A/N: George: Emily spent her whole day looking after snotty kids at her work experience placement! Ha! Whereas, I spent the day in bed and completing the very important task of racing cars on Grand Turismo. I love being me.

Emily: Smug git! I feel like I've spent a month with those brats not a day!

George: The chapters will be a bit slower now Emily has to work. I would do them but I need lots of sleep!

Emily: I wonder how many reviews will say what a smug git you are!

Disclaimer: I own Kai and while I am borrowing Legolas who knows what kinkiness will ensue?!

Chapter Two – Wrong Direction

The three traveling to Lothlorien had reached the Mirkwood border and were ready to cross the plains towards the Golden Woods. Well at least two of them were.

"I think we should go this way." Gestured Emily to the South.

"That way would take us to Gondor not Lòrien." Explained Legolas.

"Exactly."

"You do realize that when you say 'exactly' it does not explain what you mean." Reasoned Kai after noticing Legolas' exasperated look.

"We are going to Gondor." Stated Emily. "Why do you think we left so early?"

"Why and earth would we go to Gon…" It suddenly dawned on Legolas.

"What?" Kai waited impatiently for the conclusion to the current debate.

"George." Groaned Legolas.

"Hey! You could at least hide the contempt in your voice, he is your brother in-law!"

"I have nothing against George. However, I do not see why whenever we go somewhere we always have to get him first."

"Well he can't…no I had better not…"

"He can't what?" Pushed Kai.

"He can't travel on his own."

"He has hundreds of courtiers I can assure you he will not be alone." Sighed Legolas.

"He won't ask them to escort him, you know how stubborn he is."

"Why won't he travel on his own?" Asked Kai.

Emily was about to answer when the shiny blue/black color of Kai's hair distracted her.

"Shiny." She sighed.

"Excuse me?" Emily looked round to see Legolas staring down at her with eyebrows raised and nostrils flared.

"Urm…yo-yo's. They are shiny." Emily kicked herself mentally for this lame explanation.

"If Kai and I continue to Lothlorien you will not follow, will you?"

"Probably not." Admitted Emily.

"And you are sure George cannot travel on his own?"

"Most definitely."

"Fine." Sighed Legolas in defeat. "Kai will you be joining us? I know you only thought we would be traveling to Lòrien."

Kai thought for a moment. He did not like long journeys, it was not that he didn't like sleeping rough, it was more the fact that he was used to border patrols full of fights and skirmishes. The most he would have to contend with on this journey would be these two rutting like rabbits and the King of Gondor's renowned sarcasm.

Since the end of the war there had been less to removed Kai's never ending energy. He had taken to being Mirkwood's resident bicycle in hopes of relieving some unwanted oomph.

Kai looked at Emily who had begun to try and remove a greenfly from her riding jacket. For what seemed like endless minutes Emily battled with the infinitesimal creature eventually resulting in a cry of alarm as the bug flew in her eye.

If what he had heard from Legolas were true about the exploits of Emily and George during the War of the Ring, this journey would be a lot more adventurous than he had previously thought.

"Of course I'll join you." Kai announced although Legolas seemed more concerned about the increasing redness of Emily's eye.

…….

"It is wet." Said Emily.

"It is supposed to be." Replied Legolas.

"I'm not going near it!"

"It won't hurt you."

"Nope! Not happening."

"How about you just put one finger in it first and see how it feels." Reasoned Legolas.

"How about you put your own finger in it!"

"Emily!"

"But it is really deep."

"Emily we have to cross this river, a bit of water will not hurt you!"

(A/N: A course they were talking about a river! You all knew that, didn't you?!)

"Are you saying I smell?!"

"I am saying if you are not across that river in ten seconds I will throw you in." Threatened Legolas.

"You wouldn't dare."

Legolas being the ever-patient elf he was picked Emily up in one swoop and chucked her into the river. Emily being the ever flailing idiot that she was grabbed a fistful of Legolas' hair and pulled him in with her. Kai looked on in great amusement as the two emerged.

"I'm a distinct feeling of dejavu." Laughed Emily. "There must be a glitch in the matrix!"

"Would you like a hand my lord?" Grinned Kai as he offered a hand to Legolas who was trying to keep him and Emily afloat.

Kai lent forward, Emily noticing this seized the opportunity and pulled Kai into the clear Anduin.

"Hey look! Kai is wearing white too!" Giggled Emily as Kai turned a rather cute shade of pink.

