Disclaimer: I don't own anything—please don't sue.
Plot: Well, Weevil has taken over the world—but no need to fear! Yami will save the day!
You do know how, don't you? (-Yuugi)
(opens his mouth, then stops) (-Yami)
Well, maybe not… Told from the diary entries of the highly opinionated Ryou Bakura, currently off his antidepressants and third person narrative during the adventures of the HETEROSEXUAL Thief Bakura. Is rated "R" due to bad implications involving that of Yami Bakura, Yami Malik and Tristan's power tools.
Genre: Humor/Romance/Suspense/Horror/Supernatural/Science Fiction/Fantasy
Parings:
Yami no Yuugi/Yuugi (hinted) (SLASH!)
Yami no Malik/Yami no Bakura (SLASH!)
Anzu/Honda
Pegasus/Various Inanimate Objects (Hey! We said it was weird.)
Anzu/Pegasus (for a record time of ONE- MINUTE!)
Shizuka/Seto
Jounouchi/Mai
Isis/Yami no Yuugi (one-sided)
Isis/Dartz
Honda/Otogi (SLASH!)
Anzu/Siegfried
Warning: Rated M (R) (Restricted) Is rated "R" due to bad implications involving that of Yami no Bakura, Yami no Malik and Tristan's power tools.
-Imperfect Paradise (Yamiko) & Somebody Else (Mihoshi)
The Ladybugs Have Turned Belligerent
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By Imperfect Paradise & Somebody Else
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-Chapter Three-
"Windows Sux!"
Day III –
Apparently, it was Mokuba who stole Kaiba's laptop. Last night I had just finished organizing the living room (which involved moving around several sleeping people) and I was passing by the girls' room on my way to the kitchen so I could get the cleaning supplies I needed for the bathroom— when I heard Kaiba's voice.
"I KNEW IT! YOU GIRLS ARE NOT SO INNOCENT, AFTER ALL! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!"
The noise traveled through the ultra thin walls, and woke EVERYBODY UP!
Duke sat up in his sleeping bag, upon hearing the infamous screaming of Kaiba, and shook Joey next to him. He hissed, "Joey! I think I heard a noise!"
Joey rolled over on his stomach, smiled and said, (his eyes still closed—indicating that the fool is still asleep) "I want some milk and cookies please…" And instantly went back to snoring.
Pegasus, still banging the mallet up and down, a funny bunny plushy clutched to his chest looked at him curiously and asked "What did you hear?" and kept banging the mallet once every two seconds continuously.
Duke stared at him for about two seconds, registering what was going on. He then rolled his eyes, just before he cursed and muttered, "God Damn Mallet..." and quietly went back to sleep, while Pegasus's mallet continued to make rather loud contact with the cold, tiled Earth.
Meanwhile, Serenity had finally gotten Kaiba to calm down. Serenity looked at him dead in the eye and spoke calmly, "Actually, it was Mokuba. Now shut up, you'll wake everyone up!" With that, she went back to typing on his computer, Kaiba's temples continuing to go.
Kaiba hissed, "I want that computer!"
Serenity snapped at him, not taking her eyes off the screen, "Let me finish with it! I spent all day checking Mai and Tea's e-mail for them, because all they use is stupid Windows!"
Kaiba clutched his fist tightly and yelled, "I don't care and—"but suddenly, something came to his attention. He stared at her peculiarly and cleared his throat before asking, "You know how to operate Linux?"
Serenity, rolled her eyes, turned to him and explained, "Hello? Can't you see? I am surfing the freaking internet…"
Kaiba stared at her dead in the eye, (just to make sure) and confirmed, "You mean you aren't an evil, brainwashed minion of the satanic Windows?"
Serenity pointed at herself and hissed, "Do I look like I'm under the control of the Blue Screen of Death?"
Kaiba just stared at her for a few moments. Neither of them dared to speak.
…
…
And a couple more moments…
…
…
He then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He cried through tearing eyes, "I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!" He then held her in one arm, crushing her against him, looked beyond her shoulder and held his fist up. He said aloud, "I HAD GIVEN UP HOPE ON FINDING A WOMAN AS SELECTIVE AND INTELLIGENT AS I AM! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR ALL MY LIFE!" He then pulled away from her, looked intently into her eyes, and asked, rather quickly, "Will you bare my children?"
Serenity just stared at him, her eyes wide. She then pulled away even more and said, uneasily, "Yeah… Sure— just let me check my e-mail..." Her eyes scanned it. She then hissed, "Damn solicitors. Can't they get it by now that I don't care?" Her eyes then read one particular message. She then glared at the computer. She spoke, dryly, "No… I do not want a five-inch penis!" With that, she deleted them all. She then looked directly at Kaiba and smiled, "All right, let's go..."
