Chapter I

(Author's Note: I originally planned this fic to look at several characters' viewpoints of the mind wipes. Instead, I've decided to change it just to look at Root's feelings of it.)

(Another Author's Note: I've redone this chapter as the prologue instead, and changed the perspective from third person to first, for plot purposes. I've decided that only the prologue, epilogue, and memories/flashbacks/dreams/visions will be in first person; the rest will be in third person.)

Note: The quote from The Iron Ring may not be entirely correct; I haven't read it for a long time and I can't get hold of a copy right now. If anyone with a copy can confirm that it's entirely correct or give me the exact quotation, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I neither own nor claim rights to Artemis Fowl or the sources of any of the quotes used throughout this fic, unless otherwise specified.

"'Wrong is wrong and right is right,

They're as different as day and night.'

'That may be true,' Mirri said. 'But ... what if it's twilight?'"

-From The Iron Ring, by Lloyd Alexander

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How many people, I wondered. Just how many people have dismissed me as just an angry, insensitive elf and nothing more? "Oh look, there goes Commander Root. What an angry man past his prime; they should really get rid of him. And what terrible interpersonal skills he has, too." But I prefer it that way. Showing too much emotion is dangerous; anyone could use your emotions as weapons against you. It's better to keep it all inside; you can't trust anyone these days. But I can't stop having emotions, or from understanding others'.

I knew that Mulch Diggums would secretly want to say good-bye to Fowl and his bodyguards before their minds were wiped, and vice versa. So I ordered Captain Short to bring him in, no matter how much the convict protested.

"You look after yourself, little friend. Stay clear of goblins," Butler said, almost affectionately.

The convict shuddered at the thought of goblins. "You don't have to tell me that."

One of my lesser known talents is to tactfully divert a conversation from one of those awkward pauses, the ones where everyone becomes uncomfortable and looks away. Well, maybe my method isn't so tactful. But it's effective. "Maybe you two would like to get married?" I barked. "I don't know what all the emotion is about!" A lie. I knew very well, especially because of that time…NO. Don't think about that. It's over. Just concentrate… "In a few moments you people won't even remember this convict's name!" That's exactly what it's all about…trying to say goodbye when everyone knows they won't remember him. I gritted my teeth. Why is having a conscience so bloody annoying?

"Julius, please," Diggums smirked at me patronizingly. I ignored the deliberate use of my first name. "Do you realize that all of these humans owe me their lives? This is an emotional moment for them." I wanted to scream, and I could actually feel my face turning red. Yes, I know very well this is an emotional moment, Mulch; why do you have to make this so much more difficult? I had to avoid the awkward silence that I knew was coming; I had to say something…no mushy stuff, just formal goodbyes...no emotion...

"I couldn't care less about your touchy-feely moment; I'm here to make sure this wipe goes smoothly." Another lie. I was afraid someone would see past my indifference, so I hastily changed the subject. "If I know our friend, Fowl, he's got a few tricks up his sleeve." At least I can be honest there.

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"Half an ounce of gold. Great. You really broke the bank there, Artemis." The convict was trying to conceal his disappointment; it was obvious to everyone he had expected something a little less symbolic and a little more concrete. As impatient as I was about waiting for the kleptomaniac to get over it so we could move on, I knew anything was better than silence. Because when there was silence, I could feel Artemis's gaze on me, even if I averted my eyes…his icy blue eyes were disturbingly bright if I stared back, and they forced me to think too much about what I was doing, what I had to do…

"It's not always about money, Mulch," Artemis said, shaking the convict's hand. I studied Artemis's face. Does the Mud Boy really believe what he's saying? And could it be the People who had created that change from the cold, unfeeling human who once firmly believed the very opposite of that statement?

Artemis caught me staring, and returned my intense look. I blinked and looked instead at the whatever-it-was that he had just given the convict. It was a gold disk…no, a gold coin with a hole in it. Just a coin. Then why does it interest me so much? Hmm… I made a mental note to think about it later.

