Can't Let You Go
Chapter Eleven
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I really, really, really, wished I owned Tom Felton.
A/N: I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated! I've been really sick lately, and busy with school. I also want to say thanks so much for all of the reviews, they really keep me going. I don't even really like this fic that much anymore but I'm determined to finish it. There's probably only going to be 3 or 4 more chapters left.
The kitchen was filled with a silence that was much more tense than the previous one Hermione had felt earlier. She was in a state of shock that she couldn't seem to shake herself out of. She was vaguely aware that Draco had stormed angrily out of the kitchen door, but did nothing to stop him.
"Hermione, what are you doing? You have to go find him, dear! Oh I just knew he would be becoming part of the family soon!" Said Molly, excitement shining in her eyes. Hermione stumbled out of her chair and made her way to the kitchen door.
"Mione, wait!" Ron said, while grabbing her arm. She just pushed him angrily away.
"Stay out of this, Ron, you've done enough!" She said as she shoved past him, running out into the cold.
Hermione ran outside the door and saw no sign of Draco. She could see his footprints in the snow, but they didn't lead to the back of the house, or the woods but stopped abruptly at the front gate. This meant that Draco had probably apparated back to her flat. Shit, how was she suppose to get back to him now? She kicked the gate in frustration.
Ok, Hermione, think. Apparation can't possibly be that hard...it's either that or flying one of the Weasely's brooms, which is something you hate even more than apparating!
"Ok, I can do this!" She said to herself. " I just hope I don't manage to splinch myself in the process." Hermione took a deep breath and pictured the living room of her flat. Hermione heard a pop, and the next thing she knew, she was in the living room.
**
Draco was pacing around the living room, wondering what he should do. He couldn't believe he'd said that! And to Weasely of all people! This was not the way he planned on telling Hermione, because the fact was, that he hadn't planned on telling Hermione because he hadn't realized it until the words had came out of his mouth. Half of him was anxious to leave, rather than face the fact that she might reject him, and yet the other part of him knew that he needed to at least hear what she had to say. He sat down heavily on the couch and took a deep breath when-
"Ouch!" He said when Hermione literally fell into his lap.
"Yes, I did it!" She said jumping up and down on his lap with excitement. Draco was still trying to figure out how she'd gotten onto his lap in the first place.
"What the hell?" Was all he could say.
"Draco, I apparated!" She said while she smiled at him and he smiled back. He watched as the smile slowly faded from her face as she remembered why she had tried to apparate so hard in the first place.
"Draco, did you really mean what you said at the Burrow? Do you really love me?" She asked timidly.
"Well, I think so." She gave him a disbelieving look.
"You think so?" She demanded.
"Well, I've never really been in love before," He said defensively," I mean, I feel the same way about you as I did about my mother." Hermione gave him a disgusted look and jumped off the couch.
"Look, I don't know what sort of relationship you and your mum had-"
"No, that's not what I meant!" He said, feeling thoroughly embarrassed and cringing at the disgusting mental image that had now formed in his head. The last person he would be snogging was his mother, of all people! He'd rather snog Pansy, and that was saying something.
"I meant, just that, my mother was the only person I've ever loved and I feel the same way when I'm around you, but slightly different for obvious reasons. I miss you when you're gone. I'm insanely jealous when I see you with other blokes especially Potter, because I can't stand the thought of my Hermione, with anyone else. I can understand if you don't feel the same-" Draco was cut off abruptly as Hermione jumped in his lap, again, and pressed her lips to his. Draco eagerly responded, sliding his tongue into her mouth and massaging it against hers. reluctantly, they both pulled back for air.
"So does this mean-" She smiled at him.
"Yes Draco, I love you too."
**
It was strange. One minute, Hermione was telling Draco that she loved him and the next thing she knew, they were in bed and sharing one of the most intense snog sessions that she'd ever shared with Draco. She felt like she should be enjoying this but now just didn't feel like the right time to be doing what it looked like they were about to do, which made her more confused because they were in love, so what else was left? She wasn't a virgin, so it wasn't as if it was her first time, but something was holding her back. Draco's hand was slowly inching up her shirt and reminded her that she had to stop this before it went too far. She gently covered his hand with her own, stopping it's intended trail. He looked up at her questioningly.
"What's wrong, love?"
"I'm sorry, love, I just can't. For one thing, you're still married to Pansy and it would just feel wrong. Even if you weren't though, I have a gut feeling that it's not the right time."
