A/N: Emily: Here it is the last chapter. Who knew that a simple journey to a wedding could evolve into this frankly quite random tale of adventure, romance and jealousy!

George: So what is in store for our characters? Well let me just say you are in for a treat. Get your hankies at the ready for the beautiful wedding ceremony that is about to take place and get ready to gasp in shock at the scandalous revelation at the end which will leave you dangling forever…well maybe not forever…

Disclaimer: You would have thought we would be allowed to keep something but alas no we are still made to give the toys back.

Chapter ten – I swallowed Confetti.

"Legolas…Wake up… Legolas!" Emily prodded her elf in the ribs. Legolas answered by rolling over and pulling the covers over his head. "You lazy elf! We are going to be late for the wedding!"

"I have a headache." Groaned Legolas.

"That is because you drunk too much grapefruit juice last night."

"Can't I just sleep a bit more?" He whined.

"You just need to be sick, then you'll feel fine."

"Being sick will help?!" Asked Legolas skeptically.

"I've been sick twice this morning and I feel great." Announced Emily.

"Despite being rather gross in the mornings I still love you." Remarked Legolas as he reluctantly rolled out of bed and made his way to the baths.

Emily wrinkled her nose at the comment not sure if she should take it as a compliment.

…..

It was some idiot's idea to place George and Kai in the same guest room. Maybe they thought putting them together would mean only one place to avoid.

"Did you use my shampoo?!" Yelled Kai as he desperately tried to pour some more out of the glass jar.

George grinned through his toothpaste-covered teeth then proceeded to gurgle and spit.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." Muttered Kai in disgust.

"Dude chill out. Today is a day of love." Said George in a hippy voice.

"Give me that toothpaste!" Demanded Kai. "I still have Legolas taste in my mouth!"

George suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to laugh but had already ruined one set of robes rolling around in fits of giggles so thought better of it.

"You are not wearing that!" George looked at the state of Kai who was only dressed in a pair of breeches.

"I haven't decided yet." Smirked Kai.

"You are up to something." Accused George.

"Like you haven't got something planned for this wedding!"

"As the best man I am here to make sure this wedding goes smoothly."

"I promise I will not ruin Boromir and Haldir's big day." Swore Kai honestly.

"Good. Right I have things to attend to. Last time I saw Boromir this morning he was looking less than prepared." George left Kai to get ready.

Kai stood in front of the long mirror in his room and looked himself over.

"What to wear?" He mused. He slipped out of his breeches and grinned. "Perfect!"

…..

"Emily where is my tunic?" Called Legolas from the other room.

"I am not your mother!" Emily snapped before throwing the tunic at Legolas.

"Are you all right?"

"Just bloody fantastic!"

"What is with the mood swing?!"

Legolas was answered by one of his boots hitting him on the head.

…..

"So how are you feeling?" Asked George.

"Like a butterfly colony has set up home in my stomach." Sighed Boromir.

"Do butterflies make colonies?"

"I think that is beside the point."

"Why are you nervous? You love Hal, Hal loves you."

"What happens if he changes his mind?"

"Not likely especially seeing as he is gagging for it from you." 'Comforted' George.

"How did..?!" Gasped Boromir.

"Whoops. Urm…Haldir let slip at the hen night and Emily has the mouth the size of lobotomized Hippo."

Boromir let out a sigh, "I just don't know what I would do if I ever lost him."

"It is more likely that he is the one that will lose you." Stated George suddenly becoming very solemn. "Haldir made his choice to love you till your dying day, which ultimately will be his as well. Enjoy every moment you have with him. Don't make him regret his decision."

"When did you become so wise?" Asked Boromir now smiling slightly remembering all the happy times Haldir and he had had.

"I have always been wise I just hide it well, I don't want to make Emily look bad."

"Thank you friend. So you have the rings right?"

George started to nod but then stopped. "Shit! I knew I was forgetting something. Urm… Wait here I'll be back in a sec."

Boromir shook his head in amusement, "Good job I never gave them to him in the first place." He laughed as he pulled out the two rings from his pocket.

…..

"Are you ready?" Inquired Legolas carefully.

"Yes darling." Replied a now cheery Emily.

"Are you feeling Ok?"

"Like a fairy with a new pot of fairy dust!"

"Are you high?"

"Possibly, I can't quite remember." She smiled.

"I am going to check on Haldir. Will you be all right?"

"I am fine Legolas. Don't worry Lord Elrond is escorting me to the wedding."

