Sydney sat down on the swings at MacArthur Park and watched her daughter play in the sandbox a few yards away. Visiting Sark's grave earlier that week had been hard on the both of them. Sydney and Lily had formed such a happy little bubble of life that it wasn't easy admitting that there was something noticeably missing all the time.
Lily denied that she missed her father that much, but Sydney thought that was mostly for her benefit. Her daughter might be young, but she was smart. She knew how much her parents had loved each other, how they practically lived to be with each other. Sydney didn't have to tell Lily stories for that to be apparent.
The wind rippled through her hair as she pumped her legs, sending her swing back and forth. She surrendered herself to the simple pleasure. Swings were always her favorite part of the playground when she was little. For some reason, she had always enjoyed the feeling of almost leaving the earth that swings provided.
She snapped out of her swinging rhythm when she heard a tiny voice say, as she breezed past, "I'm sorry, Mommy." Screeching to a halt, she saw her daughter had left the sandbox and was standing next to the poles that held the swings up.
"What are you sorry for, baby?" Sydney asked.Lily walked in front her mother's now motionless swing and took a seat on the neighboring one. "I shouldn't have asked to come here.""Why not? I thought you liked parks." When Lily nodded, it dawned on Sydney. "Does this have something to do with Daddy?"
"This is where you came on your first date. I bet being here just makes you miss him more."
Sydney smiled at her daughter's concern. True, she had come to MacArthur Park with Sark before, but it was just for a casual stroll. She couldn't tell her daughter that it was really Paris that made her nostalgic for her father. There were so many things that happened between them in that city. It was the first time they had met face to face. It was the place of their first mission as partners for SD-6. And like she hadn't told Lily, it was the place of their first official date. "It's all right, Lily. I kind of miss him all the same everywhere I go."
Lily nodded and started swinging lightly.
"Is there something on your mind?" Sydney asked after a moment.
"Bobby's father died when he was little, too. His mother found him another Daddy. I was just wondering why you didn't do that for me."
Sydney took a deep breath. "It's not because I didn't want to give you another, Daddy. I tried. I really did. It's just that after a while I realized that I couldn't find a man who I could love as much as I loved your father. And I didn't want to force you to love a man that I couldn't. Does that make sense?"
"Kinda. It's like Grandma says. You and Daddy had a special love."
Sydney smiled at the thought of her mother. Irina had really helped out for the first few years after they lost Sark. She had come rather close to self-destructing and probably would have come a lot closer if Lily and her parents weren't there for her. "Our whole relationship was one in a million."
"Grandma was saying the other day that Daddy was the only boyfriend you ever had that made Grandpa smile."
Sydney thought about the way her father had warmed up to Sark when he found out that they were getting married and she was pregnant with Lily. True, he had practically killed Sark when he first found out about their relationship, but he got used to the idea rather fast. "Yeah, your father was a charmer."
"Tell me about the wedding," Lily said, abruptly.
"You are getting so demanding with these stories, sweetheart."
"Please?" She put on her sweetest face.
"All right. Your father and I didn't want too large a wedding. There were a few complications with my other job that kept us from having a large church wedding.."
"The job where you used your banking skills to help the government?" Lily said the last word rather slowly, sounding it out.
"Right. That one. There were a few people at that job that didn't really like Daddy. They were my friends first and foremost, and they wanted to make sure that he was good enough for me, I guess."
"And he was."
"Absolutely. So, in hopes of keeping it simple, your father and I got married on the beach..."
Sydney looked at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath, feeling the light breeze off the ocean blow her veil. She couldn't believe this day that she had dreamed of since she was seven was finally here. Laughing, she thought back to all the different men she had envisioned as her groom.
There was Nick Hinkle, her first grade crush. They had almost gotten married on the playground at recess, but it seemed, like most men, he got cold feet. Either that or he decided that kickball was more fun than marriage.
After that she got serious. There were only two other men she allowed herself to think of in terms of forever. The first was Noah Hicks, her first partner at SD-6. She had loved him with all her heart. That didn't end so well, though. He had hurt her so many times, the last time ending in his death.
Danny Hecht should have probably been her husband if she had had her way. Destiny was a crazy thing, though. The same force that brought the current love of her life in had thrown Danny out. In ways, she would always be conflicted as to whether she should be grateful or resentful of SD-6.
"How are you doing?" Nadia asked as she let herself into the small tent they had set up earlier as a makeshift dressing room. She looked slightly disheveled.
"Aunt Nadia was there?"
Sydney nodded, the sadness radiating in her eyes. "That was before your aunt had to go away on her long vacation to India."
Lily smiled and stood up. "I have to pee," she said simply.
Sydney was left alone to think of her sister and what had gone wrong in their relationship. When she had first rescued Nadia from that women's prison, she had high hopes that her sister would come to fight side by side for her with the US government. She knew now that was just a foolish daydream that could never become real. When Nadia disappeared with her father on the same day that Sydney learned her father had betrayed her, she unconsciously knew that a happy relationship between the two of them wasn't an option any longer.
Nadia returned six months later without uttering a word to anyone where she had been. It had taken Sydney months to get her to admit that she had been with Sloane.
