-
six months later… the last day of james and lily potter --
"James! He's walking again! Hurry!" Lily held out her hands to Harry in delight, who was taking shaky steps.
James hurried in with a camera, quickly taking a picture and sitting down next to his wife, urging Harry on.
"There you go son!" He shouted as Harry stumbled slightly, falling into his mother's arms with a triumphant giggle at his feat.
But, as is typical with babies, his happy smile instantly faded into a howling cry.
"Lunchtime, I suppose." Lily smiled, picking him up and carrying him into the kitchen of their palatial estate.
As Harry sucked happily on his bottle, Lily paced around the kitchen, looking at all the drawn windows. James sat at the table, watching his son eat his lunch.
"What's wrong, darling?" He finally asked her.
"I don't know. This has just been going so well…but I can't help feeling that any moment, he'll turn up on our doorstep."
"I know what you mean. But Peter's still safely in hiding…if he wasn't, Sirius would come tell us immediately."
"Sirius doesn't know where we are." Lily sighed.
"He'd find a way."
She nodded, picking up Harry's bottle as he threw it to the ground.
"Come on, Harry-just finish your lunch and you can go take your nap." She said gently, handing the bottle back to him.
Harry turned his face away obstinately.
"NO." He said simply.
"His new favorite word, apparently." James laughed.
"I'll go put him down. He's in a bit of a sullen mood today." She picked Harry up, taking him upstairs.
"Aren't we all." James said under his breath.
Truth be told, he hated being here. He hated them not knowing anything. He hated not seeing Sirius, Lupin, and Peter. He had grown so accustomed to them being a regular part of his life that it was strange to be without them. And he was so afraid of losing Harry and Lily that he couldn't stop thinking about what it would feel like to lose them, putting him in permanently depressed mood.
Lily came back downstairs a half-hour later, seeing James looking at the closed window, lost in thought.
"What's wrong?" She asked him, crossing the kitchen.
"What's NOT wrong, more like." James snapped.
"What are you talking about? We're safe, everything's fine." Lily put a hand on his arm, which he shook off.
"How naïve can you get? This is bound to go wrong! Peter's not strong enough to keep this kind of secret, he'll crack the second Voldemort brandishes his wand!" He shouted, suddenly furious and not knowing why.
"You know what, James? Maybe you're right. Maybe that's true. But we did the best we could to protect our family, and I'm thankful for every day it lasts! Heaven forbid something does happen to us or Harry, but if it does, I want to know that I spent every day I had with both of you the way I'd want to remember it! Not brooding out the window and cutting me off! You barely even speak to me anymore, James, you barely even touch me anymore-I have no idea why you're taking the fact that we have to hide out on me, but I'd appreciate if you'd give this poor martyr look a rest! I'm scared to death, too, but I'm not letting that fear overshadow every good thing in my life!" She yelled back, out of breath when she'd finished her little tirade.
"I miss them. Sirius and Lupin." He said quietly, not at all the response Lily wanted.
"Well, then you should've married them, if you're that codependent." She spat, her long repressed anger finally getting the best of her as she stormed up the stairs.
James watched her go, sighing heavily. This wasn't right at all. They hadn't had a row in the longest time, but maybe it was good they finally got it all out in the open. But still, he should apologize. She was right. He had been taking both her and Harry for granted, lost in his misery of spending a life in hiding when he'd always met everything else head on.
He went after her, opening the door to their bedroom. She was sitting on the bed, crying into her hands. When she heard him enter, she looked up, her face streaked with tears.
"WHAT?" She demanded.
"Lily, I-"
"Come to yell at me some more? Come to tell me how I'm not good enough to spend your life with?"
"No! Look, I'm sorry for being so selfish."
She didn't say anything, looking at her feet.
"Lily, please talk to me. I really am sorry."
"Well, I suppose that just fixes everything. If you're sorry." She said, finding it felt good to be angry with him. They'd been going through the motions stagnantly for so long, so distracted with everything-she needed to feel a real emotion other than fear and boredom, and anger felt pretty damn good.
"Look, Lily, don't you dare start shutting me out! We're all each other's got now, and I can keep apologizing until I'm blue in the face for isolating myself from you, but that's not what's important! If we can't stand together, we won't be strong enough to face anything! We have to be strong for Harry, and I know you're mad, and I wish I could make everything better between us, but I can't!"
