"I'd like to change my point of view..."
"If I'm smart then I'll run away..."
The next morning I got up early and booked a flight from Burlington to New York. After that I retrieved the necklace I bought for Thene and put it under my pillow. Lying back down, I watched her as she slept. In a way I was relieved today had come, I'd always wondered what an intense, whirlwind relationship was like. Not a one night stand, I'd had those. This was different, much more special. But this day would close the book on it. I think if things had lasted longer I'd start to see imperfections in the one thing I could hold as perfect. In another, more urgent way, though, this was breaking my heart. I knew I'd probably never see Thene again, and certainly not like this. It hurt. A lot. I did love her, and the worst part was I didn't even know if I could tell her. Finally she opened her eyes, yawning and looking up at me.
"Hi," she murmured, smiling.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" I asked in response. She sat up and kissed me, then laid back down.
"I wish this weekend didn't have to end," she said. It wasn't a hidden plea to get me to stay or a hint that we should attempt to keep this going. It was just a pure and simple statement of sincere regret. I understood, if someone could guarantee me the magic of the weekend forever I'd take it in a heartbeat.
"I have something for you," I told her. Reaching under my pillow I handed her the box. Her face was a mask, kept neutral by mixed emotions. She opened it and looked at the necklace, then at me, then at the necklace again. She fingered it delicately and I picked it up, clasping it around her neck. Her finger drifted over the charm now resting against her collarbone. "Do you like it?" I asked.
She raised her head and I saw tears glistening in her eyes, a few slipping over her cheeks. "I love it," she whispered.
"Why are you crying?" I asked, wiping away her stray tears.
She laughed a little." This is probably the hugest coincidence ever, but this is the exact necklace I bought for my mom for her birthday the year she died. I never got to give it to her," she explained softly.
"Oh, Thene...God, I'm sorry, I didn't-" But she put her fingertips to my lips.
"I really love it, Chad. Thank you." She kissed my cheek then smiled. "After all, I should know by now, none of this is coincidence," she added, echoing my conscience. I took her in my arms and we laid there together. "When are you leaving?" she asked after a few minutes.
"My flight leaves at one," I answered, running my hand up and down her arm.
"Do you want a ride to the airport?"
"No, a taxi will be here at eleven."
"Oh, ok."
And then, it was like we had run out of things to say. I think if we would have kept talking we would have started making all sorts of promises we couldn't have kept, I couldn't have, anyway. Finally, reluctantly, I got up and stretched.
"I need to get ready and get my stuff together," I told her. Thene nodded and got dressed.
"I'll go take a shower and meet you downstairs," she said as she walked out the door. I sighed heavily and took a shower, then packed my few belongings. I tried not to think much as I went about things, and it wasn't hard, I felt dead, sort of. At around ten forty-five I went downstairs. Thene was curled up in the corner of a sofa in the lobby. I turned in my key, then sat down next to her. She was staring out the window. I took her hand and slowly she turned to face me, smiling gently with shining eyes full of unshed tears.
"Guess this is it, huh?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.
"Guess so."
"I'm so glad you were here this weekend," she told me. I squeezed her hand.
"Me too." Thene dug in her pocket and handed me a piece of paper.
"I know this isn't the kind of thing that lasts, but if you ever feel like dropping me a line, or if you're ever in Boston..." She trailed off, looking sheepish but smiling. I slipped the paper in my pocket, taking a deep breath.
"Thene, I-"
"I know," she said.
Honestly I wasn't sure how I was going to end that statement, but I knew she'd finish it the way she needed to, and that it would be the truth. Suddenly my taxi pulled up. We both stood, Thene taking one of my bags and me taking the other. We put them in the trunk then faced each other.
"Where're you flying to, home?"
"Yeah, back to New York, another cold city."
Thene smiled. "Maybe another Athena," she said. I shook my head slowly.
"There will never be another Athena," I told her, touching her face and wiping away yet another tear that had fallen. She embraced me, kissing my cheek.
"Thank you," she whispered. I climbed in the taxi.
"Airport, please," I requested. I waved at Thene out the window. She waved once and tried to smile, then turned and hurried back inside. I watched the door after she entered as long as I could see it, then turned back around, a rock in my chest. I had let her down. I let myself down. Who knows what she thought she meant to me. If only I had told her I loved her. For someone as prone to dramatics as me, I didn't do anything special that afternoon. I didn't tell the taxi driver to turn around, I didn't call Thene from the airport, I didn't switch my flight to one heading to Boston. No, I got on the plane to New York just like I was supposed to, like I had to. The trip was nothing special, I slept through most of it. When I landed I retrieved my bags and took another taxi my apartment. I spent most of the day in my room, just thinking. No one was home or around yet. I didn't have any master plan. I wasn't thinking of breaking up with Monica for Thene. It wasn't right, it wasn't possible, and it wasn't meant to be. I loved Thene, but I was mature enough to know that what had happened over the weekend wasn't real life, at least, it wasn't my real life. And I did love Monica, very much. For a weekend I had been someone else, but now I was back and life had to go back to normal. Joey came to see me soon after he got back.
"So how was it?" he asked.
"Fine."
"Where'd you go?"
"Vermont."
He raised his eyebrows. "Vermont?" he repeated. I nodded. "Wow, a whole other country? What'd you do there?" I laughed in my head. I missed him.
I shrugged. "Walked around. Ate. Relaxed."
"That's it?"
"Pretty much," I said.Joey shot me a look. "Why don't you tell me what happened?"
