A/N: Emily: I am uber tired. I may have fallen asleep four times while writing this chapter so if I have missed any sections out I really apologize. I have tried to beta read it but my eyes won't stay open! Who thought getting up in the morning was a good idea?! George is gone again, his out looking for job (or so he says)!

Disclaimer: I own Kai feel free to use and abuse him. I also own the dingy little cave in this! Wow go me! Legolas however I have to return. Damn!

Chapter Three – The essence of Orc.

Emily began to cough violently causing the three males in the group to divert their attentions to her.

"Now that I have your attention I would like to point out one thing." Began Emily.

Legolas nodded for her to continue.

"If we don't take a fucking break this second I will be forced to fall off Tiny Johnson."

George held back a smirk.

"Orcs roam this passage, we cannot rest here. There is shelter a few miles from here that we can head for." Explained Legolas. Kai nodded in agreement.

"Didn't you hear me?! I can't move another inch without being blinded by excruciating pain!" Yelped Emily as she rolled off Tiny and plopped onto the floor.

"How about if you were on a Quad bike?" Put in George.

Legolas was forced to fall off his horse.

"Are you all right my lord?" Inquired Kai with a bemused look on his face.

All Legolas could do was nod as he reddened profusely.

"This is another one of those things I do not want to know isn't it?!" Cringed Kai.

George nodded.

"Why has everyone suddenly taken to nodding?" Asked Emily.

George shrugged.

Emily frowned.

George shrugged again.

Kai quirked an eyebrow.

Legolas opened his mouth to say something but fell short of anything coherent.

This chain of events went on for about twelve minutes until George finally cracked under pressure.

"Enough guys! What just happened there?"

Kai shrugged.

Legolas hit him around the head.

"I think we just experienced the essence of silence." Said a subdued Emily.

"Can we not do it again?" Asked a spooked out George.

Legolas and Kai nodded.

"Speak goddamn you!" Cried George.

Legolas and Kai's eyes widened in horror.

"Stop with the emphatic gestures!" Yelled Emily.

"Sssshh!" Hissed Legolas.

"No I will not 'sssshh'! I'm fed up with no noise, we need more noise!"

The ground began to rumble.

"See, nothing like a bit of noise to…" Emily never got to finish her sentence as Legolas clamped his hand over her mouth.

"Yrchs!" Jeered Kai.

"Speak English! Or Westron or whatever the chuffing language is that I'm yelling in now!" Snapped George.

"All right then! In your language, shut the fuck up!" Shouted Kai.

Legolas, Emily an George gaped in wonder.

"Wow, a pissed off elf!" Chanted George and Emily in unison.

"We do not have time for this." Legolas took action and hauled Emily onto Arod. "Kai! George come on!"

The three stallions powered on leaving Tiny Johnson to reluctantly follow. The loyalty of Emily's horse had already been tested a month previously after a rather unfortunate incident in Bree. An unconscious Emily had to be dragged home by Tiny after she stupidly agreed to a drinking competition against a dwarf with a belly twice the size of Santa's, but I digress…

"If we make it to that outcrop of rocks we will be able to hide them out my Lord." Suggested Kai.

"What outcrop of rocks?" Yelled George.

"Elvish eyes remember?!" Answered Emily as she winced with every movement of the horse.

"Em! I think it's my turn to fall off a horse!" Yelped George.

"Not a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Well for one reason there are Orcs in pursuit. Secondly there will be another one of those bizarre series of events thingies."

George looked down as the plush grass moved beneath Durex's feet. He had a look on his face that suggested 'hey that looks comfy.'

Legolas sensing this tried to interject, "Do not even think about it!"

As with all great humorous stories he was too late.

George tumbled off, his fall cushioned by the effervescent pasture. Now by a bizarre series of events (A/N: Never saw that one coming!) the following happened:

Durex noticing the absence of a rider ground to a halt. Tiny being the ever aware and astute horse she was crashed straight into the rear of Durex. Arod having developed a slight crush on Durex over the last two days abruptly swung around too assess the damage done to his sweetheart. This action caused an unprepared Legolas to summon up all of his elvish grace to keep him on the horse. Emily, however, with no elvish grace or human grace for that matter was sent hurtling towards Kai. Kai whose sexual frustration had led him to disregard the situation found himself in a rather agreeable position underneath Emily on the floor. George who had been to pull Durex off Tiny Johnson suddenly noticed the look of murderous intent in Legolas' eyes as the elf strode towards the tangled limbs of Kai and Emily. George who had found Kai quite pleasant as a friend put on his hero garb and rugby tackled Legolas.

Now as bizarre series of events go this is the mother of all as it resulted in the group of four in rather a compromising position surrounded by Orcs.

"Bollocks!" Grumbled George.

…..

Kai and Legolas immediately jumped into elf action unsheathing swords and notching arrows.

George went into overprotective big brother mode and decided to holler profanities.

"Back to the pits that sporned you!" He cried.

"We will not be able to take them all my lord!" Whispered Kai in elvish.

"Why are they speaking elvish again?!" Snorted George.

"I reckon Kai just said 'we are all going to die best not worry the kids'" Groaned Emily in dismay.

The Orcs began to advance. Legolas instinctively stepped in front of Emily.

"Ahh that's so sweet." Gushed Emily despite the inappropriate timing.

"Bind their hands." Grunted one of the Orcs. "He wants them alive."

"Huh?" The extent of George's questioning was extraordinary.

Legolas and Kai who were seemingly too proud to be taken as prisoners fought back until eventually all four were split up and surrounded.

"Hey watch the robes!" Protested George as he was manhandled to the ground.

Legolas and Kai thrashed violently as the Orcs attempted to bind their hands.

