Chapter 2
Dana Scully lets out a sleepy giggle, her pleasant dreams making her smile. Her first trimester were filled with horrible dreams of Mulder's torture. But she's purposed in her mind to think happy thoughts of him - for her sake and for the sake of the baby. Now that she's entered her second trimester, she finds herself remembering the times spent with Mulder that led to the conception of said baby. Her dreams have been reflecting those thoughts.
With a flushed face, she abruptly sits up in bed and realizes a moment later what woke her. The phone was ringing. At four in the morning, it can only be one thing - news about Mulder. Hope and apprehension both fill her heart. What could the news be?
"Hello?" she asks shakily into the phone, her sleep long forgotten.
"Ma'am I'm sorry for disturbing you this early in the morning. But I'm calling from Jordan Hill Medical Center in Lewisville, PA. We have a John Doe here that mentioned your name."
"What does he look like?" she gasps, already getting out of the bed to dress.
"Tall, thin, dark hair and . . . "
She doesn't let the caller say anymore. It's a close enough match to Mulder. The first lead she's had in weeks. She has to check it out.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," Scully says, hanging up the phone. She hurries to finish dressing, rushing out the apartment in mere minutes.
Three hours later, she's pulling into the parking lot at the hospital. She takes a moment for a deep, calming breath. It might not even be him, she has to remind herself. And what if it is? She hasn't even given any thought to what she would do if she ever found him.
One more deep breath and she gets out of the car, walking as calmly as she can into the hospital. She finds the admissions desk and is quickly directed to the patient. The doctor stops her before she can go into the room.
"Can I help you?"
She wasn't expecting having to make any explanations, so she pulls out her badge to give herself some time to think.
"Dana Scully, FBI," she announces. "I was called about a John Doe. I may be able to identify him."
She's surprised at how calm and official she sounds. But inside, she's restraining herself from pushing past the doctor and running into the room.
"Oh, we're glad you're here, Agent Scully. The patient has been asking for you."
"How is he, doctor? I didn't get any details about his condition."
"He was struck by a car," the doctor explains. "We don't think it was an accident, which is why we were so eager to find his emergency contact."
"You think someone pushed him?"
"No. It appears to have been voluntarily."
"Suicide?" she gasps, her mouth falling open in shock.
"I'm sorry," the doctor apologizes when he sees her face go pale. "Would you like to see him now? He's doing better. Surprisingly, the only injury was to his arm. But he's going to need help since he won't be able to rely on the prosthetic one to . . . "
"Wait a second, did you say he has a prosthetic arm?" she interrupts, rolling her eyes when she realizes who the patient is. This time, she doesn't hold back her urge to rush into the room, coming to an abrupt halt at his bedside.
"Krycek," she practically growls.
"So you do know this man," the doctor says from behind her, having followed her into the room.
"Unfortunately, yes," she sighs. The doctor looks at her strangely and she quickly changes her tune. "Yes, Doctor. He's an acquaintance of mine. His name is Alex Krycek."
"Good. We were hoping he wasn't alone in the world," he smiles. "Right now, he's just sedated. He should be waking soon, if you want to wait here."
"Lucky me," she mumbles to himself and the doctor leaves the room. She should leave, too, and not waste another second on Alex Krycek. But for some reason, he called for her. She hates to admit that she's more than slightly curious as to why. So she decides to wait. Maybe this has something to do with Mulder after all.
Chapter 3
She wakes a few hours later, not even realizing that she had drifted off. She finds a restless Krycek, still asleep, but thrashing so much he risked hurting himself.
"No . . . stop . . . please don't hurt me," he mumbles, seemingly fighting something in his dreams.
He wakes abruptly after a minute or two of struggling, gasping for breath at the pain radiating through his upper torso.
"Do you need more medication for the pain?" Scully asks, surprising him since he didn't see her in the chair across the room.
"That depends," he says, giving her a pretty dirty leer. "Are you here to be my private nurse?"
"Forget it," she says, jumping up and practically running for the door. She pauses when she hears his voice calling her.
"Wait a minute. I'm sorry," he calls quickly. "I just didn't expect to see you. What are you doing here, Scully?"
"It's Agent Scully to you," she growls. "Don't call me Scully." Scully is what Mulder calls her. She won't allow this man to taint that. "And I'm here because I got a call about a John Doe asking for me. I assumed it would be Mulder."
"And when you realized it wasn't?"
"I stayed because I thought you might have some information about him for me."