"I did."
"Yeah, but you're obviously holding something back," he accused.
I sat up. "You want to know the truth?" Joey nodded.
"I met a goddess, Joe. She was reading Shakespeare at a bar. We built snowmen, we sang karaoke, and both nights I had some of the best sex I have ever had," I finished and stared at him.
He looked at me in silence for a moment then rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, there you go with the sarcasm and jokes again. I'm telling you Chandler, you can't fool Joey anymore with that stuff, you might want to be a little less dramatic though," he said as he went into the refrigerator.
---
Monica eventually came home from work that day. Things between us were fine and I was happy to see her. No one ever had an idea what I did but Joey, and no one had noticed any kind of change in me. But there was a change, deep down. I tried not to dwell on the whole experience too much, but occasionally I would think about things. That weekend made me realize that I could still be worthwhile to someone. It gave me back a sense of self that I was really afraid I had lost, and it gave me a genuine feeling of confidence, not just an ego boost. It was a good feeling.
I never called or wrote Thene. It just didn't seem right. I thought about her a lot, though, wondering how she was and what she was up to. At times, I was really upset we didn't have some sort of relationship, even a friendship. I missed her in that way you miss your first high school girlfriend during college. Or something close to that, it's not like I had much experience in those areas since I went to an all boys high school.
Six months later Monica had a weekend culinary conference up in Boston and she wanted me to go with her. When it was over, we took the afternoon to wander around the city. As unlikely as it seemed, Boston is a big city, I just knew deep down I'd see her. I'm not sure who spotted who first. She'd cut her hair, which looked lighter, probably from the sun. She was tan, too. She was sitting cross-legged on a bench, writing. When she looked up at it me it was just like the first time, those eyes hypnotized me. I wasn't sure if she recognized me. A smile flickered across her face as I gradually led Monica across the street in her direction. When I got closer she stood, her smile wide.
"Hi," she greeted.
"Hi," I returned. Monica seemed a little startled. I don't think she knew Thene had addressed me. "Monica, this is Athena...Thene. Thene, this is Monica."
"Nice to meet you," Thene said sincerely.
"Same here. You have a beautiful name," Monica told her.
"Thank you," Thene said. I couldn't take my eyes of hers. Monica looked from Thene to me, then squeezed my hand.
"Chandler, I'm going to wander around here," she said, sensing Thene and I needed to be alone. She smiled at Thene again. "Nice meeting you," she said as she turned to walk away. Thene waved.
"I'll come find you in a minute," I called after her. Thene grinned and we both sat down.
"Chandler?" she repeated.
I nodded sheepishly. "I like to go by Chad though," I said. She nodded knowingly. I nodded again.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Good, thanks - you?"
"Busy," I said, sighing.
"Yeah, well that is life"
"That it is." I touched the familiar snowflake glittering against her collarbone. "You still wear this?" I asked, smiling at her.
"Of course," she said.
"I'm glad you do. I'm sorry I never called..."
"Don't be," she interrupted gently. "You never said you would and I didn't really expect you to. It was a wonderful weekend."
"I miss you sometimes," I admitted softly. Thene smiled again, placing her hand lightly on mine.
"So that's Monica?" she asked a moment later. I narrowed my eyes, confused. "I told you that you talked in your sleep," she said. I blushed, something I didn't do often.
Thene noticed and laughed. "It's ok, you only did it the first night, so..."
"It obviously didn't bother you too much," I teased, regaining composure. This time it was her turn to look embarrassed.
"I figured she could have been your sister," she defended weakly. I chuckled.
"Does she know?"
I shook my head. "No one does. Just you and me."
"And the karaoke bar," Thene added.
"And the karaoke bar," I agreed with a smile.
"Well, I shouldn't hold you up anymore, that girl won't wait forever. I wouldn't, anyway," she said.
"Not even for me?" I asked, acting incredulous.
"Especially not for you," she joked.
"Well, stand up and give me a hug," I instructed, taking her hand and pulling her up. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her tightly. "It was really good to see you," I whispered, kissing her cheek.
"Don't forget me," she whispered back. I pulled away and looked into those crazy gray eyes with the swirls.
"I'd never even try," I told her. "After all, you know we'll see each other again, because-"
"-this isn't just a coincidence," we said in unison, then laughed.
"See ya around, then," she said. I grinned.
"See ya later." I slowly walked toward the bench I spotted Monica on.
I turned around as I walked. Thene waved just once, then returned to her writing. I snuck up behind Monica and put my arms around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head.
"Hey you," she said, turning to smile at me.
"Did your friend leave?" I came around to sit next to her.
"No, she's still there. I just wanted to come see you."
"Aw, how sweet. She seemed nice, has it been awhile since you've seen her?" she asked.
I looked back in Thene's direction for a second and smiled. "It was like a whole other lifetime. C'mon, let's go," I said, taking her hand. Monica smiled, and we stood and continued through the city.
Beautiful Stranger by Madonna
Haven't we met
You're some kind of beautiful stranger
You could be good for me
I've had the taste for danger
If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Heaven forbid
I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger
I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song
To know you is to love you
You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows
To love you is to be part of you
I've paid for you with tears
And swallowed all my pride
Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger
Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger
If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Haven't you heard
I fell in love with a beautiful stranger
I looked into your face
My heart was dancing all over the place
I'd like to change my point of view
If I could just forget about you
I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song to you
I've paid for you with tears
And swallowed all my pride