A/N: George: Are you ready for two deaths?!

Emily: This note is being written before we write the chapter so funnily enough we haven't decided whom we are killing off.

George: We'll just have to see how it goes!

Emily: This cannot be a professional way of writing!

Disclaimer:                      (see that space, there is nothing there, it signifies what we own).

Chapter Seven – Deathus Maximus

The arrow seemed to move in slow motion as it headed directly for Legolas' heart.

"Oh no will nobody save him!" Cried George sadistically.

"Use the Force!" Screamed Emily to her brother.

George raised his hand in true Jedi warrior style and pulled a face akin to constipation.

"It's not working!" Yelped George as the arrow continued on its path.

"Concentrate!" Yelled Emily.

George concentrated all his energy force towards the arrow. The arrow began to deflect from its course now heading towards Legolas' long sword (and the hilted kind either)

"Put it back up!" Screeched Emily. "I want that in pristine condition!"

George tried again, this time succeeding in changing the arrows course completely. Unfortunately, the arrow was now hell bent on skewering George.

"GEORGE!!!" Cried Emily.

"EMILY!!!" Yelped George.

"GEORGE!!!" Shouted Legolas.

"LEGOLAS!!!" Yelled George.

"KAI!!" Hollered Kai randomly.

"DONKEY!" Added Donkey.

In this moment of confusion where everyone gaped at the talking donkey the arrow hit George.

"Priceless." Slurred George as he collapsed.

"GEORGE!" cried Emily again.

Interlude….

This is the point when the first difference of opinion strikes our authors. The decision of who should be thrown from Middle-earth in a glorious death scene to join the likes of The Sheriff of Nottingham, Jack Dawson from Titanic and the aliens in Independence Day has still yet to be reached. Are you feeling the suspense yet?

…..

Emily knelt beside her brother tears already spilling down her cheeks.

"GEORGE!" Emily shook her fists to the sky in true Hollywood style.

A small cough came from George.

"George! You're still alive. How is this possible?"

"I feel fine, a little winded but other than that I'm great." Croaked George.

"But how?" Asked Legolas as he helped George up.

Legolas' question was asked when a small furry bundle fell to the ground from under George's robes.

"LINCOLN!!!!!!!!!" Cried George.

"Screaming out each others names does not seem to be helping." Pointed out Kai.

George picked up his tiny monkey friend and cradled him closely. Lincoln's eyes opened briefly as the small primate glanced fondly at his owner one last time honored that he had saved his master's life.

"Ooooh Aaah Oooh." Coughed Lincoln.

"What did he say?" Asked Emily solemnly.

"He said 'It was an honor to serve you my lord.' "

"Rest my less evolved friend. We shall lay you to rest at sea where you shall join your forefather after his unfortunate shrimping accident." Whispered George.

Lincoln cooed softly as he shut his eyes never to open them again.

One by one Legolas, Kai, Emily and George turned towards Eowyn murderous intent glowing fiercely in their eyes.

Legolas and Kai let out an elvish insult with dated back since the dawn of time.

Emily yelled, "What a bitch!"

George could only manage a gorilla like grunt followed by a large amount of spit.

Eowyn glanced around for any way to escape. Seeing the hopelessness of her situation she began to run.

"Legolas shoot her!"

Legolas took no more persuading and took aim. The arrow with no help from Jedi George struck Eowyn in the Achilles heel.

"Good shot Paris." Snickered George.

"Huh?" Asked a confused Legolas.

"Never mind."

"So what do we do with her then?" Asked Kai pointing at the squirming Eowyn.

"I have a cunning plan." Grinned George.

"How cunning?" Asked Emily.

"It is as cunning as a fox who is professor of cunning at Oxford university."

"That cunning eh? So what's the plan?"

"Em could you rustle me up an Apothecary?"

"Here you are?" A small wrinkled man was presented to George.

"I don't suppose you've got any fake dead potion."

"Why yes young man. This shall bring about all the effects of death."

"Thank you. You can go now." George stepped away from the odd smelling man who was attempting to get back in the bag.

"We are not in Romeo and Juliet George." Scoffed Emily.

"I don't fancy listening to that whining cow all the way back to Lothlorien!" Exclaimed George.

"And why would she be coming back to Lothlorien with us after what she has done." Spat Legolas.

"She wanted Aragorn so badly she can have him." Grinned George.

"But Aragorn is a Zombie he will eat her…oh…nice one!" Laughed Emily.

"Sleep tight." Smirked George as he forced the liquid down her throat. "Next time you wake up you may feel slightly limbless, actually scrap that, I doubt you'll see daylight again." And with that Eowyn was lost from fandom.

