A/N: This'll be the last chapter you guys are gonna get for at least a week and a half. I'm going away on vacation (yippee!), and will only have sporadic access to a computer that is not to be used for very long amounts of time. Yes, rather sad, I know. The computer is also public property that is not allowed to have diskettes placed in it for fear of being contaminated with a virus. This renders the damn thing almost completely useless. And even if I could use it, I probably wouldn't because I get paranoid that someone is peeking over my shoulder.
Onwards!
Less Than Zero
By Cradlerobber Speedo-kun
I was lying face down on my bed Sunday morning. I hadn't gone to school since I had ditched the previous week, and hadn't left the house since the same day. I hadn't even gone downstairs since Friday. My father had stayed home from work on Friday when it became apparent that I had no intention of moving anywhere outside of the second floor, and that I was not ill, just severely unmotivated and unwilling to move.
No one had called, no one had come to see where I was, nothing. Not that I had really expected anyone to give a fuck if I wasn't there. Or, at least, not enough to actually check in on me. Begrudgingly, though, I resented that Towerz hadn't come. He knew where I lived, and I hadn't been angry at him. Cameron could stay as far away as he wanted, that was fine with me, and Lel had no idea where I lived and I wanted to keep it that way. Alex had no right or reason to come.
Dylan knows where I live.
I groaned and rolled over onto my side, noticing the weak sunlight attempting to strain through the closed blinds. My room was a dull, glowy sort of yellow because just enough light was making it's way into the room. I hated it and wanted it to turn pitch black. But I don't feel like moving even as much as to close the shades completely.
When I first entered self-imposed exile, I had wondered if Cameron had told anyone. Then I got past stupid thoughts and actually managed to kill off the majority of my thinking processes beyond the need to eat, use the bathroom, and shower. Probably the only thing that kept my father from trying to drag me off to see a fucking shrink was that I did eat and did shower. I was hungry. Why wouldn't I eat? I liked showers. Why wouldn't I shower?
I like showers. Not past-tense. Present. Now. Still do. Lack of hot- water when I was younger made me despise taking showers, since it meant I had to stand under the icy water in December when it was snowing. Sometimes the water would get cut out and I wouldn't even be able to take one. So moving to my father's house made me enjoy taking showers, because there was hot water and it was always there. And I always felt good afterwards, too. Still do, even considering that I probably will never be able to walk into Degrassi High ever again.
I'm back to thinking beyond necessity. Monday is tomorrow. I'll be forced to go to school. No question about that. I could always run off and go to Toronto. Try living there. Just disappear into the city. A bitter laugh leaves my throat. Yeah, sure. I'll run off to Toronto. No one'll notice me there, sure. I'm only a guy who looks like a delinquent and American-gangsta wanna-be. (1) No one will call the police and say something.
Sarcastic self defeat. As usual.
A knock on the door. I look over at it, "Who is it?" There's no answer, which is a bit weird. Eli and my father wouldn't just knock and then not say anything. The only person I know who might do that would be... Towerz. But why would Towerz be in my house? Even in all my resenting the fact that he never came over while I wasn't in school, I never expected him to show up, ever. I always made it pretty clear I didn't want him coming in my house.
Whatever. "Come in." The door creaks open, and Towerz lumbers into the room. He glances around before looking back at the door, and I know he's just asking if he should leave it open or not. I nod, and he shuts it, and the room becomes dimmer again, the light of the sunny hallway shut out. He grabs a chair from by the window and sits down, ignoring the mess that is currently my bedroom. Hmm, Towerz in my bedroom. Nice innuendo there.
I sit up. I'm only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, and with anyone else in the room I'd feel under-dressed, but I've known Towerz forever so it makes no difference to me. I study him, and know he probably knows just by the way he's looking at me. It's not a disapproving look, just a knowing one. "You know?" He knows what I'm talking about, and his answer is almost immediate, "Yeah. Cameron told me."