"Are you a..?" He asked.
"No." She said, looking down ashamed.
"No?" He repeated. "Who was your first?" She looked away.
"If I tell you, you'll just get upset." Draco shook his head.
"I won't." She raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, I won't get that upset." She sighed.
"Well, we were going out. It only happened a couple of times." She said guiltily.
"Hermine, just tell me!"
"It was Ron." She said, looking down. Draco just stared at her. He coldn't seem to understand what she was saying.
"What?" He demanded.
"I told you, we were going out, it was in seventh year." He didn't speak.
"Draco, say something!" Hermione said, getting worried.
"What am I supposed to say to that? I just found out that the women I love has shagged the The Weasel!"
"Draco, it was in seventh year! That's the reason why he's convinced that you and I have made love, because of what happened back then." Draco sighed.
"Well, as long as it never happens again." He said in a demanding voice, and Hermione giggled.
"Don't worry Draco, I don't see that happening anytime soon." The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes.
"Draco, are you angry with me because I'm not ready?" Hermione asked in a worried voice.
He chuckled.
"Why would I be angry, love? If you don't think it's the right time, then it isn't the right time. Also, you're right about Pansy. When we make love I want to know that I won't have infidelity hanging over my head, because the only one I want to be devoted to is you. It's going to be difficult though, I'm not sure how much longer I can resist you." He said while nuzzling her neck and breathing in the sent of her hair. His arms were tight around her waist and he hugged her closer.
"Draco?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you." He smiled into her hair.
"I love you, too."
"I'll never get tired of hearing you say that." She said with a dreamy sigh.
**
The next morning, Hermione woke up to find herself alone in bed, something that she didn't particularly like. She was about to climb out of the covers when Draco entered the room carrying a tray full with scrambled eggs and toast, one of Hermione's favorite breakfast foods. She smiled at him.
"Is that for me?"
"Nope, I'm not in the mood to share." He said smugly as he set the tray down in front of her and sat on the bed. He picked up the fork and took a bite while giving her a sly grin. She pouted.
" Draco, you've got to share!" She whined, sounding like a four year old.
"Says who?" He demanded, sounding just as immature. She glared at him and he laughed. He pushed the plate towards Hermione and handed the fork over. She snatched it from him greedily and began eating. Draco smirked.
"Hungry?" He asked sarcastically and she didn't bother to reply.
********
Draco came out of the loo and followed Hermione's voice into the kitchen.
"Well, mum, I'll have to check with Draco but I'm sure we can make it." Hermione said with a smile and she sounded genuinely excited. When she ended the conversation Draco raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Well, my mum would like us to visit tomorrow." She looked surprised when Draco paled.
"Love, your parents don't know that we're dating! Your father almost skinned me alive last time." He whined. She giggled.
"Draco, don't worry about it. My parents will adjust."
"Hermione?"
"hmm?" she asked.
"I love you." She smiled brightly at him.
"I love you, too."
**
The next day after Draco's many futile attempts to convince Hermione to stay home, they were standing in front of the Granger's house.
"Are you sure we have to go in?" She rolled her eyes.
"Draco Malfoy, if you don't grow a spine in about five seconds, I'll never snog you again!" Draco scowled.
"Are you calling me a coward?" He demanded incredulously.
"How is it that you can face the wrath of Lucius Malfoy, but you're afraid of my father, who is a muggle?" She demanded, her voice containing amusement.
" Because, my father is a wizard! If I do something he doesn't like, he'll just hex me. But, If your father isn't pleased that we're dating, he'll come up with some cruel and unusual muggle torture!" Hermione just laughed.
"You are too cute, sometimes!" He smirked
"I try." He said while leaning down and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck when Hermione heard the front door open. She quickly jumped away from Draco and turned towards her mother, who looked surprised, but not upset.
"I thought I heard voices out here," She said with a smile. " Come inside, you two must be freezing!"
They followed Hermione's mother into the living room where some guests were seated. Draco hadn't seen her father yet, not that he was complaining. He stood there awkwardly as Hermione introduced him to various aunts, uncles, and cousins. They all greeted him warmly, but he was still slightly nervous about meeting Hemione's family.
An hour later, Draco and Hermione were getting a drink in the kitchen.
"So, what do you think?" She asked him.
"About what?" She rolled her eyes.
"My family!"
"Oh, they seem really nice. Why haven't I seen your dad around." He said, while looking warily around is shoulder as though expecting Mr. Granger to be lurking in the kitchen cabinets. Hermione sighed.