"So?" Sighed Emily.

"Sooo?" Hummed George.

"Is this going to result in another essence of silence because I for one would much rather avoid that." Said Kai.

"I suppose we should make our way to Lothlorien for the wedding." Suggested George.

"I don't think the Princess of Mirkwood and the King of Gondor turning up with two muddy elves is appropriate for a marchwarden's and stewards wedding." Pointed out Emily. "I think some sponging is in order. Come on Legolas it is bath time!" Legolas gratefully accepted this prospect. Kai looked down at his muddy self as Legolas and Emily disappeared then glanced at George with questioning eyes.

"Oh no you don't elf dude. There are already way to many rumors about me without you adding to them." Protested George.

…..

"I don't want to walk anymore." Moaned Emily.

"If George hadn't scared off the horses we wouldn't have to!" Grumbled Kai.

"How was I supposed to know the lightsaber would do that?!" Defended George as the four travelers trundled along the brown lands towards the Anduin.

"When we reach the river Emily can get us some boats and we can make our way to Lòrien by water." Concluded a frustrated Legolas who had been left with the job of hauling a kinda dead Eowyn with them.

…..

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do we swim swim swim…" Sang Emily happily.

It had been two hours since they had began their journey by water and Emily had found many ways to keep herself occupied much to Kai's annoyance.

"Remind me again why Emily is in my boat and not yours." Questioned Kai to Legolas who's own boat resided slightly ahead of Kai's.

"Emily refused to be in a boat with a corpse. Do not think I am happy about you two being in a boat together, I haven't forgotten what you did."

"Legolas I am truly sorry for that. I know that my track record is not doing me any favors but I respect you as my best friend and as my Prince. I swear it would have not gone any further." Promised Kai.

"No eating here tonight, no eating her tonight, you on a diet, you on a diet…" Broke in Emily completing her works of Nemo.

…..

The boats arrived in Lòrien on the eve of the wedding. Boromir, his brother Faramir and the twins of Rivendell greeted the four.

"Boz me man!" Yelled George as he embraced his best friend.

"How are you my dear friend? And how is Gondor?" Asked Boromir.

"We are both still standing so can't complain."

"Hi Faramir." Giggled Emily.

"Welcome to Lòrien, lady Emily. To tell you the truth we were a bit worried about you, we expected you earlier." Said Faramir.

"We were unexpected delayed." Kai motioned towards Eowyn.

Faramir let out a visible shudder. "Is she dead?"

"As good as." Said Legolas. "Zombie Aragorn wouldn't happen to be here would he?"

"He came with Elrohir and I." Answered Elladan.

"Well then it is his lucky day." Grinned George.

"Where is Haldir?" Inquired Emily.

"We are not to see each other the night before the wedding." Smiled Boromir coyly.

"So when's the bachelor party?" Asked George.

Boromir looked at the Gondorian King in confusion.

"Hen party?" Asked Emily.

Emily and George were faced with blank looks.

"These are essentials for weddings!" Yelled George.

"I do not recall a bachelor party before my wedding." Said Emily.

"With the amount you drunk that night I'm not surprised!"

Legolas furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Emily we have a job to do here. You take the hen night I'll sort the bachelor party." Announced George.

"Which one is the hen?" Asked Emily.

"I'll take Boromir you take Haldir."

"Alright."

"It is time to educate them." Said George with an evil grin.

…..

A/N: Emily: Phew that was a hard one to write. Oh well bring on the parties!

George: I would just like to mention that Em and me aren't speaking at the moment over an argument about who should die. Emily being the sadistical cow she is wanted to kill Kai. You may thank me for saving him in your reviews. 

Emily: It would have been an immense death scene but you wanted to go with the monkey!

Thank yous:

Shadowz – I am afraid we have reached Lothlorien but there is still some more fun to be had before the wedding and the end of this sequel. George apologizes for his little outburst about The Rasmus and says he doesn't know how to spell denial.

Limpet666 – You now know who dies, personally I would have thought Kai dieing would have been better, what do you think? I hope Jebus' body works out OK.

Poolbum – Now I want to know about this Haldir thing!

Pretendingtobesane – Oh presents! It wasn't as morbid as I hoped but hey death is death.

CourtneyNKay – The funny genes have been found but are on recharge, after a few hours of Monty Python George and I shall be fully equipped to write the bachelor and hen nights.

Meg-the-sexy-beast – Well we are back in Lothlorien now so Naked Elves may well be on the cards! Yum Rum!