She took a deep breath.
"We were stupid to even get married. To have a child. I don't know what we were thinking-in the middle of a war, we really should've seen this coming."
"Seen what coming?" James asked, floored by what she'd just said.
"That if we'd just stayed detached, things would be so much easier! I just realized that. If I didn't love you so damn much, James, love Harry more than my own life-we'd make it through this. But now…we'll die for each other. It's inevitable. He'll find us, and we'll die trying to protect each other. That's what I'm saying…I'd rather die than try to live without either of you. That sounds so weak, but it's the truth."
"But if we didn't have our family, didn't have people we loved, what would be fighting for? Love's not a weakness, Lily-it's what differentiates us from the other side. If you don't have some kind of cause, then who cares what side you pick? You just go to the highest bidder, and nothing means anything to you. But I do have a cause. And you do too. Our cause is our family. Our friends. You and Harry are the most important things in my life, and that's worth everything. I'm not afraid of dying, if it gives the rest of our world the chance to love the way we did…even if this is it. You were right, what you said earlier- every second I have with my family is a blessing, and I'm not taking that for granted any longer."
She kissed him then, and it felt as if something within them was reconnecting with an outbreak of passion they had not let themselves feel in awhile. When they made love that rainy afternoon, it was the first time in a long time she truly gave herself to him, without the distractions and complications of the difficult life that so often seemed to entrap them. James felt as though they'd been a million miles apart the last few months, and at last, felt closer to her than he knew he could ever feel to anyone.
-
that night… --
"He looks so much like you." Lily looked adoringly down at Harry, whose little tuft of black hair was mussed from his nap, making him look even more startlingly like his father.
"Lucky little bugger got your eyes though. That was the first thing I ever noticed about you…how beautiful your eyes were."
"I thought you noticed me because I was so much smarter than you." She grinned.
"Yeah, well, that too." James smiled back, kissing her temple as they stood over their son's crib.
Suddenly, they heard the front door open with an ominous creak.
"James…" Lily's voice came out as a terrified whisper, all the color gone out of her face.
"Get him out of here." James said, crossing to the door, a look of steely determination upon his face.
"What are you going to do?" She grabbed his arm desperately.
"Distract him long enough to get you two out of here."
"I'm coming with you."
"NO! Get Harry out of here, it's the only chance you two have."
"What about you?" Lily whispered desperately.
"I told you, I'm not afraid." James said, as they heard loud footsteps downstairs.
"I love you." She said, her voice choked with a buried sob.
He kissed her fiercely.
"I love you, too. Tell Harry when he can understand…how much I loved him, please."
"I will."
And with that, he was gone, the door closed behind him.
Lily picked up Harry, who looked confused.
"Come on, darling." She said softly, kissing his forehead and heading toward the fireplace in the next room. She couldn't apparate; she'd have to use Floo Powder. She tried not to listen to the shouts from downstairs; right now Voldemort could be killing him. She couldn't let him die for nothing.
As she sprinkled Floo Powder on the fireplace, she watched the flames turn green. Before she could open her mouth, a cold voice echoed through Harry's room.
"Don't even think about it."
She turned around, and gasped in horror.
Voldemort was standing there, his white face and red eyes watching her with some kind of sick pleasure.
"Pity James had to die for nothing. You couldn't even escape me, despite his foolish sacrifice."
She went to step into the flames.
"Do it, and I'll kill the boy before you can take another breath." Voldemort said cruelly.
"You'll never kill my son."
"Oh, really? I've killed thousands, you stupid girl-I think I can handle one little boy."
Lily put Harry down behind her, coolly drawing out her wand.
"Do you plan to fight me?"
"You've really given me no other choice." She said, keeping her voice steady.
Without a second thought, Voldemort shouted "Avada Kedavra!, aiming for Harry, a little to the left of Lily.
A flash of green light shot through the room, but Lily dived in front of it, taking the full brunt of the curse, and hitting the ground with a dull thud, instantly dead.
Voldemort laughed, as Harry looked up at him, his small face confused.
"I suppose it's just you and me now, Harry." Voldemort sneered.
