Title: In The Darkness We Meet
Written By: Astaldothôlwen
Point Of View: Kairi
Chapter Seven: Bittersweet Solitude
Disclaimer: As always, I don't claim to owning Kingdom Hearts or any of it's content, however, if you (Square or Disney) want me to take Riku off your hands, I will be more than willing to do as such. I know it would be hard having an incredibly insert word for drop-dead gorgeous here bishounen around. Especially one who is tormented and is filled with so much angst; Riku needs someone to "cheer him up" winks.
I'm not entirely certain how I feel. Struggling to get up, I realised I have contradicted myself completely. I know very well how I feel. I feel sore. Groaning, raising my hand to my forehead, as though I was checking for a temperature, sitting in an upward position; I realised again that I was in my new adopted bedroom.
'Wonderful,' glancing down at my attire, I can't really say I was completely shocked, ', the dress, it is still here. And this morning continues to grow more and more . . . fantastic.' I thought bitterly to myself.
I don't really recall what occurred yesterday. Or perhaps it was longer than yesterday. I'm not really certain. I remember a paopu fruit made out of pieces of ceramic. But, that is the extent of my knowledge and recognition of times already long past. It is very strange. I don't really understand. Getting off my chair, I looked around my room my eyes once again falling upon the little golden mirror.
Walking towards it, I feel strange. I do not feel like myself. At all. There is a certain element of dismay plaguing the back of my mind. It is almost as though I feel . . . nothing.
'Nothing but anger and disgust for yourself that is.' The Voice hisses its evil monotonous accent within my ears.
'Disgust? Anger? Do I feel nothing else? No happiness? No joy? Do I feel no sympathy? Nothing?'
Continuing to walk over towards the mirror, I kneel to the ground and peer inside the silver reflective glass.
The girl staring back at me looks so very sad. Her eyes are empty her skin as pale as a ghost. What frightens me the most is that I don't feel scared by her new transformation. Her eyes, my eyes, we are one in the same.
'I am nothing more than a ghost. A hollow shell of what used to be.'
Placing the mirror down, I saunter over towards my window. The sky is not sunny. There are storm clouds brewing, the air smells thick and foreboding; as though apprehension is the very essence of this storm.
Thinking of Destiny Islands I realise I don't miss the smell of the sea or the salty air that would gently caress my shoulders. And the sunsets; I don't miss them either. I don't miss my fair-haired friend or your gentle lopsided grin. I don't feel anything at all. I don't miss anything from my former life. Nor do I pity those who I have left behind.
'My life that I have left behind.'
Breaking me out of these thoughts is someone's soft palm gracing over my cheek. Casting my view upward, I meet a pair of amber-gold eyes.
"What do you want?!" Venom and bitterness are dripping from my voice. "I don't want your pity."
With sympathy and concern in his voice, he explained how beautiful I was. He called me a princess. Not only did these comments instil large amounts of fear in my soul it also sickened me.
"I said, what do you want? Either you respect my wishes and leave, or I will ignore you when you speak to me. So, what is it you want?" Anger was boiling in my veins, I don't understand why, but I wanted to be alone, to experience pain and sadness by my lone self.
"Kairi, please do not be troubled. Come to my chambers and I will explain everything." He turned around, and with a flick of his wrist my heart felt as though I had to follow him. I really did not understand why my heart ached to follow him, but my inner conscious told me I had to.
Looking over his shoulder to make sure that I was in fact following him, there was something in his eyes that frightened me. He looked back forward and before I knew it we had arrived at his chambers, the large doors piercing into my heart.
There was something strange. Something dark. I felt a strange aura surrounding the premise of the room; I felt something I could not explain. Taking a sharp breath inward, I stepped through the opened door. Glancing around at my surroundings there was nothing out of place. Everything was picture perfect, as though this very room had been frozen in time. Nothing was different from when I last entered, and it rather frightened me.
Thinking back to my previous annoyance, I had realised I still did not know why I had been beckoned here. Sighing in frustration, I followed Ansem in toe watching as he kept a brisk pace. Sitting down in his chair, he looked at me coyly.
'I hope he doesn't honestly think I have time for this. I want to be alone. Is that truly so much to ask for? A little solitude?'
'You always have time for the Master. You of all people should know that. He can help you in ways you can't imagine….' It hissed in my ear once more.
Tapping my foot impatiently on the floor, I continued to wait for an explanation. After many excruciating moments, Ansem looked up at me. Amber eyes met my empty lifeless ones.
"I presume by the foot-taping you would like to proceed my Princess?" Rolling my eyes on the word 'princess', I could hardly believe what I was hearing.
'He really knows how to push my buttons. Get on with it will you?!' Groaning in aggravation, this was his signal to continue with his speech, this currently was going no where.
"As I was saying; you would like me to continue," he stopped, only for a reason I could assume he was waiting for me to interrupt once more, "and you know I would do anything for you correct?"
Silence.
"Well I would. However, Sora; he has left you behind. He has chosen someone else. That girl from the image within the mirror; that is who he wishes to share the paopu fruit with."
