Title: Meant to Be- chapter 13
Disclaimer: Since the last time I've written, I have not come into possession of Third Watch.
Author's Note: I know it's been forever since my last update, but things have been crazy. But you don't want to hear about that, you just want the story. Greedy people.;) Special thanks to FDNY Angel Eyes for the kick in the ass, I mean "reminder", to get movin.
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Kim wandered around that night for what seemed like an eternity. She thought about going back and letting Jimmy plead his case, but didn't have the strength for that. She thought about going to her mom's, but she knew the only thing she would get there was an "I told you so". Kim finally decided on the one destination that was least likely. She stood in front of the door, realizing that this was probably a bad idea, but went ahead and rung the doorbell.
"Kim," Melanie whispered in shock.
"Why would you do this to me again?" Kim choked out.
Melanie looked around, obviously uncomfortable, "Kimmy, why don't you come in? It's freezing out there." At some point in time it had started raining and Kim hadn't even noticed that she was soaking wet. Melanie felt a sick feeling at the look that Kim was giving her. It had taken so long for them to begin to rebuild their relationship, and she had gone and screwed it up again in a lame attempt to protect her sister.
"What did I ever do to you that was so bad to make you keep doing things like this to hurt me?" Kim begged for some understanding of the situation.
"Kim, it's not what you think," Melanie started to explain.
"I remember seeing a similar scene a couple years ago and it ruined my life so don't tell me I didn't see what I saw! You'd think I'd be used to it by now." Kim shook her head in disgust and began to walk away.
"Kim, wait!," Melanie jogged in the rain to catch up with her. "Look, I know what I did was wrong, but please believe me when I say I was trying to help."
Kim's incredulous look spoke volumes, "Are you actually so morally inept that you can't even see when you do something wrong? You know what, I was stupid to let you back into my life again. I really hope that you grow up someday," she said and turned around to leave.
"Please," Melanie stopped her from walking away, "let me explain."
"I've heard it before," Kim pulled back and started to walk away again.
"Jimmy was telling you the truth," Melanie called after her in a last ditch attempt to make her listen. Kim stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Melanie. "Mom has been calling me all the time and she's so upset that you won't talk to her or bring Joey over. I hate seeing the two of you fighting and I didn't really think that the whole Jimmy thing was really that serious-"
"Even if it wasn't serious, what right do you have in any area of my life?! And more importantly, when did you start caring?" Kim cut her off.
" I do care and that's why I did what I did. Kim, you know he's just gonna hurt you again. He's not the kind of guy that will be there. He always ends up breaking your heart and I didn't want that to happen again," Melanie finished weakly.
"So you thought seducing my boyfriend was the way to go about things?" Kim asked, feeling the urge to slap her sister across the face.
" I know, I should have talked to you."
Kim rubbed her hands over her eyes tiredly and started to laugh, a slight tone of hysteria present. She looked at her sister, unable to believe she could do something so stupid, "You know, both you and mom are so concerned about me not getting hurt by Jimmy and you can't even see how much you're hurting me. Do you honestly think that I don't know that there's a risk of me being hurt by him again? How about instead of being so focused on forcing me out of this relationship, you be there for me and support me for once in your lives?"
Melanie was trying hard not to cry. The last thing she wanted was for her sister to hate her again, "Kim, I'm so sorry."
"Stay away from me, stay away from my son, and stay away from Jimmy. I don't ever want to speak to you again and I do mean it this time. That should make things easier for you and mom," Kim bit out and turned to go home.
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Jimmy was sitting on her bunk when Kim made her way to the landing to get ready to change. His head was in his hands and his shoulders were slumped. It pained her to see him like this, especially knowing that he really hadn't done anything wrong. At least according to Melanie, whose judgment was a little shady. Kim leaned against the railing and tried to brace herself, "Hey." Jimmy wearily lifted his head and looked at her in a look that could only be described as desperation. It made Kim want to jump in his lap and tell him everything was gonna be ok. But she didn't.
"I tried to call you," Jimmy rasped out inanely. He mind couldn't focus and that was the first thing that popped out.
"I know," Kim whispered.
Jimmy sat up a little and looked as if he wanted to get up and go to her, but was afraid to. His tired eyes glistened with tears and his bottom lip quivered a little, "Kim, I'm so sorry."
Kim's eyes filled quickly too, "You don't really have anything to be sorry for."
Jimmy looked understandably confused, "What do you mean?"
"I went to Melanie's last night and she told me what really happened. She said that you didn't try anything with her; that it was her warped plan to help me," Kim tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.
