Author's Note:As much as it pains me, the story's done. Hope you enjoyed their ride. Epilogue to come.
Never owned The O.C.

She shifted her weight from one foot to the next, wondering why she was there.

When Kirsten and Sandy helped her get settled into the guestroom, she was tired and more than eager to hop in a bed of thousand dollar Egyptian sheets. But as she pulled on fresh pajamas, catching sight of herself in the bathroom mirror, a tiny thought of Ryan implanted itself in her head. The thought grew rapidly, until his eyes were the only thing she could see, his hand the only thing she could feel, his laugh the only sound in her ears, his kiss the lingering tase on her lips. Everything went back to him.

And for the first time in weeks, she thought of him and knew that he was only steps away. Carefully creeping out of the main house, she tried to make as little noise as possible. She was already taking advantage of the Cohen's kindness, she didn't want to prove herself ingrateful and disrespectful. The values that her mother so desperately tried to instill in her were finally exposing themselves.

The bare floors were ice against her feet, but she couldn't go back to the room for her slippers. She knew that if she did, she'd lose her nerve and not see Ryan til breakfast.

Thump. Thump.

She could feel her heart beat grow stronger the closer she got to the poolhouse. There was a light still on, a lamp. Ryan never left appliances on at night, a habit formed from the days his mother and father would brawl over the seemingly high figure of the electricity bill. Theresa didn't know why she thought of that just then, but she did. And eleven year old Ryan lying next to her in bed, in an innocent sleep over, was the clearest image in her mind.

Thump Thump Thump.

Her heart beat grew stronger as she stood in front of the pool house door. Her palms damp with nervousness, she slowly lifted a hand to knock. But before her fist ever made contact with the door, it opened.

Thump-Thump Thump-Thump.

"Theresa," his voice was a greeting, a welcome, an acknowledgement, a memory, a beacon of light.

"Hey," the word came out in a croak as she was suddenly at a mind blank. He looked at her with deep penetrating eyes searching for her thoughts. Moments passed as they stood in silence, one inside the pool house, one barely outside the threshold. His stocky frame was vast compared to her sinewy limbs. His mop of blonde brown hair slightly above the dark waves on her head. She returned his gaze, but gave up none of the emotions she kept inside. Ryan Atwood wasn't the only one who could remain stoic and stonefaced.

"What, uh..." he tried to not sound awkward. "What's up?" Stretching his arm above him, he leaned against the door frame. Without knowing it, his little gesture forced a herd of butterflies through Theresa's stomach. She exhaled in a sigh. No other guy, not even Eddie, could have this affect on her. It was just Ryan. His aura, his spirit, his energy. It incapacitated her and at the same time invigorated her, if that was even possible.

"I..." she gave a weak smile. "couldn't sleep." He looked at her quizically for a few seconds. Perhaps because he hoped she was there for a different reason. Perhaps he hoped that she would tell the truth and relieve some of the ridiculous tension that encircled them. But he accepted her answer and stepped into the night with her.

"You want to hang out?" He waited for her to nod before closing the pool house door shut and heading towards the pool chaises. "Here?" Everything he said lay somewhere on the border of statement and question. It was obvious that he was as nervous as she.

"So-"

"Listen-"

They spoke at the same time, then paused to stare at the other. Offering the other the chance to speak first, curious at what they had to say. His eyes dug holes into her flesh, trying straight through her tough exterior and walls of protection, trying to see what was really in her heart. On the other hand, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Chocolate eyes drifted to the darkness, focusing on the glassy waters of the infinity pool. The liquid crystal reflected and distorted the moon. Looking at that image, Theresa knew just how the moon felt, distorted and changed. Whole and yet not quite real. It was her feeling too.

"You first," she whispered, still not looking up at Ryan.

Not willing to lose his chance to speak and hopeful that his words could change Theresa's current opinion of him, Ryan answered.

