Kathrine: Another Chapter!
JC: One of our reviewers said they didn't want to wait four-five days. So we'll post this one early.
Kathrine: We actually started to post this last night, but AFFNet and FFNet wouldn't let us on for some reason.
JC: So here it is today! And the story is about done, just a little more to go, so don't worry about too long of a wait on it.
Kathrine: This chapter is sad and yet it also brings in some more of the main players in this game.
JC: We'll see how you like this.
Kathrine: If you notice, we 'imply' quite a few of our well-liked Legolas-pairings in this story. Including one which will show up as a main point a the end of this chapter.
Disclaimer: We do not 'own' Lord of the Rings, nor its characters. But do not expect to receive them back in mint condition.
Warnings: Slightly AU, Slash, Angst, Implied pairings, OCs (Legolas' sons)
Weight of the Burden
By JC and Jennifer
Chapter 2
They were let into the Outer Gate and the guards bowed respectfully to the lords of Eryn Gael. Legolas gave them a short bow of the head in return, his sons mimicking his movement. The Men stared in awe of them for a short moment, still not used to seeing the Firstborn that lived so close to them. The small party past them and others, aware of the eyes landing on them and following their steps. It was always as this when they came to Gondor, but at least it was not as shocking as when they left to Rohan for the wedding of King Éomer.
They followed the familiar streets to the halls of the king, stopping at the gate to be removed of their horses and belongings and then announced in the great hall. They were allowed entry and greeted by the King himself, as they always had been on formal meetings. Elessar was showing his age, his hair, on both his head and face, streaked with gray and his eyes crinkled in the corners with the lines of someone who laughed often.
Arwen still appeared youthful, though not as unreachable. She looked a lovely maiden of her late thirties rather than an eternal one right out of her majority. But they were happy, as they had always been in one another's presence. Their lives were fulfilled with the love of their children and grandchildren, and neither regretted their decisions of the past. Legolas felt a familiar ache in his chest at the sight of them. They had something he himself would never have.
" It is good to see you again, my friend," Aragorn gave him a warm warrior's welcome, grasping his arm and placing his hand on the other's shoulder. " You have been absent from these halls for too long. I have missed you."
" And I have missed you," he conceded, giving him a gentle smile. " As my sons have also missed their 'Uncle' Aragorn."
" They visited before they left for Eryn Lasgalen last summer," he replied. " They merely feel disappointed they could not leave trouble as they usually do in their wake."
" That is quite untrue," Amúntel denied. " We just wanted more time to 'spend' with you, Spirit Father."
" Well we hope you shall stay longer than merely for the wedding," Arwen offered. " It would be nice to catch up with over the goings of Eryn Gael and yourselves. It has been quite some time since you have brought yourself rather than sent a ambassador, gwanur."
" To rule is to have less time than you would like," Legolas told him. " But we shall stay for a short time, there are no urgent needs that must be seen to."
" Splendid," she did seem happy about this. " It is wonderful to finally have my brothers together after so long."
" What?" Legolas' eyes widened, but he quickly caught himself to hide his astonishment. She couldn't very well mean…
" Mae govannen, Laiqualasse."
No, the blonde felt is heart stop. He forced himself to remain calm when he truly felt as if he would either faint or flee. He turned around and found himself the attention of familiar silver grey eyes. Steeling himself, Legolas bowed. " 'Tis been a long time Elladan, Elrohir," he spoke. " I am glad to see you both are well."
Andúnel and Amúntel shared each other's confusion. What was wrong with their father? The only time he acted so stiffly and formally was during talks with foreign delegates. To see him act so cool and aloof towards two who were said to be such friends was odd. The twins had heard of the Sons of Elrond, twins like themselves. Never before had they met them, but they knew of how they came with the Dunédain to help with the Great War of the Ring and of how they had been comrades of their father's since he was a young Elfling. Why would he be so cold to them?
