are you sure…"

"I'll get Mike and Raph." He cut her off, rising from his chair and walking from the room.

April watched him leave, then turned to Leo. "Leo?"

He looked away from her, his jaw still clenched. "I still miss him, April." He said softly.

"Oh, I know you do." She sat down in the chair next to him, and rubbed his arm comfortingly. "I do too. You all do, I know. He was your father."

"He was more than that." Leo said briskly.

She smiled sadly. "I know."

"I just…" Leo looked down, not sure he wanted to say this, not sure he wanted to admit it… "Maybe… Mike and Don are stronger than I am. They talk about him, like he's gone on vacation. Like this is what he wanted… what he deserved. And I, I can't bring myself to…" Leo broke off bitterly.

"Mike and Don deal with things their way, and you have yours." She said softly, then grinned wryly. "And Raph has his. You're all different, you all deal differently. Everybody takes different time to… adjust to things. But it will get better. It will." She stood, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "I promise. And you are strong, Leo. You guys are stronger than anyone I've ever met before, ever. Remember that."

"I will." Leo's voice came out in a whisper. He grabbed April's hand, squeezing it. "And thank you." He said gratefully.

"Let's go see what's what, huh?" She motioned towards the living room area of the lair, where Donatello had disappeared to. He nodded, still not trusting his voice and followed her into the other room.

Donatello was sitting on the couch, holding the baby. Michaelangelo sat next to him, tickling the baby's chin and letting her suck on his finger. Raphael was perched on the back of the couch, and he looked down at the baby for a moment before looking to Leo and April.

"So, what's up, April?" He said. "What brings you down here?"

"Donnie called me." She said, and then looked at Don. He looked slowly from the baby to her. She felt her heart break at the look upon his face. He'd tried so hard.

The room was silent for a few minutes before Donatello cleared his throat softly.

"I, uh, I tried." He began quietly. "I waited a few days, and now… Now there's no chance of her ever coming back for her. So here." He stood quickly, shoving the baby in April's arms so fast she didn't even have time to think. Like the quicker he got rid of the baby, the easier it would be. Too bad that wouldn't work. April thought sadly, looking down at the baby in her arms to the faces before her. They all looked away from her, from the baby, and from each other.

"Are… are you sure this is what you…" She began.

"Yes!" Donatello hissed, making her turn to look at him in surprise. He'd never spoken like that to her before. But his face wasn't angry. In fact, it was the exact opposite.

"OK." She said slowly. "I'll take her down to social services, tell them I'd found her."

"Good." Don said, his voice betraying the hard exterior he'd put up when it threatened to break.

Mike looked downright heartbroken.

"OK." April turned back to the stairs. "I'll see you guys after… in a bit. I'll be back to get the rest of this stuff then." She turned and began walking to the stairs. She could hear Mike sniffling and the low voice of Raphael. She'd reached the second step when she heard a noise that made her stop in her tracks.

"April." Don croaked out. "Wait." He ran back up to her. "I'm sorry." He said softly looking back up to her. "I'm sorry." He said again, louder now, as he looked back over to his brothers. "I… I can't, I…" He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking at her. "I can't let you take her." He said. "I want to keep her."

Raphael let out a breath. Michaelangelo looked up, hope mixed with the tears, gleaming in his eyes.

"I have to." Don said. "I just have to. I love her." He turned to Leo. "I know I said about making my own decisions…"

Leo shook his head. "You made your decision a long time ago." He said softly. "The moment you saw her…"

Donatello nodded.

"I did." He said. "And I want her, no matter what. If you guys don't want this, then I can move out, and not disturb you…" His words ran into each other in his nervousness.

"Oh, jeez, will ya shut up?" Raphael rolled his eyes. "No one's movin' out. Now will you just bring her back over here and get her settled down?"

Don walked back over to the rest of them, smiling broadly.

Michaelangelo let out a whoop of joy, which startled the baby.

"Sorry." He ducked his head, looking sheepish.

April watched this for a moment, debating on whether or not to comment. "Are you guys absolutely…"

She stopped when Donatello looked back at her. The look in his eyes told her everything. "Well, good for you." She whispered, more to herself than to them. She watched them start to set things back up and sighed, leaning against the wall for a moment. I hope this goes smoother than it started out. She pushed off the wall and began walking towards the four busy turtles.

"Hey!" Mike yelled, suddenly. After a look from Leonardo about the sleeping baby, he toned it down a bit. "What about a name?"

April smiled to herself as she walked. Since when has anything been easy when it comes to them?