Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR, or any of its characters, or any giant theme parks. Tolkien in Heaven, having a conversation with Shakespeare: Tolkien: They keep stealing my characters. Shakespeare: Why are you complaining? They took Romeo and Juliet, made them gangbangers, then made them sing and dance in streets of New York, no less! At least they give YOU credit! Tolkien: You win.
Chapter 16 All in the Golden Afternoon"What shall we do next?" asked Frodo, having finally recovered from the stomach-twisting ride on the Balrog Blaster. The Walkers had left the coaster behind, and were standing in a semi-circle, trying to collect themselves.
"I vote that we find a nice, peaceful little pub somewhere and take in a pint. I do not think I can survive another exhibit like the last one!" Gandalf exclaimed, still slightly green around the edges.
"Bah! Some White Wizard...can't even take a little twisty Balrog ride! Me? I could have rode the thing all night!" Gimli boasted, puffing out his chest.
"That attendant warned you that you were too small! YOU, Master Dwarf, would have fallen out if I hadn't grabbed hold of your collar!" Boromir laughed, "and your beard flipped up keeping your face covered almost the entire time!"
"I do not remember asking for your help! How could you help me? YOU were screaming like a wee baby girl up there AND wetting your britches to boot - you hulking, stinking, goblin dropping! Small, indeed!" Gimli retorted, shaking his fist at Boromir.
"'I DID NOT! And, 'tis not MY fault that you are SMALL!" Boromir shouted, his face beginning to redden. "That would be your FATHER'S fault!"
"And 'tis not MY fault that YOUR father turned himself into the Gondor Human Fireball!"
"ENOUGH! We did not have this constant bickering even while on the quest to destroy the ring!" Gandalf thundered. "We are all tired, hungry, and thirsty. Perhaps we should just go and wait to be taken to our rooms!"
"We still have quite a wait, Gandalf," Aragorn said, shrugging his shoulders. "Perhaps there are other exhibits not quite so taxing."
Gandalf sighed, and nodded his head. "I suppose it would be better to keep busy...if we are occupied, they may have less opportunity to bite each other's heads off!"
As they walked the path heading toward Isengard, The Walkers spotted a huge fountain of water gushing up from a small, shallow pool. Children were laughing and playing in the water, splashing each other and having a wonderful time.
"Um, Gimli?" Aragorn said, tapping the Dwarf on the shoulder. "Please do not be offended, Master Dwarf, but perhaps you might consider a quick dip..."
"What are you trying say, Aragorn?" Gimli asked through clenched teeth, looking up at the tall man walking beside him. "The Elf stinks worse than I do!" He was rewarded with a glare from Legolas.
"It is not for that reason, all though you do smell rather ripe," Aragorn explained. "But you still have that pink fluffy stuff stuck in your hair, and you are beginning to draw flies," he continued, swatting at the annoying buzzing insects encircling Gimli's head.
"Yes! Come on, Gimli...just a quick dunk! Those flies bite!" Sam chimed in, showing Gimli his arm, which was covered with small welts. "You stink so badly, that they won't bite you...they keep coming after us!"
"Into the drink, Gimli!" Boromir put in, giving the Dwarf a push in that direction.
The other eight Walkers formed a line, and began herding Gimli toward the fountain.
"Alright! Alright!" Gimli cried, putting his hands up in front of him. "Back off, the vile lot of you! I'll do it in me own good time!"
Gimli turned around and stomped toward the pool, muttering to himself all the way. Mothers who saw him coming quickly grabbed their children away.
He stood at the lip of the pool, looking at the water cascading down from the fountain. "Oi! The humiliation! Dwarves and water are mismatched at the best of times!" Cautiously, he stepped over the lip and into the ankle deep water, letting the sprays rain down on his head. Luckily, the pink fluff disappeared as soon as the water hit it. Within moments there was no trace of cotton candy left in Gimli's hair or beard.
"There, it is gone! Are you satisfied, you lot of vipers? Would be that YOU might do with a washing, as well, you know!' he shouted, giving the group a withering look. "The smell on the lot of you could drop a Nazgul at 50 paces!"
