A/N: George: Urm…Emily had an argument with our mum so I've locked her under the stairs until she apologizes. If you think I'm joking you don't know our family. She has been in there for two hours so far and is still protesting innocence so don't expect her to be around for a while. However, I will not let you down and shall endeavor to continue this until Emily's return. I've just noticed that we are kind of slacking in our updates. Sorry about that, I personally blame Emily.
Disclaimer: I know nothing, I own nothing, I remember nothing, I am nothing – Who am I?
Chapter Nine – Spin the bottle.
"So what are the rules?" Inquired Pippin as the group sat around an empty rum bottle.
"Well," Began Emily, "Someone spins the bottle and whoever it lands on that person has to kiss."
"But before they do, they have to pick up one card form this pile and another from this pile." Took up George. "The first card tells you where the kiss begins e.g. mouth, the second card tells you where the kiss has to end up e.g. neck."
"What happens if the cards say the same thing?" Asked Merry.
"Then you have to use you tongue." Grinned George.
"So who's in?" Asked Emily.
Everyone in the group gulped nervously but after the amount of alcohol they had consumed it was near impossible for anyone to refuse.
"Great!" Smiled Emily. "Now we just have to wait for the…"
At that precise moment seven red elves who were now unfortunately clothed entered the clearing each with murderous glances directed at George.
"There you guys are, we were wondering what happened to you. Are your ears usually that pink because in this picture they look a lot more…urm…nude shall we say?" Smiled George remarkably composed as everyone else dissolved into fits of giggles.
Elrond had to hold his twins back as they frantically tried to grab the offending picture of their half-brother.
"Whoa, whoa calm down little elfies. It was just a bit of stag night fun." Pacified Emily. "There was no real harm done. Plus none of you really have anything to be ashamed of!" She giggled.
Legolas narrowed his eyes.
"Oh come on hunny and sit down. Stop glaring you'll get frown lines." Emily beckoned Legolas to sit next to her.
"You did not have to look at everyone." Mumbled Legolas jealously.
"Baby you were definitely the best." Reassured Emily.
"Really?"
"Absolutely. You were toned to perfection. You even managed not to drool while you were sleeping." Emily shot a look at Celeborn who promptly wiped his mouth in paranoia.
"I just don't know how he knew to give me grapefruit juice. Only you know that." Pondered Legolas.
"Maybe he was just lucky." Said Emily quickly.
Legolas raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't have had anything to do with this would you?"
"I would do no such thing as to aid in the embarrassment of seven respected elves!"
Legolas looked disbelievingly at his wife.
"Well maybe not Kai but you know what I mean."
"I believe you hunny I just think it is strange he would know something like that."
Emily nodded then changed the subject, "So are you elves going to forgive and forget and join us for spin the bottle?"
The elves reluctantly sat around the bottle.
"So who wants to go first?" Asked George.
"I will." Offered Kai who was already spinning the bottle.
(At this point Emily apologizes to her mum and rejoins the writing of this chapter.)
The bottle span on for what seemed a bit too long for Emily's liking; she glanced at her brother who was blatantly controlling the bottle with his Jedi powers. She decided to let him have his fun as long as her didn't make her kiss Gandalf, Elrond, Gimli or the hobbits. She then reevaluated this and thought kissing Elrond would not be that bad but then realized that her mother fancied Hugo Weaving and decided against it.
"Arwen!" Cried everyone as the bottle finally stopped.
"Pick a card!" Yelped Pippin who was getting a tad over excited.
Kai picked up two cards and smirked widely. "Mouth to Chest."
Aragorn the Zombie grunted a protest but fell short of a direct objection as he finally gave into the alcohol in his bloodstream and toppled off the log he was perched on.
Kai lent over to Arwen and in true Kai form spent as long as possible making his way from Arwen's mouth to her chest.
"About Aragorn reverting to human form," gasped Arwen as Kai smugly sat back, "You couldn't make that as soon as possible, it really has been too long since…well…" Arwen turned a pretty shade of pink.
"No probs Arwen, we'll have Aragorn fixed as quick as you can say, 'I'm gagging for it.'" Smiled George. "Right now it is your turn to spin."
Arwen spun the bottle and the game went on as any spin the bottle game would until it was Elrohir's turn to spin. George couldn't help but stop the bottle on Elladan for the pure comedy value of the twin's expressions.
"You don't expect me to…" Elrohir trailed off in disgust.
"Well you aren't exactly up to my high standards!" Bit back Elladan.
"Guys, guys calm down, don't worry you don't have to kiss, this isn't adult fanfiction." Informed George.
"Adult fanfiction?" Asked Elladan.
"Let us just say twincest is highly popular there." Grinned George as Elladan and Elrohir turned a funny green color.
"Coming from someone who doesn't mind adult fanfiction, I think you make a cute couple." Emily was not helping the situation.
Legolas could not help but join in laughing at the twin's discomfort.
"I don't know what you are laughing at blondie, as I recall you are often found in between them in such fanfictions." Enlightened George.
It was Legolas' turn to pale considerably.
"What was it again? Oh yes, honey spread between toasted buns." Laughed Emily.
"Please never say that again." Pleaded Legolas.
Emily grinned and took the opportunity to spin the bottle herself.
"Kai!" Everyone cheered except Legolas who suddenly felt quite homicidal.
"Ear to Navel." Said Emily throwing Legolas an apologetic look.
Legolas found himself being held back by Rumil and Orophin who noticed the reflexive grip Legolas had on his white knives.