"Avada Kedavra!" He shouted again, but the green light suddenly and unexpectedly rebounded off of Harry, hitting Voldemort instead.
-
that same night peter's hideout --
"Peter?" Sirius turned the room upside down, looking for his friend.
Why was he gone? Why were there no signs of a struggle? Sirius suddenly felt very panicked, and didn't know why.
Suddenly, he found the slip of paper with the Potter's new address on it, written in James' scrawling handwriting. That stupid prat had just left this lying around? Sirius sighed, deciding he'd go check on them himself.
--
Sirius apparated to the front lawn of a palatial estate, and felt his heart drop into his stomach. The Dark Mark blazed in the sky above the house. Sirius suddenly felt himself wretch violently into the grass from pure shock, his heart pounding like a sledgehammer as he dashed through the open front door.
James' body lie limp and lifeless on the floor of the front hall. Sirius couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe, this was too horrible…
"LILY?" He finally found his voice, dashing up the stairs, unable to look at James, unable to let the truth sink in.
He entered Harry's bedroom, and saw her body sprawled out, her green eyes open and unseeing.
"NOO!" Sirius sobbed, unable to stand any longer.
Falling to his knees, he started to cry-deep, racking sobs that shook his whole body.
Suddenly, he heard a soft sniffle from the other room. Harry.
Sirius shakily got to his feet, walking in to see Harry sniffling on the window seat, a lightning bolt shaped scar cut into his forehead.
How had he survived? What had happened? But Sirius couldn't think about that now. He scrawled a note to Dumbledore, telling him what had happened and sent it off immediately with the Potter's owl.
He checked Lily's pulse, and felt her cold, pale skin underneath his fingers. She was dead. There was no mistaking it. Clutching Harry desperately to his chest, not wanting him to see, Sirius went downstairs.
He knelt beside James, and felt the choke of sobs came back into his throat. His best friend, his unbelievably brave friend, struck down as if it was nothing. Not a mark on him…he was just dead. Memories of James flooded through his head like a movie on fast forward, and Sirius couldn't bear it any longer. He sunk down against the wall, holding Harry with one arm, and clutching his best friend's limp body to him with the other.
Dumbledore entered the home seconds later, and stopped dead when he saw Sirius.
"Let me have the boy, Sirius. I'll take care of him."
Sirius didn't say anything, handing the boy mutely to a stricken Dumbledore. Suddenly, Sirius looked up, his beautiful dark features alight with anger.
"I'll kill him! Dumbledore, I'm going to kill him for betraying them!"
And he apparated away.
Harry started crying, confused.
"It's all right. I'll take care of you." Dumbledore said softly, taking the boy out to the front lawn where Hagrid was waiting.
-
the next morning… --
Sirius had finally found him. His stupid little stumped body, wandering through the streets as if he didn't have a care in the world. He raced at him, his muscles tense with rage, and slammed him against a wall in a nearby alley.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Sirius hit him so hard that Peter doubled over, his nose broken.
Suddenly, a small smile spread over Peter's bloody face as people on the streets looked over at them in alarm.
"Silencio." He whispered, and Sirius lost his voice, still yelling furiously but no sound coming out.
Suddenly, Peter adopted a fearful, but very loud voice.
"Sirius-how could you do this? You killed Lily and James? You sold them out to Voldemort? I thought James was your best friend!"
Sirius hit him again, trying to speak but unable to say the countercurse.
"Don't blame me for your guilt, Sirius! Please, have mercy on me-or do you plan to kill me too?"
Sirius looked at him, confused and furious.
Peter pulled out a knife from his inside pocket where none of their observers could see, and shouted in pain, holding up his hand now missing a finger.
"You sadistic son of a bitch!" Peter yelled, in that squeaky voice.
Sirius was too shocked to react for a moment.
"Imperio." Peter whispered again, and made Sirius perform such a powerful curse with his newfound voice that it knocked the people surrounding them to their feet, their bodies hitting the ground with a dull thud.
When Sirius looked back around, Peter was gone and a rat was scurrying into the sewer.
"COME BACK HERE!" Sirius roared, jumping to the ground after him.
But suddenly strong hands were grasping him from all sides, dragging him through the wreckage of the curse, shouting words like "Azkaban!" and "Voldemort supporter!" Peter was gone, and he, Sirius, looked like the guiltiest man alive.
