Disclaimer: Still don't own anything O.C. related, Fox owns everything.

Author's Note: I appreciate your reviews so much, you have no idea. Please keep them coming. I am so happy you are enjoying this. How's this for fast updating, at least it's fast for the likes of me. I plan on spending the next 2 weeks stalking the cast of Ocean's Twelve, so yeah, I thought I'd give you something if any of the fellas decided to take me to Rome. Can you believe no one wants to go George hunting with me?! Oh, also, the bed wasn't the big deal I made it out to be, it wasn't a cliffhanger it was just a way for me to end the chapter and kinda show how Summer's brain jumps from one thing to another. We already knew who was sleeping there. Kinda. Let me know what you think. I'll give you more insight on how Seth is feeling in the next chapter. I think it's time Summer realized that her condition affects everyone around her. Once last time, thank you for being such awesome reviewers (and omg for reviewing the ficlet I posted yesterday, I was blown away!!)

Lost In Babylon

Ch 13

Oh, this is the start of something good

Don't you agree?

I haven't felt like this in so many moons

You know what I mean?

And we can build through this destruction

And I, all I really want is you

You to stick around

I'll see you everyday

But you'll have to follow through

You have to follow through…

Follow Through – Gavin DeGraw

The darkest hour is the one before sunrise. I avidly keep reciting that line to myself as I wait for the night to be over. Concentrating on the tempo of my breathing, I solemnly watch the shadows gliding along the ceiling. Their quiet grace soothes me in its slowness and I feel as calm as ever. It won't be long, they seem to whisper during their dance, and I am certain that there's truth in that.

I'm ready for a new opportunity, new bursts of light amidst which I can prove to my madness that I am leaving it. I never liked goodbyes, especially since it did comfort me at times, but I need to brave now. The slow shivery pictures in my head, these emerging memories have strings attached to them, and it's expected of me that I change partners and dance. Like these dark patches on this ceiling, I'll glide away from the darkness I was trapped in before and I'll become lighter again. Things have been heavy enough for me, for him… I am attempting to reach farther today than yesterday. And to do that I must shut down my fear, brush it off of me like the sun blows away the day that came before it. I mouth the words once more, for luck perhaps, the darkest hour is the one before sunrise…It only gets lighter after that…

Someone told me once if you search you'll find, and right now I'm desperate for my prize. Frantic to find something to motivate me to strive on. God knows I've been searching, madness or not I've been trying my damnest not to run away but dig on. I watch the darkness swirl around me, and however odd it sounds I feel comforted by the lightness of it. There's nothing waiting for me right now, no one watching and it's like there's so much space for me to breath. I lay very still in my bed, waiting for the sun to sweep by with blazing determination. A little example of how it's done would go a long way for me.

Within all my positivity my head still drones on with voices, incessantly telling me I'm not alone. It might be dark, but I know she's there… laying only a few feet away from me, peacefully asleep. Stubborn as ever though, I bravely sweep her presence from my mind, I'm the sun…I'm brushing on, there was no yesterday. No mention of it any longer, I'll not linger anymore. Only new possibilities, new days to come and a little less madness to come along for the next trip.

I roll out of bed as the sun announces my shiny new opportunities along with its rise. I can't help it, I smile from myself, enforced that not even the whitecoat snoozing over there could snatch it away from me. I understand there is a need for the dark bits, in some ways I really do. Or at least I'm trying to, and isn't that the most that anyone could ask of me?

I pad across the room, and into the adjoining bathroom, when it strikes me that I've really entered a strange world. One where there isn't someone guarding me every second of the day, and I get to watch the sun rise outside my window like I have all the time in the world. Since there isn't a medical staff writing my schedule, claiming my every breath…ever move. In a little while I'll be master of my own destiny, or I'll die trying… I stop for a moment, relishing the feel of not having anyone waiting for me. I just stop, because I can. Listening to the quiet of this house, not as afraid as I was before, not as desperate since I discarded those emotions along with my raggedy hospital gown.