Kaiba grabbed her hand in his—and they do the romantic eye crap. He spoke, seductively, "Let's…"
(Tiny Dancer plays in the background)
With that, they went into the empty closet in the hallway and closed the door. Floating hearts appeared from the cracks of the door and someone that sounded like Serenity moaned, "Oh, Kaiba..."
As you can see, even if I did magically become a contortionist overnight, I couldn't move out of the living room. Well, maybe the pantry. It's not like there's much food in there, since Malik has hidden all the canned goods in his room, and Pegasus has hoarded all his wine in "The Judicial Chamber" (which is a sloppily erected pillow fort). I'm sure the girls have their own stash of food, since they hardly ever make an attempt to get things from the kitchen. I imagine they used it to bribe Mokuba into betraying his brother.
The beeps from the pantry continue, although Kaiba and Serenity took the laptop into the closet with them. I wonder if missing my anti- depressants is taking a larger toll on me than expected. Either way, I'm saner than Joey. He recently found his rubrics cube has gone missing, and he's tearing apart the living room looking for it. At least the bathroom is mostly clean. Yugi, Yami, Kaiba, Malik, Duke, and I have all showered today and the bathroom still remains mostly neat (partly due to the fact that they all took their towels back to their respective sleeping quarters). I'll probably give it a quick once over tonight, just for the sake of keeping busy.
I'm proud to say I managed three hours sleep last night before Pegasus woke up at the crack of dawn and started screaming that the court should rise to greet him. Oh, and today when Pegasus moved his hair out of the way, I noticed his Millennium Eye was missing. I don't believe he's noticed.
End Diary Entry
Bakura gleefully licked the Millennium Eye, his latest acquisition. "Hm…" he glared at his Ring and his new Eye. "I still need a third ring." He glared at them some more as if they were supposed to produce one.
…
"DAMNIT WHAT'S WRONG! DID I GET YOU THE WRONG GENDER OR SOMETHING!" He glared at them evilly.
…
He then jumped back, realizing something. "Oh! Uh… that's Okay then… I'll get something else from somewhere… Ah-heh-heh… Ahem—sorry guys." Bakura finished off his soda while contemplating what he could use for another "ring." He muttered, "God… there's nothing powerful and easily accessible around here." With that, he tossed the soda bottle.
…
Then something interesting came to his attention.
"MWAHAHAHA!" With that, he seized the bottle of Bawls and held it close. "YES! YOU, HOLDER OF THE 'ALMIGHTY' LIFEBLOOD THAT IS CAFFIINE! YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING MY RING! MWAHAHAHAH!" With that, he lined up his three rings with a huge, evil, HETEROSEXUAL grin on his face. Thief Bakubunnie turned towards his PS2, all of his HETEROSEXUAL teeth revealed, his eyes glinting maliciously and without a word, switched the PS2 on…
…
But nothing happened…
Enraged, he hollered, "YOU PIECE OF CRAP!" He flailed his HETEROSEXUAL arms around, accidentally knocking over the empty bottle of Bawls, hitting the edge of the LCD Screen, causing it to switch on. (The PS2 Logo flashes across the screen) He paused for a moment, before seizing the bottle (which had landed in the meat vender) and holding it to his chest. "Yes," he spoke, stroking it, "I knew I made the right decision by appointing you as supreme ring being." With that, the Lord of the Rings theme played again…
The World has changed… I feel it in the water… I feel it in the Earth… I can smell it in the—
Bakura narrowed his eyes and hissed, "I feel you are an idiot…" and hit the R2 button (the fast forward button for those who are PS2 illiterate) and fast-forwarded through the boring crap. He then paused at where he left off… He grinned even more sadistically then before.
Three were given to the elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.
He grinned evilly (while staring at his three "valuables"), Running a hand through his hair, he said "If I do say so myself…" Ladies and Gentleman, Keep in mind, that he is HETEROSEXUAL!
–Seven, to the dwarf lords, (Bakura's mouth dropped) great miners, and craftsmen of the—
He cried into the air, "GOD DAMNIT!", kicked it, and accidentally turned it off… (Luckily, for him, his PS2 is custom, made out of Gundanium Alloy—he'd needed Gundanium Alloy, because under normal circumstances involving a very HETEROSEXUAL Thief Bakura alone with it in the fridge, and possibly, a mutated cucumber, it would shatter.
- TO BE CONTINUED-
Random Note: Stay tuned for the next chapter.