-
one week later… --
Sirius sat in his cell in Azkaban, not thinking, barely breathing, shaking with fury and grief.
Suddenly, the wizard guard stepped past the dementors and rapped on his bars.
"Black. You have a visitor."
Sirius looked up in surprise to see who it was.
A man in a tweed suit, his face sagging with exhaustion and anguish stepped in front of the guard. It was Lupin.
"Lupin! Thank God you're here, you've got to help me-" Sirius scrambled towards the bars.
"Mr. Black, I am here on Order business to ask you a few questions." Lupin said in a cold, distanced voice.
"Moony, come on! You have to hear me out! I didn't do this-Peter framed me!"
"Mr. Black, if you don't calm down, I'll have to administer Veritaserum." Lupin said in that same horribly cold voice.
"DO IT THEN! I'm telling the truth!"
A flicker of sadness passed across Lupin's eyes, but clearing his throat, he began the interrogation.
"Were you the Secret Keeper of Lily and James Potter?" He asked, sounding as if it pained him to say their names.
"NO! Peter was, we just told everyone it was me!"
"Sirius, please. You've been convicted, there's no point in lying now." Lupin said; his voice strained.
"I'm not lying!"
"He's clearly hysterical-you're not getting anything out of him." The wizard guard muttered to Lupin.
Lupin nodded, turning to go.
"LUPIN! NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! YOU'VE BEEN MY FRIEND SINCE I WAS ELEVEN, YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T DO THIS! I'D DIE BEFORE I'D BETRAY ANY OF YOU! IT WASN'T ME! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!" Sirius' voice cracked with tears, his hands gripping the bars so hard they turned white.
"Save yourself a little dignity, Sirius." Lupin said, looking back at him with a look of such hurt that it broke Sirius' heart.
-
fourteen years later… order headquarters --
"Lupin! Didn't know you'd be joining us!" Sirius exclaimed, embracing his friend like a brother as he stepped into Grimmauld Place.
"Well, I'm currently unemployed, so seemed like the thing to do." Lupin grinned.
--
"Sirius, you have got to stop moping around all day." Lupin said, knocking on his door.
"Easy for you to say! You're not stuck here! You can leave whenever you like!" Sirius shouted back.
--
"Harry and his friends are in the Department of Mysteries?" Sirius repeated, stunned.
"So it would appear. We'll be back." Kingsley threw a coat on.
"I'm coming with you!"
"No, you're not." Lupin looked back at him angrily.
"Like hell I'm not! He's my godson! I'm coming!"
--
"Harry…he's gone." Lupin's voice sounded foreign to his own ears.
The best friend he'd ever known gone. Just like that. Lupin's whole life had been littered with loss and pain, but this was too much.
He could barely hear Harry's shouts of protests. A dull roar seemed to echo in his own ears as he looked at the veil that had claimed Sirius taking him to the afterlife. He'd be with James and Lily now. --
Lupin looked down at the picture. They'd all left him behind. Peter's soul long since claimed by darkness, Lily, James, and Sirius happily reunited in the afterlife. He wanted to join the three of them so badly. It'd be so easy, he thought as he held his wand with a pale hand.
What was there left for him now?
Suddenly, the door to his room opened, and Mrs. Weasley looked in.
"Remus, I'm sorry, but there's a letter from Harry. He wants to see you."
Harry. Of course. He was the only link Harry still had left to his family. He wasn't his parents, he wasn't his godfather, but he had to be there for him. He knew how alone Harry must feel now, because he felt it too. Lupin felt the loneliness more powerfully than them all though. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looked up at Mrs. Weasley with a slight smile.
"Tell him I'd love to talk to him."
"All right." Mrs. Weasley gave him a slightly pitying smile, and closed the door.
He knew he must look awful; he'd barely moved from this room since he'd arrived back. But as he always did, he forced himself to stand up and try to force down the pain. It was becoming second nature by now.
He pushed back the memories and the moments that had flooded his mind as he looked at the picture. He couldn't live in the past forever…but it seemed to be the only place he could find any semblance of peace.
-
I will crawl through my past Over stones, blood, and glass In the ruins As I try to make sense In the ruins -
fin --
A/N- Please leave me a review!
six months later… the last day of james and lily potter --
"James! He's walking again! Hurry!" Lily held out her hands to Harry in delight, who was taking shaky steps.