After taking a hot shower, I take a long hard look in the mirror, appreciating my good fortunes even more. Like the fact that I didn't have to see any other women showering beside me, no scars looking back at me besides my own… I couldn't deal with seeing all that pain all the time. I have enough to deal with, but no one at that place understood that fact…that we were already filled up to the brim and were ready to spill over. And now, I smile at my reflection, and shake off any demons lingering in my mind. I remind myself of the present situation and brush on.

I have to hold in the urge to squeal from sheer delight when I spot a crisp new outfit laid out across the chair beside my bed. I slip into it very quickly, afraid it might disappear if I don't grab it right away, and pull my wet hair in a low ponytail. As I step out of the room, ready to explore yet frightened all at once, I literally ache at the thought of how I behaved the day before. How I spoke to Seth, the person who gave me all this…this very smile that won't leave me for anything. I want to find him but I'm afraid of what might come tumbling out of me if I tried to speak again.

Gliding down the path Seth led me along the day before, I find the front door while I remain as silent as a shadow. Just as I'm about to inhale the fresh morning air, I collide into the one person I hadn't expected to see here, least of all at this hour. "Summer." He seems very surprised, and maybe a little embarrassed in a way. I guess he didn't want to get caught by the likes of me. I quirk an eyebrow at him, "Ryan, right?" I get a sort of quiet smile as a reward, and I decide right there that I might grow to like this man. He has an honest ease about him that has the most calming effect. I bet the lanky girl sent him to out here to explore, to check if the coast was clear for her. He'd probably do anything for her, and all of a sudden I wish Seth was standing beside me right now.

"What are you doing out here so early?" We ask each other simultaneously. Neither of us seems to feel like answering, so I shrug a little for him. "I felt like walking, I haven't done a lot of that what with…" I smack my lips together, why ruin this sunny day with talk of the past. I'm mending myself, patching up all the holes in my head. Ryan nods and I sense he understands the meaning of new beginnings. He leads us down the driveway and I get the reassuring sense he knows where the ocean is. We don't speak for the longest time, and it isn't awkward at all. I don't feel the need to explain myself. Nor does he. My head feels so quiet I can almost breath easier. Perhaps I should take my chances and ask the questions that have been buzzing around me since I watched the dawn be born this morning.

"You could've woken him up you know." Ryan cuts in before I get a chance to muster up the nerve to speak myself. He stares at me for a moment, and it almost feels like he wants to start a fight. I want to tell him the curly boy is mine, that I'll have no choice but to show the true nature of my madness if he tempts me, the ferocity of my claim on my husband…but his words stop me cold.

"Seth would take you anywhere you wanted to go. He'd do anything for you, Summer."

I decide I liked it better when he was silent. So instead, I return to my roots, morphing into that timid mute girl I had hoped to leave back in my yesterdays. "I know, but…" I refuse to be consumed by guilt, so I excuse myself of all blame as a blush creeps along my cheeks.

"I feel like I've asked too much of him already." All of a sudden, I can't seem to feel comfortable speaking to this man, his broody ways making it as if he's hiding from my gaze. Or perhaps the other way around. He's confusing me again. His long silences unnerve me, and I realize I really don't want to catch the expression in his steely eyes anyway. He seems too deep for the likes of me. And instantly I miss the delicate bits of my husband.

"You never asked him though, he wants to do the things he does. Whatever you can say about Seth, above all things he's extremely…" "Stubborn!" I finish, proving how surprising I can be. I smile gently at Ryan for the first since we started this odd conversation. I hope I've proven my worth by somewhat passing the test he'd laid out for me.

"Yeah," he says in a faint tone. I don't look at him, because I'm afraid of what I'd find in his face. Surprise, or maybe not all…I can't think of what is more frightening. "So," Ryan starts off awkwardly, reminding me of the tall lady that was with him at the airport. Marissa, voices whisper softly to me, and I'm very still suddenly. "You can't remember anything? Anyone?"

I tilt my head downward a little, knowing that I'll get myself into trouble if I even dare answer that.

