Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, or any of its characters, or any giant theme parks. I also do not own a decent watch, which explains why I'm still writing at midnight.
Chapter 11
The Three Caballeros
Aragorn sank onto a bench in front of his locker, legs splayed, arms hanging down, head drooping. "I don't remember the last time I felt this weary," he thought to himself. "Well, perhaps when I fell off of that cliff just before the Helm's Deep battle...but this runs a close second." He groaned as he bent down to take off his boots.
He looked up as the door to the dressing room opened. Gimli stepped through, dragging his plastic axe behind him. He plopped down on the bench next to Aragorn, letting his axe fall to the floor.
"Laddie, all day I have been wishing for the moment we next met, so that I might visit upon you a major thrashing for getting me into this work...but I'm too spent. Remind me on the morrow to thrash you good."
"Gimli, my friend, it would be unwise to begin picking at me. You could not possibly know what I have been through these last eight hours!" Aragorn feebly waved his hand in Gimli's direction.
"No? YOU have not spent the entire day in the company of six humans who think they are Dwarves, and who insist on whistling in your ear for hours at a time! Dwarves, indeed! Their beards kept falling off! Tell me, what type of Dwarf has not a real beard?"
"Ha! YOU didn't have to spend the day pretending to be in love with the Wargwoman of Gondor!
Oh, I'm sorry, Laddie. I can see you're upset," Gimli replied sarcastically. "I shouldn't be bringing up beards to you, should I? Considering how short you fall in that particular area..."
"Arghh! That does it! I've taken all the abuse about my beard that I'm going to take from you - you hairy little lump of warg dung!" Aragorn yelled. He threw his arms around Gimli to tackle him, but didn't have the strength to follow through. The two of them simply rolled off the bench and lay on the floor.
"Do ya mind getting off me, Laddie?" asked Gimli faintly, as he feebly waved his arms from beneath Aragorn. "You smell like a dead Oliphaunt."
The door to the locker room opened again. Aragorn looked up from the floor to see Legolas walk in.
"Legolas! Sweet mother of Arda, what happened to you?" Aragorn asked from the floor, shocked at the way Legolas looked.
"Legolas? Is it the Elf?" came Gimli's muffled voice from somewhere under Aragorn's midsection.
"Gimli?" asked Legolas, looking around the room. "Where are you?"
"Under here. Aragorn, will you please GET OFF ME?"
Aragorn grunted as he rolled off of Gimli. They both sat up on the floor and stared at Legolas.
Legolas was indeed in a sorry state. His face was caked with mud, his long, platinum hair was a mass of tangles and twigs, and his silver lame costume was ripped in several places and missing a sleeve altogether.
"I...I...oh Eru, I..." Legolas couldn't seem to form words. "
"Take a breath and start again, Laddie," counseled Gimli.
Legolas leaned back on the lockers and slowly slid to the floor with a long, drawn out sigh. "It was awful! Those girls! Those horrible, grabby, pushy, females! They chased me all through the park! No matter where I hid, they found me. I hid in a barrel, but they found me! I found a janitor's closet and hid in there for a while, but when I came out of the closet, they found me again! And chased me...AGAIN!" He began to bang his head on the locker. "THEY (bang) WOULD (bang) NOT (bang) LEAVE (bang) ME (bang) ALONE (bang)!"
Smirking, Gimli said, elbowing Aragorn in the ribs, "Elf, methinks you complain too much! Would that I have had your job, I'd not have run too fast!"
Aragorn snorted in amusement. "I think YOU'D be the one doing the chasing, Master Dwarf!"
"Aye, Laddie, Aye," Gimli agreed. "So, what do we do now?"
"There is a conveyance that will bring us to our rooms the park has provided, but I was told by the guide this morning that it will not pick us up until the park closes tonight. That leaves us several hours yet."
"Well then, we might as well get out of these garments. Mayhap we can find something wet to wash our throats while we wait," Gimli said. "After this day, I could truly use a pint or three!"
Amid much groaning and grunting, the trio changed back into their shorts and tee shirts. Legolas went into the washroom to clean up as best that he could. Gimli and Aragorn followed him in and stood there waiting as he began to pull the twigs out of his hair.
