Journey to Joy
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters
He stared unblinkingly, hypnotized by shocking sight before him. A dark cloaked figure kneeling on the icy snow, was feeding noiselessly from the lifeless body before him. The figure looked up, his lips stained with blood of the deepest red, his eyes cold, cruel and hungry. Yet, the classic beauty of his features remained unblemished, his pale white skin appeared translucent in the ethereal glow of the moon. There was no doubt about the creature's identity, it was clearly the same person who he had missed so much, for whom he had wept and grieved.
"Sho"
The single syllable hung in the space between them, neither could bear to meet the eyes of the other as regret, longing and happiness filled both their hearts at the same moment. Slowly, the cloaked figure begin to stand up, having finished his bloody feast, he stood looking at the ground, not knowing what to do as unknown emotions tore his insides apart.
Finally, Kei could not bear it any longer; he walked slowly towards the cloaked figure and placed his hands firmly on the thin shoulders, forcing the other to look up and face him. As their eyes met, unspoken words were exchanged and tears coursed down the face of the figure as he looked into the deep, beautiful and sorrowful eyes of the other.
"Kei..."
He buried his head against the other man's neck; unable to say anything else as the countless words he had wanted to say over the years all came to his mind at this moment. Thousands of different emotions washed over him, grief, happiness, sorrow, regret and even anger, they all came, leaving him confused and lost. He was no longer thinking clearly, he didn't care what he was doing; all he knew was that he missed the Kei, that he missed him so much, so terribly.
"Sho"
Kei spoke softly; the word seemed no more than a whisper, as he gently stroked the younger man's head. A bittersweet smile crossed his lips as he recalled the old days when he had teased Sho about his tendency to cry so easily. Yet, even as he remained calm and in control, he could scarcely contain his emotions. He was numbed, numbed with joy, shock, and guilt, and he could do no more than gently comfort the other even as he tried to regain his own sense and logic.
The night passed quickly and the first light of dawn soon made its appearance. Whispering softly into his ear, Kei gently coaxed the younger man to follow him back home. The other agreed reluctantly, for he knew that he could no longer continue those long, miserable days without the other at his side.
Arriving at Kei's apartment, Sho removed his long dark cloak and set down heavily on the coach, closing his eyes for a moment as if to experience the familiar yet remote feeling of being home once more. The other man observed him quietly, smiling at the child-like expression on those beautifully sculpted features, feeling remorse and yet relief that the other was here, sitting on his coach, together with him... once more.
A moment later, Sho opened his eyes, his glance alert and sharp once more as he surveyed his surroundings. Finally, he turned reluctantly to look at his companion, carefully avoiding the other's eyes. The moment that both had been both dreading and looking forward to, was finally here.
They both knew that this moment of confessions, pain and apologies would have to be the first event of their meeting, perhaps that was why one had avoided the other so carefully for so many years, even when his desire and longing was tearing him apart day by day. Sho had been dreading this moment for as long as he could remember, each time he thought of Kei, all the unhappiness, the blame, the anger would come up and he feared that he would be unable to forgive the other at this moment, so he chose, to avoid everything, to run away from all his troubles, and feelings...
He was so tired of it all, and so confused with everything. He no longer wanted an apology, an explanation. All he needed now was to forget the pain, to forget the suffering, to feel Kei's arms around him and to look up into the remarkably perfect face in bliss...forever.
He stood shakily and started to walk, slowly yet confidently, towards his companion, embracing him in bear-liked hug, as if trying to say that nothing had changed, that they were still friends, the very best of friends.
Yet, Sho's attempt at forgetting the past and making things seemed unchanged only served to pain Kei further. He fully understood the torment the younger man was experiencing and longed to make everything between them normal once more. However, he understood that this was impossible to achieve without clarifying the past first, he understood that only the process of revealing all the pain and hurt could erase the invisible barrier now formed between them, and that was something that Sho, in his child-like manner, could never understand.