Legolas placed a kiss on Emily's head. "I will see you later then."

Legolas had been gone for ten minutes when a knock interrupted Emily from her random thought of the day. Which incidentally was 'are McDonald's Chips vegetarian?'

Emily curtsied dramatically as she opened the door. "Hello Lord Elrond." Emily looked up to see George staring at her. "You aren't Lord Elrond."

"Good call." Said George as he pushed his way in.

"What can I do for you?"

George continued to stare at his sister.

"Middle-earth to big brother are you receiving?" Yelled Emily.

"Wow, I never thought the day would come when you would look half decent!" Exclaimed George.

"I want to slap you now!" Growled Emily.

"It was a compliment!"

"What do you want?" She snapped.

"Why is everyone so touchy today. Kai's despondent, Boromir's subdued, Legolas looked majorly hung over and you are about as welcoming as a face full of spunk."

"There was no need for that."

"Cheer up girly it can't be that bad."

"We'll see about that."

"Whatever. I need your help."

"What have you done now?"

"I've lost the rings!" Yelped George.

"That is terribly cliché brother."

"Oh sorry for falling out of a romance novel but I was hoping that you would help and not pass judgment!"

"I'm all quested out when it comes to rings."

"Please help, Boz'll kill me if I've lost them."

"But you have lost them."

"Exactly and you would hate to see me die."

"At this precise moment…"

"Please." Begged George.

"When did you last have them?"

"I don't remember."

"When did Boromir give you them?"

"He didn't."

Emily blinked.

"Hang on a second. He never gave me any rings! He tricked me. I was tricked! I feel dirty now!" George pouted.

"So this means you can leave now." Pleaded Emily.

"Why?"

"Look Elrond is coming soon and I need to finish getting ready."

"Are you having affair with my dad?!" George practically yelped as he shot back in suspended shock.

Emily rolled her eyes. "The things you think of. Now leave!"

"Ah ha! You didn't deny it!"

"Get out before I put you out!" Yelled Emily.

George suspiciously eyed his sister as he left the room.

Emily sighed as she finished putting her earrings in. There was a knock at the door.

"Ah Lord Elrond." Smiled Emily.

"Are you ready to go?" The lord inquired.

"Go at what eh?" George poked his head around the corner.

"Sod off!"

George walked past Elrond, "I've got my eye on you sonny!"

"I need to ask you something." Said Emily nervously when George had gone.

…..

"How are you feeling?" Asked Legolas as he watched Haldir pacing his room.

"Like George has laced my stomach with TNT." Groaned Haldir.

"I know what you mean. When Emily and I got married all I could think of was me standing there and Emily not turning up."

Haldir widened his eyes in panic.

"Not that Boromir would not turn up!" Said Legolas quickly. "I'm not helping am I?"

"Not really." Haldir laughed.

"George is with Boromir right now and if I know George he will have Boromir already waiting for you. It's time you got married."

Haldir grinned and followed Legolas to the pavilion where the ceremony was taking place.

……

"Rings huh?" Said an unimpressed George.

Boromir just laughed as George and him took their places at the front of the pavilion.

"Here you go." Boromir handed George two beautiful white gold rings that had the leaves of Lòrien and the mark of Gondor intricately engraved on each.

"Not bad." Remarked George. "Not bad at all."

George looked back at the crowd gathering. The hobbits sat together in between Gandalf and Gimli. Galadriel and Celeborn naturally sat together but George could not help but notice the glance sent between the lady of the wood and Rumil. Orophin sat next to his brother and engaged himself in a conversation with the Rivendell twins. Arwen sat with Aragorn who was starting to regain some of his natural colour. Emily and George had kept their promise and had bribed Gandalf into finding a cure for the Zombie condition. A few more days Aragorn would be back to normal, much to Emily's silent dismay. Faramir was seated directly behind Boromir with his date who looked suspiciously like limpet666.

Emily and Elrond arrived shortly after everyone was seated. George sent a suspicious glare at Emily but she just ignored it and went back to staring at her suddenly very interesting hands. It was about now that everyone went silent. Boromir turned around expecting to watch Haldir arrive.

"What the…?!" Gasped Boromir.

Kai had arrived and his suit was causing quite a stir, the particular name of this style is generally called the birthday suit. In true Kai form the elf just grinned proudly and took his seat.

"I knew I should have checked on him!" Sighed George.

"Never mind I am sure nothing worse could hap…"

George placed his hand over Boromir's mouth, "Don't tempt fate, especially with Emily and me around!"

