Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR or any of its characters, or any giant themeparks. I would LIKE to own them...are they for sale? How much? Oh...that much. Ouch.
Chapter 8 God Help the Outcasts
"Lay down."
"This is insane!" Boromir cried, trying to intimidate the other man by going nose to nose with him.
"Lay down."
"I will NOT lay down, and you can't make me!"
"Lay down."
"I will NOT LAY DOWN! I am NOT dead...I am standing, breathing, very much alive, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!" Boromir screamed. He was wearing a vest to which a number of arrows had been glued. He looked rather like a large, angry porcupine.
"LAY...DOWN. We say you're dead, so you're dead! You got shot by Orc arrows. You...are...DEAD. Period. End of discussion. Fini. Got it?" the other man asked, poking Boromir in the chest with his index finger emphasizing each word. "Lay down, close your eyes, and don't say a word."
"For the love of Arda..." Boromir heaved a great sigh and lay down on the ground, arrows pointing up to the sky.
"You just lie there and behave yourself. The guests will file past you on the way to Isengard. This little sign here says, "Here lies Boromir, shot by Orcs." The guests will snap a picture, and continue on. You've got the cushiest job in the park!" The man laughed as he walked away.
"I am going to kill Aragorn when next we meet," Boromir thought to himself, picturing the many wonderful, inventive ways he could accomplish this. "This is all his fault! 'We need gold to fix Minas Tirith, Boromir,' he says. 'We can earn a lot working in that new park, Boromir,' he says. 'Your father really screwed up Minas Tirith and you owe me, Boromir,' he says. Now look at me...laying on the ground like yesterday's lembas. Why couldn't he bring Faramir instead? Faramir NEVER has to do ANYTHING - the spoiled little brat! I always get snookered into things like this. Yes, I am DEFINITELY going to kill Aragorn when I see him. Very slowly." Boromir closed his eyes, and soon fell fast asleep.
"Boromir....Boromir, wake up!," someone whispered urgently. Boromir opened one eye to see Legolas bending over him.
"Legolas? I thought you were in Rivendell," Boromir asked, looking confused. "What are you doing here?"
"You have to help me...you have to hide me! They'll be here any minute! I barely out ran them!" Legolas whispered, anxiously looking back down the road.
"Hide you? You're an Elf...you're not afraid of anything! Hide you from whom?" Boromir sat up on one elbow, looking down the road, baffled.
"From THEM! I told them I was gay, but they started to chase me, all the while yelling that they could CHANGE me!" Legolas was beginning to babble.
"Change you into what? Let me get this straight. You told someone you were happy and they started to chase you? And you ran from them? An Elf?" Boromir raised an eyebrow at Legolas. "What exactly are these creatures you run from?"
"GIRLS! Lots and lots of them. An ARMY of them! Screaming, clawing, crying, drooling...ARGHHH!" Legolas shuddered. "It was awful, Boromir...absolutely dreadful! They kept pawing at me...touching me...I couldn't stop them! And I didn't say I was happy...I said I was gay! There is a difference here, believe me. But it didn't matter to them! Hide me!"
"Calm down, Legolas!" Boromir didn't understand any of this, but Legolas was more upset than he had ever seen him. "Duck behind that tree back there," Boromir motioned to a tree far off the path. Legolas lightly jumped over Boromir and made a beeline for the tree. "Can you see me?" he asked from behind the tree.
"No," answered Boromir.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," Boromir said, rolling his eyes.
Boromir lay back down on the ground, closed his eyes, and put his ear to the ground, his senses alert. Within moments, he heard the thundering sound of many feet at a fast run.
Peeking through his eyelashes, Boromir saw a giant cluster of females galloping up the road. They paused just in front of him.
"Is it him? Is it?"
"Let me through - let me see!"
"I call dibs!"
The herd of girls looked over at Boromir. "Awwww. It's only Boromir. Damn, where did Legolas go?" one of the girls lamented.
"Boromir was kinda cute, in a scruffy, barbaric sort of way..." said one girl, peering down.
"He's dead, remember? I think dating a dead guy is illegal in this state," said another.
"Damn. Well, Ol' Leggy couldn't have gotten too far. Let's go!"
The herd moved off at a fast trot, toward Isengard.
"Barbaric. I'll give them barbaric, all right," thought Boromir. "I'm considered quite the catch, back home. And I AM NOT DEAD!"
"You can come out now, Legolas," Boromir said, rolling over and looking at the tree.
:"Are you sure they're gone?"
"Yes. And just you wait until I tell Gimli about this."
"You wouldn't dare!" Legolas cried, coming out from behind the tree.
"THERE HE IS!" shouted a female voice.
"NOOOOOO!" screamed Legolas, taking off like a shot back toward Rivendell.
The herd thundered past Boromir mere seconds later.