Emily who had resigned to her fate just sat down and let the Orcs bind her hands on the proviso that they did not stand to close.

"Emily?!" Cried Legolas as on group of Orcs and their prisoner began to move away.

"I'm O.K hunny, at least I think."

……

The four were deposited in a dark cave while the Orcs took a break around a makeshift campfire.

Emily fumbled around in the darkness. She could feel something cold and hard against her back.

'I'm guessing that's a wall.' Thought Emily to herself.

She swung her bound hands around not knowing what she hoped to find.

"Ouch!" Yelped a voice.

"George?" Whispered Emily.

"You just gave me a dead arm you spaz!" Yelled George.

"Sorry."

"Emily?!" Came another voice.

"Legolas?"

Emily awaited an answer but instead found herself under a weighty object that seemed to be kissing her.

"Please tell me you are Legolas and not a horny Kai."

"I was so worried about you." Replied the voice of Legolas.

"Good to know." Sighed Emily.

"We are in a cave." Stated George.

"How do you know?"

"There's an echo, it's a cave or maybe a really large cupboard…"

cupboard

cupboard

"See." Finished George. "Hey! I found something."

"What is it?" Asked Legolas.

"Well, it is warm and kind of soft and…"

"You do realize you are groping my leg.!" Came the voice of Kai.

"Sorry man." George retreated sheepishly.

"Kai!" Cheered Emily.

"What is the plan my lord?" Asked Kai.

"As of now there isn't one. There are still too many Orcs. We cannot attack them and defend Emily and George at the same time." Sighed Legolas.

"Hate to burst your bubble oh prince hero guy, but it is my duty to inform you that Emily and I as fully fledged members of the once almighty Fellowship do not need you protection!" Announced George.

"Help!" Squeaked Emily and she felt and smelt Orcs begin to drag her away.

Legolas followed her cries but soon was stopped by a wall of Orcs.

"If you hurt her I'll…" Began Legolas.

"…hear her scream." Finished one of the Orcs with a smirked.

"We have to save her!" Cried George. "That's my baby sister! Why didn't you hear them coming? You're supposed to have super ears."

"Well maybe if you had shut up for long enough maybe we would have!" Argued Kai.

"This isn't helping!" Shouted Legolas distress evident in his voice.

….

"You do realize that this breeches every humanitarian right there is! Where are we going? And why am I the only one going there?" Emily hoped annoying them into letting her go would work.

"You are going to Him." Answered one Orc.

"He will see each of you." Said another.

"And so he should, I was feeling a case of attack on the blond female for a second there!"

"He will decide your fate, death, torture, a lifetime of pain." Snorted a random Orc.

"Who does He think He is?!" Protested Emily as she was dragged up some stairs.

"He will cast the shadow of death upon this world." An Orc grunted.

"He who lives at the back of a cave has no personal hygiene and is not averse to bondage. Your master isn't a vengeful Aragorn is He?"

…..

"There are only three Orcs guarding the exit, we will not have any problems in taking them." Observed Kai after the remaining three had scouted down the dark passageways.

"We are not leaving without Emily." Hissed Legolas and George.

"We cannot save her with the Orc numbers as they are. We must go for help." Reasoned Kai.

"Then you go! I'm staying here." Said Legolas slightly louder than the situation deemed appropriate.

"I'm staying too." Followed George.

"I cannot leave my Prince to fight alone." Yelled Kai.

"And if your Prince orders you to go will you disobey him?" Asked Legolas.

"No my lord."

"Then as your Prince but also as your friend I ask you to go and get aid."

"Yes my lord." Kai bowed and turned to leave but not before embracing his longtime friend.

….

"You will wait here."

Emily was pushed into a seated position onto a rather pointy rock.

"Do you mind?!" Objected Emily.

"You will wait here." Repeated the Orc.

"I heard! Would you mind telling me what exactly I am waiting for? And don't say 'Him' I'm sick of hearing about 'Him,'"

"He will see you when He is ready."

"Ready for what? On second thoughts I am quite content not knowing!" Emily groaned and placed her head in her hands. "This is ridiculous. You spend all that time and energy on destroying the One Ring then some asshole comes along and gets you kidnapped. There are no standards anymore."

"How do you mean?" Asked one interested Orc.

"Well, where are the one eyed villains with scary white cats and manic laughter. Where are the virgins in white dresses being kidnapped then rescued by hunky men on black steeds? You call these bindings?!" Emily gestured to the ropes tired haphazardly around her wrists. "No effort whatsoever was put into these! Where are the dungeons with chains attached to the walls? I want chains!"

"That can be arranged." Smirked the Orc.

…..

A/N: Emily: We hope this was slightly longer for you. Wow, action packed huh? Any questions comments are welcome as always so please review.

Thank yous:

Pretendingtobesane – Your right it was short. I hope this is long and chaotic enough for you.

Shadowz - how is hospital life treating you? You may see some of the kids I'm looking after in there after I hit when they say Busted are a rock band! Gggrrrrhhhh!!!! Hey we have another TROGDOR fan in Chaotic Jinx Yay rejoice! Crudeness rules.

Jade – Would I cheat on Legolas? As for George being gay you'll have to ask him but from the amount of girls lurking around my house AND GETTING IN MY WAY!!!!!!!! I don't think so.

Limpet666 – Ah my dear limpet how fair you? We are very honored by your comments, thankies!Hey I like Jebus he seems fun!

Chaotic Jinx – George now has the head the size of a waterlogged donkey after that cute comment! He sends his utmost thank yous and says the flowers are in the post. As for me the person thing is great I can talk, walk, and a few other exciting things! Loving your reviews and the fact that you're a fellow TROGDOR fan!!!! Hope this chappie was to your satisfaction.