"What be these shiny white basins?" asked Gimli, rapping on the nearest sink. "And those others on the wall over there?"
"Oh, they are works of genius! I hid in one of these rooms today, and a very nice man explained them to me." Legolas replied. "He then invited me to go 'clubbing,' though I'm not sure what it was he intended to club. Regardless, what he said was that you turn this thingy, and water comes out!" he said as he demonstrated.
"Oooooh," Aragorn and Gimli said.
"Those others on the wall are...um...well, think of them as bushes."
"Bushes?" Aragorn asked, with a befuddled look on his face.
"You know...bushes...think of what you usually do near bushes in a forest."
"EWWWW! They do that INSIDE? On PURPOSE?" Aragorn questioned, wrinkling his nose.
"What?" Gimli asked, looking up at Aragorn, "you've never used a bucket?" He began to chuckle. "I can just picture you running out on your courtyard in your nightdress to the nearest bush!" Even Legolas cracked a smile at that mental image.
Legolas finished cleaning up as best he could, which wasn't very well. He still looked as if he'd been dragged behind his horse.
The trio walked out into the main building. Just past the costuming department they came to a room from which delicious aromas wafted.
"Might be they have food in here," Gimli surmised, sniffing the air with his oversized nose.
Legolas looked at the sign hanging over the entrance. "Starbucks," he read. "I like the sound of that. Stars and bucks...it reminds me of Mirkwood."
The three went inside and walked up to the counter. At their approach, the attendant looked up from filing her nails.
"Hey," she said dully.
"No, thank you. I have not my horse with me," Legolas replied. "Do you not sell anything edible for humans, elves, and dwarves?"
"Huh?" she asked, looking confused.
"Food and drink, lassie!" Gimli impatiently butted in, smacking his hand on the counter. "Something strong that'll put the iron back in me backbone!"
"Oh," the attendant said, backing up a step or two. "Okay...three Venti coffees with triple shots, coming up. Anything to eat with that? Scones, expresso brownies...?"
"SCONES!" the three shouted, finally hearing a word that they understood.
"Be right up," the attendant said.
Shortly, the attendant placed three large paper cups and three paper wrapped cakes in front of the trio. "That'll be $18.75,' she said, holding out her hand.
Legolas sighed, then picked up the girl's hand and kissed it.
"Um, thanks. But it's still $18.75."
"I understand," Aragorn said. "The guide gave me this little square thing this morning. She said whenever we needed to make a trade in a store, we should use it," he explained holding out the small square of plastic.
"On your company charge?" the girl asked, taking the card and swiping it in the register. She handed it back to Aragorn. Turning to Legolas, she asked, "So, Blondie, are you busy later? Want to go clubbing?"
"I'm afraid I must decline, milady. My presence is required elsewhere," Legolas replied, taking a step back and looking as though he were ready to bolt.
"I'm always up for a good clubbing," Gimli said to the attendant with a leer. "What did ye have in mind to club?"
The attendant looked down at Gimli's rather lumpy face framed by his unkempt and knotted hair and beard, and grimaced, backing away from the counter.
"Come on, lassie...do not let me size fool ye. I pack a wallop if I do say so meself."
The attendant covered her mouth with one hand, making gagging noises.
"Come along, Gimli. Leave the poor girl alone," Aragorn said, pulling Gimli along by the ear.
The three walked over to a table with their purchases, and sat down. They took the lids off of their cups and sniffed the contents.
"Strange smelling ale," Gimli said, wrinkling his nose. "Who serves ale HOT?" He shrugged and said, " Well, bottoms up, lads!"
They sat, draining their triple shot coffees and eating their scones in relative silence. After a while, Aragorn started to wiggle about in his chair.
"'Tis funny, but suddenly the weariness has left me. I feel...fidgety," he said. He got up and began to pace about the store.
"Aye," agreed Gimli, joining Aragorn in his pacing. "I feel I could fight off a troupe of orcs!"
"Mustwalkmustwalkmustwalkmustwalk," Legolas mumbled, joining the other two.