They didn't know that the other pair felt the same as they did. Why did Legolas behave so towards them? What had they done to warrant such treatment? Had time truly caused such a rift between them? " You look well yourself," Elrohir spoke as warmly as his brother had before. " Perhaps this time will allow us to spend time going over the last century. We have much to catch up on."
" Perhaps," Legolas replied. " But not right now, I am afraid. It is becoming late and my company should prepare for evening meal." He then bowed to Aragorn and Arwen before bowing again to the twins and leaving. " Come, we must take leave for now." The three lords and the six guards accompanying them bowed to him and followed him out of the hall.
" We'll see you tonight," Andúnel told their Spirit Father.
" See you then," Amúntel smiled before both followed after their father, hoping to discover why he reacted as such. After they were gone Arwen gave him brothers an apologetic stare.
" Amin hiraetha," she said. " I know not why he reacted that way. I thought that he would be happy to see you again after so long. You've not been within the same vicinity since after OUR wedding."
" 'Tis all right, gwathel," he assured her. " Mayhap the shock was a bit too much for him."
" Mayhap," Aragorn agreed, but his mind was already thinking otherwise. It had been something that he had thought of for nearly over one hundred years. It was something that he always came back, a question he had always wished to ask. Perhaps now he will finally let go, he thought. If what I believe is correct, then this must surely be the will of the Valar.
" Melamin," Arwen kissed his cheek. " We too should prepare for tonight's meal. With Mirien's wedding in two days we shall have to spend much time towards our guests and finishing preparations. We shall need our strength."
" Yes indeed," he smiled at her and the small jest. " We should go. We shall see you in the dinning hall."
" Aye," Elladan nodded to him. " We'll be there." The twins took their leave, going to their own adjacent chambers to prepare. They had much to think on.
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It was there again, that ache in his chest that caused his breath to hitch and his hands to shake. It had never felt like this before. Usually it would come and fade within a few minutes of arrival, only causing him fatigue, but this was different. It hurt. It had been apparent since his escape to his rooms, but now even an hour and a half later it still showed no sign of abating. Why must it come upon me now? he thought with a tone of bitterness. Is the other torment not enough?
The thought led to others which only caused the pain to increase. He gritted his teeth before taking in deep breaths to calm himself. No, he told himself. I will not submit to this. I will NOT give in. The more he let the words flow through his mind, the less pain he felt. After a few minutes of fighting it, the ache was completely gone, leaving him feeling very tired. All he wanted now was to rest peacefully. Not to sleep, but to calm his mind and heart somewhere tranquil and soothing.
His door was opened without knocking and he knew the only two who would do such a thing. " It is time to go Adar," Amúntel poked his head inside. " Are you ready?"
" Nay," he shook his head. " I feel quite fatigued. I do not believe I shall be able to make an appearance."
The door was opened fully so that both his sons could step inside. " Are you all right?" his younger son asked, concern lining his voice.
" Is something wrong?" Andúnel spoke his own worries.
" It is merely the fatigue that overcomes me at times," he told them. " It just seems more potent that usual. 'Tis all right. I just need to rest. Maybe sit in the gardens for some time."
" We shall inform the king," his eldest told him. " I do not believe he will feel put out."
" Aragorn will understand," he stated. " Tell him I send my regrets."
" Aye," he sons nodded. " We will." They gave him brief embraces before letting themselves out so they would not be late and hold up the meal.
Legolas smiled in pride. He loved to watch how grown and strong his sons had become, even if they acted quite childish at times. They were still very young though, only five years past their majority. They could act less than their age at times. It showed that they still treasured their youth. It must run in the family, he thought. They are still young and free…something that should always be cherished.
He quickly shook the melancholy thoughts away. He would not let them overtake him again. He stood and let out a saddened sigh. He needed to lose himself, even if only for a short while. I'll go to the gardens, he decided. Even if they are nothing like the ones of Rivendell or home, they still have the appealing serenity I seek.
