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Haunted

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Chapter Five: So Tired

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Approximately one hour later Kaji, Misato, and Shinji arrived at Kaji's small apartment. The ghostly figure of the Angel still haunted the farther reaches of the city, standing still in the first rays of morning light. They entered in Kaji's house to find that the place was a mess of scattered assortments.

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"Well. This is just exactly what I expected. A perfect mess." Misato stated as they picked their way through.

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Kaji huffed, but quickly led them over to his bedroom. In it was a single bed with a bedside table and a old lamp that flickered oddly as he turned it on. The morning light was still dim and the city was quiet under the assault of the Angel as though everything was holding its breath waiting for the inevitable to come.

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"Set him down here..." Kaji said lightly as he pulled back the covers of the bed. Misato carefully placed Shinji down on the bed being careful not to disturb his injuries. Shinji's breathing had become even shallower and Misato was beginning to get scared that maybe he wasn't going to make it. It certainly did seem like everything was against him.

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"What are we going to do?! He's going to die!" Misato exclaimed desperately, burying her head in her hands. Everything had gone so wrong, so horribly wrong.

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Kaji gently took one of her hands in his own. "Calm down. Don't worry so much. He will be fine. He's strong.." He tried to comfort.

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Misato sighed and gently squeezed his hand back. "I know....but I'm so scared...What if...what if he doesn't make it?" she murmured her voice trembling slightly.

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"You can't think like that. Shinji's going to be fine. Everything is going to fine. I'm here for both of you...Always..." Kaji said as he gently wrapped his arms around her. She leaned against him breathing in his scent. Sighing she was content to just lean against him as he gently stroked her hair. Maybe I was wrong to leave him in the first place. Maybe he is the one I really belong with.

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Asuka stood in disbelief her hands on her hips as she screeched, "What do you mean Shinji and Misato are GONE?"

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"That is what I was told. I was ordered to inform you of that fact and also that we will be detained here at NERV headquarters until the crisis status has been relieved." Rei said unemotionally, her eyes looking cold as ever.

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"WHAT?! THEY WANT ME TO STAY HERE?! But...but! What about school, and all my friends...and everything else. I HAVE A LIFE! Just let me out there to kill that Angel and then we can all go home!" Asuka protested letting her temper get the best of her as she always did.

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"Do you still not understand? If you kill the Angel, than you kill Ikari. Do you really want to do that?" Rei said quietly. She would have been slightly annoyed of Asuka's constant ignorance if she had even cared at all.

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Asuka went silent, the reality of the situation hitting her full force. "But...then what do we do?" She said, her voice quivering. This really was serious, dead serious.

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Rei's eyes went misty and she gazed off into space. Ikari...in my dream I was looking for you...because I knew something was happening to you...and now something has...what does this mean? Why do I feel myself drawn to you...when now you are so far away...

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Misato carefully gripped tightly onto Shinji's hand which was slick with sweat. He was tossing back and forth in his sleep moaning quietly to himself. The look on his face was breaking her heart. He looked so sad and damaged...and pained at the same time. She didn't know how much longer she could stand this. She felt her body began to shake from lack of sleep and hunger, but she ignored it.

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Sighing, she tenderly brushed a bit of hair out of his face. Shinji...when I first meet you I thought you were weak...but after spending all this time with you...and getting to know you...I realized that you are the strongest person that I know. You've made it through a hard childhood, this difficult time with the Evas, and all the time not showing any sign of remorse or pain except your eternal silence. I thought...I thought that your pain was ceasing, but maybe...I was wrong. Maybe I couldn't see through that fake smile that you like to wear...Maybe I couldn't tell how much you were really hurting inside. Maybe I was too concentrated on myself, unable to see that each day...each night that that hurt inside your heart was growing. As time passed it grew too big for you to control. I've seen how much you've been suffering lately, all this hurt has been building up. If only I had been there for you more. If only I had known sooner...

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"Misato?" Kaji's soft voice called from the other room. Misato looked up to see Kaji walk in with a cup of coffee in his hand. Gratefully she accepted it and gently sipped on the hot brown liquid.

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"You know...it would be better for you to actually get some sleep." Kaji said teasingly, trying to lighten her mood. Misato just sighed and tightened her grip on Shinji's hand.

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I never noticed how frail his body is. Such a thin frame, worn by his endless sadness. When I hold onto him it feels like nothing. His face...it's so young, but yet so old at the same time. I almost want to hold him to myself to protect what seems so fragile, but yet is really so strong on the inside.

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Kaji watched her curiously, seeing her in a way that he had never before. "You really do care for him, don't you?" he said fondly.

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Misato's breath caught. "Yes...Yes I do...I love him...as though he really were my son."

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There was a moment of silence before Misato spoke again. "What are we going to do? How can we possibly stop the Angel and still keep Shinji alive? They really have passed the line this time. I can't believe they'd do something so horribly cruel. Shinji doesn't deserve it. If anyone should suffer...it's me." Misato said with fierce conviction.

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Kaji laid a concerned hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll think of something..." ...Hopefully.

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How long have I been like this...trapped with this Angel. Has it found what its looking for? Can I keep fighting it? Will I ever see Misato or Rei or Asuka ever again? And what about father? Will...he even care? If I die will it matter to him?

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Father...Oh father...I needed you so much, my heart was begging you to care. I really needed you and you rejected me. You shut me away and considered me useless. My heart is falling apart...now more than ever...after you betrayed me...after you left me...I try to repair my heart...to somehow hold it together...but now I can't...I can't possibly hold it together...why is this happening to me? I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that you hate me...and you will always hate me. I could never...earn you love...I could never convince you that I was worth something...and now I'm piloting the Eva and you appreciated me for once. But why do I want that? What do I want you appreciation now that you suddenly think that I am useful. Maybe I should give everything up...just forget it all...everything...I wish it would just go away....

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"I could give that to you. I could give you nothing. If you were to give me something in return..."

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That voice again. Maybe...I should just give in...I can't fight it anymore...I just want it to all end. "What do you want from me"

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"Something very simple. Just...let me see your memories...the ones of your father...and then this will all be over...and you won't have to think anymore..."

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Should I do it? Should I tell the Angel about my father...I guess...I will.

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"Father...Gendo Ikari....the man that I never knew...how funny that you should ask me about him..."

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"Just...remember him...one last time....and then it can all be over...remember everything....and let me see.......let me show you what true peace ...can be like...when you show me....."

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I guess that's not too much to ask...besides...I am so tired ...so very tired...I guess...all I have to do is remember..................father...........................

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A/n: Not the best chapter ever written, but I think you've waited long enough. I'm really big into angst, but I usually like happy endings (if that makes you feel better). I'm not making no promises though and it may turn into a tragedy. I don't know at this point. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Ja!

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