James hurried in with a camera, quickly taking a picture and sitting down next to his wife, urging Harry on.
"There you go son!" He shouted as Harry stumbled slightly, falling into his mother's arms with a triumphant giggle at his feat.
But, as is typical with babies, his happy smile instantly faded into a howling cry.
"Lunchtime, I suppose." Lily smiled, picking him up and carrying him into the kitchen of their palatial estate.
As Harry sucked happily on his bottle, Lily paced around the kitchen, looking at all the drawn windows. James sat at the table, watching his son eat his lunch.
"What's wrong, darling?" He finally asked her.
"I don't know. This has just been going so well…but I can't help feeling that any moment, he'll turn up on our doorstep."
"I know what you mean. But Peter's still safely in hiding…if he wasn't, Sirius would come tell us immediately."
"Sirius doesn't know where we are." Lily sighed.
"He'd find a way."
She nodded, picking up Harry's bottle as he threw it to the ground.
"Come on, Harry-just finish your lunch and you can go take your nap." She said gently, handing the bottle back to him.
Harry turned his face away obstinately.
"NO." He said simply.
"His new favorite word, apparently." James laughed.
"I'll go put him down. He's in a bit of a sullen mood today." She picked Harry up, taking him upstairs.
"Aren't we all." James said under his breath.
Truth be told, he hated being here. He hated them not knowing anything. He hated not seeing Sirius, Lupin, and Peter. He had grown so accustomed to them being a regular part of his life that it was strange to be without them. And he was so afraid of losing Harry and Lily that he couldn't stop thinking about what it would feel like to lose them, putting him in permanently depressed mood.
Lily came back downstairs a half-hour later, seeing James looking at the closed window, lost in thought.
"What's wrong?" She asked him, crossing the kitchen.
"What's NOT wrong, more like." James snapped.
"What are you talking about? We're safe, everything's fine." Lily put a hand on his arm, which he shook off.
"How naïve can you get? This is bound to go wrong! Peter's not strong enough to keep this kind of secret, he'll crack the second Voldemort brandishes his wand!" He shouted, suddenly furious and not knowing why.
"You know what, James? Maybe you're right. Maybe that's true. But we did the best we could to protect our family, and I'm thankful for every day it lasts! Heaven forbid something does happen to us or Harry, but if it does, I want to know that I spent every day I had with both of you the way I'd want to remember it! Not brooding out the window and cutting me off! You barely even speak to me anymore, James, you barely even touch me anymore-I have no idea why you're taking the fact that we have to hide out on me, but I'd appreciate if you'd give this poor martyr look a rest! I'm scared to death, too, but I'm not letting that fear overshadow every good thing in my life!" She yelled back, out of breath when she'd finished her little tirade.
"I miss them. Sirius and Lupin." He said quietly, not at all the response Lily wanted.
"Well, then you should've married them, if you're that codependent." She spat, her long repressed anger finally getting the best of her as she stormed up the stairs.
James watched her go, sighing heavily. This wasn't right at all. They hadn't had a row in the longest time, but maybe it was good they finally got it all out in the open. But still, he should apologize. She was right. He had been taking both her and Harry for granted, lost in his misery of spending a life in hiding when he'd always met everything else head on.
He went after her, opening the door to their bedroom. She was sitting on the bed, crying into her hands. When she heard him enter, she looked up, her face streaked with tears.
"WHAT?" She demanded.
"Lily, I-"
"Come to yell at me some more? Come to tell me how I'm not good enough to spend your life with?"
"No! Look, I'm sorry for being so selfish."
She didn't say anything, looking at her feet.
"Lily, please talk to me. I really am sorry."
"Well, I suppose that just fixes everything. If you're sorry." She said, finding it felt good to be angry with him. They'd been going through the motions stagnantly for so long, so distracted with everything-she needed to feel a real emotion other than fear and boredom, and anger felt pretty damn good.
"Look, Lily, don't you dare start shutting me out! We're all each other's got now, and I can keep apologizing until I'm blue in the face for isolating myself from you, but that's not what's important! If we can't stand together, we won't be strong enough to face anything! We have to be strong for Harry, and I know you're mad, and I wish I could make everything better between us, but I can't!"