"Listen, I just wanted to say..." slight hesitation. "that I'm really sorry about earlier. It's just that I saw you and you look so... But that's not the way I think of you. Well, it is but its not the only way I... think. Of. You." She smiled inwardly, listening to him ramble. "Because, you know, me and you. We're..."

His face began to flush as he sought for the proper words. The words he had thought of over and over again but seemed to disappear now that they really needed to be said.

"Ryan." her voice was firm and stopped the whirlwind of thoughts in his thoughts. "It's okay."

XXX

He had done it. He apologized. And he still didn't feel better.

Watching as she sat down on the ground, her back leaning against the chaise, he just wanted to hug her. He didn't want words, words were never enough. He knew himself. His own intensity. Words couldn't handle him.

Relief ran through him as she looked up from where she sat and nodded slightly. And on command, he sat next to her. Close but not quite touching. He wanted to though. Touch her, feel the softness of her skin beneath his hands, trace the scar on her shoulder, run his fingers through her hair. He didn't.

Him and her and touching. Broken relationships and jealous exes and babies- just some of the by-products. He couldn't put her through anything like that again. And then he realized that it wasn't just love that he felt for her. It was a need to protect her. It was self sacrificial. It was frightening. It was the will to make her happy, whatever that meant, even if it wasn't him.

"Ry," she pulled him away from his thoughts again. "Look for Orion." He noticed for the first time since she sat down that her eyes were fixed on the sky above them. Neither of them really liked astronomy, or stars, or the moon, or night, in general. The darkness never felt good. The darkness never brought anything good with it.

He knew that she loved Orion though. It was the first constallation she ever learned. The three stars of his belt hovered immediately above their old street, and on clear nights, the whole constallation could be seen. That one night, when Trey and Arturo disappeared while "procuring" a new car, Theresa and Ryan stayed up the whole night. Sitting on her window sill, one leg in the room, one leg out, he held her close and they counted stars. Just to keep awake.

She stopped after nineteen. She got bored she said. Instead of counting, she began to trace her own constellations. You see that one. That's Orion, he's a real constallation. He reminds me of you. He oughta be called Oh-Ryan. Her giggles were contagious and he laughed with his mouth on her hair.

"It's there." he said, squinting at the sky. "Orion." Three stars of his belt hovered above the Pacific Ocean, just left of the pool house roof.

"I can't see it."

"Doesn't mean its not there." He didn't know why he said that. That's what happened when he spoke. Sometimes, things came out that he didn't know what to do with.

"Like air, huh?" She ran her fingers through the space immediately in front of them. Making shadows on the ground, feeling the night air. As if she could really touch it. He wanted to reach out and join her. Place his hands atop her long fingers and join them.

"And other stuff too." Dammit Ryan. Stop speaking if you don't know what the hell you're talking about.

"Like God?" She turned her face slightly, if she moved any closer, their noses would touch. He could feel her breath, if he listened hard enough, he would hear her heart. He wondered if she could hear his.

"Yeah, and fear." His voice was soft and breathy.

"And hope." She blinked innocently. He could have kissed her right then. Soft and gentle, like the ocean breeze. He could have closed his eyes, and taken them both away from the darkness of the night and into a better place. Freed them from the treading in gray matter any longer. But he wouldn't. Not yet.

"And..." he swallowed fear and inhaled courage. "And love." There. He said it. She knew understood him now, she knew it now. He would be free. It would all be better. And the sun would set on their gray area, dawn would break with brightness and hope and a future.

He searched her eyes and saw the answers to all his questions. She stole every doubt from his mind. He could see it. Soft and cool, her fingers found their way to his.

"And love." she echoed. It was then he closed his eyes. His head leaned in and hovered above hers. The moment their lips touched, everything else faded.

No Chino, no Newport, no Atlanta. No Cohens, no Eddie, no baby gone away, no Marissa, no brothers in jail. No doubts, no apprehensions. Nothing but the two of them.

It was everything they ever wanted. Away from everything that sought to break them. Peace. Out of the darkness, into the light. Slipping from gray areas and finally finding the silver linings.

"And love."

-----END------