Disclaimer - Nope, still not mine. Except for Lindy.

A/N - Sorry for such a delay in updates. There was something I just couldn't get around in this chapter, so I did the only logical thing I could think of: erased the whole thing and started over! It may have taken longer, but I'm much happier with the way it is now. The erased section will be in a later chapter.

Thanks to all those who wished me a happy vacation. It was great, thanks. And I got to see some real live sea turtles! (Which was a big deal for me.) When I get the pictures developed (hopefully they turn out), and my scanner gets fixed, I'm hoping to put the pics up on my new website, which you can find the address to in my profile here. Come and visit me! I'd love to hear from you all! OK now, on with the story! Enjoy!

Chapter 13 - Doing What You Have To

April stood, washing the morning's breakfast dishes. The mood at the meal had been tense, at best. Forced cheerfulness and non-committal answers ruled the kitchen.

*Thump*

April started as she heard the noise from the other room. It was followed closely by a *Clunk*. She sighed, putting the towel down, and poked her head into the living room.

"What are you doing?" At her words, Donatello froze, leaning heavily against his bo.

"Where are you going?" She demanded, walking up to him and slipping under his arm, in an attempt to help support him. "You know that you're not supposed to be up and about yet! Just where is it you're trying to get to?"

He ducked his head. "Uh, the uh… bathroom." He muttered.

"Oh." She replied, caught off guard by his answer. "Well, here." She recovered. "I'll help you walk."

They stumbled along a few more steps in silence before April began talking again.

"You know, I usually have to drag Mikey out of bed. Have you seen the time?"

Don shook his head. "They left already?" He asked, but it wasn't really a question.

April nodded. "Yeah." He simply nodded, and they walked in silence again until they reached the bathroom door.

"OK," April began, as Don hobbled away, leaning on furniture for support. She winced when he almost fell, and walked forward. "Are you sure you don't need any help…?" She paled as she realized what she just said. She looked at Don, her eyes wide in horror.

He was red in the face. "No," He began, the first to speak. "I, uh, I think I can handle it… uh, everything, OK."

He disappeared into the bathroom, and she groaned. Nice one, April. She thought to herself. She went into the kitchen and poured two cups of tea, carrying them into the living room. She had just set the cups down when Don made his way back over to the couch. He sat down, carefully, and reached for a cup, stifling a groan.

"So." She sat down on the chair next to the couch. "Everything go OK?" She said, hiding her smile with her cup. He choked, almost spraying the table with his drink.

He recovered enough to nod briskly, turning red again. "The guys left a while ago?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah." April nodded. "A few hours ago."

Don glanced at the clock. "I can't believe I slept so long." He stretched, groaning.

"You needed it." April replied.

"Is Lindy taking a nap?"

April nodded. "Yeah. She got up with the guys. Leo fed her."

Don nodded. "Good." He took another drink, then continued. "She likes Leo. Has some kinda fascination with him… I must admit, it does worry me sometimes." He smiled.

She laughed quietly at that, then looked down at her hands, growing suddenly somber again. She wasn't sure if she should, but maybe she could get something out of him…

"Don…"

He sighed. "April, I can't tell you everything. I want to wait and talk to Leo."

She nodded, defeated. "I know." She whispered, and silence filled the room once more.

"So." He said suddenly, breaking the silence a few minute later. "How's your, uh, photography class going?"

"Oh, good." She said, surprised at his question, but glad for the break in tense conversation. "It's been really interesting, and I've met so many new people." He raised his brow at that, and she laughed, swatting at him playfully. "Of course," She continued. "They're all a bit too young for me…"

He grew suddenly silent again. "Do you… ever hear from him?" Don asked quietly.

She knew immediately which 'him' Don referred to. "You guys have your secrets, and I have mine." She answered briskly.

He looked down. "I'm sorry, April." He said softly. "I really thought you two were going to make it work."

She smiled sadly. "Me too." She shrugged. "But, you know, he has his life, I have mine. He wanted to move away and start over. I can't stop him from wanting to be happy. I can't make him want a commitment."

He nodded, then stopped, both jumping when a thump came from outside the window.

Suddenly, Leonardo appeared, carrying two bags.

"Oh jeez." She could hear Don mutter, a hand on his plastron.

April rose from her seat, and looked at him. "How was it?"