Frodo looked at Pippin, Merry and Sam. "It does look rather inviting, doesn't it?" They all grinned at each other, then took off running toward the pool. Gimli's eyes widened as the Hobbits stampeded toward him.
"Wheee!" The Hobbits cried as they landed in the water, knocking Gimli down on his rump. Soon they were splashing each other, and Gimli, laughing like children.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Gimli asked Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas and Boromir, a grin spreading on his face. "Are ye too timid to come in?"
The others walked slowly toward the pool. Aragorn looked at Gandalf and Boromir, who simply shrugged. "I suppose it would be good to wash off some of the stink..." Soon enough, Gandalf, Aragorn and Boromir were rolling about in the fountain with the others.
Legolas stood before the fountain, watching the others frolic in the water. "What are ye waiting for, Elf?" Gimli called, "an engraved invitation? You need this more than ANY of us!"
"It would not be dignified for an Elf to...to cavort in public!" Legolas replied haughtily, crossing his arms over his chest. Boromir reached out, grabbed hold of Legolas' tee shirt and hauled him into the pool.
Eventually, Gandalf realized that they had drawn a crowd of spectators. Clearing his throat, he arose from the pool with as much dignity as possible, straightened his tee shirt and stepped out. The others followed suit soon enough, each shaking their head free of water like so many Irish Setters. They walked to a more secluded area to try to dry off.
"I must admit, Laddies, that did feel good!" Gimli said, deftly ringing out his beard.
"I wish we had seen the fountain earlier," Sam put in, holding one of his big plastic feet upside down to drain out the liquid. "You fellows were beginning to make my eyes water!"
Legolas smiled and nodded in agreement, pulling his fingers through his silky locks. Freezing, he began to pale as he felt all over his head with his fingers. "Oh, no! The twigs...the mud...the knots...its all gone!" he moaned. "Is there none left, Boromir?"
"Not a trace, Elf. You're as clean as a whistle!" Boromir said, cracking a broad grin, suddenly catching on to what Legolas' problem was. "And you might wish to know that those wet shorts and shirt are worse than those silver breeches you were wearing earlier!" Boromir burst out laughing, prompting Aragorn, Gimli, and the Hobbits to join in. The seven were nearly rolling on the floor at Legolas' discomfort.
"Why is this a problem, Prince of Mirkwood?' inquired Gandalf, looking confused. He was sitting in the fading sun trying to dry his long beard and hair. "You were always the cleanest one on our Quest...I barely saw you with the barest smudge on your cheek, even after battle! One would think you would be delighted to be back to your old self."
"It seems, Gandalf," Aragorn said between snorts of laughter, "that our young Elf has had a bit of a problem with the ladies, today!"
"It is NOT funny, Aragorn!" Legolas cried, hands clenched at his sides.
"Oh, yes it is, Laddie! It could possibly be the funniest thing I've heard in me life!" Gimli roared with laughter at Legolas' expense. "Though what those females see in you is beyond my ken! Your kind are much too tall, thin, and hairless for any Dwarf woman to take notice!"
"Luckily for me, since they all look like YOU!" Legolas scathingly replied, staring down at Gimli.
"Calm yourself, Legolas. I'll see what that shop across the way has to offer. Perhaps we can find something to conceal you," Aragorn said, still snickering, jogged over to the souvenir shop across the way from them.
A short while later, Aragorn returned, carrying several bags with him. He opened one bag and pulled out a huge floppy purple hat adorned with large plastic sunflowers. He plopped it on Legolas' head. Opening the other bag, he took out a dry pair of shorts, and a tee shirt, which read, "Princess-in-training."
"My apologies, but this was all that they had..." Aragorn said, trying to keep a straight face.
Legolas made a disgusted sound, grabbed the clothes, and quickly ducked behind a tree to change.
"There we go! No woman will possibly take an interest in you now!" he said when Legolas returned.
"Hannon le," Legolas said, pulling the brim of his hat down as far as he could over his head.
The Walkers began strolling down the path again. No one told Legolas that the back of his rather short shorts said, "Hot Stuff."
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