"I do, in a way," he tells her. "Get me out of here and I'll tell you all about it."
She eyes him warily, suspicious of what he has in mind. She has two choices. She can either do as he requests and trust that he really has information for her. Or she can call his bluff and leave him right there in the hospital. With both arms out of commission, she's not really concerned about him being able to hurt her or the baby. So her only consideration is whether or not she can afford to turn down any lead about Mulder. She decides that she can't.
So with a reminder to him that he's at her mercy, she takes him to the hospital and back to her apartment, letting him get settled on the couch. Her rumbling stomach lets her know that she hasn't eaten yet, so she orders food for the two of them and then turns back to him.
"I did what you asked. Now talk," she demands, taking a seat in the chair as far from the couch as she can get.
"I know you have no reason to believe me, because I hardly believe it myself," Krycek starts, trying to figure out what he's going to tell her. He obviously can't tell her what he found out from Cancer Man's files, but he can tell her the rest.
"Just start from the beginning," she suggests.
"You're not going to like that part," he warns her. "But here it goes."
He takes a deep breath before continuing.
"You probably already suspect this, but I had a lot to do with Mulder's disappearance," he admits, watching her for her reactions. She doesn't seem surprised. Angry, but not surprised.
"Continue," she says, through gritted teeth. She's trying hard not to strangle him with her bare hands.
"I knew they were looking for him. So I sent him out to Oregon, right where I knew the ship would be. I knew he'd walk right into it. Then I found our buddy CGB Spender and . . . well, let's just say you don't have to worry about him bothering you anymore."
"Did you . . . nevermind. I don't want to know," she says, shaking her head. "I know they say open confession is good for the soul, but what does this have to do with anything?"
"I'm getting to it. This is the hard to believe part. I've been having these nightmares. I've tried everything to get rid of them. But I've discovered that the only way to get rid of them is to right the wrong I've done that's causing them."
"Right the wrong?" she asks, confused at the whole thing. But it all suddenly starts to click into place. "About Mulder, right? You're having nightmares about Mulder?"
"They're worse than nightmares," Krycek says quietly, look down at his feet. "I can see, and feel, everything they're doing to him. It's terrible. It's the worst feeling I've every felt. Ten times more painful than losing my arm every was because this pain isn't just physical. It hurts my soul, if that makes any sense."
"You're lying," she says, trying to control the tears falling down her cheeks. "You don't have a soul."
"I'm not lying," he insists. "They're torturing him. And I can feel every single thing. They have him strapped to this chair, literally pinned to it through the wrists, ankles, and even his face somehow. Then they start the tests. They take this drill and . . . "
"That's enough," she cries out. "I can't hear anymore."
"I'm sorry. But I'm telling you the truth."
"I know you are," she nods after a moment. "I . . . I've seen it too. But I don't feel it."
"Now you see why I have to find him. I have to find him and free him. It's the only way to free myself."
"You don't deserve it," she screams, suddenly jumping up from her seat. "You're the reason he's going through all of that! You're the one who gave them to him."
"I know, but . . . can you really turn down my help? You're not having any luck finding him on your own, are you?"
"I can't think of this right now," she says, shaking her head. "Besides, you can't do anything until your arm heals."
Just then, the food arrives. She pays the delivery man and sets the food on the table in front of Krycek.
"I need some rest, I'm exhausted. Can you feed yourself?"
"I'll be fine," he says, lifting the prosthetic arm to show her. "Please, don't . . . "
"Not now, Alex," she practically begs. "I just . . . I just can't."
She turns towards her room and shuts herself inside, locking the door behind her. What a mess. She doesn't know what to do about the whole situation. But, her tired body takes control momentarily and demands sleep. She can think about it all later.
Chapter 4
It's dark when she wakes up again. And again it's to the sounds of Alex Krycek in the middle of a horrible nightmare. Perhaps he wasn't lying about them after all.
By the time she gets out to the living room, he's awake and sitting up, his breathing obviously ragged. She tips next to him, not getting his attention until she clears her throat.
"I'm sorry," he jumps, startled by her sudden appearance. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You were telling the truth about those dreams, weren't you?"
"Unfortunately I was," he nods, trying to lift a glass of water to his mouth, but not having much success.
She doesn't know if it's her sleepy state or her awakening maternal instincts, but she feels sorry for him and helps him out.
"Thanks," he mutters, after getting enough to drink. "I didn't mean to disturb you. Why don't you go on back to bed."