She took a deep breath.
"We were stupid to even get married. To have a child. I don't know what we were thinking-in the middle of a war, we really should've seen this coming."
"Seen what coming?" James asked, floored by what she'd just said.
"That if we'd just stayed detached, things would be so much easier! I just realized that. If I didn't love you so damn much, James, love Harry more than my own life-we'd make it through this. But now…we'll die for each other. It's inevitable. He'll find us, and we'll die trying to protect each other. That's what I'm saying…I'd rather die than try to live without either of you. That sounds so weak, but it's the truth."
"But if we didn't have our family, didn't have people we loved, what would be fighting for? Love's not a weakness, Lily-it's what differentiates us from the other side. If you don't have some kind of cause, then who cares what side you pick? You just go to the highest bidder, and nothing means anything to you. But I do have a cause. And you do too. Our cause is our family. Our friends. You and Harry are the most important things in my life, and that's worth everything. I'm not afraid of dying, if it gives the rest of our world the chance to love the way we did…even if this is it. You were right, what you said earlier- every second I have with my family is a blessing, and I'm not taking that for granted any longer."
She kissed him then, and it felt as if something within them was reconnecting with an outbreak of passion they had not let themselves feel in awhile. When they made love that rainy afternoon, it was the first time in a long time she truly gave herself to him, without the distractions and complications of the difficult life that so often seemed to entrap them. James felt as though they'd been a million miles apart the last few months, and at last, felt closer to her than he knew he could ever feel to anyone.
-
that night… --
"He looks so much like you." Lily looked adoringly down at Harry, whose little tuft of black hair was mussed from his nap, making him look even more startlingly like his father.
"Lucky little bugger got your eyes though. That was the first thing I ever noticed about you…how beautiful your eyes were."
"I thought you noticed me because I was so much smarter than you." She grinned.
"Yeah, well, that too." James smiled back, kissing her temple as they stood over their son's crib.
Suddenly, they heard the front door open with an ominous creak.
"James…" Lily's voice came out as a terrified whisper, all the color gone out of her face.
"Get him out of here." James said, crossing to the door, a look of steely determination upon his face.
"What are you going to do?" She grabbed his arm desperately.
"Distract him long enough to get you two out of here."
"I'm coming with you."
"NO! Get Harry out of here, it's the only chance you two have."
"What about you?" Lily whispered desperately.
"I told you, I'm not afraid." James said, as they heard loud footsteps downstairs.
"I love you." She said, her voice choked with a buried sob.
He kissed her fiercely.
"I love you, too. Tell Harry when he can understand…how much I loved him, please."
"I will."
And with that, he was gone, the door closed behind him.
Lily picked up Harry, who looked confused.
"Come on, darling." She said softly, kissing his forehead and heading toward the fireplace in the next room. She couldn't apparate; she'd have to use Floo Powder. She tried not to listen to the shouts from downstairs; right now Voldemort could be killing him. She couldn't let him die for nothing.
As she sprinkled Floo Powder on the fireplace, she watched the flames turn green. Before she could open her mouth, a cold voice echoed through Harry's room.
"Don't even think about it."
She turned around, and gasped in horror.
Voldemort was standing there, his white face and red eyes watching her with some kind of sick pleasure.
"Pity James had to die for nothing. You couldn't even escape me, despite his foolish sacrifice."
She went to step into the flames.
"Do it, and I'll kill the boy before you can take another breath." Voldemort said cruelly.
"You'll never kill my son."
"Oh, really? I've killed thousands, you stupid girl-I think I can handle one little boy."
Lily put Harry down behind her, coolly drawing out her wand.
"Do you plan to fight me?"
"You've really given me no other choice." She said, keeping her voice steady.
Without a second thought, Voldemort shouted "Avada Kedavra!, aiming for Harry, a little to the left of Lily.
A flash of green light shot through the room, but Lily dived in front of it, taking the full brunt of the curse, and hitting the ground with a dull thud, instantly dead.
Voldemort laughed, as Harry looked up at him, his small face confused.
"I suppose it's just you and me now, Harry." Voldemort sneered.
"Avada Kedavra!" He shouted again, but the green light suddenly and unexpectedly rebounded off of Harry, hitting Voldemort instead.
