Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or any of its characters, or any giant themeparks. I do own all the books and movies, and have BEEN to a themepark...does that count? I suppose not...
Chapter 5 He's A Tramp
Legolas stood stock still, studying the square before him. Shortly after being shown by the tour guide exactly where he should be standing (between Santa's Toy Shoppe and Ye Olde Shoemaker's Shop), and told exactly what he should say ('Good morn, milady/my lord', or 'Welcome to Rivendell', or 'What be your name lad/lass'), the square called Rivendell began to fill with workers.
None of them, as far as Legolas could tell, were dressed the way he was. The other workers were dressed in bright colored silk or brocade tunics and leggings, or, if they were female, long, swishing dresses of equally bright color. Legolas was extremely self-conscious in his silver lame' costume, especially after Gimli's lewd comment earlier in the day. To top it off, before the guide left, she had placed some sort of woven wire circlet on his head.
"Since you are royalty, you must wear a crown!" she had piped cheerfully. "You can leave the crown here at this counter tonight before you leave."
The headpiece gave him a headache. He never liked to wear a crown at home, because he felt it was pretentious. Not to mention that it drew every royal-obsessed, male-hungry female in heat within 10 miles. Put this new crown together with the far too revealing costume, and Legolas was sure he was in for trouble.
"Hi! You're new here aren't you?" asked a feminine voice.
Legolas turned to see a short, chubby, dark haired girl approach from his right. She seemed harmless enough, and her smile seemed genuine, unlike the tour guide.
"I'm Sue," she said, holding out her hand.
"I am called Legolas," he replied, looking at her outstretched hand. Not completely sure what she intended him to do to her hand, he did what he would have done at home...he picked it up and kissed it.
"Oh my gawd! You are really good! The guests are gonna eat you up!" she twittered, completely flustered by the genteel act. "Are you wearing contact lenses? I've never seen anyone with eyes that color before! Is that wig on tight enough? Every woman in the park is gonna want to run her fingers through that hair!" she went on breathlessly.
"I know not what contact lenses are or what a wig is, Milady. My eyes and hair are simply what they are," Legolas replied, raising his brows and taking a short step back from the girl.
"Oh my gawd! You mean you really LOOK like this? ALL THE TIME? Oh my GAWD!"
"Sue?" called a voice from within the doorway of Santa's Toy Shoppe. "You need to get in here to get ready to open!"
"Mary, come here quick! You have got to see this!" Sue shouted.
A taller, slightly older girl ducked out of the Shoppe and jogged over to where Sue stood, still staring at Legolas.
"What?" she asked Sue a little impatiently. "We're late already."
"Meet the new Legolas," Sue said without taking her eyes off him.
"Nice to meet..." Mary's voice trailed off when she got a closer look at Legolas. "Oh my gawd!"
"OH MY GAWD!" they screamed in unison, clutching each other's hands and jumping up and down.
Legolas rolled his eyes at the squealing teenagers. "I knew it," he thought, "I just knew it."
"Girls!" shouted a masculine voice from the doorway of the Shoppe. "Where are you? I need help with my padding, and someone's gotta help lace up my boots! And I can't find my hat! The guests will be here any minute!"
"Over here, Mark!" the girls cried, still staring at Legolas.
The most unusually dressed man Legolas had ever seen walked out of Santa's Shoppe. He was short, and very, very round. He was nearly bald, but had a fluffy white beard and eyebrows. Thick pillows were strapped around his middle. His red velvet pants were tucked into black boots whose laces trailed behind him. He carried a coat that matched his pants over his arm.
"For the love of Mike, ladies, let's get going!" Mark said, approaching the trio. "I can't be half dressed when the rugrats get here. Whoa...who's this?"
"I am called Legolas."
"Well, Snookems, I need the girls back now. But you are a pretty package," Santa said, eyeing Legolas up and down. "Nice pants. Say, how about you and me grabbing a latte after work?"
"He's not gay, Mark," huffed Sue. "You aren't gay, are you?" she asked Legolas. "Please say you're not gay."
"I am often happy, though at the moment I am a bit uncomfortable. This crown..." He was cut short when the other three burst out laughing.
"Not HAPPY gay...GAY gay," Mary snickered. "You know, guys who like other guys?"
"I have many male friends of whom I am quite fond. Aragorn, for example..." again Legolas was cut off by laughter.
"Not FRIENDS...Lovers! God, where have you been living...in a cave? Gay guys have sex with other guys," Sue explained.
Mark was grinning and looking at Legolas in a very lascivious way.
"Have...sex...other...men...with..." Legolas stuttered, blushing to the roots of his platinum hair, glancing at Mark.
"Oh my gawd! He's so cute when he blushes!" Sue cried, gazing adoringly up at Legolas.
Legolas stopped short for moment, as a thought struck him. "How many women work in Rivendell?" he asked Mark.
"Oh, I guess about one hundred," replied Mark, raising an eyebrow.
"And how many gay men?" asked Legolas.
"Only 5 that I know of...there may be more. I don't know everyone, you know," answered Mark. "Why?"
Legolas looked at Mary and Sue, who were batting their eyes at him and nearly drooling.
"One hundred versus 5...I like the odds," he thought.
"I am gay. I am most definitely gay. I could not possibly be any more gay. And I have a...lover," Legolas said with a straight face.
"Damn it! I just knew it! All the good ones are either married or gay!" Sue cried, obviously extremely disappointed. "Well, we better get Mark dressed," she said reluctantly. "Bye, Legolas."
"Farewell," he replied. As the girls and Santa walked off, a small smile graced his face, as Legolas congratulated himself on avoiding what could have been a very annoying situation. "Gay..." he thought, "I'll have to remember that when I get home."