"You too," she nods, standing from her seat next to him.
"I won't be sleeping much more," he tells her. "Those dreams are so . . . so real. So vivid."
"Is this a first for you?" she asks him, a bit amused somehow by the situation. "Feeling guilty about something you've done?"
"Is that what this is?" he chuckles nervously. "It's an awful feeling. I know I don't deserve any relief, but I'll do anything to make them stop. That's why I have to find him. We have to find him."
"We will. I won't stop until we do."
"Neither will I," he assures her.
She looks at him and can see, for the first time, the truth in his eyes. She strangely trusts him on this. And that scares her more than anything.
Over the next several weeks, Scully is surprised to find herself peacefully coexisting with Alex Krycek. They're not exactly friends, but they're miles away from the enemies she would have sworn they were. During the days, she goes to work on the X-Files, making sure she keeps her job and her FBI connections. Krycek spends that time tracking down the leads she doesn't have the time to. He's basically become her eyes and ears, going out to place and doing things she can't anymore.
At night, when both are in town at the same time, they have dinner and compare notes. Ever since he realized she was pregnant, he's been surprisingly overprotective of her, making sure she takes care of herself. No one knows of their arrangement. No one would understand. Skinner would question her sanity. The Gunmen would question her loyalty to Mulder. She herself often wonders about this deal she made with the devil. But she can't back out now. She feels she's closer to finding Mulder than ever.
"Honey, I'm home," Krycek yells when he walks in the door later that night. She just rolls her eyes and ignores him, much how she used to ignore Mulder's teasing. She's finding that the two men strangely have a lot in common, including that bizarre sense of humor.
"Junior, tell Uncle Alex he might not make it to your birth if he doesn't stop teasing your mommy," she jokes back, one hand perched on her rounded belly.
"That isn't funny," he growls, stomping into the bathroom and slamming the door.
Scully can't figure out what's wrong. One minute they're joking, the next he's mad with her. He comes out a few minutes later, looking almost composed again, but she can see where he's still upset.
"What's wrong? Is it something I said?"
"I'm fine," he swears to her, although she can see that he's anything but.
"Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry."
"But it isn't you, Dana. It's me. I just . . . I'm not used to all of this. This is the closest thing to a home I've ever had. But at the weirdest moments, I'll be reminded at how it's not real. I'll never be this kid's 'Uncle Alex'. And I probably won't be around when he or she is born."
"You know, you and Mulder are a lot alike," she says, almost laughing at the incredulous look that comes to Krycek's face. "Seriously. Neither of you feel you're worthy of love, affection, family, friends. But both of you can give it so freely."
"When have you ever seen any of those qualities in me?"
"Alex, for the past six weeks, I've watched you tirelessly search for a man who's your worst enemy. And I know you did that for your own selfish reasons. But ever since you found out about the baby, I don't know, you've been different or something. You've taken care of me. And you look out for the baby. I know I haven't said anything, but I appreciate it. It's been tough without Mulder. But for some strange reason, I feel closer to him with you here. Because of you, I have hope that we're going to find him soon."
She looks up at him to see his eyes suspiciously wet. He looks away, though, before she can get a closer look.
"All I'm trying to say, Alex, is that you've been a friend. Whether you like it or not. And now, I expect the best from you. I know you won't be perfect. No one is. But I've placed a lot of faith in you not doing anything to hurt me ever again. Because now I can see that you aren't heartless. And I think it'll hurt you as much as it'll hurt me."
"But I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve your friendship," he argues.
"So much like Mulder," she smiles, shaking your head. "Alex, you carry all of this guilt around. I know it's a new concept for you, feeling responsible for your actions, but you also need to learn about a thing called forgiveness. Repentance. Change. Letting go of the past."
"How can you, of all people, talk about me and forgiveness in the same sentence? Dana, I've done nothing but make your life miserable."
"I don't know," she shrugs. "I guess we've both just had a change of heart."
"Mulder isn't going to like it when he gets back." He sees her eyes well up and wonder why. "What? Something I said?"
"You said when he gets back. Not if," she sighs. "It's like you're the only other person who really believes he's coming home."
They sit through an uncomfortable silence, each trying to get a check on their emotions. Scully tries to blame it on her hormones, but she knows it's more than that. Krycek has gotten to her in a way she could have never imagined. They've bonded over their common quest, much in the same way she did with Mulder. Stranger things have happened, she thinks to herself, causing a chuckle.