"Are you ready?" Asked Legolas as he stood by George's side.

Boromir could only nod as everyone went silent again as Haldir joined Boromir and they held each other's hands.

A withered looking man stood in front of them ready to conduct the ceremony.

"Don't I know you?!" Blurted out George.

"Ah so you do remember me. Funny really seeing as you didn't bother to check if I got out of cave all right!" Replied the man.

"You are that stranger dude that was imprisoned with us!"

"Eowyn locked me up to stop me from marrying these two. I trust that no one else has any objections resulting in me being locked up."

Silence.

"Good, now I can begin." Announced the man who shall now be called William, why I have no idea. "I stand here now and bless this union in the name of…"

The ceremony lasted for twenty minutes. It took all of Emily's concentration to stop her brain intervening and taking boredom matters into it's own hands.

Legolas and George gave witness to Boromir and Haldir's pledges and vows to each other.

"You may now kiss your bonded." Pronounced William and so Boromir and Haldir did.

There was a resounding gush that swept the audience as all the females and a few of the males, including George wiped tears from their eyes.

Haldir and Boromir walked down the aisle followed by George who was shouting, "Party time!"

George's cries were cut short as he began to cough. Emily ran to his side.

"Are you all right?!"

"I think I just swallowed confetti!" George groaned. "I need a drink!"

A strangely familiar man popped up with a tray full of rum. "Drink mate?"

"Cheers." George grinned. Soon the tray was empty.

"Why is the rum gone?!" Gasped the man.

"Aren't you...?"

"Ssssh I'm keeping a low profile, savvy?" Hushed the man.

George scrunched his eyebrows in bemusement. After downing half of his rum George began to cough again.

"Will you put some clothes on?!"

Kai grinned proudly again. "What you don't like the ensemble?!"

"I will not have you degrading my best mate's wedding!"

"Don't worry I'm off now." Kai grinned as he disappeared with three blonde elleths.

"Smug git." Grumbled George.

"Dinner is served." Announced a random elf.

Haldir, Boromir, Emily, Legolas, George, Faramir, limpet666, Rumil and Orophin were all seated at the top table.

When dessert was served George could no longer contain his glee. "Would you look at that! Grapefruit surprise!"

Legolas sent George a glare and politely pushed his bowl away; hoping Haldir and Boromir would not be too offended. However, the schmaltzy stares the couple were sending each other they would have had a hard time noticing a freak occurrence of rabbit rain accompanied by lightning bolts of naked Chippendales from Vegas.

After dessert it was time for DJ George to pioneer the change in the music tastes of the people of Middle-earth. And it all began with a little song by Rage Against The Machine.

"This is music?!" Grumbled Gandalf.

"Apparently so." Replied Gimli.

"Would you care to join me and my harmonica Gimli?"

"Don't mind if I do!"

George was enjoying the party immensely along with most of the elves who were finding the adjustment to rock music quite agreeable. However, someone didn't seem to be wanting to get down with their bad self.

George looked at his sister who was staring into thin air.

"Come with me." George grabbed Emily's wrist and pulled her into the forest. "Now there is definitely something wrong! Not only did you just fail to recognize Jack Sparrow serving rum, which may I add you never took, but you didn't laugh at the grapefruit dessert or dance to your favorite song of all time!"

"You played Kate Bush!"

"Never admit that again." Yelped George. "I meant Highway to Hell!"

"Oh sorry."

"You are not with it today. What is going on with you and Elrond?!"

"Get that idea out of your head! I just needed his expertise."

"Do you want to rephrase that because I'm back to the affair idea?!" Gulped George.

"Lord Elrond is Middle-earth's greatest healer that is why I needed to see him."

"Healer! Don't die!" Squeaked George.

"That was random. Look I need to speak to Legolas first."

"Please don't die!"

"I'm not going to die!" Yelled Emily. "If I was I would be taking on as much rum as is humanely possible!"

"Why is the rum gone?" Slurred Jack Sparrow.

"Then tell me what is wrong. Have you got piles because if you have I promise I won't embarrass you horribly?"

"I do not have piles!"

"Dysentery?"

"No!"

"Herpes?"

"No!"

"Syphilis?"

"No!"

"Anal warts? He didn't put his healing hands there did he?!"

"NO!!!!!!!" Screamed Emily

"I'll kill him!" Declared George.

"Kill who?!"

"Legolas."

"Why?!"

"Whatever he has done to you he shall be punished for!"

"Now why would Legolas have done anything to me?!"