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"Now get that convict into the shuttle, and let's get on with this." I desperately wanted this to be over. Every moment was agony, watching the humans cherish what everyone knew were their last moments of knowing the People. And it's my fault they have to be mindwiped… "I've got a Council meeting in ten minutes." Another lie; but it was all I could think of.

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I ordered Captain Short to mesmerise Artemis. My voice sounded so hollow, so fake...Concentrate...keep yourself together...you can't break down, you have to be the strong leader...

Artemis held up his hand. "Wait a moment. Am I right in thinking that when I wake up again, this will all be over?" Don't say it like that, Artemis...I'm not a heartless monster...D'Arvit, why can't I do this?

I watched Holly smile sadly. "Yes, Artemis. This is good-bye, for the last time." That was even worse to hear.

"Well then, I have a few things to say."

If you're going to mindwipe them all anyway, at least let him have a few minutes to say his last words to the People, my conscience nagged. "One minute, Fowl." I didn't want to say "Artemis;" first name terms would make this even more painful. "Then nighty-night."

"Very well. First, thank you. I have my family and friends around me thanks to the People. I wish I didn't have to forget that." I winced internally, but didn't let it show. It was much harder hearing it said out loud than inside me. Come on, I told myself, no emotion, no emotion...

"It's better this way, Artemis. Believe me," Holly tried to reassure him, putting her hand on his shoulder. Oh, how desperately I wanted to believe her too. Logically, it was the better choice. A Mud Man, a Mud Boy, and a Mud Girl mindwiped, and the People were safe, for a while at least. But really, was it better?

"And second, I want you all to think back to the first time you met me. Remember that night?" I remembered it, all right. After all, it was rather difficult to forget escaping a fireball on board an exploding whaler. Make that escaping a fireball on board an exploding whaler, courtesy of Artemis Fowl the Second.

"If you take away the memories and influences of the People, I might become that person again. Is that what you really want?" I knew he was only trying to give us reasons not to perform the mindwipes. But still…I considered. What if Artemis was right? Could I live with myself, knowing I was responsible for making Artemis the monster he had been before?

Captain Short turned toward me. "Is it possible?" she asked. "Artemis has come a long way. Do we really have the right to destroy all that progress?" I was asking myself the same question, but I didn't want to know the answer.

"He's right," Foaly added. "I never thought I would say this, but I kinda like the new model." I swallowed hard, trying to remain resolute. I had nearly been about to cancel the wipes after what Fowl had said, but now I was reminded of something. You're letting your emotions get in the way, a malicious voice in my head hissed. Some big strong commander you are; you could have put thousands at risk because of your softness.

I ignored the voice and opened up a window on the screen. "The Psych Brotherhood did this probability report for us. They say the chances of a reversion are slim. Fowl will still have strong positive influences from his family and the Butlers."

"The Psych Brotherhood?" Holly questioned dubiously. "Argon and his cronies? And when exactly did we start trusting those witch doctors?"

Typical, I thought. She had to make it so hard for me to make the decision. I ignored the voice in my head reminding me that I didn't exactly have a lot of faith in the Psych Brotherhood either. I was about to start yelling again, but I realized she didn't need this to be any more stressful. None of us did.

"Holly," I said. Since when did I call her Holly out loud? Don't think about that now; concentrate! "The future of our culture is at stake. The bottom line is that Artemis's future is not our problem." I felt heartless saying it.

"If that's true, then we're as bad as the Mud Men." Holly was still trying valiantly to persuade me. Internally I sighed. Time to resort to the only way she would get the message.

"Listen to me, Captain," I bellowed. "Being in command means making tough decisions." And if this wasn't a tough decision, I didn't know what was. "Not being in command means shutting up and doing as you're told. Now mesmerise those humans before we lose the link." I couldn't stand any more. This must be what it's like to die a long, drawn-out death, I thought grimly. No, a voice in my head corrected me. This is what it's like to watch friends die long, drawn-out deaths, knowing it was your fault.

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The connection was terminated. The mindwipes were about to be performed. I buried my head in my hands. What had I done?