"What's so funny?" he asks.
"Nothing," she says quickly. "Let's change the subject, okay? I think I've had enough emotional outbursts for the day."
"Okay," he eagerly agrees. "What should be talk about?"
"You know plenty about me, since my life seemed to be a popular course at Consortium University," she teases. "But I know very little about you. Tell me, what was Young Alex like? Were you a good student? Popular athlete? Lady Killer? Sorry. Bad choice of words."
"I was an only child. No siblings, although I had an imaginary friend for awhile. Oh, and a dog named Sparky."
"How cute," she gushes. "I can just picture it."
"That's all I really remember, though. My childhood wasn't very good. It lasted until my foster parents were killed. After that, I was bounced around from place to place until I was about 15 or 16 when I became a mercenary for hire."
"What happened to your birth parents?" she asks, curious as to why he was placed with a foster family.
He's quiet for awhile, trying to figure out what to say to her. He likes this new trust of him she seems to have, but he still feels guilty at holding back things from her. But there are things that even he still can't deal with, this being one of them.
"I never knew them," he says, telling the partial truth. "I never even knew I was in a foster family until they died."
"Have you ever tried to find . . . "
She's cut off by the ringing phone. He just lets out a sigh of relief. Tonight is not the night to be getting into this. He knows he was right to hold off when he sees all the blood drain from her face at the caller's words.
"What is it?" he whispers, trying to get her attention, but not wanting to interrupt her.
She looks up with tears in her eyes, nodding her head.
"Thank you. I'll be right there," she says before hanging up and looking at him again.
"That was a hospital in St. Louis. They have a patient there they think might be Mulder," she tearfully relays. "We have to go."
"No, Dana. We had a deal. I go check out the leads, remember?" he reminds her.
"Not this time. Alex, I really think this is it. I think this is him. I'm coming with you."
Before he can say another word, she's turned to go into her room to pack. He wants to dissuade her from going, but he realizes there's nothing he can say to change her mind. Like her, he senses that this is the night they will find Mulder. But he unfortunately has an even stronger feeling that things may not exactly be what they expect. He can only hope for her sake that Mulder isn't as bad off as Krycek thinks he'll be.
To be continued . . .
Dana Scully lets out a sleepy giggle, her pleasant dreams making her smile. Her first trimester were filled with horrible dreams of Mulder's torture. But she's purposed in her mind to think happy thoughts of him - for her sake and for the sake of the baby. Now that she's entered her second trimester, she finds herself remembering the times spent with Mulder that led to the conception of said baby. Her dreams have been reflecting those thoughts.
With a flushed face, she abruptly sits up in bed and realizes a moment later what woke her. The phone was ringing. At four in the morning, it can only be one thing - news about Mulder. Hope and apprehension both fill her heart. What could the news be?
"Hello?" she asks shakily into the phone, her sleep long forgotten.
"Ma'am I'm sorry for disturbing you this early in the morning. But I'm calling from Jordan Hill Medical Center in Lewisville, PA. We have a John Doe here that mentioned your name."
"What does he look like?" she gasps, already getting out of the bed to dress.
"Tall, thin, dark hair and . . . "
She doesn't let the caller say anymore. It's a close enough match to Mulder. The first lead she's had in weeks. She has to check it out.
"I'll be there as soon as I can," Scully says, hanging up the phone. She hurries to finish dressing, rushing out the apartment in mere minutes.
Three hours later, she's pulling into the parking lot at the hospital. She takes a moment for a deep, calming breath. It might not even be him, she has to remind herself. And what if it is? She hasn't even given any thought to what she would do if she ever found him.
One more deep breath and she gets out of the car, walking as calmly as she can into the hospital. She finds the admissions desk and is quickly directed to the patient. The doctor stops her before she can go into the room.
"Can I help you?"
She wasn't expecting having to make any explanations, so she pulls out her badge to give herself some time to think.
"Dana Scully, FBI," she announces. "I was called about a John Doe. I may be able to identify him."
She's surprised at how calm and official she sounds. But inside, she's restraining herself from pushing past the doctor and running into the room.
"Oh, we're glad you're here, Agent Scully. The patient has been asking for you."
"How is he, doctor? I didn't get any details about his condition."
"He was struck by a car," the doctor explains. "We don't think it was an accident, which is why we were so eager to find his emergency contact."
"You think someone pushed him?"
"No. It appears to have been voluntarily."