Jimmy's eyes started to light up a little, " I swear, nothing happened last night with us," he stood and moved slowly to her, afraid she would bolt if he moved too fast. He tentatively brushed some hair away from her face, his hand sliding down to cup her face. His thumb gently rubbed her bottom lip and more than anything in the world, he wanted to kiss her, but refrained. His hands slipped down to her waist and he gently pulled her towards him, "I don't want her, I just want you," he leaned down slightly.
"Jimmy, we have to talk," Kim pulled away and sat down on the bunk.
He sat down cautiously next to her, "Ok."
Kim turned to look at him for a long moment, "You look terrible," she smiled slightly.
"Well, you know, I didn't sleep so well last night," Jimmy smiled and smoothed her hair down her back. "I missed you." Tears leaked from her eyes and she had to turn away from him. "What, baby?" he whispered and rubbed her back soothingly.
"I can't do this, Jimmy," she croaked out.
"Can't do what?" he asked, a feeling of dread welling in the pit of his stomach.
"Us. It's just too hard, you know?" she looked at him through bleary eyes. "I love you so much, but it shouldn't be this hard, Jimmy. It just shouldn't."
Jimmy kneeled down on the floor in front of Kim's hunched over form, "Kimmy, don't do this to me. I know it's hard, but we can do this. I know I still have to earn your trust, but-"
"But that's the thing, Jimmy! You shouldn't have to earn anything. You've been working so hard to make this work, but you shouldn't have to. And I've tried so hard to not let our past get in the way of our future, but our past was staring me in the face last night and I couldn't trust you. Jimmy, I thought these feelings would go away, but they haven't. I can't make them. I can't forget what you did and I don't wanna live my life in fear of you doing it again. I can't live like that, Jimmy."
Tears were falling down Jimmy's face, "Tell me what to do to make you trust me and I'll do it. Do you want me never to go anywhere without you? Then I won't. Do you never want me to talk to another woman again? Then I won't. Please, Kimmy, tell me what I can do," he begged.
Kim cupped his face, "You shouldn't have to do anything. You deserve to be with someone that isn't always expecting you to do something to screw up. I don't want to be the person that makes you miserable because you're trying to make me happy."
"You don't make me miserable, baby. The only time I am happy is when you're with me. When I can hold you in my arms and know that you belong to me and I belong to you and I do, Kim, I belong to you. I always have and always will. I love you," he rasped out.
"Then let me go," she begged tearily.
Jimmy looked at her in horror. This was not happening. Just a few minutes ago he had been so happy that she believed he hadn't done anything and now she was breaking his heart. "No," he shook his head in determination, "No. Not again."
" If you love me, you will because I can't do this anymore," Kim cried.
"I already lost you twice. I can't lose you again," Jimmy held her hands to his face, "I need you, baby."
Kim ran a hand through his hair and kissed his forehead. Jimmy moved back and caught her lips with his. Kim moaned in agony, but kissed him back weakly. When he tried to pull her into his lap, she pulled away, "No, Jimmy, I can't do this," she whimpered.
Jimmy just looked at her in pure anguish, "What are we supposed to tell Joey?"
Fresh tears came to her eyes at the thought of breaking her baby's heart, "I don't... I don't know."
"Kim, please, if you love me, don't do this. I know you haven't forgiven me fully yet and I know you feel bad about that, but it's ok. I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again, but don't do this again. Don't walk away from me. Don't walk away from the man that loves you," Jimmy begged, the tears still rolling down his face.
"Hey, Kim! Are you up he-" Alex stopped in mid sentence when she saw the scene before her. Kim was sitting on the bed, Jimmy knelt in front of her with his arms wrapped around her and they were both crying. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Kim, we got a call," she looked at her best friend in concern.
Kim wiped vigorously at the tears that were still falling and plastered a smile on her face, "Ok."
She moved to stand and Jimmy stepped in front of her, "Kimmy, please."
Kim's forehead scrunched in an attempt to keep her tears at bay and she pushed him away gently, "I have to go," she croaked out. She made her way to Alex, "Ready to head out?," she asked and tried to smile, but Alex could still see the tears swimming in her eyes.
"You know, I could ask Carlos and Doc to take this call if you-"
"No, I'm fine," she smiled.
"Yeah," Alex nodded her head, completely unconvinced. She glanced at Jimmy and noticed he looked like he was gonna be sick. She sighed, "If you're up for it, let's go," she descended down the stairs.
"Don't do this," Jimmy begged one last time.
Kim looked at him in misery, "I'm sorry. I'm just not strong enough this time," she whispered. Jimmy took a step towards her and she walked away before he could reach her
Disclaimer: Since the last time I've written, I have not come into possession of Third Watch.