The trio left Starbucks, pumped up on caffeine, and headed back into the park.
Chapter 11
The Three Caballeros
Aragorn sank onto a bench in front of his locker, legs splayed, arms hanging down, head drooping. "I don't remember the last time I felt this weary," he thought to himself. "Well, perhaps when I fell off of that cliff just before the Helm's Deep battle...but this runs a close second." He groaned as he bent down to take off his boots.
He looked up as the door to the dressing room opened. Gimli stepped through, dragging his plastic axe behind him. He plopped down on the bench next to Aragorn, letting his axe fall to the floor.
"Laddie, all day I have been wishing for the moment we next met, so that I might visit upon you a major thrashing for getting me into this work...but I'm too spent. Remind me on the morrow to thrash you good."
"Gimli, my friend, it would be unwise to begin picking at me. You could not possibly know what I have been through these last eight hours!" Aragorn feebly waved his hand in Gimli's direction.
"No? YOU have not spent the entire day in the company of six humans who think they are Dwarves, and who insist on whistling in your ear for hours at a time! Dwarves, indeed! Their beards kept falling off! Tell me, what type of Dwarf has not a real beard?"
"Ha! YOU didn't have to spend the day pretending to be in love with the Wargwoman of Gondor!
Oh, I'm sorry, Laddie. I can see you're upset," Gimli replied sarcastically. "I shouldn't be bringing up beards to you, should I? Considering how short you fall in that particular area..."
"Arghh! That does it! I've taken all the abuse about my beard that I'm going to take from you - you hairy little lump of warg dung!" Aragorn yelled. He threw his arms around Gimli to tackle him, but didn't have the strength to follow through. The two of them simply rolled off the bench and lay on the floor.
"Do ya mind getting off me, Laddie?" asked Gimli faintly, as he feebly waved his arms from beneath Aragorn. "You smell like a dead Oliphaunt."
The door to the locker room opened again. Aragorn looked up from the floor to see Legolas walk in.
"Legolas! Sweet mother of Arda, what happened to you?" Aragorn asked from the floor, shocked at the way Legolas looked.
"Legolas? Is it the Elf?" came Gimli's muffled voice from somewhere under Aragorn's midsection.
"Gimli?" asked Legolas, looking around the room. "Where are you?"
"Under here. Aragorn, will you please GET OFF ME?"
Aragorn grunted as he rolled off of Gimli. They both sat up on the floor and stared at Legolas.
Legolas was indeed in a sorry state. His face was caked with mud, his long, platinum hair was a mass of tangles and twigs, and his silver lame costume was ripped in several places and missing a sleeve altogether.
"I...I...oh Eru, I..." Legolas couldn't seem to form words. "
"Take a breath and start again, Laddie," counseled Gimli.
Legolas leaned back on the lockers and slowly slid to the floor with a long, drawn out sigh. "It was awful! Those girls! Those horrible, grabby, pushy, females! They chased me all through the park! No matter where I hid, they found me. I hid in a barrel, but they found me! I found a janitor's closet and hid in there for a while, but when I came out of the closet, they found me again! And chased me...AGAIN!" He began to bang his head on the locker. "THEY (bang) WOULD (bang) NOT (bang) LEAVE (bang) ME (bang) ALONE (bang)!"
Smirking, Gimli said, elbowing Aragorn in the ribs, "Elf, methinks you complain too much! Would that I have had your job, I'd not have run too fast!"
Aragorn snorted in amusement. "I think YOU'D be the one doing the chasing, Master Dwarf!"
"Aye, Laddie, Aye," Gimli agreed. "So, what do we do now?"
"There is a conveyance that will bring us to our rooms the park has provided, but I was told by the guide this morning that it will not pick us up until the park closes tonight. That leaves us several hours yet."
"Well then, we might as well get out of these garments. Mayhap we can find something wet to wash our throats while we wait," Gimli said. "After this day, I could truly use a pint or three!"
Amid much groaning and grunting, the trio changed back into their shorts and tee shirts. Legolas went into the washroom to clean up as best that he could. Gimli and Aragorn followed him in and stood there waiting as he began to pull the twigs out of his hair.