"He found out you told me about the grapefruit thing."

"Did you tell him I told you?!!!!!!!!"

"Not as such."

"Not as such!" Yelled Emily.

"Are you PMS-ing because you are awfully moody?"

"I suggest you go and get Legolas before I gauge your eyes out."

"With a spoon?!" Asked George.

"No a fork."

George grunted in response.

"Please George, do me a favor, get him for me." Asked Emily.

"Only if you do me one."

"What?"

"Give me a hug. You have been a miserable bitch to me all day."

"Come here you soft git!"

"I'm not soft!" Protested George.

"I saw you crying."

George grumbled as he went in search of Legolas, "I don't cry I have hobbies."

George passed Arwen and Aragorn, he heard a snorting Aragorn ask where Eowyn was. George contained a smirk and a comment about flossing after eating. Finally he found Legolas who seemed to be in a rather somber mood himself.

"George, have you seen Emily? She has been acting strangely all day, I'm starting to get worried about her." Asked Legolas.

"You should be!" Snapped George. "Something is wrong but she won't tell me what! She is waiting for you in the forest."

Legolas frowned at George's offhand manner. He had never seen George this serious before. Legolas quickly hurried off into the forest.

Legolas entered the clearing in which Emily stood.

"I need to tell you something but not here." Emily led Legolas to a small booth that George had set up in order to introduce the people of Middle-earth to the greatest sound system in the entire history of existence. "You might want to sit down."

So Legolas did, right on the microphone button.

"Tell me what's wrong." Pleaded Legolas.

Back at the party…

George was trying to teach the hobbits to mosh to Metallica, he was hoping it would take his mind of things. Just as the blood rush kicked in the song was interrupted by a voice. 'God'?' Thought George. 'No wait, just Legolas.'

The next voice that came through the speakers was Emily's, "I haven't been feeling well recently."

Everyone was now listening.

'Shit the microphone!' Cursed George as he went into a full sprint. He was not about to let everyone hear whatever it was that was troubling Emily.

"I asked Elrond to see what was wrong with me." Emily said.

"What is wrong?" Legolas' voice was barely above a whisper.

George was nearing the booth when he tripped on a discarded harmonica. He stumbled to his feet cursing the instrument but froze to the spot when Emily spoke,

"We are going to have a baby." Announced Emily as bravely as she could.

Silence.

Silence.

A mouse squeaked.

The people at the party gasped.

Faramir choked on a peanut and had to be given the Heimlich maneuver by his date.

The first thought that went through George's head was that Legolas must have fainted because the microphone suddenly turned off. The second thought was,

'Castration!'

…….

A/N: George: The End.

Emily: Is that a cliff I see you hanging from?!"

Thank yous:

Shadowz – Jedi George has been made redundant after he hit me over the head with his plastic lightsaber he bought from the market. Oh my god! I completely forgot about Strong Bad! That is my next stop after this!

Jade – I love that image of yummy elves making out! The whole world should get to swoon over that image!

Ayiicaalimé – Two reviews! You really are spoiling us! I am ever grateful for your smutty influence! Noooooooooooooo! What's happening with you and Sam?! This calls for an emergency meeting when I return 'Sabriel' which I loved by the way, am I the only one that fancies Touchstone?! Name your time and I'll be there.

CourtneyNKay – I will refrain from tainting Legolas with Kai in the future. Being hunted down and cut by you two is a small price to pay to turn to jelly in the presence of Craig Parker.

Pretendingtobesane – The argument consisted of a major disagreement about what colour my top was. I remain with the opinion that it was black. However, my mum thinks it is navy blue. Any excuse for a argument in my house!

Poolbum – I will prepare my speech now 'Hello Mr. Parker 'swoon' My friend poolbum says hi!'

Random-Shiny – Brill quote, I shall quote it and it shall be quoted by all and sundry! I want to be in a angry mob!

Limpet666 – I hate the under of my stairs. It is dark and everything is black 'surprisingly!' Zombie Aragorn is no more, but you can have the flaky bits that fell off. I don't suppose you noticed your little cameo in this? Hey you read it too! I really want to know who wrote it but I can't get onto adultfanfiction at the mo! Love the reaction to the Kai and Legolas kiss. Ooooh and naked Kai was inspired by you! Yes I am a lucky bitch and shall remain smug for the rest of my life. I also get to find Gil Galad, Theoden, Glorfindel, Rosie Cotton who will also be there! YAY!

P.S Look out for a little extra chapter that should be up shortly.