Leo dropped his bags on the floor and wiped his forehead. "They went back." He said simply.

Don sat up a bit to make room for Leo to sit down on the couch next to him. "Bad?" Don asked, and Leo nodded. "We were able to carry almost everything that was… salvageable." Leo said.

Mike came through next, carrying two bags of his own, and setting them down before flopping onto the ground himself. He groaned, sitting back up.

"Got any more aspirin, April? My head's killing me…"

April nodded, and moved to get it, then stopped when Raphael came through.

He set down his three bags, then moved to get himself a drink. "Yeah, and the dummy re-opened the cut on his arm, too." He popped open a drink and took a long swig.

April moved to get some more drinks, and the aspirin for Mike. She could hear them talking in the living room.

"What all was left?" Don asked.

"Not much." Leo replied. "Thanks April." He said, taking a drink from her and, after taking a long drink from his glass continued. "Mostly just grabbed the necessities. Like, clothing. A lot of Lindy's stuff was untouched. She needs that. And weapons. Although, the only ones left were the one's that we had hidden away. And what we carried here on our backs." Leo paused, taking another long drink, and April turned to Mike.

"Anything else?" She asked.

He shrugged. "Just a few things from our rooms."

"Money?" Don asked.

Mike shook his head sadly.

Don groaned.

"Got some pictures, though." Raph muttered.

"Oh yeah!" Mike sprung up off the ground. "We found pictures! Some of them were missing, but for the most part, they're there."

"Mike, we'll find them later." Leo said wearily. "Plus, we don't want to make April's floor even more of a mess than we already have."

"OK." Mike said, deflated.

"Why would they take some pictures, and not all of them?" Don mused thoughtfully, and Leo looked over at him. Don stared off to the side, a slightly troubled look on his face.

Leo shook his head. "I don't know. It does seem odd…"

"Were they of us?"

Leo shook his head. "All the ones with us in them were hidden with the weapons. And we found everything there. None of that stuff was touched."

"Hmmm…" Don turned away, looking off towards the window.

"Well…" Leo began, giving Don another glance before continuing. "We need to decide what we're doing here. We can't just crash in April's apartment forever."

There was silence for a moment before April spoke up softly. "The farmhouse."

Leo and Mike's heads both snapped up at her words. "What?"

"The farmhouse." She repeated, her voice louder now. "It's done being fixed up from the… last time we were there, and it's been pretty safe to stay at before."

Mike's eyes lit up at the thought, and even Raph looked agreeable. But Leo frowned.

"April, I don't know…"

"Lindy would love it there." Don mused quietly. "All that space, and fresh air…"

"And the barn, and the lake!" Mike added in, now getting up and pacing excitedly. "I vote yes!"

"Mmmm." Don said, agreeably. "I do too."

Raph looked at Leo, a dubious look on his face.

Leo thought it over, seemingly having a mental debate with himself, before looking back at his brothers. "All right." He nodded, speaking softly. "The farmhouse it is."

Mike and Don looked to each other and grinned.

"But." Leo began. "Only for recuperation. And practice." He added.

Mike groaned, and Leo cracked a smile at that, albeit a wary one.

"I'll pack!" Mike moved to rush off, but stopped when Raphael cleared his throat loudly.

"Um, Mikey? I think we are packed." He nodded towards the piles of bags that they had strewn across the apartment floor.

"Oh." Was all Mike said, and Don grinned widely, looking over to Leo. His grin faded, however, at the look of concern on his brother's face.

"We'll leave tomorrow." Leo said, and Mike, already pumped up, grabbed April up, and danced her across the room.

"Mikey! Shh." Don said quickly, motioning for him to calm down. "Don't be too loud or you'll wake up…" But his sentence was cut off by a loud wail from the bedroom. Don sat back, grinning grimly. "You're turn."

Mike opened his mouth to protest, but Don cut him off. "Uh uh." He said. "You woke her up, you deal with her being cranky. Besides…" He grinned, pointing to his leg. "I'm not supposed to be up, anyway."

Mike stood there for a moment, before walking away, and into the other room. Raph gave a snort of laughter at that, and April joined in.

Leo joined in with a small smile, but couldn't bring himself to feel so happy about going back there. Not after the last time…

************************************

"Ba ba bababababa…"

Leo turned, grinning at the toddler. "All right, all right." He tested the bottle, then put it down onto her highchair, where it was promptly grabbed up and stuck into her mouth.