Author's Note: I know it's been forever since my last update, but things have been crazy. But you don't want to hear about that, you just want the story. Greedy people.;) Special thanks to FDNY Angel Eyes for the kick in the ass, I mean "reminder", to get movin.
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Kim wandered around that night for what seemed like an eternity. She thought about going back and letting Jimmy plead his case, but didn't have the strength for that. She thought about going to her mom's, but she knew the only thing she would get there was an "I told you so". Kim finally decided on the one destination that was least likely. She stood in front of the door, realizing that this was probably a bad idea, but went ahead and rung the doorbell.
"Kim," Melanie whispered in shock.
"Why would you do this to me again?" Kim choked out.
Melanie looked around, obviously uncomfortable, "Kimmy, why don't you come in? It's freezing out there." At some point in time it had started raining and Kim hadn't even noticed that she was soaking wet. Melanie felt a sick feeling at the look that Kim was giving her. It had taken so long for them to begin to rebuild their relationship, and she had gone and screwed it up again in a lame attempt to protect her sister.
"What did I ever do to you that was so bad to make you keep doing things like this to hurt me?" Kim begged for some understanding of the situation.
"Kim, it's not what you think," Melanie started to explain.
"I remember seeing a similar scene a couple years ago and it ruined my life so don't tell me I didn't see what I saw! You'd think I'd be used to it by now." Kim shook her head in disgust and began to walk away.
"Kim, wait!," Melanie jogged in the rain to catch up with her. "Look, I know what I did was wrong, but please believe me when I say I was trying to help."
Kim's incredulous look spoke volumes, "Are you actually so morally inept that you can't even see when you do something wrong? You know what, I was stupid to let you back into my life again. I really hope that you grow up someday," she said and turned around to leave.
"Please," Melanie stopped her from walking away, "let me explain."
"I've heard it before," Kim pulled back and started to walk away again.
"Jimmy was telling you the truth," Melanie called after her in a last ditch attempt to make her listen. Kim stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Melanie. "Mom has been calling me all the time and she's so upset that you won't talk to her or bring Joey over. I hate seeing the two of you fighting and I didn't really think that the whole Jimmy thing was really that serious-"
"Even if it wasn't serious, what right do you have in any area of my life?! And more importantly, when did you start caring?" Kim cut her off.
" I do care and that's why I did what I did. Kim, you know he's just gonna hurt you again. He's not the kind of guy that will be there. He always ends up breaking your heart and I didn't want that to happen again," Melanie finished weakly.
"So you thought seducing my boyfriend was the way to go about things?" Kim asked, feeling the urge to slap her sister across the face.
" I know, I should have talked to you."
Kim rubbed her hands over her eyes tiredly and started to laugh, a slight tone of hysteria present. She looked at her sister, unable to believe she could do something so stupid, "You know, both you and mom are so concerned about me not getting hurt by Jimmy and you can't even see how much you're hurting me. Do you honestly think that I don't know that there's a risk of me being hurt by him again? How about instead of being so focused on forcing me out of this relationship, you be there for me and support me for once in your lives?"
Melanie was trying hard not to cry. The last thing she wanted was for her sister to hate her again, "Kim, I'm so sorry."
"Stay away from me, stay away from my son, and stay away from Jimmy. I don't ever want to speak to you again and I do mean it this time. That should make things easier for you and mom," Kim bit out and turned to go home.
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Jimmy was sitting on her bunk when Kim made her way to the landing to get ready to change. His head was in his hands and his shoulders were slumped. It pained her to see him like this, especially knowing that he really hadn't done anything wrong. At least according to Melanie, whose judgment was a little shady. Kim leaned against the railing and tried to brace herself, "Hey." Jimmy wearily lifted his head and looked at her in a look that could only be described as desperation. It made Kim want to jump in his lap and tell him everything was gonna be ok. But she didn't.
"I tried to call you," Jimmy rasped out inanely. He mind couldn't focus and that was the first thing that popped out.
"I know," Kim whispered.
Jimmy sat up a little and looked as if he wanted to get up and go to her, but was afraid to. His tired eyes glistened with tears and his bottom lip quivered a little, "Kim, I'm so sorry."
Kim's eyes filled quickly too, "You don't really have anything to be sorry for."
Jimmy looked understandably confused, "What do you mean?"
"I went to Melanie's last night and she told me what really happened. She said that you didn't try anything with her; that it was her warped plan to help me," Kim tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.