"What be these shiny white basins?" asked Gimli, rapping on the nearest sink. "And those others on the wall over there?"
"Oh, they are works of genius! I hid in one of these rooms today, and a very nice man explained them to me." Legolas replied. "He then invited me to go 'clubbing,' though I'm not sure what it was he intended to club. Regardless, what he said was that you turn this thingy, and water comes out!" he said as he demonstrated.
"Oooooh," Aragorn and Gimli said.
"Those others on the wall are...um...well, think of them as bushes."
"Bushes?" Aragorn asked, with a befuddled look on his face.
"You know...bushes...think of what you usually do near bushes in a forest."
"EWWWW! They do that INSIDE? On PURPOSE?" Aragorn questioned, wrinkling his nose.
"What?" Gimli asked, looking up at Aragorn, "you've never used a bucket?" He began to chuckle. "I can just picture you running out on your courtyard in your nightdress to the nearest bush!" Even Legolas cracked a smile at that mental image.
Legolas finished cleaning up as best he could, which wasn't very well. He still looked as if he'd been dragged behind his horse.
The trio walked out into the main building. Just past the costuming department they came to a room from which delicious aromas wafted.
"Might be they have food in here," Gimli surmised, sniffing the air with his oversized nose.
Legolas looked at the sign hanging over the entrance. "Starbucks," he read. "I like the sound of that. Stars and bucks...it reminds me of Mirkwood."
The three went inside and walked up to the counter. At their approach, the attendant looked up from filing her nails.
"Hey," she said dully.
"No, thank you. I have not my horse with me," Legolas replied. "Do you not sell anything edible for humans, elves, and dwarves?"
"Huh?" she asked, looking confused.
"Food and drink, lassie!" Gimli impatiently butted in, smacking his hand on the counter. "Something strong that'll put the iron back in me backbone!"
"Oh," the attendant said, backing up a step or two. "Okay...three Venti coffees with triple shots, coming up. Anything to eat with that? Scones, expresso brownies...?"
"SCONES!" the three shouted, finally hearing a word that they understood.
"Be right up," the attendant said.
Shortly, the attendant placed three large paper cups and three paper wrapped cakes in front of the trio. "That'll be $18.75,' she said, holding out her hand.
Legolas sighed, then picked up the girl's hand and kissed it.
"Um, thanks. But it's still $18.75."
"I understand," Aragorn said. "The guide gave me this little square thing this morning. She said whenever we needed to make a trade in a store, we should use it," he explained holding out the small square of plastic.
"On your company charge?" the girl asked, taking the card and swiping it in the register. She handed it back to Aragorn. Turning to Legolas, she asked, "So, Blondie, are you busy later? Want to go clubbing?"
"I'm afraid I must decline, milady. My presence is required elsewhere," Legolas replied, taking a step back and looking as though he were ready to bolt.
"I'm always up for a good clubbing," Gimli said to the attendant with a leer. "What did ye have in mind to club?"
The attendant looked down at Gimli's rather lumpy face framed by his unkempt and knotted hair and beard, and grimaced, backing away from the counter.
"Come on, lassie...do not let me size fool ye. I pack a wallop if I do say so meself."
The attendant covered her mouth with one hand, making gagging noises.
"Come along, Gimli. Leave the poor girl alone," Aragorn said, pulling Gimli along by the ear.
The three walked over to a table with their purchases, and sat down. They took the lids off of their cups and sniffed the contents.
"Strange smelling ale," Gimli said, wrinkling his nose. "Who serves ale HOT?" He shrugged and said, " Well, bottoms up, lads!"
They sat, draining their triple shot coffees and eating their scones in relative silence. After a while, Aragorn started to wiggle about in his chair.
"'Tis funny, but suddenly the weariness has left me. I feel...fidgety," he said. He got up and began to pace about the store.
"Aye," agreed Gimli, joining Aragorn in his pacing. "I feel I could fight off a troupe of orcs!"
"Mustwalkmustwalkmustwalkmustwalk," Legolas mumbled, joining the other two.
The trio left Starbucks, pumped up on caffeine, and headed back into the park.