"Suicide?" she gasps, her mouth falling open in shock.
"I'm sorry," the doctor apologizes when he sees her face go pale. "Would you like to see him now? He's doing better. Surprisingly, the only injury was to his arm. But he's going to need help since he won't be able to rely on the prosthetic one to . . . "
"Wait a second, did you say he has a prosthetic arm?" she interrupts, rolling her eyes when she realizes who the patient is. This time, she doesn't hold back her urge to rush into the room, coming to an abrupt halt at his bedside.
"Krycek," she practically growls.
"So you do know this man," the doctor says from behind her, having followed her into the room.
"Unfortunately, yes," she sighs. The doctor looks at her strangely and she quickly changes her tune. "Yes, Doctor. He's an acquaintance of mine. His name is Alex Krycek."
"Good. We were hoping he wasn't alone in the world," he smiles. "Right now, he's just sedated. He should be waking soon, if you want to wait here."
"Lucky me," she mumbles to himself and the doctor leaves the room. She should leave, too, and not waste another second on Alex Krycek. But for some reason, he called for her. She hates to admit that she's more than slightly curious as to why. So she decides to wait. Maybe this has something to do with Mulder after all.
Chapter 3
She wakes a few hours later, not even realizing that she had drifted off. She finds a restless Krycek, still asleep, but thrashing so much he risked hurting himself.
"No . . . stop . . . please don't hurt me," he mumbles, seemingly fighting something in his dreams.
He wakes abruptly after a minute or two of struggling, gasping for breath at the pain radiating through his upper torso.
"Do you need more medication for the pain?" Scully asks, surprising him since he didn't see her in the chair across the room.
"That depends," he says, giving her a pretty dirty leer. "Are you here to be my private nurse?"
"Forget it," she says, jumping up and practically running for the door. She pauses when she hears his voice calling her.
"Wait a minute. I'm sorry," he calls quickly. "I just didn't expect to see you. What are you doing here, Scully?"
"It's Agent Scully to you," she growls. "Don't call me Scully." Scully is what Mulder calls her. She won't allow this man to taint that. "And I'm here because I got a call about a John Doe asking for me. I assumed it would be Mulder."
"And when you realized it wasn't?"
"I stayed because I thought you might have some information about him for me."
"I do, in a way," he tells her. "Get me out of here and I'll tell you all about it."
She eyes him warily, suspicious of what he has in mind. She has two choices. She can either do as he requests and trust that he really has information for her. Or she can call his bluff and leave him right there in the hospital. With both arms out of commission, she's not really concerned about him being able to hurt her or the baby. So her only consideration is whether or not she can afford to turn down any lead about Mulder. She decides that she can't.
So with a reminder to him that he's at her mercy, she takes him to the hospital and back to her apartment, letting him get settled on the couch. Her rumbling stomach lets her know that she hasn't eaten yet, so she orders food for the two of them and then turns back to him.
"I did what you asked. Now talk," she demands, taking a seat in the chair as far from the couch as she can get.
"I know you have no reason to believe me, because I hardly believe it myself," Krycek starts, trying to figure out what he's going to tell her. He obviously can't tell her what he found out from Cancer Man's files, but he can tell her the rest.
"Just start from the beginning," she suggests.
"You're not going to like that part," he warns her. "But here it goes."
He takes a deep breath before continuing.
"You probably already suspect this, but I had a lot to do with Mulder's disappearance," he admits, watching her for her reactions. She doesn't seem surprised. Angry, but not surprised.
"Continue," she says, through gritted teeth. She's trying hard not to strangle him with her bare hands.
"I knew they were looking for him. So I sent him out to Oregon, right where I knew the ship would be. I knew he'd walk right into it. Then I found our buddy CGB Spender and . . . well, let's just say you don't have to worry about him bothering you anymore."
"Did you . . . nevermind. I don't want to know," she says, shaking her head. "I know they say open confession is good for the soul, but what does this have to do with anything?"
"I'm getting to it. This is the hard to believe part. I've been having these nightmares. I've tried everything to get rid of them. But I've discovered that the only way to get rid of them is to right the wrong I've done that's causing them."
"Right the wrong?" she asks, confused at the whole thing. But it all suddenly starts to click into place. "About Mulder, right? You're having nightmares about Mulder?"
"They're worse than nightmares," Krycek says quietly, look down at his feet. "I can see, and feel, everything they're doing to him. It's terrible. It's the worst feeling I've every felt. Ten times more painful than losing my arm every was because this pain isn't just physical. It hurts my soul, if that makes any sense."