"I don't know, I've tried asking mum, but she keeps changing the subject!"
"Do you suppose they're fighting?" She sighed again.
"I hope not. It's not like her and Dad to fight."
Just then, Mrs. Granger walked in the kitchen, and upon seeing the two of them, smiled.
"Hermione, why are you isolating Draco and yourself from the family? Come back in the living room!" She said with a smile, but Hermione took a deep breath.
"Mum, Draco and I have something to tell you and Dad, so you ask him to come in the kitchen?" The smile dropped from Mrs. Granger's face.
"He's not here right now, honey."
"Well, where is he then?" Hermione demanded with a touch of annoyance. " Draco and I came here with the intention to tell the both of you the news!" It was then that Mrs. Granger broke down and started crying. Hermione rushed forward and put her arms her mother.
"Mum, what's wrong? Is Dad alright?" Mrs. Granger nodded through her tears.
"Yes, he's fine. Your father, he, well, he left me last week. We're getting divorced." Draco watched as Hermione's body went rigid with shock.
"What?" Was all she seemed to be capable of saying.
"We've been fighting for years, Hermione. We've been trying to make it work, but our love is gone."
"Why, exactly, haven't you bothered to tell me?" Hermione demanded, her voice rising. Draco wanted to say something to calm her down, but, he had no clue what to say. Before his mother died, it was clear that she despised Lucius, but his father would never set her free. The Malfoys had a reputation to protect. How would it look if Lucius Malfoy's wife left him? Draco remembered how bad he had wanted his mother to divorce his father so she could leave The Manor and take him with her.
"Well, you're always so busy with your magic and-"
"Don't you dare blame this on me, mother! I may be a witch, and you may be a muggle, but last time I checked you still knew how to dial the telephone...or write a letter, or even come over for that matter!" Mrs. Granger opened her mouth to say something but Hermione cut her off again.
"I just can't deal with this right now! Draco and I are leaving." She said coldly, while grabbing Draco's hand and striding angrily out the door.
"Take me home, Draco!" She demanded, as soon as they got outside. Draco complied, wrapping an arm around her waist and apparating back home.
Draco apparated into the living room. Hermione abruptly removed herself from his grip and stormed off towards the bedroom. A few moments later, Draco heard the bedroom door slam shut with a resounding thud. He was torn. He could risk approaching Hermione, and get his head bitten off, or he could wait here until she cooled off and she would be mad at him for being an insensitive git and not running after her. It looked like either way he would have to risk Hermione being upset with him, so he decided to try out both options. With a sigh, he headed toward the bedroom door. He hesitated and then knocked. He didn't get a reply. He knocked again.
"Hermione?"
"Draco, I just need some time to myself. Please, just leave me alone." Draco sighed again and wandered back into the living room. He was at a complete loss as to how he could help Hermione. Right now, it sounded like she needed her space, and Draco would give it to her because he didn't know what else to do.
**
Hermione felt badly for leaving Draco confused and alone in the living room, but she needed time to herself. She was having trouble sorting out the many emotions she was feeling. A part of her didn't understand why she was so upset. She didn't even live with her parents anymore, and she hadn't for quite some time. It's not as though their separation would really affect her, so she wondered if what she was feeling was completely irrational. The other part of her wondered if it was her fault, if she'd been blind not to see the signs. Since she attended Hogwarts, she really didn't see all that much of her parents, but they had always seemed happy. Had her whole childhood image of her family been a lie? Had they always been fighting, and she was just to young to see it? Was she the only reason they stayed together as long as they did? Also, she felt horrible for the way she talked to her mother. She had obviously been depressed at the loss of her husband and Hermione didn't even stop to consider her mothers feelings about the whole situation. As usual, she had only been thinking of herself. Hermione decided that she would apologize to her mother as soon as she stopped feeling so ashamed of herself.
After a while, Hermione realized that staying cooped up in her room was not going to make her parents get back together, and it certainly wasn't going to change the way she felt about the situation, so she left her room and headed into the living room. Draco was watching TV, but jumped up from the couch when he heard her enter. She could tell he was unsure of what to say or do and the apprehensive look on his face was so adorable that Hermione couldn't resist walking over to Draco and giving him a hug and quick peck on the cheek. His eyes widened in surprise.
"Draco, I'm sorry for the way I treated you earlier. I was really upset about my Mum and Dad, and I wasn't thinking clearly."