Chuckling to himself, Boromir thought, "You know, that man was absolutely right. I DO have the cushiest job in the park!" He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.
Chapter 8 God Help the Outcasts
"Lay down."
"This is insane!" Boromir cried, trying to intimidate the other man by going nose to nose with him.
"Lay down."
"I will NOT lay down, and you can't make me!"
"Lay down."
"I will NOT LAY DOWN! I am NOT dead...I am standing, breathing, very much alive, RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!" Boromir screamed. He was wearing a vest to which a number of arrows had been glued. He looked rather like a large, angry porcupine.
"LAY...DOWN. We say you're dead, so you're dead! You got shot by Orc arrows. You...are...DEAD. Period. End of discussion. Fini. Got it?" the other man asked, poking Boromir in the chest with his index finger emphasizing each word. "Lay down, close your eyes, and don't say a word."
"For the love of Arda..." Boromir heaved a great sigh and lay down on the ground, arrows pointing up to the sky.
"You just lie there and behave yourself. The guests will file past you on the way to Isengard. This little sign here says, "Here lies Boromir, shot by Orcs." The guests will snap a picture, and continue on. You've got the cushiest job in the park!" The man laughed as he walked away.
"I am going to kill Aragorn when next we meet," Boromir thought to himself, picturing the many wonderful, inventive ways he could accomplish this. "This is all his fault! 'We need gold to fix Minas Tirith, Boromir,' he says. 'We can earn a lot working in that new park, Boromir,' he says. 'Your father really screwed up Minas Tirith and you owe me, Boromir,' he says. Now look at me...laying on the ground like yesterday's lembas. Why couldn't he bring Faramir instead? Faramir NEVER has to do ANYTHING - the spoiled little brat! I always get snookered into things like this. Yes, I am DEFINITELY going to kill Aragorn when I see him. Very slowly." Boromir closed his eyes, and soon fell fast asleep.
"Boromir....Boromir, wake up!," someone whispered urgently. Boromir opened one eye to see Legolas bending over him.
"Legolas? I thought you were in Rivendell," Boromir asked, looking confused. "What are you doing here?"
"You have to help me...you have to hide me! They'll be here any minute! I barely out ran them!" Legolas whispered, anxiously looking back down the road.
"Hide you? You're an Elf...you're not afraid of anything! Hide you from whom?" Boromir sat up on one elbow, looking down the road, baffled.
"From THEM! I told them I was gay, but they started to chase me, all the while yelling that they could CHANGE me!" Legolas was beginning to babble.
"Change you into what? Let me get this straight. You told someone you were happy and they started to chase you? And you ran from them? An Elf?" Boromir raised an eyebrow at Legolas. "What exactly are these creatures you run from?"
"GIRLS! Lots and lots of them. An ARMY of them! Screaming, clawing, crying, drooling...ARGHHH!" Legolas shuddered. "It was awful, Boromir...absolutely dreadful! They kept pawing at me...touching me...I couldn't stop them! And I didn't say I was happy...I said I was gay! There is a difference here, believe me. But it didn't matter to them! Hide me!"
"Calm down, Legolas!" Boromir didn't understand any of this, but Legolas was more upset than he had ever seen him. "Duck behind that tree back there," Boromir motioned to a tree far off the path. Legolas lightly jumped over Boromir and made a beeline for the tree. "Can you see me?" he asked from behind the tree.
"No," answered Boromir.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," Boromir said, rolling his eyes.
Boromir lay back down on the ground, closed his eyes, and put his ear to the ground, his senses alert. Within moments, he heard the thundering sound of many feet at a fast run.
Peeking through his eyelashes, Boromir saw a giant cluster of females galloping up the road. They paused just in front of him.
"Is it him? Is it?"
"Let me through - let me see!"
"I call dibs!"
The herd of girls looked over at Boromir. "Awwww. It's only Boromir. Damn, where did Legolas go?" one of the girls lamented.
"Boromir was kinda cute, in a scruffy, barbaric sort of way..." said one girl, peering down.
"He's dead, remember? I think dating a dead guy is illegal in this state," said another.
"Damn. Well, Ol' Leggy couldn't have gotten too far. Let's go!"
The herd moved off at a fast trot, toward Isengard.
"Barbaric. I'll give them barbaric, all right," thought Boromir. "I'm considered quite the catch, back home. And I AM NOT DEAD!"
"You can come out now, Legolas," Boromir said, rolling over and looking at the tree.
:"Are you sure they're gone?"
"Yes. And just you wait until I tell Gimli about this."
"You wouldn't dare!" Legolas cried, coming out from behind the tree.
"THERE HE IS!" shouted a female voice.
"NOOOOOO!" screamed Legolas, taking off like a shot back toward Rivendell.
The herd thundered past Boromir mere seconds later.
Chuckling to himself, Boromir thought, "You know, that man was absolutely right. I DO have the cushiest job in the park!" He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.