-
that same night peter's hideout --
"Peter?" Sirius turned the room upside down, looking for his friend.
Why was he gone? Why were there no signs of a struggle? Sirius suddenly felt very panicked, and didn't know why.
Suddenly, he found the slip of paper with the Potter's new address on it, written in James' scrawling handwriting. That stupid prat had just left this lying around? Sirius sighed, deciding he'd go check on them himself.
--
Sirius apparated to the front lawn of a palatial estate, and felt his heart drop into his stomach. The Dark Mark blazed in the sky above the house. Sirius suddenly felt himself wretch violently into the grass from pure shock, his heart pounding like a sledgehammer as he dashed through the open front door.
James' body lie limp and lifeless on the floor of the front hall. Sirius couldn't speak, he couldn't breathe, this was too horrible…
"LILY?" He finally found his voice, dashing up the stairs, unable to look at James, unable to let the truth sink in.
He entered Harry's bedroom, and saw her body sprawled out, her green eyes open and unseeing.
"NOO!" Sirius sobbed, unable to stand any longer.
Falling to his knees, he started to cry-deep, racking sobs that shook his whole body.
Suddenly, he heard a soft sniffle from the other room. Harry.
Sirius shakily got to his feet, walking in to see Harry sniffling on the window seat, a lightning bolt shaped scar cut into his forehead.
How had he survived? What had happened? But Sirius couldn't think about that now. He scrawled a note to Dumbledore, telling him what had happened and sent it off immediately with the Potter's owl.
He checked Lily's pulse, and felt her cold, pale skin underneath his fingers. She was dead. There was no mistaking it. Clutching Harry desperately to his chest, not wanting him to see, Sirius went downstairs.
He knelt beside James, and felt the choke of sobs came back into his throat. His best friend, his unbelievably brave friend, struck down as if it was nothing. Not a mark on him…he was just dead. Memories of James flooded through his head like a movie on fast forward, and Sirius couldn't bear it any longer. He sunk down against the wall, holding Harry with one arm, and clutching his best friend's limp body to him with the other.
Dumbledore entered the home seconds later, and stopped dead when he saw Sirius.
"Let me have the boy, Sirius. I'll take care of him."
Sirius didn't say anything, handing the boy mutely to a stricken Dumbledore. Suddenly, Sirius looked up, his beautiful dark features alight with anger.
"I'll kill him! Dumbledore, I'm going to kill him for betraying them!"
And he apparated away.
Harry started crying, confused.
"It's all right. I'll take care of you." Dumbledore said softly, taking the boy out to the front lawn where Hagrid was waiting.
-
the next morning… --
Sirius had finally found him. His stupid little stumped body, wandering through the streets as if he didn't have a care in the world. He raced at him, his muscles tense with rage, and slammed him against a wall in a nearby alley.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Sirius hit him so hard that Peter doubled over, his nose broken.
Suddenly, a small smile spread over Peter's bloody face as people on the streets looked over at them in alarm.
"Silencio." He whispered, and Sirius lost his voice, still yelling furiously but no sound coming out.
Suddenly, Peter adopted a fearful, but very loud voice.
"Sirius-how could you do this? You killed Lily and James? You sold them out to Voldemort? I thought James was your best friend!"
Sirius hit him again, trying to speak but unable to say the countercurse.
"Don't blame me for your guilt, Sirius! Please, have mercy on me-or do you plan to kill me too?"
Sirius looked at him, confused and furious.
Peter pulled out a knife from his inside pocket where none of their observers could see, and shouted in pain, holding up his hand now missing a finger.
"You sadistic son of a bitch!" Peter yelled, in that squeaky voice.
Sirius was too shocked to react for a moment.
"Imperio." Peter whispered again, and made Sirius perform such a powerful curse with his newfound voice that it knocked the people surrounding them to their feet, their bodies hitting the ground with a dull thud.
When Sirius looked back around, Peter was gone and a rat was scurrying into the sewer.
"COME BACK HERE!" Sirius roared, jumping to the ground after him.
But suddenly strong hands were grasping him from all sides, dragging him through the wreckage of the curse, shouting words like "Azkaban!" and "Voldemort supporter!" Peter was gone, and he, Sirius, looked like the guiltiest man alive.