"It's alright, I just wish I could say something to make you feel better." He said with a sad smile.
"Don't worry about it, I just have to get used to it. I just used to picture myself having the perfect family, and now the fact that none of that was ever true is just something that I'll have to get used to."
"You don't know that. Your parents probaby were happy at some point, or else they wouldn't have gotten married. At least you didn't spend your childhood begging your parents to get a divorce." He said the last part under his breath but Hermione heard him.
"What?" She asked, not sure if she had heard him correctly. Draco opened his mouth to answer but the sound of an owl tapping on the window momentarily distracted Hermione from her question.
She walked over to the window and saw that it was Pig, Ron's owl.
she sincerely hoped that he wasn't writing to her. She didn't want to hear anything he had to say. In all of Pig's years, he had never matured a bit and was hooting happily outside of the window, flying around in circles. Hermione sighed and opened the window. Pig zoomed in and he circled above Hermione's head before she reached up and plucked him out of the air. She untied the letter from his leg.
"That letter better not be from Weasley." Draco said, and Hermione could hear the contempt in his voice.
"Well, it's his owl, so most likely it's his letter. I should read it, he might be apologizing."
"Or he might just be proving to us once and for all that he is an arse." Draco replied. Hermione just rolled her eyes and opened the letter.
Dear Hermione,
It's Molly. How are you? I can't apologize enough for my son's behavior towards you and Draco. He was acting completely irrational, I don't know what's gotten into him lately. His girlfriend is lovely, though. How is everything with you and Draco by the way? I hoped you two worked everything out. He seems like such a sweet boy.
I am also writing you to ask if you would like to join come over for New Year's Eve. I can understand your reluctance to come, because of Ron's behavior, but I promise you that I've managed to knock some sense into him. In fact, he's feeling quite guilty about the way he treated you and Draco and I expect that he'll be apologizing once he works up the courage. You know how he can be. So I hope everything is going well for you and Draco, and I hope to see you on New Year's Eve.
With all my love,
Molly.
Draco, who had been reading the letter over Hermione's shoulder, scowled.
"Hermione, love, you aren't seriously going considering going over there again are you?" He demanded. She pouted.
"Please, Draco? Mrs. Weasley said that Ron's more likely to behave himself this time."
"I don't care if he's going to behave. That's not going to help me suppress the urge to smash in his ugly Weasel face!" She frowned at him.
"Well, I'm sorry Hermione, but it's true! What he said to you was disgusting and it makes me angry just thinking about it." Hermione sighed and wrapped an arm around his waist.
"I know, love. It makes me angry too, but you don't know Ron as well as I do. I'm sure he didn't mean the things he said. He just says stupid things without thinking when he says upset."
"Only when he's upset? And here I was under the impression that The Weasel has never been capable of thinking before he spoke." He said sarcastically and Hermione hit his arm.
"Please, Draco?" She said with such pleading eyes that Draco didn't have the heart to say no. He sighed loudly.
"Hermione, if that git says one thing-"
"Thank you, so much!" She squealed, jumping into his arms. He laughed and wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm just glad to see your okay." He said while hugging her happily. She snuggled deeper into his embrace.
"Well, it's going to take some getting used to, but I am okay, and that's the important thing right?" Draco nodded. She suddenly looked up into his gray eyes and noticed that they looked troubled.
"Draco, what's wrong?" He looked away from her.
"Nothing." He said while still avoiding her gaze.
"Draco, love, you know that you can tell me anything, right?" He nodded and sighed.
"It's just that the whole thing with your parents just brought up some memories I'd rather forget, is all. Don't worry about it." He said, while giving her a half-hearted smile. Hermione wasn't convinced but she didn't pursue the issue. She just hugged him.
"Well you know I'm here if you ever need to talk."
******************************
It was New Year's Eve and Hermione was in the kitchen baking cookies last minute, as usual. Draco was getting ready first because Hermione knew she would take longer to get ready. Also, she didn't feel comfortable leaving Draco to bake the cookies. She didn't want to give the Weasley's food poisoning.
Hermione was slightly worried about Draco. It had been two days since their discussion about her parents and he was still acting troubled. She could tell he was trying not show it but she knew him too well not to notice. He was quieter than usual, and he had a loss of appetite. She also had woken up a few times last night to find him rolling around and muttering under his breath. Hermione didn't know what to do. On one hand, she didn't want it to seem as though she was ignoring him, but she didn't want to push him into telling her anything that he didn't want to. She hoped that if the New Year's eve party went well he might be cheered up a bit.
