A/N: Emily: It's been a dull week in the Emily and George household, train sets aside (don't ask), hopefully this is not reflected in this chapter, which was weirdly hard to get out. I think our funny genes have gone missing, if you find them please would you pop a stamp on them and return them. Oh thank you too everyone who has reviewed the first story since we finished it!

George: God I'm bored! If anyone out there has any genius ideas that two lazy layabouts in the Southeast England vicinity can broaden their horizons with sends us an email.

Disclaimer: Emily is still owned by our parents but I am a free eighteen year old with no morals and no money (oh and no LOTR characters). 

Chapter Six – Died and gone to heaven.

'Soft, moist, good amount of pressure and NOT LEGOLAS!!!!!' Thought Emily as she pushed Kai off her and fell to the floor with a bump.

"I am sorry I shouldn't have done that." Apologized Kai quickly.

"Who do you think you are the Prince of Mirkwood?!" Shouted Emily.

"That would be me." Said Legolas with an icy tone.

"Legolas!" Gasped Kai. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

"Now I can explain…" Began a jittery Kai.

"You don't have to explain to him Kai." Yelled Emily. "I don't want anything more to do with him."

Emily stood steadfast as Legolas' heated demeanor crumpled to reveal that cute pained expression he did when Gandalf fell in Moria.

"I don't understand." Spoke Legolas quietly.

'He is going to cry!' Yelped Emily's brain. 'You made Legolas cry! You bitch!'

While Emily continued to listen to the ranting on of her brain Kai decided to fill Legolas in.

"She overheard your conversation with George."

"What conversation?"

"A conversation that let slip your little secret."

Legolas turned towards Emily, "George told me not to tell you, he said you wouldn't like it."

"To bloody right I don't like it!" Screamed Emily.

"I didn't know you would feel this strongly about it. It started off harmlessly, but then I joined the club, got the outfits and all those balls."

"I am going to be sick." Gulped Emily.

"I'm sorry, I'll give it up I promise." Pleaded Legolas.

"And what about George?"

"He'll understand and so will the rest of them."

"Rest of them?!" Screeched Emily.

Legolas nodded.

"Kai we are leaving!" Announced Emily.

"Do you not love me enough to overlook a sport?" Asked Legolas softly.

"If that's what you call it!"

"What else would you call golf?"

"Huh?"

"Golf is a sport isn't it?"

"Yes. You play golf?!" Asked Emily extremely confused.

"I thought you knew, what with the secret being let out."

"Not that secret!" Yelled Emily. "Wait a second, you play golf?! I hate golf!"

"Then what secret?" Asked Legolas.

"You and George sleeping together." Finished Kai.

The pained expression left Legolas face to be replaced with complete and utter incredulity.

This was probably the most inopportune moment for George to enter but alas he did.

"Whom am I sleeping with?" He asked.

"Legolas!" Screamed Emily as she attempted to strangle her brother.

"What in all that is holy and made of mash potato gave you that ludicrous and frankly quite mad idea?" Laughed George.

"I heard you talking about your long, impressive thing that made noises when you moved it!"

"You mean this?" George let out his light saber.

Emily's mouth formed an 'o' shape.

Kai shook his head in bemused amusement.

Legolas put his head in his hands and looked at Emily disbelievingly.

George patted Emily on the head patronizingly.

"There is one thing I have always tried to teach you dear sister." Began George, "To come up with an idea there has to be a thought process behind it. You have distinctly bypassed this process and have trashed all ways of thinking causing this rather embarrassing situation. Now is there anything you would like to say?"

"I'm sorry Legolas." Whispered Emily.

"Anything else?" Hinted George.

"I can't believe you made Legolas play golf!" Emily hit George over the head. "Golf is so lame!"

"Watch the robes! So everything is cool now?"

"It is cool." Smiled Legolas as he hugged Emily.

"So we can get out of here?" Asked George hopefully.

"Yes we c…" Suddenly Legolas' eyes became murderous. He turned to Kai, "You kissed my wife."

"I don't suppose you could neglect that situation?" Whimpered Kai.

"No I don't think I could."

Legolas lunged at Kai but the dark haired elf slipped out of the way and began to leg it. Legolas was straight away into pursuit as the two elves left the cave into the surrounding muddy fields.

"Don't you think we should stop them before someone gets hurt?" Suggested George.

"Not until…ah there we go."

Due to afore said muddy fields Legolas and Kai found themselves grappling on the floor in the mud.

"Urm Emily…why are they all of a sudden shirtless?" Observed George.

"It is my fanfiction I can do what I like." Smiled Emily enjoying the sight before her.

"Can they stop now?" Pleaded George.

"I think I've died and gone to heaven." Sighed Emily.

Unfortunately heaven had to be postponed as a homicidal Eowyn came crashing out of the cave.

"You bitch! The males were supposed to be mine!" Cried Eowyn manically.

"How rude." Pouted Emily.

"We were up against Eowyn?!" Grimaced George.

Emily nodded. "Face it dude, you lost fair and square."

"I never lose!" Eowyn placed an arrow on her bow and took aim at Legolas. The arrow was released.

"LEGOLAS!!!!" Screamed Emily.

…….

A/N: Emily: Do not panic you will not have to wait a week to find out what happens. To make up for the shortness of this chapter the next one will be posted tomorrow.

Thank yous:

Shadowz – I love innuendo! I was actually genuinely scared by your threat! I have seen the vid and it is immense, However, George has other ideas and I quote, "The Rasmis are shit." I tried to hit him but the little bugger is too quick.

Limpet666 – Kai is well up to kissing both you and Jubus.

Lil Smartass – I figured what with you being obsessed with apostrophes you might appreciate one! You called me a Mary-Sue this means stage one of you demise is being put into action.

Poolbum – kisses from Kai all around.

Pretendingtobesane – You will like the next chapter there are two deaths in it!

Meg-the-sexy-beast – We do get Miriam here but I never watched it. We are going through a Star Wars faze here at psycho international (as we affectionately call our home).

Jade – Despite all innuendo and hints George isn't gay. His girlfriend told me so.

CourtneyNKay – Kay sounds like the perfect person to head George's new 'I am not gay' campaign.

Ed-the-female – Thank you for reviewing our other story! We love Red Dwarf  and yes we also adore Balckadder!