"I think you picked up your patience from your Uncle Raph." He said, absentmindedly, putting the extra food back into the fridge. "You certainly didn't get it from me…"

"What of Raph's did she get?"

Leo jumped, almost hitting his head on the top shelf of the refrigerator. He stood up and shut the door, trying to calm his nerves.

"And how can I get rid of it?" Don ginned, then half hopped-half stumbled to the chair.

"You're not supposed to be up." Leo scolded.

"Shh." Don waved his hands, looking around before whispering back. "If April catches me, she'll have my shell."

Leo grinned. "Going a bit overboard is she?"

Don leaned back. "If it were up to her, I'd probably be in traction."

"Where you probably should be, anyway."

Don grunted in response to that, and Leo sat down in a chair next to him. "So, what are you doing up?" He asked.

"I couldn't lay there anymore." Don said, looking back at the door. "I was getting a cramp in my leg from just laying there."

Leo nodded, and Don opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off when the kitchen door flew open, and Michaelangelo swept in, grabbing Lindy from her highchair. He took a few steps toward the door before turning back and looking at his brothers, who were staring at him.

"Mind if I borrow her for a few?" He asked, and Don's brow lifted at that. Mike grinned and continued. "'Cause there's something I really wanna teach her."

Don shrugged. "Just change her before handing her back over."

If possible, Michelangelo's grin grew even wider. He nodded, then took off through the door, Lindy staring back at them from over his shoulder.

After the door had closed, and the dust had settled, Don shook his head, sighing.

"We really need to get that guy a pet." Leo muttered.

Don snorted softly at that, and looked back at the door. They sat in silence for awhile before Don looked over at Leo and began speaking softly.

"Leo, are you OK with this?" He asked, and Leo involuntarily stiffened at the question.

"Well," He began. "I really think that it would be beneficial…"

"No." Don interrupted him, and Leo looked at him in surprise.

"No." Donatello said. "I meant are you OK with us going back there?"

"I…" Leo fumbled. "I, well… no." He finally admitted quietly. "But, I'll be fine. I'll manage." He added quickly.

"I don't want you to manage." Don said. "I want you to be OK with it."

"Well, I'm not." Leo stood up, walking to the other side of the room. "And I never will be. But we don't have much of a choice, do we?" He said, his voice rising against his control. "It's not like we have an infinite number of places we can go. It's just the one, and it's…"

"Where he is." Donatello finished softly. Leo nodded slightly, then turned away, putting his hands onto the counter top, leaning on them.

"Leo, it's not like the rest of us aren't a little bit nervous about going back up there, but we have to get…"

"It's not something to just get over!" Leo burst out sharply, and louder than he'd intended to. Don looked surprised at the outburst, but continued.

"I know, Leo." He said softly. "But, you're right, it's the only place that we have to go, and if April's nice enough to let us…"

Leo tried to tune out his brother's words. Not that they weren't true, but at this point he didn't want to hear them. He gritted his teeth as the string of words continued from his normally quiet brother's mouth, and he shut his eyes, hoping to shut out the sound of his voice.

As soon as he shut his eyes, however, a voice pounded through his head. "Without honor."

His master's words repeated, over and over, and Leonardo found himself back there, at that night.

He could feel the cold wind against his sweat soaked body as he looked down at his master, his sensei… his father.

"Without honor." Splinter gasped out, then turned to look at the rest of them, his breath rattling in his chest and coming out in gasps.

"My sons…" He said, and then just… stopped.

"Nooooo…!" A guttural voice moaned, and he was surprised to realize it was his own. Leonardo gasped, and his eyes flew open. He looked around, almost surprised at his surroundings. He was back at April's apartment, in her kitchen. I never left, he tried to tell himself. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself, and looked over at the table. Don was looking at him, wide-eyed, concern evident on his face as he tried to rise from the table.

"Leo…?" Don hobbled his way over to his brother, and he put a hand onto his shoulder. "Leo, what…?"

Leo leaned down, his elbows on the counter, and he put his head into his hands. "I don't want to go back there." He whispered. "I can't."

"Yes you can." Don leaned down, also, his arm around Leo, and whispered into his ear. "You can, you'll be fine…"

"No." Leo said, holding back the tears now. "I can't do it." He said,

"Do what?"

"Face him. I can't face him."