"You're lying," she says, trying to control the tears falling down her cheeks. "You don't have a soul."
"I'm not lying," he insists. "They're torturing him. And I can feel every single thing. They have him strapped to this chair, literally pinned to it through the wrists, ankles, and even his face somehow. Then they start the tests. They take this drill and . . . "
"That's enough," she cries out. "I can't hear anymore."
"I'm sorry. But I'm telling you the truth."
"I know you are," she nods after a moment. "I . . . I've seen it too. But I don't feel it."
"Now you see why I have to find him. I have to find him and free him. It's the only way to free myself."
"You don't deserve it," she screams, suddenly jumping up from her seat. "You're the reason he's going through all of that! You're the one who gave them to him."
"I know, but . . . can you really turn down my help? You're not having any luck finding him on your own, are you?"
"I can't think of this right now," she says, shaking her head. "Besides, you can't do anything until your arm heals."
Just then, the food arrives. She pays the delivery man and sets the food on the table in front of Krycek.
"I need some rest, I'm exhausted. Can you feed yourself?"
"I'll be fine," he says, lifting the prosthetic arm to show her. "Please, don't . . . "
"Not now, Alex," she practically begs. "I just . . . I just can't."
She turns towards her room and shuts herself inside, locking the door behind her. What a mess. She doesn't know what to do about the whole situation. But, her tired body takes control momentarily and demands sleep. She can think about it all later.
Chapter 4
It's dark when she wakes up again. And again it's to the sounds of Alex Krycek in the middle of a horrible nightmare. Perhaps he wasn't lying about them after all.
By the time she gets out to the living room, he's awake and sitting up, his breathing obviously ragged. She tips next to him, not getting his attention until she clears her throat.
"I'm sorry," he jumps, startled by her sudden appearance. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You were telling the truth about those dreams, weren't you?"
"Unfortunately I was," he nods, trying to lift a glass of water to his mouth, but not having much success.
She doesn't know if it's her sleepy state or her awakening maternal instincts, but she feels sorry for him and helps him out.
"Thanks," he mutters, after getting enough to drink. "I didn't mean to disturb you. Why don't you go on back to bed."
"You too," she nods, standing from her seat next to him.
"I won't be sleeping much more," he tells her. "Those dreams are so . . . so real. So vivid."
"Is this a first for you?" she asks him, a bit amused somehow by the situation. "Feeling guilty about something you've done?"
"Is that what this is?" he chuckles nervously. "It's an awful feeling. I know I don't deserve any relief, but I'll do anything to make them stop. That's why I have to find him. We have to find him."
"We will. I won't stop until we do."
"Neither will I," he assures her.
She looks at him and can see, for the first time, the truth in his eyes. She strangely trusts him on this. And that scares her more than anything.
Over the next several weeks, Scully is surprised to find herself peacefully coexisting with Alex Krycek. They're not exactly friends, but they're miles away from the enemies she would have sworn they were. During the days, she goes to work on the X-Files, making sure she keeps her job and her FBI connections. Krycek spends that time tracking down the leads she doesn't have the time to. He's basically become her eyes and ears, going out to place and doing things she can't anymore.
At night, when both are in town at the same time, they have dinner and compare notes. Ever since he realized she was pregnant, he's been surprisingly overprotective of her, making sure she takes care of herself. No one knows of their arrangement. No one would understand. Skinner would question her sanity. The Gunmen would question her loyalty to Mulder. She herself often wonders about this deal she made with the devil. But she can't back out now. She feels she's closer to finding Mulder than ever.
"Honey, I'm home," Krycek yells when he walks in the door later that night. She just rolls her eyes and ignores him, much how she used to ignore Mulder's teasing. She's finding that the two men strangely have a lot in common, including that bizarre sense of humor.
"Junior, tell Uncle Alex he might not make it to your birth if he doesn't stop teasing your mommy," she jokes back, one hand perched on her rounded belly.
"That isn't funny," he growls, stomping into the bathroom and slamming the door.
Scully can't figure out what's wrong. One minute they're joking, the next he's mad with her. He comes out a few minutes later, looking almost composed again, but she can see where he's still upset.
"What's wrong? Is it something I said?"
"I'm fine," he swears to her, although she can see that he's anything but.
"Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry."
