Dear mom.
I hate you and I fucking hope you die.
Love always,
Rick.
Oh, I've never been one to mince words now, have I? I've never been one to keep my secrets to myself. I'd like to be the dark mysterious handsome boy in the corner, like to be the one who was so mysterious and all the girls haaaaad to see what's going on with this boy. I'd like to be him. I'd like to sit there and hear people talking about me.
Terri wouldn't even look at me and Jimmy, Marco, Paige and Hazel wouldn't either, except to glare in my general direction. I messed up. Really bad.
It would be nice to have a rewind button. Not just on TV, not just with my Golden people, god knows that would be nice to watch it all like a TV teenage drama. I'd like to rewind my life. Rewind the minute my mom made her mistake. Rewind to the minute where she would give me up for adoption, yeah, that'd be nice, see me in a normal family who give a damn of where I am.
Oh god. I want so much to hold her hand and ask her everything, even though it's barely been 36 hours and I know she wouldn't give me the time of day. But I want to know how she is, if she's dumped that incompetent piece of shit Jimmy yet, if she'll ever forgive me. I am a lost and lonely boy and I want her to hold me and tell me I'm better than Jimmy, better than anybody else she'll ever meet and if she forgives me I'll kiss her once for every second I made her hurt inside.
I am not some naïve boy like she thinks I am. She introduced me one by one as I laughed inside, scoffing at the fact that I might not know any of their names or favourite colours or what classes they take in this term. She has exactly 4 pairs of shoes, and although I am more partial to her red ones she normally wears white running shoes. Paige takes, on average, six minutes and 42 seconds to check her hair and makeup in the girls' room with Hazel and Terri.
My watch has 6 alarms set. One in the morning, so I get up. One to walk to start walking to school. One to change classes, one when I should finish lunch, one when I can start getting ready to go. And one at 7, to tell me it's OK to call Terri. One at night, to tell me when she's asleep, to remind me to stay in my room for the night in case of seeing my mom.
To remind me I'm alive.
[] – [] Here's a biiiig hug for RelientKroxmysox721, Kitty Kat (may I add that I have you on my author alerts too? And love getting those botff.net emails? Haha write more soon or I shall resort to physical harm), x Confused Girl x (you get an extra hug and 20 gold stars, cause you're nice), punk anjewl, TwentyFirstCenturyHippieChick (who also gets a cookie cause she sees the really stalker-stalker-stalker side to my darling rick and plus her name is cool), and be1101 (I promise I will read some of your stuff, tomorrow, when I am awake.) And not to sound like a total self-promoter, which I am: This is my new baby, I love getting reviews for this and another story about Ellie which I'm currently writing, called Yours Truly, Ellie Nash. So just if you ever have any spare time (try 12 chapters with 11247 words) read a bit. Actually reading and REVIEWING any of my stuff is good. Hugs for you cause you're the best, plus I'm having insomnia and am a bit hyper.