A little while later, the buzzer on the oven rang and Hermione took the cookies out of the oven and placed them on a cooling rack. She heard the bathroom door open, signaling that Draco was ready and She went in her room to grab her clothes and get ready for the party.
**
Draco was sitting on the couch waiting for Hermione to finish getting ready. She'd been in there for quite a while and he was left alone with his own thoughts. Ever since he'd found out about her parents getting a divorced a lot of unwanted memories from his childhood kept surfacing in his brain. He was slightly disgusted with himself, that after all these years he still got upset about his past but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to discuss this with Hermione, because he didn't want her pity. That wouldn't do him any good now. Then Hermione came out, interrupting her thoughts. Draco's jaw dropped in shock. Hermione was dressed in the most revealing outfit Draco had ever seen her wear. She was wearing a tight, red button down shirt, with several of the buttons undone showing an ample amount of cleavage. It was also short, so it exposed a small amount of her waist. She was also wearing a extremely tight black trousers that showed off the curves of her legs. Her hair was straightened again. Draco's eyes traveled up to Hermione's and he saw a gleam in them that he had never seen there before. The expression in which she was looking at him almost disturbed him. She was looking at him hungrily, almost as if he were lunch. She approached him with a sultry smile before pressing her lips hungrily to his. At first Draco happily reciprocated the kiss, but it just didn't feel right. She was kissing him differently. He pulled back slightly.
"Are you alright, love?" He asked, concerned. She grinned.
" Just peachy." She said breathily, reaching for the zipper of his trousers. Draco pulled back in shock.
"Hermione, what are you doing?"
"Trying to shag you, what else would I be doing?" She said impatiently before reaching for the zipper again. He caught her wrists in his hands and frowned at her.
"I thought you said that you weren't ready?" He demanded.
"Look, Hermione, I think don't know why you're acting like this. You said you weren't ready and we're not going to do anything until then. Even if now was the right time we have the New Year's Eve party at the Weasly's to go to, remember?" Hermione made a face.
"Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that! Come on, Draco, what are you waiting for?" She demanded impatiently. He gave her an exasperated look before grabbing her arm and apparating to the Weasly's house.
**
When they got to The Burrow, Draco watched as Hermione banged on the front door a little harder than necessary. Mrs. Weasly came to the door and smiled warmly at the two of them.
"I'm so glad that the two of you came! Come inside." She said while ushering them into the house. Hermione strutted in the house confidently after Mrs. Weasley. Draco just shook his head and followed the pair of them into the kitchen.
**
The Weasly's, Potter, Lavender Brown, Draco, and Hermione were once again squeezed around the kitchen table eating dinner. Ron had tried earlier that evening to apologize to Hermione but she shrugged him off coldly. She had been acting strange all night, but Draco just summed it up to her being upset about her parents. There was no other explanation. He looked over as he saw Ron trying to engage Hermione into a conversation.
"So, Hermione, read any good books lately?" He asked nervously. She glared at him before replying.
"Yes, Weasly. Unlike you, I'm not completely illiterate." Ron's face flushed in anger. The twins laughed. Draco coughed into his glass of water. He didn't know whether to be amused or upset. A snide remark like that was meant to come from his mouth, not Hermione's.
"Hermione, dear, are you alright?" Asked Molly.
"Well, you see, I'm slightly claustrophobic," Hermione said, while looking around disdainfully at the house "and being here with the rest of you Weasleys, or should I saw Weasels is really too much for me." She drawled and her statement was met with a shocked silence. Draco couldn't take it anymore.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded, shocking the Weasley's out of their trances. She smirked.
"Nothing, Draco, I just came out of the shower feeling like a different person, is all." Draco eyed her suspiciously.
"Hermione, what was the last book you read?"
"What's it to you, death eater?" She demanded, and Draco stood up. It suddenly clicked. This wasn't Hermione at all. This was one of his father's minions using Polyjuice Poition! He walked around to her side of the table and grabbed her roughly out of her seat. He yanked his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at her neck.
"Who are you, and where the hell is Hermione?" He demanded.
A/N: Another cliffhanger, hehe. Well I hope this chapter wasn't too boring for you guys. I re-wrote it a dozen times and I just couldn't seem to get it right. Please, Please, Please, review, even if only to tell me how horrible this was.