-
one week later… --
Sirius sat in his cell in Azkaban, not thinking, barely breathing, shaking with fury and grief.
Suddenly, the wizard guard stepped past the dementors and rapped on his bars.
"Black. You have a visitor."
Sirius looked up in surprise to see who it was.
A man in a tweed suit, his face sagging with exhaustion and anguish stepped in front of the guard. It was Lupin.
"Lupin! Thank God you're here, you've got to help me-" Sirius scrambled towards the bars.
"Mr. Black, I am here on Order business to ask you a few questions." Lupin said in a cold, distanced voice.
"Moony, come on! You have to hear me out! I didn't do this-Peter framed me!"
"Mr. Black, if you don't calm down, I'll have to administer Veritaserum." Lupin said in that same horribly cold voice.
"DO IT THEN! I'm telling the truth!"
A flicker of sadness passed across Lupin's eyes, but clearing his throat, he began the interrogation.
"Were you the Secret Keeper of Lily and James Potter?" He asked, sounding as if it pained him to say their names.
"NO! Peter was, we just told everyone it was me!"
"Sirius, please. You've been convicted, there's no point in lying now." Lupin said; his voice strained.
"I'm not lying!"
"He's clearly hysterical-you're not getting anything out of him." The wizard guard muttered to Lupin.
Lupin nodded, turning to go.
"LUPIN! NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE! YOU'VE BEEN MY FRIEND SINCE I WAS ELEVEN, YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T DO THIS! I'D DIE BEFORE I'D BETRAY ANY OF YOU! IT WASN'T ME! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!" Sirius' voice cracked with tears, his hands gripping the bars so hard they turned white.
"Save yourself a little dignity, Sirius." Lupin said, looking back at him with a look of such hurt that it broke Sirius' heart.
-
fourteen years later… order headquarters --
"Lupin! Didn't know you'd be joining us!" Sirius exclaimed, embracing his friend like a brother as he stepped into Grimmauld Place.
"Well, I'm currently unemployed, so seemed like the thing to do." Lupin grinned.
--
"Sirius, you have got to stop moping around all day." Lupin said, knocking on his door.
"Easy for you to say! You're not stuck here! You can leave whenever you like!" Sirius shouted back.
--
"Harry and his friends are in the Department of Mysteries?" Sirius repeated, stunned.
"So it would appear. We'll be back." Kingsley threw a coat on.
"I'm coming with you!"
"No, you're not." Lupin looked back at him angrily.
"Like hell I'm not! He's my godson! I'm coming!"
--
"Harry…he's gone." Lupin's voice sounded foreign to his own ears.
The best friend he'd ever known gone. Just like that. Lupin's whole life had been littered with loss and pain, but this was too much.
He could barely hear Harry's shouts of protests. A dull roar seemed to echo in his own ears as he looked at the veil that had claimed Sirius taking him to the afterlife. He'd be with James and Lily now. --
Lupin looked down at the picture. They'd all left him behind. Peter's soul long since claimed by darkness, Lily, James, and Sirius happily reunited in the afterlife. He wanted to join the three of them so badly. It'd be so easy, he thought as he held his wand with a pale hand.
What was there left for him now?
Suddenly, the door to his room opened, and Mrs. Weasley looked in.
"Remus, I'm sorry, but there's a letter from Harry. He wants to see you."
Harry. Of course. He was the only link Harry still had left to his family. He wasn't his parents, he wasn't his godfather, but he had to be there for him. He knew how alone Harry must feel now, because he felt it too. Lupin felt the loneliness more powerfully than them all though. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he looked up at Mrs. Weasley with a slight smile.
"Tell him I'd love to talk to him."
"All right." Mrs. Weasley gave him a slightly pitying smile, and closed the door.
He knew he must look awful; he'd barely moved from this room since he'd arrived back. But as he always did, he forced himself to stand up and try to force down the pain. It was becoming second nature by now.
He pushed back the memories and the moments that had flooded his mind as he looked at the picture. He couldn't live in the past forever…but it seemed to be the only place he could find any semblance of peace.
-
I will crawl through my past Over stones, blood, and glass In the ruins As I try to make sense In the ruins -
fin --
A/N- Please leave me a review!