"I think it would be best if we rested for the night. I fear Emily is much too mischievous mood today. Hopefully she will calm down after some sleep." Decided Legolas.

"I think that would be most wise." Agreed Kai as he rung out his hair.

"I am here you know!" Objected Emily as she floundered about.

"Perhaps we should restrain her." Suggested Kai.

Images of Legolas and Emily's honeymoon came flooding back to the pair and both had the graciousness to flush.

"I don't want to know." Kai shook his head and began to unburden the horses.

"Are you going to get me out of this river?"

Legolas pulled Emily out and set her in front of him. "You really should wear white more often." He smirked. This earnt him a tug on his right ear.

…..

"The King will see you now." Informed a guard.

Emily, Legolas and Kai entered the Citadel. The sight of a bouncing George greeted them as he let his slinky down the stairs to his throne for the eightieth time that day.

 "Everyone loves a slinky, everyone loves a slinky, go slinky go!" Sang George as finally the spring reached the bottom.

"This is the King of Gondor?!" Said an incredulous Kai.

"He is smarter than he looks." Whispered Legolas.

"How do you know?"

"Well the place is still standing." Shrugged Legolas.

"George!" Cried Emily as she wrestled her brother to the floor.

"Watch the robes!" Protested George.

"Quit your whining and give us a hug!"

George acquiesced.

"So you ready to go?" Inquired Emily.

"I am always ready. George is ready for another quest full of adventure and elf-maidens!"

"We're going to a gay wedding." Notified Emily.

"Oh." George pouted for a bit then eventually grinned. "Hey that means more females for me!"

"Come and meet Kai."

"What that dude from 'everyone loves Legolas'?" Asked George. (A/N: Go read – by Limpet666)

"Have you been reading my fanfiction again?"

"Nope." Lied George.

"Kai this is my brother George. George this is the rather dishy Kai."

Kai raised an eyebrow at his introduction but let it go and shook George's hand. Legolas was doing his best not begin an argument in the court of Gondor. Legolas' anger dissipated when George blurted,

"Are you gay?"

"Excuse me?!" Gasped Kai.

"I just thought I'd ask seeing as you are attending a gay wedding."

"Wait! You're going." Interrupted Emily.

"I have to I'm representing Gondor."

"Legolas is going." Continued Emily.

George held back the comment that had formed on the tip of his tongue. However, Emily had already anticipated his reaction.

…..

"You didn't have to give me a black eye." Pouted George.

"You insulted Legolas."

"I didn't say I word!"

Emily smiled innocently and mounted Tiny. George followed closely behind her on his horse Durex.

"I can't believe you called your horse Durex." Commented Emily.

"You can talk with Tiny there!"

"What's wrong with the name Tiny?" Asked Kai who was to the left of Emily and George.

"I take it she hasn't told you the horse's last name."

"What is it?" Asked Kai regretting it as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

"Johnson." Stated Emily.

"Tiny Johnson?" Repeated Kai, the joke obviously lost on him.

Legolas shook his head knowing full well the blatant crudeness of the joke after many a day spent in the company of Emily and George. 

"I suggest you leave it at that Kai." He said.

…..

A/N: Emily: Is it becoming too inane? Is that even possible? Well do not expect the journey to the wedding to go too smoothly. We have jealousy, anger, suspense and kidnap all still to come.

George: Why don't they just watch Eastenders?!

Emily: Shut-up!

 Thank yous  -

Pretendingtobesane – No disaster as of yet but you know us so it's not far away.

Limpet666 – You can join our Spaced cult! As for the whole Kai thing, we here in windy old Canterbury are loving your work! You rock!

Shadowz- How ya doing!? Go spread my love for Simon Pegg! You and your Lauri, what am I going to do with you? Glad your liking the sequel! TROGDOR!!!!!!!!

Chaotic Jinx – New reviewer! YAY and you're mad like us!!!!!!!! I am loving the praise you have seen fit to bestow upon me! George however, is pouting like Kiera Knightly for being called a dork. You know what boys are like when you deflate their egos! I hope you come back for more!

Meg – the- sexy- beast – Another new reviewer! YAY! I love Orlando Bloom too!!!!! Very much so, but from this you probably guessed that! Genius idea about Yoshie I had forgotten about that dragon! Zombie Aragorn will be attending the wedding but who knows with this fic when he'll randomly pop up. The magic bag will return when I write myself into a hole and need something ludicrous to get myself out of it.