"So, lemme guess... Lel overheard you and freaked and told Alex, who flipped and told Amy in the girls' bathroom, where some gossip-bitch overhead and announced it on the afternoon announcements, right?"
He's looking at me carefully, "No. He only told me."
"Why?"
"I had already guessed."
I blink, and am dismayed that I probably look shocked. Even Towerz never sees me shocked or suprised. It just is better for no one to see me suprised. I'm not supposed to be suprised by things. How did he know? Do I give off some sort of homo vibe that even I'm not aware of? And if so, does this mean both my father and Eli know? Is that why Dylan did that to me?
"How did you know?" I say dully, picking at the sheets of my bed. He gives an almost invisible shrug, "I just did." Now I'm feeling paranoid. Thanks Towerz, thanks a fucking lot.
"Do I give off some sort of messed up queer vibe?"
If he's suprised at me questioning him (something I don't really do), he doesn't show it, "I don't think so. Cameron was shocked. I just know you is all."
'I just know you is all.' I let my eyelids fall shut, and lean back against the headboard of my bed. 'I just know you.' I guess so. 'Know you.'
I open my eyes again. Towerz is still there. "You don't care?"
"No. Neither does Cameron."
"What did he tell you?"
"More after I got him drunk."
Guess he wanted to know the whole story. I raise an eyebrow at him, "I didn't know you would do that sort of thing."
"He knew more than he was saying. He said you were gay, had found out after confronting you. I got him drunk, and he said you were kissed by Michaelchuk, and got a hard-on from him, from Cameron."
So, he knows everything, because Cameron knows everything. And he also just said more than I've heard him say at once in about a year.
He stays a little longer, but not very much. After he leaves, I wonder if maybe I should talk to my father. To figure out if he knows anything about any of this. Or, more if he suspects anything. If Dylan did... he might. Both of them are gay. Only straight person who did was Towerz. Knew before I did, maybe. It wouldn't suprise me. He wouldn't say anything to me, though.
Towerz.
'I just know you is all.'
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(1) This is based upon what has been the reaction of some Canadian people I know to the episode 'Gangsta, Gangsta'. They basically implied that it really was an episode that didn't fit in, because in places like Degrassi the whole 'gangsta' thing is just some American junk that some people copy because they want to be cool. Sorry if it is inaccurate.
Onwards!
Less Than Zero
By Cradlerobber Speedo-kun
I was lying face down on my bed Sunday morning. I hadn't gone to school since I had ditched the previous week, and hadn't left the house since the same day. I hadn't even gone downstairs since Friday. My father had stayed home from work on Friday when it became apparent that I had no intention of moving anywhere outside of the second floor, and that I was not ill, just severely unmotivated and unwilling to move.
No one had called, no one had come to see where I was, nothing. Not that I had really expected anyone to give a fuck if I wasn't there. Or, at least, not enough to actually check in on me. Begrudgingly, though, I resented that Towerz hadn't come. He knew where I lived, and I hadn't been angry at him. Cameron could stay as far away as he wanted, that was fine with me, and Lel had no idea where I lived and I wanted to keep it that way. Alex had no right or reason to come.
Dylan knows where I live.
I groaned and rolled over onto my side, noticing the weak sunlight attempting to strain through the closed blinds. My room was a dull, glowy sort of yellow because just enough light was making it's way into the room. I hated it and wanted it to turn pitch black. But I don't feel like moving even as much as to close the shades completely.
When I first entered self-imposed exile, I had wondered if Cameron had told anyone. Then I got past stupid thoughts and actually managed to kill off the majority of my thinking processes beyond the need to eat, use the bathroom, and shower. Probably the only thing that kept my father from trying to drag me off to see a fucking shrink was that I did eat and did shower. I was hungry. Why wouldn't I eat? I liked showers. Why wouldn't I shower?
I like showers. Not past-tense. Present. Now. Still do. Lack of hot- water when I was younger made me despise taking showers, since it meant I had to stand under the icy water in December when it was snowing. Sometimes the water would get cut out and I wouldn't even be able to take one. So moving to my father's house made me enjoy taking showers, because there was hot water and it was always there. And I always felt good afterwards, too. Still do, even considering that I probably will never be able to walk into Degrassi High ever again.