'He, he doesn't want to share the paopu with me? That wasn't just an allusion? Am I really that alone?'
"Kairi, he considers you to be weak. He views you as insignificant. He doesn't love you."
'He doesn't . . . love me. He has never loved me. We weren't meant to be….'
"Kairi, you know I would never lie to you. Nevertheless, you can prove to him how powerful and strong you really are. And I could help you. I could help you show him how powerful you really are. And Riku! You could save Riku, and the three of you could have as much fun as you once did."
The floor seemed particularly interesting right about now. Salty tears filled the brims of my eyes, but everything he said; everything was true. How could I be so stupid? Sora never loved me. I was living a lie. My whole entire world, my entire life was nothing more than a lie.
'Sora, you were my flame of hope. You were my light, my dreams, and my aspirations. Sora, you were my soul mate. And you've managed to extinguish the only hope I have ever known. I am nothing. I am worthless. You have moved on. I have no one. I will be alone for all of eternity. My soul and happiness will not be entwined with your spirit. Our souls will not dance happily in the world of bliss and infinity. I'm alone.'
I could feel them, but there was no point in trying to stop them. Tears were falling freely down my pale cheeks falling elegantly to the ground below. My fists were clenched and my nails felt as though they were piercing the skin on my palm. But what did I care? I am alone.
"Now Kairi, just imagine it. Sora and yourself, dancing under the twinkling stars of the Destiny Islands. The sounds of the ocean waves in the background are like a bittersweet melody to your gentle ears. Sora is gently rocking you; your head is on his shoulder while he whispers sweet nothings to you. His soothing voice is like the most beautiful song to you. Just think Kairi, if you let me help you, you'll never be alone again."
The prospect of everything Ansem was saying was too wonderful for words. I wished those events to happen. I knew it, he knew it; and I am more than positive the Inner Voice even knew it.
"But that isn't all that would happen to you Princess. Riku, Riku would be free from the constraints of the Darkness. You could set his soul free. You could allow him to live happily once more. He would no longer be the tormented, suffering soul he is today. You could save him."
These thoughts were wonderful; knowing I could be happy, and Sora could be mine. We could walk for all the years of eternity together hand in hand. Sora would be my one and only; and I his. Riku would be freed from the depths of peril that he has been reduced to, Riku could find happiness. Riku could find his soul mate; the one who could be bound eternally to; one who would love him more than I could ever.
'However, none of that matters now. Sora has chosen someone else, Riku has left this planet, and I; I have been left alone. I am a prisoner of my own happiness. Bliss does not exist; happiness comes at a price. One cannot gain happiness from mid-air. Is happiness existent? Or are well all doomed to inner torment and pain?'
'Your pain only hurts others. You are a wretched person. People like you deserve the most cruel and unkind deaths. You are useless Kairi.'
The Voice. It is right. It has never lied to me. Its true, I am useless; no one needs me. I am a mere unwanted of space and liberty.
'Sora doesn't need me; Sora doesn't even want me. Who would want me by their side for eternity? Maybe Sora is lucky, that he could get away from me while he had the chance.'
"Kairi, I am more than willing to help you and your friends. If you are willing to help not just yourself but your two best friends in the world, I am sure they would be grateful."
'How could anyone be grateful with a person like me on this Earth? I am hopeless, I am pathetic and I make others feel pain. He has not chosen me. No one has chosen me as his very own. I condemned to walk the heavens alone.'
"Now Kairi, you can escape from these inner perils. Have you understood you can help your friends? They are in need of saving. Sora, he will forget this new girl and will fall passionately in love with you. This is what you wish for is it not?"
Looking up from the floor for the very first time, I rose my tattered hands in front of my face, crimson blood flowing freely from them. The sight of my own blood did not phase me. Lowering my hands to the side of my body; I met Ansem's gaze. I realised everything he was saying was true.
"Yes, that is what I wish." My voice was cold. My voice dripped venom and disgust. Disgust for myself; disgust for everything I have become.
Raising himself from his chair, Ansem stood up from his chair with a devilish smirk plastered within his face. Looking towards the doors as if he was communicating with someone, who was not there, that is when I heard The Voice.
'Princess, you are useless. Your pathetic.'
Sobs began to shake my body.
"I'm pathetic!"
Saying those words aloud felt like bullets piercing my body.
'Kairi, you were never as strong as we thought. How could Riku and I ever stand being friends with you?!'
"How could you stand being friends with me Sora?! How?! I'll tell you how! We used to have adventures, don't you remember?!" Melancholy and sadness dripped from my quivering voice.
'Princess, they never liked you.'
"Leave me alone! I am useless! I am alone! I have never known true love!"
Bang.
'You're a waste of time'
Slice.
'I can't remember why I even considered wasting one of the paopu fruit from my Island on you Kairi; that I tossed one to Sora; what a waste.'
Unwanted.