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Many were confused that the Lord of Eryn Gael did not attend dinner that night. His sons merely stated that he felt more tired than he first believed and wished to rest so that he would be more fit for the following day. Aragorn himself seemed pensive at their words, as if he was thinking of something of great importance, though few noticed. But dinner went on without the Golden Prince of Eryn Gael and not much time was spent dwelling on it. For most that is.
His sons were concerned, but remained as polite and courteous as he had taught them to be. They were not in the land of their home, nor the realm of their Grandfather. They acted as was proper for those of nobility and status at a dinner with the king. The people who knew them well were always taken by their swift change from playfully friendly to strict representatives of their people. But given the chance, the transformation would occur in reverse just as quickly.
" Andúnel?" the eldest twin turned his head to the one who had spoke to him from across the table. Elladan gave him a smile. " I am truly glad that my brother and I finally get to meet you both. Unfortunately, we have never had the pleasure of seeing your realm, Eryn Gael."
" It is quite beautiful this time of year, just as summer turns to fall and the leaves are tipped with the first gold of change," he told him. " Many years were spent to transform it from its former shadow."
" I know," the raven-haired elf nodded. " It shows how truly committed your people are to your home."
" Hannon lle," he tilted his head in appreciation. " We've spent practically our entire lives there and have become more than attached to it."
" I would believe so," he smiled again. " I would think no less of my home, Imladris."
" What is Rivendell like?" Amúntel asked him, joining their conversation. Elladan looked to his brother, giving him a chance to enter into it as well.
" It still holds the same mysterious beauty that we have always held it with," he explained. " The Bruinen flows around it, and its towers are white and silver, built around and within nature, rather than cutting down the trees. The vale is also beautiful at this time of year. But our opinion is biased after three thousand years."
" It is so interesting how different the Elven realms are," Amúntel spoke. " Our grandfather's realm is within a mountain, while also being outside within the trees. Our own realm was built into the nature around it. You say Imladris is within a vale and fashioned of white and silver stone as well and the trees. We have heard that Lothlórien was built in large talons around the great mallyrn trees and quite stunning during every season for it never snowed within. They are so diverse."
" Yes, but that only makes them more stunning, do you not agree?" Elladan asked. " To be so different yet still alluring. It shows the diversity of our cultures and yet how well they blend as well."
" Much like the stone beauty of Minas Tirith," Andúnel replied. " Aye, lord Elessar? The differences do blend together to create such beauty."
" Indeed," Aragorn smiled. The four Elves return to their conversation, each speaking to others outside of it, but always eventually returning throughout the night. It was quite peculiar. They had not even met each other before then, and yet they already were close, like friends and comrades that had known each other for centuries. There was something between them that the king could not yet set, something that he was not yet sure of.
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He sat within the confines of the private sector of the garden, open only to family and close friends of the king. It was beautiful, refashioned by Arwen herself to make her feel more at home. There were flowers sent by her grandmother, Galadriel, ones that were said to be only able to grow within the borders of 'Lórien. But they did grow, and quite beautifully. She had also taken seeds from plants within Imladris and let them grow freely. It was almost like a small self-grown forest.
Legolas could not help but feel safe and calm there. It had always been the one spot in all of Minas Tirith that he felt most at home when he visited. Often at times he would venture there in the dead of night merely to sit and stare up at the stars that shined brightly from that vantage point. His spirit and mind felt most relieved at the peace it brought him. I almost feel as if I am home in Naneth's garden, he thought. Perhaps I should set a trip to return home to Eryn Lasgalen later before the winter. It will be too late to leave if I wait any longer.
He knew it was time to return to his rooms. Dinner was most probably finished and his sons would be looking for him soon. They worried over him too often and he knew they would become over protective should he not be there. 'Tis strange how they worry more over me than I do them, he thought with a smile. They think themselves my knights, protecting me from everything. He then sensed the presence behind him. He turned his head and steeled himself once more. It was the twins.
" You must have been thinking of something precious indeed to have such a content look upon your face," Elrohir stated.
" Yes, I was," he agreed. " I was thinking of my sons."