At the time of her wedding, Sydney was just glad to have her sister back. She still had the foolish hope of forming a close relationship with her at that point. It would take work and trust, but she really though it could happen.
Now she knew that was impossible. Just like Rambaldi had predicted, her sister went down the wrong path and ended up facing off with Sydney in a fight to the death.
Sydney won.
There wasn't a day that went by where she didn't wonder if it might have been better if she had lost.
Nadia's death was easier to handle for Sydney. She had gotten familiar with the whole grieving process when Sark had died. The one thing she regretted was not being able to tell her daughter the whole truth about her aunt. Someday, she would explain that Nadia was not studying religion in India like Lily had always been told. Sydney didn't know why she hadn't told her daughter. If Lily could handle the fact that her father was dead, why couldn't she do the same for her aunt?
The answer was clear. Lily had never actually met her father. At least, she couldn't remember meeting him. Nadia had been a constant fixture in Lily's life up until her fourth birthday. The day Sydney killed her.
"I'm back," Lily said, plopping back down onto the swing. "Keep going."
"So your aunt had come in to check on me..."
"Oh wow," Nadia muttered. "I didn't realize those bunch of rags would look so good on you."
"Do not call my wedding dress a bunch of rags, Nadia," Sydney warned playfully. She took in her appearance in the mirror again. To go along with the nature of the ceremony, she had chosen a simple white silk dress with a white satin sash that tied in the back. She had her hair pulled back into a bun, and there was a veil so thin fixed to the top that it was practically non-existent.
"You look like an angel," Nadia whispered, touching the veil lightly. "You are going to knock his socks off."
Sydney watched her sister's face light up as she got an idea. She watched Nadia run out of the tent and return two seconds later with a lotus in her hand. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Sydney asked, taking the flower from her sister's extended hand.
"Put it in your hair. It'll add a little bit of a exotic edge to the little elegant ensemble you have going."
"Is everyone there?" Sydney asked, doing as her sister requested and placing the flower behind her ear. Nadia hesitated in answering her question. "Tell me."
"Everyone except Michael. I don't think he's coming, Syd."
"Uncle Michael didn't come to your wedding?" Lily asked. She couldn't believe that one of her mother's best friends hadn't been there when her parents got married.
"You remember I said something about a few people not liking your father. Michael was one of those people. He eventually changed his mind, but at the time, he wasn't really happy with the person he thought your father was..."
"You actually expected that he would show up, didn't you?" Nadia asked, touching her sister's shoulders lightly.
"I thought that we had enough history that he could forget about his hatred for Sark for one day."
"Sydney," she said hesitantly. "You and I both know that Sark isn't the only reason he isn't here today."
Sydney nodded. Vaughn had gotten married about a year earlier for reasons no one knew at the time. He had gotten divorced two months into his marriage. The night he told her he was leaving his wife was etched in her memory. It was also the night that she told him she was in love with Sark.
Vaughn had shown up on her doorstep saying that marrying Lauren Reed was a mistake. He should have been with Sydney this whole time. He asked her if she had felt the same way.
The only thing she could think of was to tell him that she loved someone else. Yes, there was a point where she would have happily admitted that she was interested. But since that day in the broken elevator at SD-6 and the night in the Parisian park, she hadn't thought about Michael Vaughn in that way.
He hadn't taken it well. She hadn't spoken to him since that night.
"I can't believe you invited him at all," Nadia interrupted her sister's thoughts. "I mean, you haven't spoken to him in forever."
"That doesn't mean he's not one of the best friends I've ever had."
"Your best friends are out there waiting for you, Sydney. He's not there." Nadia grabbed her hand and dragged her to the tent opening which she carefully slid back.
"Who was there, Mommy?"
"Be patient, Lily. I was about to tell you before I was so rudely interrupted."
"Sorry."
"That's all right."
Sydney could see her parents sitting in the front row. Behind them was Will Tippin and his latest girlfriend. She couldn't keep their names straight. Ever since he started working for the New York Times, it was like he was a celebrity. There was a new girl every day of the week. She thought it might have something to do with the way that Francie died, but she would never bring the topic up with him.
Next to Will was Marshall and Carrie. They had brought little Mitch along with them. Sydney was happy to see him playing in the sand and enjoying the beautiful day. It was nice to see someone perfectly content with their life.
The only other guests were Eric Weiss and Dixon. They were both sitting in the back row, looking not too happy to be there. Sydney didn't mind that. At least they had showed up. That meant a lot to her.
"It's time," Nadia whispered. "Are you sure about this?"
Sydney paused in her story telling.
"What did you say?" Lily asked.
"My mind jumped back to the first day I realized that I might love your father. The day in that elevator..."
"It's fate," she answered simply.
"It's not going to be easy."
"Would you stop trying to talk me out of something that I've never been more sure of? It's infuriating. You're infuriating."
Nadia rolled her eyes. "And you told me that you always wanted a sister."
Lily looked up at her mother. "I want a sister, too. But I don't need one."
"Well, why would you say that?"
"I know that for me to have a little sister, you would have to find a new Daddy. I don't want a new Daddy. I like my first one."