Falling to my knees, I could no longer take it. These messages; these voices. Sora and Riku, they spoke to me. They called me pathetic. Crouching on the ground with the bleeding palms of my hands over my ears I rocked myself gently, the voices stopped. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
Looking upwards, there was Ansem staring at me with sympathy.
"Kairi, do you wish for my help? Do you wish for my services?" Nodding my agreement, he began what I can only imagine was an ancient procedure.
Closing his eyes, his face was strained from concentration. His arms were outstretched; and his palms were facing upwards. He almost looked like the letter 't'. Chanting words from a language from long ago, I couldn't make out the words, however, they were both haunting and beautiful. Two small orbs of golden white light appeared within Ansem's palms.
He brought his hands forward, so they were before his body. Before the hands managed to touch each other, he brought his hands towards his torso, making them into a circular shape, as though he were holding a large ball. The two orbs of light knotted as one; and lost their original light golden colour. The light within Ansem's palms turned a dark scarlet. Opening his eyes, I noticed the usual amber colour was gone and had been replaced with the same scarlet as the orb of light.
Standing before me, his eyes turned back to the normal amber. A soft expression came over his face.
"Take the light Kairi. It is yours." Extending my palm towards the crimson orb of light, I felt a little scared. Taking a sharp breath inwards, I knew this would be the only way I could prove to Sora I was strong.
'Sora will love you if you do this for him Princess. You can finally show him how strong you really are. He'll be so proud.' The Voice was right. I had to do this for Sora.
Hastily picking myself up, I put my hands in the frigid light. The initial shock of the cold numbed my entire body, however I got used to it. The painless nature of the light enveloped me. Opening my eyes, all I could see was the Darkness. I couldn't hear and all I could feel was the cold. It was very much like this morning, however, I am beginning to love this feeling of nothingness. When one feels nothing, there is not a thing that can hurt them.
Loneliness cannot affect me any longer. Opening my eyes, there were Heartless of every sort around me. I was sitting rather regally in Ansem's tinier chair. Ansem was staring down at me with delight. Smiling to myself, I actually felt happy.
'Princess, you look splendid. Sora will be thrilled with your new transformation.' The Voice, it has . . . complemented me.
Clearing his throat to gain the attention of all those around him, Ansem spoke for the first time since I touched the light.
"My subjects, may I introduce you to the newest member of our court. We have made history today. Here we have the Princess of Darkness!"
Shrill cries of excitement erupted throughout the halls of the castle. Ansem continued his speech, cutting the cries short.
"Darkness shall reign supreme! Princess, do you have anything to say to your loyal subjects?"
All eyes turned expectantly towards me. Clearing my throat as well, I tried to think of something right to say.
"I would just like to say this is an honour to be alongside with such admirable Heartless as yourself. However, I am beginning to feel a little tired, and wish to be left alone in peace." Without a second word, every Heartless filtered out of the halls as quickly as their thin legs could carry them.
"Why am I so tired?!" My voice, it sounds so vindictive and evil. And I love it.
Smirking to himself; Ansem did not fail to supply an answer.
"Why Princess, the amount of Darkness you took on was tremendous and vast; although I know you will use it to your utmost advantage."
Smirking to myself, I knew he was right.
"Yes, your right, the Darkness will be a very helpful trait to have. Sora will never recognise me; he'll be so surprised at how strong I have become!"
Authors Notes:
Woah! I think I might have actually liked that chapter! I really liked the part where Kairi is trying to deal with all the voices within her head. I know; she is being tormented psychologically in ways we can only imagine, but hey shrugs an author's gotta do what an author's gotta do!
Anyway, this was my only escape from hours of exam review, and I think I am happy with this chapter. Wait, no I'm not, I don't really like the chapter title, but beggar's can't be choosers! This chapter was lengthy at about 3000 words. That is the actual chapter, not including author's notes and my rather long and unprofessional sounding disclaimer.
I'm sure there are numerous grammatical errors in here, but I am really excited about getting this chapter up!
Now for "Reviewer Replies" although there were only two
Lyphe: I am really behind in your fic, and I'm sorry! You have already posted two chapters and a one-shot! I cannot wait to read them, I am sure they are exciting! I have been working about thirty hour weekends, and exams are deadly. I thank you for reviewing my very a/u Japan fic! You were the only one, so as usual, I am eternally grateful. Bows towards Lyphe
Da UnDeRsIgNeD: Well, I suppose I should have been expecting a flame sooner or later, and I can't complain, but while I was looking through Lyphe's reviews which she has a lot of cheers for Lyphe I also saw you reviewed her fic. Now, you can flame me all you want, you can swear towards me, call me names, quite frankly, I can care less. But don't go putting other people down just because you think my fic is crap okay?! Your comment was derogatory and down right rude and I do not want to see you hurting other people's feelings – especially those that are the only reasons why I update this fic. You wanna talk to me about this more, then fine: e-mail me at candaceunderscore281atyahoo.com or add me to MSN Messenger with the same address and I can talk about it much less politely there!
Ahhhh the joy's of exams, they make everyone easily angered and annoyed . . . gotta love 'em .