I'm back to thinking beyond necessity. Monday is tomorrow. I'll be forced to go to school. No question about that. I could always run off and go to Toronto. Try living there. Just disappear into the city. A bitter laugh leaves my throat. Yeah, sure. I'll run off to Toronto. No one'll notice me there, sure. I'm only a guy who looks like a delinquent and American-gangsta wanna-be. (1) No one will call the police and say something.
Sarcastic self defeat. As usual.
A knock on the door. I look over at it, "Who is it?" There's no answer, which is a bit weird. Eli and my father wouldn't just knock and then not say anything. The only person I know who might do that would be... Towerz. But why would Towerz be in my house? Even in all my resenting the fact that he never came over while I wasn't in school, I never expected him to show up, ever. I always made it pretty clear I didn't want him coming in my house.
Whatever. "Come in." The door creaks open, and Towerz lumbers into the room. He glances around before looking back at the door, and I know he's just asking if he should leave it open or not. I nod, and he shuts it, and the room becomes dimmer again, the light of the sunny hallway shut out. He grabs a chair from by the window and sits down, ignoring the mess that is currently my bedroom. Hmm, Towerz in my bedroom. Nice innuendo there.
I sit up. I'm only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, and with anyone else in the room I'd feel under-dressed, but I've known Towerz forever so it makes no difference to me. I study him, and know he probably knows just by the way he's looking at me. It's not a disapproving look, just a knowing one. "You know?" He knows what I'm talking about, and his answer is almost immediate, "Yeah. Cameron told me."
"So, lemme guess... Lel overheard you and freaked and told Alex, who flipped and told Amy in the girls' bathroom, where some gossip-bitch overhead and announced it on the afternoon announcements, right?"
He's looking at me carefully, "No. He only told me."
"Why?"
"I had already guessed."
I blink, and am dismayed that I probably look shocked. Even Towerz never sees me shocked or suprised. It just is better for no one to see me suprised. I'm not supposed to be suprised by things. How did he know? Do I give off some sort of homo vibe that even I'm not aware of? And if so, does this mean both my father and Eli know? Is that why Dylan did that to me?
"How did you know?" I say dully, picking at the sheets of my bed. He gives an almost invisible shrug, "I just did." Now I'm feeling paranoid. Thanks Towerz, thanks a fucking lot.
"Do I give off some sort of messed up queer vibe?"
If he's suprised at me questioning him (something I don't really do), he doesn't show it, "I don't think so. Cameron was shocked. I just know you is all."
'I just know you is all.' I let my eyelids fall shut, and lean back against the headboard of my bed. 'I just know you.' I guess so. 'Know you.'
I open my eyes again. Towerz is still there. "You don't care?"
"No. Neither does Cameron."
"What did he tell you?"
"More after I got him drunk."
Guess he wanted to know the whole story. I raise an eyebrow at him, "I didn't know you would do that sort of thing."
"He knew more than he was saying. He said you were gay, had found out after confronting you. I got him drunk, and he said you were kissed by Michaelchuk, and got a hard-on from him, from Cameron."
So, he knows everything, because Cameron knows everything. And he also just said more than I've heard him say at once in about a year.
He stays a little longer, but not very much. After he leaves, I wonder if maybe I should talk to my father. To figure out if he knows anything about any of this. Or, more if he suspects anything. If Dylan did... he might. Both of them are gay. Only straight person who did was Towerz. Knew before I did, maybe. It wouldn't suprise me. He wouldn't say anything to me, though.
Towerz.
'I just know you is all.'
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(1) This is based upon what has been the reaction of some Canadian people I know to the episode 'Gangsta, Gangsta'. They basically implied that it really was an episode that didn't fit in, because in places like Degrassi the whole 'gangsta' thing is just some American junk that some people copy because they want to be cool. Sorry if it is inaccurate.