" They are very strong and well raised," Elladan praised. " You are most definitely their father. It could never be said otherwise."
" And no one could have taught them better," Elrohir put in. " They do you great justice, mellonamin."
" Hannon lle," he thanked them for their kind words. " I must go." He stood and began walking away from them, but was stopped by the soft spoke words than came next.
" Please, Laiqualasse," Elrohir called to him. " Do not go. Could you at least tell us what we have done wrong, seeing as you are abhorred by being in our presence?"
Legolas halted in his tracks. He had never meant lead them into believing he hated them in any way. " I do not abhor your presence," he spoke. " You have been my friends, comrades, for nearly all of my life; nothing can change that."
" Then why do act like this towards us?" Elladan asked, his words filled with how hurt he felt. " What have we done?"
" Nothing," he still had not turned around. " It is nothing that you have done. Please, believe that. There is just something I must deal with, on my own. 'Tis not your fault."
" Then why do you run from us?" the elder son of Elrond all but demanded.
" Because I must," the golden-haired prince replied before leaving as quickly as he could without running away.
" What is wrong with him?" Elladan wondered.
" There is a sadness about him," Elrohir stated. " It is all about his aura, it is just as Arwen said. He is running from us, muindor, but I know he needs us."
" And we shall be there for him," he determined. " Even we have to force our concern down his stubborn throat."
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The wedding had gone off well, Mirien had been as beautiful as her mother on her parent's day of union, and everyone had behaved themselves. Paladin was indeed an honorable Lord, who took well after his father and grandfather, Faramir, who had passed in the winter twenty years before. The noble man proved himself to be worthy of his bride and quite devoted to her and his duty. Mirien herself was still as taken with her newly pronounced husband as she had been as a young teen with a crush.
Legolas stayed in the ballroom but in the background, listening to the joy and merry-making. The music was lively and the bride and groom owned the stage. They danced about the floor happily, taking in their time together, ready to start the rest of their lives as one. Legolas was happy for them. He believed it a treasure to know love and be happy in your sharing of it with your mate. It was then that he felt that the ache had returned.
It was putting pressure against his lungs, almost as if trying to cut off his air. It wasn't strong now, but he knew that it would be. I will not ruin this night for them, he swore, thinking of the couple on the dance floor. I will not cause concern that might take attention away from them this night.
He made his way out of the ballroom, hoping that he would not be missed, though knowing his disappearance would be noted. He didn't care if he could rid himself of the pain in his chest. He gave one last look back and smiled at the sight of his sons. Amúntel was once again speaking with Ithinor, who was one of the guard to accompany them to Minas Tirith, while Andúnel was with Elladan and Elrohir, the look on his face showing excitement due to whatever they were conversing about. A pair of silvery grey eyes looked his way and he knew he had to get out.
He slipped down the halls with out incident or detection, his movement silent and graceful as always, even with his ailment. He entered his chambers and swiftly removed both his tunic and his undershirt in hopes of relieving the pressure in his chest. It did very little. He lied back on his bed and clutched a hand over his heart. I will not submit to this, he continued with his mantra that had always sought during his 'spells'. I will not give in. I won't give in. I will not submit. It took longer for the pain to subside and before he had even realized it, Legolas has drifted off into a restless sleep.
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Andúnel walked through the palace's great halls early the next morning. He did not know why he was so awake when he had gone to sleep late the other night. He had spent so much of his time between his twin and the twins of Imladris, that he had lost track of the time. The celebration had dwindled to barely a tavern full before he had finally realized the need to turn in. Amúntel was still sleeping.
He turned the corner and barely stopped himself from walking into the people before him. " I'm sorry, I was not truly paying attention," he apologized.
" That's all right," Elladan told him. " We were quite occupied ourselves. Glorfindel had just gotten in late last night, missing the entire wedding."