"That was nice!" Remarked Emily, upon noticing Legolas' look quickly rambled on,
"When I say nice I mean rather disappointing, not that I was expecting anything, in fact it was a very traumatic experience that shall never be repeated again, well unless I get the bottle again, but then I will just forfeit it or something."
"Stop talking." Interrupted Legolas.
"Sorry." Mouthed Emily as she shot a glare at George who continued to control the bottle.
George grinned as Kai reached to spin the bottle, he knew exactly who it was going to land on and couldn't wait to see the look on their face.
No one dared to scream out the name of the person it landed on.
Emily tried hard to suppress a smirk but rewarded George with a thumb up as Legolas stared at the bottle pointing at him in sheer mortification.
"Would you look at that." George weakly squeaked as the laughter threatened to spill over.
"Pick up two cards then." Said a shaking Emily who was starting to get a stitch from holding in her mirth.
Legolas stared incredulously at Emily. "I am not…"
"Don't even think about it elfie. You agreed to play there is no getting out of this." Reprimanded George.
Legolas reluctantly picked up two cards. "They say the same thing."
"That means tongues!" Pippin was getting into the game.
Legolas began a silent prayer to the Valar begging for them to remove him from Middle-earth.
Emily looked over his shoulder at the cards. That was it the laughter was released like a dam being broken. Emily rolled around the forest floor clutching at her sides.
"Well?" Asked Kai reluctantly.
"What is it?" The hobbits surrounded Legolas.
"So where has you tongue got to go." Laughed George as he helped his sister up.
Legolas turned round the two cards which both said mouth.
Kai noticeably gulped.
"Get on with it then!" Demanded Arwen.
Legolas let out a pained groan as he made his way over to Kai.
"You tell anyone in Mirkwood about this and I'll removed the only thing you value in life." Threatened Legolas as he leaned in.
Emily now recovered from her fit of laughter now faced a new challenge, how to keep ones jaw from dislocating when gaping at two drop dead gorgeous elves snogging. Emily failed this challenge and promptly fainted.
"Ahh!" Yelped Kai as Legolas pulled away. "He bit me!"
Legolas smirked maliciously, downed half a bottle of miruvor then picked up Emily and stalked of into the forest.
The group was silent but for the obvious shudders of contained amusement.
"Well I think that concludes our fun for tonight. See you guys at the wedding tomorrow." George rose swiftly and had made it about five steps before the giggles attacked everyone present including George who struggled to keep walking.
……..
A/N: George: Trust everything to turn smutty when you turn up!
Emily: In case some of you don't know I am the princess of smut. I am second in command to one of our reviewers, Ayiicaalimé, whom was appointed the title of Queen of smut by me a year ago.
George: I do apologize to those of you of a nervous disposition. If it is any consolation Emily got attacked by a bat yesterday. She also painted Orli on her hand in glow in the dark paint and it won't come of so let us all laugh at her now.
Emily: Thank you for that! A quick thing, that 'Honey spread between toasted buns' line was nicked from an adultfanfiction but I cannot remember for the life of me which one. If by some coincidence the author of that fic is reading this, I hope you don't mind and I love your work. Well the wedding is next which also happens to be the last chapter! Wow that arrived quickly! Right I have held it in too long…
George: Here we go… I'd advise you to cover your ears.
Emily: 'screams hysterically' one of our reviewers Lil Smartass and me are going to The Fellowship Festival! Yippee! However, I've got a special ticket which means I get to meet Craig Parker! Yummy Haldir in the flesh! 'faints'
George: Yeah sorry about her. I am moving out that weekend so I don't have to deal with her constant gibbering! Here are the thank yous:
Random-Shiny – We are all for the random insane in our household, you are most welcome anytime you swing past Canterbury. I feel all squiggly inside when we are put on any favorites list. Bring on the squigglyness! Oh and I shall take your advice on the turkeys. Maybe Em should take some advice on avoiding bats.
Poolbum – Never mention naked Haldir around Em, especially now she is going to meet him. I feel sorry for the guy personally. As a guy I am also quite glad you decided to keep your mental image to yourself, but I am sure Emily would love to here about it so feel free to email her.
Pretendingtobesane – I want to go to Vegas. I would cruise around in my Matrix get up and bet stupid amounts of money that I don't have!
Ayiicaalimé – Hey you! Long time no see. Apparently I'm supposed to ask how is Sam?! Glad to see we are invoking a good reaction from the Queen of Smut. With you influencing Emily it can only get worse.
CourtneyNKay – Hello! Yes you girls do like the naked elves. I feel unloved now. 'Pouts' Here is your update sorry for the delay.
Meg-the-sexy-beast – Me pashing a hobbit! Ok my lunch may resurface now! I'll let Em know about the wet naked elves!
Limpet666 – Hey Dory! Faramir didn't get to kiss anyone in this chapter because he buggered off to find you. Feel free to use him and abuse him. The thought of Elrond tied to a lamppost is making me feel ever so queasy. Good old grapefruits, yes they look nothing like grapes! Bizarre world we live in.
Lil Smartass – Oh it's you! I blame you completely for the uber hyperness that Emily is plaguing across our town! Did you think of the consequences when you decided to inform her of that bloody festival!
Shadowz – Emily will no doubt invite you to her hen night, which by the looks of it won't be that far away. She is seriously crushing over this dude call Adam who may need his legs broken 'evil big brother laugh'. Oh I have to apologize for my POPTASTIC comment about The Rasmus even though I still think that the crow dude could be in S Club 7.