Sydney stared down at her daughter in shock as tears crept into her eyes.
"What's wrong, Mommy?"
"That was really sweet, Lily. Thank you."
This was one of those moments when Sydney knew she had done the right thing, sacrificing her sister to keep on living. There were times when all her life was amounted to pain and sadness. But these little glimpses of pure happiness. They were what kept her going.
"You'll never guess what happened next," she said, returning to the safety of storytelling in the hopes that it might keep her from crying anymore than she already had.
"What?"
"It started to rain..."
The rain came pouring down the second Sydney started walking down the aisle. It robbed her of getting to see the look on Sark's face when he saw her. Instead, Sark's face was pointed up to the sky, looking like he was going to kill whomever was responsible for the intrusion.
The handful of guests ran straight into the tent Sydney had just vacated. She heard Dixon whisper something about it being a sign, but she just ignored him. Again, she expected the bitterness but was just happy he was here.
Her mother worked her way over to her. "I think that maybe the wedding should be put off for another day. You don't want to get married in a torrential downpour. I know how much you love Julian. You want this day to be perfect."
Sydney nodded, happy her mother was taking charge. She had still not locked eyes with her husband-to-be and was scanning the room trying to find where he was standing.
"Your Grandma knew that I was too upset inside to handle it myself. So she told everyone that the rain didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon, and we would just have to try again some time in the future."
"Didn't it bother you?"
"The not getting married? A little bit. But I knew my mother had a whole perfect day planned in her head and I didn't want to let her down." Sydney stood up and offered her hand to her daughter. "Let's go for a walk. My legs are starting to cramp on this swing."
They walked along a small dirt path into a grove of trees. "What happened after everyone left?"
Sydney smiled at her daughter. "I know what you're wondering. You're thinking, I asked for the story of the day Mommy and Daddy got married, not the story of the day they almost got married. I was just getting to that part. It all started when your Daddy finally looked at me for the first time..."
She could feel the weight of his eyes on her. "Hi," she said lightly as they finally were left alone together in the tent.
"I never dreamed that this day would come."
"What day is that?" she said, acting coy.
"The day when I would look at a woman standing across from me and realize that I would die if she weren't mine. The day that I saw the love of my life in a white dress and was thankful she saw through all the bullshit walls I've put up for years. The day I realized that what my father had always told me was wrong. Someday I would find a woman who made me want to be a better person. God, I love you, Sydney."
"I love you, too." She crossed the small space between them and let him envelop her in his arms.
"That flower looks beautiful in your hair," he said, fingering it lightly.
"Nadia made me put it there."
"It was a good idea. Did you know that the lotus is my favorite flower? They stand for rebirth."
"Fitting," she said with a smile. "I'll try to remember that."
Sark pulled her back away from him a little bit and looked her in the eyes. "I've never seen you look so perfect. Beautiful, yes. Every day. But perfection like this only comes around once in a lifetime."
"It's a shame we have to waste this," she said sadly, snuggling back into his arms and taking in the smell of his cologne with a happy sigh.
"What a waste of a perfect day, right?" Sydney said to her daughter. They bent down to start picking up rocks. This was a habit of theirs, a way to remember the different places they went. Sydney hadn't told her daughter that it was a habit she had picked up when she went on the many exotic dates she had with Sark. Exotic dates that just happened to be connected to SD-6 missions, but still, dates none the less in their minds.
"Daddy actually said all those nice things to you?"
"I know. It was like someone took control of his mouth. Some monster under his bed." Lily giggled, and Sydney patted her on the head lightly. "I'm just kidding, sweetheart. Your father was always saying nice things like that. Only for me, though. That's one of the perks of being in love. You can say whatever mushy thing you want and it never seems silly..."
"Who says it's a waste?" Sark said, a familiar gleam springing up in his eye.
"What are you thinking about, Julian?"
"Well, I thought that maybe we would go through with this whole wedding thing still."
"Everyone's gone home," she pointed out.
"Not the priest," he said smirking. "That's the only important person."
"It's raining."
"I've never known rain to kill anyone."
"Pneumonia," Sydney pointed out.
"That's stupid," he said, glaring at her playfully. They both knew that they had been in plenty of situations that could have ended up with them getting pneumonia or hypothermia before. It was silly to use that as a reason now.
"My mother would kill me if she knew that you and I got married and she wasn't there."
"Your mother doesn't have to know. We can get married now, and have another ceremony later on." He grabbed her hand and pulled her outside into the rain, ignoring her protests. "See. The rain's not even cold."
"That's not a reason."
"I don't think you should be arguing with me, Sydney."
"All I do is argue with you, Julian. It keeps the relationship from becoming too dull."
"Well, let me win on this one." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her heavily. "I don't think I can go another day without knowing you'll be by my side."
"And do you know what I did?" she asked Lily. "For the first and only time in our relationship, I let him win. I didn't want to go another day without him either."
Lily reached out her arms, and Sydney hefted her up onto her hip. "Your father and I stood out in the pouring rain with only an extremely agitated priest and got married. And you know what?"
"What?"
"It was perfect. And your Daddy was right. Perfect days are one in a million."