Still, as he observed the weariness and torment in his companion's eyes, he could not bear to torture the younger man any further and merely returned the hug with a resigned look in his dark eyes. He glanced briefly at Sho's face as he embraced him, his heart constricting as he realized that the other's face now appeared gaunt and thin, his eyes mature and grown-up, losing their childish playfulness and innocence. Kei sadly acknowledged that this was no longer the youth that had left so rebelliously and impulsively twelve years ago, the confused young man was now a fully grown adult, he had gained much in maturity and knowledge, yet losing his innocent youthfulness and trust at the same time.
As the shock of meeting each other soon passed over, the two sank into their familiar routine once more, except that Kei no longer had to worry as much, for the younger man now possessed the same powers he did. However, one thing was clear despite their attempts to lead a normal life, things were no longer the same. There was a clear barrier between the two, much like an invisible wall that had been created so that one could not confide trustingly in the other anymore. They seldom talk now, and the minimal words exchanged revolved largely around their expeditions.
Two months passed in this silent and uneventful manner. Neither was happy yet both were unwilling to bring up the issue. Finally, Kei could bear it no longer, the longing and desire to have the old Sho back was killing him. As he stared at stoic, silent and serious features of the younger man, he was often reminded of the playful smiles and careless grins that used to occupy these very same features.
"Sho...we need to talk"
He said the words reluctantly, dreading what will come next, yet he knew deep down that this moment was unavoidable or they would continue to live in misery till the end of time or drift apart gradually and start to lead separate lives.
Sho raised his head slowly, without a word, staring briefly into the eyes of the other before looking away.
"Sho...I'm sorry"
He almost laughed as he apologized. He wanted to laugh hysterically at how pathetic the statement was, at how silly he was. He wanted to laugh until the tears roll down his cheeks and wash away his vision and guilt. He was saying that he was sorry, sorry for turning his best friend into a wretched creature like himself; sorry for staining the heart and soul of the person he cared for most.
Kei hated himself sometimes. He hated himself for his own selfishness in turning Sho into a blood-sucking creature that relied on the destruction of human life for his own survival, a creature that lived on the death of another, a creature with no value, no morals, a creature of impurity and worthlessness, a creature like himself. He had tried to convince himself many times, that he had did so because he didn't want Sho's daughter to grow up an orphan, that he had done so for Sho's own happiness, that he had saved Sho's life so that Yi Che could rest in peace.
Yet, he knew that despite all these lies, he had saved the other for a purely selfish motive, because he could not bear to lose him, because he couldn't bear to face a life and future with the knowledge that he would never see Sho again, because he couldn't bear the thought of Sho being dead, because ...because...he loved him. He loved him more than anyone else, he loved Sho so much that he would give up everything just to keep him safe, he would even bear Sho's hatred if it would help Sho.
"I love you...I am so sorry...but I loved you too much"
It was barely a complete sentence but Sho understood every word, he didn't blame Kei really, for he knew he would probably have done the same in his shoes. He hated the wretchedness of his life and wished only to end the torment. Yet, he understood Kei better too now, he understood what it was like to live for ever while everyone around you starts to age and die. He couldn't blame Kei, for he knew that Kei blamed himself more than anyone else.
He walked towards him and put his arms around the other man's neck, gently planting a soft kiss on his lips. The kiss was soon returned with an urgency and passion unmatched by all else as Kei slowly slid his arms around Sho. They were soon lying on the coach, their bodies entwined in passion...
Just before dawn, the two men woke up and dressed silently and quickly. With Kei at the wheel, they drove slowly towards the seaside. It was dawn when they reached the sea; the sun was rising slowly in the far horizon, illuminating the sky with a brilliant orange color. The sunrays slowly lighted up the earth, reflecting off the shimmering surface of the vast and boundless ocean. They got out of the car and stood together facing the ocean, not exchanging a single word or glance, they no longer felt any pain, only pure bliss, as they headed hand-in-hand into eternal joy.
Kei finally understood that what Sho needed was not life, but happiness and he was only too happy to be able to give him just that.
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