The young Elf then saw who stood behind the other twin. The golden-haired Edhel that he felt things towards that he knew were not proper. He bowed politely, more to hide the blush of his cheeks at almost running into the object of his desire. " 'Tis good to see you again, my lord," he spoke.
" We've barely been parted for a few short months," Glorfindel pointed out. " And if I remember we almost 'bumped' into each other that time as well."
" Aye, I remember," Andúnel recalled. " Maybe it means something." He meant it as a joke, which the other two took lightly, while he himself felt a slight flush to his cheeks.
" Maybe," Glorfindel gave a small chuckle.
" I am sorry, but I must be going," he excused him diplomatically. " I hope to see you later today." He left them then, the feeling of embarrassment deepening. Andúnel Legolasion, he thought, berating himself. You are a coward.
Elladan and Glorfindel watched him leave. " He has not acted so 'shy' the entire three days I've know him," the raven-haired Edhel noted. " He was fine until he saw you." He cast a questioning glance to his former mentor and protector.
" I do not know what you are implying," the other shook his head.
" Only that he seemed rather 'awkward' around you," the other stated matter-of-factly. " Although, I have seen many ellyth and ellyn act like that around you."
" I hope you aren't saying what I believe you are," Glorfindel continued on his way down the hall. " He's just past his majority. He must think I am as old as Arda itself."
" Well…" Elladan was about to comment, but stopped himself at the warning look in the other's eyes. " Look at it this way, some do find older attractive."
" Not that older," Glorfindel shook his head. Elladan wanted to sigh dramatically. The blonde was very stubborn. He could not think of how many different potential mates, both female and male, that had been pushed before the Balrog Slayer during Elladan's life. But every time he turned the person down, politely, but assertively enough that most didn't try a second time.
" Then I hope that he truly feels nothing like that for you," Elladan spoke seriously. " I would hate for you to hurt him needlessly because of a mere age difference."
" It is more than an age difference," Glorfindel pointed out. " And you know I would not try to truly harm the boy. Why do you sound so defensive of him?"
" He…" the son of Elrond did not know how to explain it. " I just wish to keep him from harm, that is all. He's very much like his father, both of them are." Glorfindel didn't delve into it, though he did have questions left open by the younger Elf's words.
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He stood outside the doors to his friend's room, unsure whether or not he should enter. Never before had they been concerned with knocking upon each other's doors, but so much time had past and so many things had changed. The friend he had once known and depended on was not the same person he had once been, though he tried to so hard to make t seem otherwise. So instead he knocked politely on the door. At first he received no answer and believed the blonde might not be there, but then he heard the soft voice bidding him entrance.
He slowly opened the door and then let himself in, keeping by the doorway, rather than going directly into the room. " Greetin-" Legolas came about the corner, but stopped when he realized who it was.
" Estel?" he seemed somewhat confused. " What has brought you here when this is usually the time you spend with your family?"
" I worry for you my friend," the dark-haired Man spoke. " You left the banquet early."
" I just felt fatigued," he told him. " You know I have been prone to tiredness since the twins were born."
" Aye, but usually not so frequently," he pointed out. " It usually happens randomly and far between. This has been twice in three days and they seem to be getting worse. You look so drained." He was commenting on the slight rings beneath the golden-haired Elf's eyes and the somber look in their normally bright blue depths. For over a century the Prince had seem sad in a way, his eyes always looking off in a way that was reminiscent of memories. He knew it dealt with the love the blonde had given up.
" I am quite fine," he said reassuringly. " You do not have to worry so for me, I am not an invalid or some maiden. I know my limits."
" You know your limits, but prefer to ignore them to the point of exhaustion," the King countered. " I have known you since I was a child, do not think you can hide such things from me. Remember all of the trouble we got into together?"
Legolas gave a warm smile at the different images that conjured. " I do," he admitted. " We were so terrible. If we were not near death in Imladris, we were near death in Mirkwood. Our fathers were always ready to send us home with the other."