Jimmy's eyes started to light up a little, " I swear, nothing happened last night with us," he stood and moved slowly to her, afraid she would bolt if he moved too fast. He tentatively brushed some hair away from her face, his hand sliding down to cup her face. His thumb gently rubbed her bottom lip and more than anything in the world, he wanted to kiss her, but refrained. His hands slipped down to her waist and he gently pulled her towards him, "I don't want her, I just want you," he leaned down slightly.
"Jimmy, we have to talk," Kim pulled away and sat down on the bunk.
He sat down cautiously next to her, "Ok."
Kim turned to look at him for a long moment, "You look terrible," she smiled slightly.
"Well, you know, I didn't sleep so well last night," Jimmy smiled and smoothed her hair down her back. "I missed you." Tears leaked from her eyes and she had to turn away from him. "What, baby?" he whispered and rubbed her back soothingly.
"I can't do this, Jimmy," she croaked out.
"Can't do what?" he asked, a feeling of dread welling in the pit of his stomach.
"Us. It's just too hard, you know?" she looked at him through bleary eyes. "I love you so much, but it shouldn't be this hard, Jimmy. It just shouldn't."
Jimmy kneeled down on the floor in front of Kim's hunched over form, "Kimmy, don't do this to me. I know it's hard, but we can do this. I know I still have to earn your trust, but-"
"But that's the thing, Jimmy! You shouldn't have to earn anything. You've been working so hard to make this work, but you shouldn't have to. And I've tried so hard to not let our past get in the way of our future, but our past was staring me in the face last night and I couldn't trust you. Jimmy, I thought these feelings would go away, but they haven't. I can't make them. I can't forget what you did and I don't wanna live my life in fear of you doing it again. I can't live like that, Jimmy."
Tears were falling down Jimmy's face, "Tell me what to do to make you trust me and I'll do it. Do you want me never to go anywhere without you? Then I won't. Do you never want me to talk to another woman again? Then I won't. Please, Kimmy, tell me what I can do," he begged.
Kim cupped his face, "You shouldn't have to do anything. You deserve to be with someone that isn't always expecting you to do something to screw up. I don't want to be the person that makes you miserable because you're trying to make me happy."
"You don't make me miserable, baby. The only time I am happy is when you're with me. When I can hold you in my arms and know that you belong to me and I belong to you and I do, Kim, I belong to you. I always have and always will. I love you," he rasped out.
"Then let me go," she begged tearily.
Jimmy looked at her in horror. This was not happening. Just a few minutes ago he had been so happy that she believed he hadn't done anything and now she was breaking his heart. "No," he shook his head in determination, "No. Not again."
" If you love me, you will because I can't do this anymore," Kim cried.
"I already lost you twice. I can't lose you again," Jimmy held her hands to his face, "I need you, baby."
Kim ran a hand through his hair and kissed his forehead. Jimmy moved back and caught her lips with his. Kim moaned in agony, but kissed him back weakly. When he tried to pull her into his lap, she pulled away, "No, Jimmy, I can't do this," she whimpered.
Jimmy just looked at her in pure anguish, "What are we supposed to tell Joey?"
Fresh tears came to her eyes at the thought of breaking her baby's heart, "I don't... I don't know."
"Kim, please, if you love me, don't do this. I know you haven't forgiven me fully yet and I know you feel bad about that, but it's ok. I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again, but don't do this again. Don't walk away from me. Don't walk away from the man that loves you," Jimmy begged, the tears still rolling down his face.
"Hey, Kim! Are you up he-" Alex stopped in mid sentence when she saw the scene before her. Kim was sitting on the bed, Jimmy knelt in front of her with his arms wrapped around her and they were both crying. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. Kim, we got a call," she looked at her best friend in concern.
Kim wiped vigorously at the tears that were still falling and plastered a smile on her face, "Ok."
She moved to stand and Jimmy stepped in front of her, "Kimmy, please."
Kim's forehead scrunched in an attempt to keep her tears at bay and she pushed him away gently, "I have to go," she croaked out. She made her way to Alex, "Ready to head out?," she asked and tried to smile, but Alex could still see the tears swimming in her eyes.
"You know, I could ask Carlos and Doc to take this call if you-"
"No, I'm fine," she smiled.
"Yeah," Alex nodded her head, completely unconvinced. She glanced at Jimmy and noticed he looked like he was gonna be sick. She sighed, "If you're up for it, let's go," she descended down the stairs.
"Don't do this," Jimmy begged one last time.
Kim looked at him in misery, "I'm sorry. I'm just not strong enough this time," she whispered. Jimmy took a step towards her and she walked away before he could reach her