"
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Chapter 5 He's A Tramp
Legolas stood stock still, studying the square before him. Shortly after being shown by the tour guide exactly where he should be standing (between Santa's Toy Shoppe and Ye Olde Shoemaker's Shop), and told exactly what he should say ('Good morn, milady/my lord', or 'Welcome to Rivendell', or 'What be your name lad/lass'), the square called Rivendell began to fill with workers.
None of them, as far as Legolas could tell, were dressed the way he was. The other workers were dressed in bright colored silk or brocade tunics and leggings, or, if they were female, long, swishing dresses of equally bright color. Legolas was extremely self-conscious in his silver lame' costume, especially after Gimli's lewd comment earlier in the day. To top it off, before the guide left, she had placed some sort of woven wire circlet on his head.
"Since you are royalty, you must wear a crown!" she had piped cheerfully. "You can leave the crown here at this counter tonight before you leave."
The headpiece gave him a headache. He never liked to wear a crown at home, because he felt it was pretentious. Not to mention that it drew every royal-obsessed, male-hungry female in heat within 10 miles. Put this new crown together with the far too revealing costume, and Legolas was sure he was in for trouble.
"Hi! You're new here aren't you?" asked a feminine voice.
Legolas turned to see a short, chubby, dark haired girl approach from his right. She seemed harmless enough, and her smile seemed genuine, unlike the tour guide.
"I'm Sue," she said, holding out her hand.
"I am called Legolas," he replied, looking at her outstretched hand. Not completely sure what she intended him to do to her hand, he did what he would have done at home...he picked it up and kissed it.
"Oh my gawd! You are really good! The guests are gonna eat you up!" she twittered, completely flustered by the genteel act. "Are you wearing contact lenses? I've never seen anyone with eyes that color before! Is that wig on tight enough? Every woman in the park is gonna want to run her fingers through that hair!" she went on breathlessly.
"I know not what contact lenses are or what a wig is, Milady. My eyes and hair are simply what they are," Legolas replied, raising his brows and taking a short step back from the girl.
"Oh my gawd! You mean you really LOOK like this? ALL THE TIME? Oh my GAWD!"
"Sue?" called a voice from within the doorway of Santa's Toy Shoppe. "You need to get in here to get ready to open!"
"Mary, come here quick! You have got to see this!" Sue shouted.
A taller, slightly older girl ducked out of the Shoppe and jogged over to where Sue stood, still staring at Legolas.
"What?" she asked Sue a little impatiently. "We're late already."
"Meet the new Legolas," Sue said without taking her eyes off him.
"Nice to meet..." Mary's voice trailed off when she got a closer look at Legolas. "Oh my gawd!"
"OH MY GAWD!" they screamed in unison, clutching each other's hands and jumping up and down.
Legolas rolled his eyes at the squealing teenagers. "I knew it," he thought, "I just knew it."
"Girls!" shouted a masculine voice from the doorway of the Shoppe. "Where are you? I need help with my padding, and someone's gotta help lace up my boots! And I can't find my hat! The guests will be here any minute!"
"Over here, Mark!" the girls cried, still staring at Legolas.
The most unusually dressed man Legolas had ever seen walked out of Santa's Shoppe. He was short, and very, very round. He was nearly bald, but had a fluffy white beard and eyebrows. Thick pillows were strapped around his middle. His red velvet pants were tucked into black boots whose laces trailed behind him. He carried a coat that matched his pants over his arm.
"For the love of Mike, ladies, let's get going!" Mark said, approaching the trio. "I can't be half dressed when the rugrats get here. Whoa...who's this?"
"I am called Legolas."
"Well, Snookems, I need the girls back now. But you are a pretty package," Santa said, eyeing Legolas up and down. "Nice pants. Say, how about you and me grabbing a latte after work?"
"He's not gay, Mark," huffed Sue. "You aren't gay, are you?" she asked Legolas. "Please say you're not gay."
"I am often happy, though at the moment I am a bit uncomfortable. This crown..." He was cut short when the other three burst out laughing.
"Not HAPPY gay...GAY gay," Mary snickered. "You know, guys who like other guys?"
"I have many male friends of whom I am quite fond. Aragorn, for example..." again Legolas was cut off by laughter.
"Not FRIENDS...Lovers! God, where have you been living...in a cave? Gay guys have sex with other guys," Sue explained.
Mark was grinning and looking at Legolas in a very lascivious way.
"Have...sex...other...men...with..." Legolas stuttered, blushing to the roots of his platinum hair, glancing at Mark.
"Oh my gawd! He's so cute when he blushes!" Sue cried, gazing adoringly up at Legolas.
Legolas stopped short for moment, as a thought struck him. "How many women work in Rivendell?" he asked Mark.
"Oh, I guess about one hundred," replied Mark, raising an eyebrow.
"And how many gay men?" asked Legolas.
"Only 5 that I know of...there may be more. I don't know everyone, you know," answered Mark. "Why?"
Legolas looked at Mary and Sue, who were batting their eyes at him and nearly drooling.
"One hundred versus 5...I like the odds," he thought.
"I am gay. I am most definitely gay. I could not possibly be any more gay. And I have a...lover," Legolas said with a straight face.
"Damn it! I just knew it! All the good ones are either married or gay!" Sue cried, obviously extremely disappointed. "Well, we better get Mark dressed," she said reluctantly. "Bye, Legolas."
"Farewell," he replied. As the girls and Santa walked off, a small smile graced his face, as Legolas congratulated himself on avoiding what could have been a very annoying situation. "Gay..." he thought, "I'll have to remember that when I get home."
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