" And it was only worse if Elladan and Elrohir were with us," he chuckled. Legolas demeanor instantly changed from slowly relaxing to near stiff. Aragorn knew that he had found the main point of his friend's trouble. " It is one of them isn't it? That is why you always declined to come to the births of my children, for they would be there? And why you have never returned to Rivendell? Legolas, you cannot hurt yourself so."
" You do not know what you are speaking of," the blonde frowned. " You should return to your family, Aragorn."
" Mellonamin," he tried again. " I only wish to help you. I cannot bare to see you like this any longer."
" I can deal with my own troubles, Elessar." Estel knew he had hit a sore point at the use of his formal name. He let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his greying hair. Legolas saw the near defeated look in his comrade's eyes. There was more to it. " What is it, Estel? What truly is your reason for coming to me?"
" The fact that you have ever been alone," he spoke. " I have known you for more than one hundred and fifty years and never have you taken a mate or shown any interest in even finding a passing lover…except that once. You told me you loved him and that you would keep him free because of that love. Legolas…I know that my time will come eventually, and sooner now with my age. I swore to you that I would always be there for you and yet I will die. And I would regret almost everything I have accomplished if I die knowing that you still live a lonely life, forever lost to the one who holds you heart, though he does not know. You are not to be alone, meldir."
Legolas eyes were wide at this honest declaration from his dear friend. He knew not what to say. He had not known that throughout all those years, Aragorn held fears over his own happiness like this. He is too good a friend for me to have, he thought.
" My children are all married and happy," he continued. " My wife loves me unconditionally and my people are content. It seems the only one I truly have left to worry over is you. And I would not wish to worry over you like this during my afterlife."
" Estel…" he wanted to say something, anything to calm the other's fears.
" You know, 'Lass," he whispered, using the pet name he had not uttered since he had been a child. " If I had not loved Arwen so, and times had been different…I would have fought for your heart, even against an invisible opponent who deserved it not. Your twins would be mine and perhaps we could have lived a happy life together."
Feeling wetness in his eyes, Legolas blinked before taking a large strong hand, callused and somewhat wrinkled with time, and held it in both of his own. " No," he shook his head. Aragorn's eyes seemed more saddened by this. " We would have been happy, meldir nin, very happy. For I would have happily given it to you." He then gave the man a light kiss on the cheek. " Had it been but another time."
Aragorn lifted the hands that held his own to his lips and kissed them. " I must go," he let go and stood. " But do not shut yourself away like this. If that is the one wish I beg of you before I die, let me know that you are happy and fulfilled with someone that would care for you as I would have…in another time." He leaned down to give a kiss to the golden head of hair and then left, returning to his family for morning meal. He didn't see the tears trickle down the pale porcelain cheeks of the one he left behind, but knew they were there, falling like the ones within his own heart.
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Translations :
Gwanur - Sworn brother
Laiqualasse - (old Sindarin) Greenleaf
Amin hiraetha - I am sorry
Gwathel - Sister
Melamin - My love
Adar - Father
Hannon lle - Thank you
Naneth - Mother
Mellonamin - My friend
Muindor - brother
Ellyth/Ellyn - (pl) Elf-maiden/Elf male
Meldir - Dear one
Meldir nin - My dear one
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JC: Okay, it's guessing time! Which Twin is Legolas in love with? Pick a pairing, any pairing between them.
Kathrine: And Boromir is Faramir's son, of course. But where does HIS son, Paladin, get his name? If you can guess BOTH of these questions right, we'll send you a little spoiler for later in the story.
JC: The Aragorn/Legolas is a 'hint' for another story we might be doing. We just couldn't leave it out.
Kathrine: If anyone wants to take their hand at drawing Andúnel and Amúntel we'd be VERY Grateful. We couldn't draw to save the planet from exploding. Very bad art students here.
JC: Leave a review with your comments or answers to questions above and you're email address incase you win so we can email you.
Kathrine: Winners will be given until next chapter because that's when it will be revealed. If you want to give a go at more than one guess, just send us an email.
JC: Okay, until later! Well…a few days anyway.