"Sometimes things come to mind," I smile wearily, not convinced of the intention in my words. "I think it's been getting better, I'm getting better…" I pray that isn't a lie, and give him a blank look. "Can I ask you something?" I rub my hands together, perhaps to fight of the cold, I don't even know anymore. It's a fear that I can't seem to shake as easily like some of the others.

A shimmering memory slowly traipses along the edge of my mind and urges me to speak. "I can't ask Seth, so I need you to be honest with me." Much bolder than the medicated version of myself, I stand up straighter as I look this man in the eye. He seems so unmoveable, yet I can tell he's been shattered before. Ryan agrees with the slightest twitch of his lip, and I still can't understand what it is I want to know so badly.

"My father didn't leave, did he?" Ryan looks so torn, awkward even as my voice turns into sobs. "He died…" I shake my head in anger, hating the loss of dignity, perhaps mourning the loss of tears. He offers me a tissue from his pocket, and I can't believe I am crying in front of someone.

"I want to remember him, but I just can't," I whisper, shaky from too many things to register, and despite it all I still look up at him…waiting for my answer.

"It was a car accident," Ryan says very carefully, it's clear that he doesn't know if admitting to this is safe. I nod my head, yet the words bounce off of my skin like they weren't real at all. I suck in a quivery breath, trying to wrap a dizzy brain around something as substantial as this but still coming up short. "Come on." He adds, and points to a path that's partially concealed by shrubs and bushes. Clumsily I follow him, afraid he'll make his claims too real for me. I don't think I can handle the dark patches this man has to show me. I regret asking him for anything. Or maybe I just regret the fact that he was able to answer me.

"My…house." I mumble under my breath, as I'm overcome by a bizarre absence of emotion. No loss, no disappointment, no surprise - nothing. I had expected to feel heartbroken at the sight of this majestic pile of yesterdays. I had expected my new-found goal to focus on the future to shatter at the sight of all this familiarity. I faintly hear Ryan confirm that it's indeed my family's old house. Something about Seth buying it just in case since it had been vacant for years now. In case of what, I want to ask him, but instead I just give him a bewildered look. I wish he'd explain why this feels so odd…Why the ache hasn't settle in yet. "Has it been that long?" I say more to myself than him really, trembling with an unsettling sort of calm as I let my gaze trail down the tattered front door.

I twirl on my heel to look at him, nearly pivoting out of balance when the magnitude of this tries to creep up on me. "Why did he do this? Why did he keep this place?" I want to go back to the white mansion I just couldn't remember, forget about this damn haunted place…and yet I can't. I can't turn around just yet. I made a promise to myself today, to overcome whatever is torturing me before it overcomes me instead. I don't even really register the fact that Ryan isn't answering me. My head and stomach seem to have swapped places and I'm so nauseous I can hardly stand upright. God, the voices in my mind are howling again, and I'm missing something so fiercely I can almost hear the pain droning through me.

"I don't feel so good," in an instance I feel Ryan grab me by the arm, very gently for a man as rough as him. I lean against him, shaking my head a little as I close my eyes. "I don't feel any better now, I thought I would feel better if I knew." But all that precious knowledge didn't do anything but confuse me some more. Rattle my pretty house of cards, the one I was building so carefully with my curly boy, and I hate myself for shaking up the cobwebs. Ryan guides me away from the mansion, silent in his regret I suspect and I want to whisper an apology to him.

"Don't tell him about this, he wouldn't understand…" I can't be sure of anything, yet I know that I'd do anything to protect what flimsy faith Seth has in me.

"You're okay Summer," this strange man reassures me, smiling with a stillness I can't wrap my mind around. His words churn around in my belly, I can't buy into lies as flamboyant as that. I refuse to fool myself any longer. I won't be fine for a very long time. I shake my head at him, pouting because I feel so little all of a sudden. "I didn't take my medicine, I didn't listen to my Daddy…and now he's gone. That'll never be okay." He can't say anything to that, and his well-meant smile instantly corrodes away.

ETA: Was it clear that Summer remember her father's death and Ryan didn't tell her first? He only told her how he had died.