"But it isn't you, Dana. It's me. I just . . . I'm not used to all of this. This is the closest thing to a home I've ever had. But at the weirdest moments, I'll be reminded at how it's not real. I'll never be this kid's 'Uncle Alex'. And I probably won't be around when he or she is born."
"You know, you and Mulder are a lot alike," she says, almost laughing at the incredulous look that comes to Krycek's face. "Seriously. Neither of you feel you're worthy of love, affection, family, friends. But both of you can give it so freely."
"When have you ever seen any of those qualities in me?"
"Alex, for the past six weeks, I've watched you tirelessly search for a man who's your worst enemy. And I know you did that for your own selfish reasons. But ever since you found out about the baby, I don't know, you've been different or something. You've taken care of me. And you look out for the baby. I know I haven't said anything, but I appreciate it. It's been tough without Mulder. But for some strange reason, I feel closer to him with you here. Because of you, I have hope that we're going to find him soon."
She looks up at him to see his eyes suspiciously wet. He looks away, though, before she can get a closer look.
"All I'm trying to say, Alex, is that you've been a friend. Whether you like it or not. And now, I expect the best from you. I know you won't be perfect. No one is. But I've placed a lot of faith in you not doing anything to hurt me ever again. Because now I can see that you aren't heartless. And I think it'll hurt you as much as it'll hurt me."
"But I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve your friendship," he argues.
"So much like Mulder," she smiles, shaking your head. "Alex, you carry all of this guilt around. I know it's a new concept for you, feeling responsible for your actions, but you also need to learn about a thing called forgiveness. Repentance. Change. Letting go of the past."
"How can you, of all people, talk about me and forgiveness in the same sentence? Dana, I've done nothing but make your life miserable."
"I don't know," she shrugs. "I guess we've both just had a change of heart."
"Mulder isn't going to like it when he gets back." He sees her eyes well up and wonder why. "What? Something I said?"
"You said when he gets back. Not if," she sighs. "It's like you're the only other person who really believes he's coming home."
They sit through an uncomfortable silence, each trying to get a check on their emotions. Scully tries to blame it on her hormones, but she knows it's more than that. Krycek has gotten to her in a way she could have never imagined. They've bonded over their common quest, much in the same way she did with Mulder. Stranger things have happened, she thinks to herself, causing a chuckle.
"What's so funny?" he asks.
"Nothing," she says quickly. "Let's change the subject, okay? I think I've had enough emotional outbursts for the day."
"Okay," he eagerly agrees. "What should be talk about?"
"You know plenty about me, since my life seemed to be a popular course at Consortium University," she teases. "But I know very little about you. Tell me, what was Young Alex like? Were you a good student? Popular athlete? Lady Killer? Sorry. Bad choice of words."
"I was an only child. No siblings, although I had an imaginary friend for awhile. Oh, and a dog named Sparky."
"How cute," she gushes. "I can just picture it."
"That's all I really remember, though. My childhood wasn't very good. It lasted until my foster parents were killed. After that, I was bounced around from place to place until I was about 15 or 16 when I became a mercenary for hire."
"What happened to your birth parents?" she asks, curious as to why he was placed with a foster family.
He's quiet for awhile, trying to figure out what to say to her. He likes this new trust of him she seems to have, but he still feels guilty at holding back things from her. But there are things that even he still can't deal with, this being one of them.
"I never knew them," he says, telling the partial truth. "I never even knew I was in a foster family until they died."
"Have you ever tried to find . . . "
She's cut off by the ringing phone. He just lets out a sigh of relief. Tonight is not the night to be getting into this. He knows he was right to hold off when he sees all the blood drain from her face at the caller's words.
"What is it?" he whispers, trying to get her attention, but not wanting to interrupt her.
She looks up with tears in her eyes, nodding her head.
"Thank you. I'll be right there," she says before hanging up and looking at him again.
"That was a hospital in St. Louis. They have a patient there they think might be Mulder," she tearfully relays. "We have to go."
"No, Dana. We had a deal. I go check out the leads, remember?" he reminds her.
"Not this time. Alex, I really think this is it. I think this is him. I'm coming with you."
Before he can say another word, she's turned to go into her room to pack. He wants to dissuade her from going, but he realizes there's nothing he can say to change her mind. Like her, he senses that this is the night they will find Mulder. But he unfortunately has an even stronger feeling that things may not exactly be what they expect. He can only hope for her sake that Mulder isn't as bad off as Krycek thinks he'll be.
To be continued . . .