The next few days blow by in blur. It's unreal for me to actually believe
he's home. He's home for now, but in less than a month, he'll be on his
way to Iraq. "You just about ready?" I'm pulled from my trance as his
voice enters the room, soft yet firm.
I nod my head, standing and sinking in to his arms. "Are we heading home first? Or going straight to your parents?" The plan is we're heading to Johnsonville today to visit his parents for a few days, then driving to Chapel Hill and spending a few days with Brooke, Lucas and Alex before we spend the rest of Nathan's leave at the apartment in Tree Hill.
"Are you okay?" I turn my eyes away from the wheel, glancing over to my wife. "You're awfully quiet today." It's when she doesn't respond that I know something really is bothering her. "What's going on Haley?"
Okay, whatever's running through her head is really taking a toll on her. She won't even look at me. I turn my eyes back to the road, waiting anxiously for the next rest stop on the side of the highway, pulling off as soon as one comes into sight.
I open her car door and bend down, finally forcing her to look into my eyes. "What's going on sweetie?" I ask quietly.
She breaks down, leaning in to my arms. "I... I don't want to do this today Nathan. I'm not ready to face your parents yet. I'm not ready to face that this is all happening."
"Haley..." She turns away from me abruptly, brushing her own tears away. "C'mon Haley." I try not to let her frustrate me, but it's hard to communicate when she won't even look at me. "What's really going on? My mom already knows we're married. Neither one of us has cared what my dad had to think for the past two years."
She finally turns to me, the tears no longer running down her face. Instead, she looks angry. "Your mom is pregnant Nathan. You told me yourself." She drops her head on to my shoulder and I'm glad that she's finally opening up to me. "I don't want to see that... I don't want to know that she's the lucky one... the one who's having a baby with the person she loves and know that I'm not having the same kind of luck. My husband is going to Iraq. Going to Iraq and quite possibly never coming home." I hold on to her tightly, allowing her to get all of her built up feelings out. "I want what our friends have Nathan. I want a family. But most of all, I want to know you're going to come home."
I had no idea that this was how she felt. That scared that I wasn't even going to come home from Iraq. I honestly don't know how to reassure her. Partially because of my own built up fear. But for her, I have to be strong. "Haley. Sweetie. I'm going to come home. I'm going to come home and we'll have all that." She slides over on her seat, motioning for me to get in next to her. I take her into my arms and momentarily we're both quiet. "All you have to do is say the word Haley. I'm not going to deny you anything you want. You know that. I know that. Hell, we both know that."
We sit a few more minutes quietly, myself holding my wife. I offer to get us drinks and she agrees, asking for an ice tea. When I return to the car, I'm happy to see that she's no longer appearing as scared as she did before. I hand over the iced tea and make the offer I've decided upon. "You want to turn around? Go back to the apartment for a few days?"
I watch as she shakes her head at me. "No. Let's just go and forget about all this crazy stuff. I know how much your mom wants to see you anyways." With that, I pull back out on to the highway and our discussions change from work to family to our niece and nephew as quickly as the wind.
I nod my head, standing and sinking in to his arms. "Are we heading home first? Or going straight to your parents?" The plan is we're heading to Johnsonville today to visit his parents for a few days, then driving to Chapel Hill and spending a few days with Brooke, Lucas and Alex before we spend the rest of Nathan's leave at the apartment in Tree Hill.
"Are you okay?" I turn my eyes away from the wheel, glancing over to my wife. "You're awfully quiet today." It's when she doesn't respond that I know something really is bothering her. "What's going on Haley?"
Okay, whatever's running through her head is really taking a toll on her. She won't even look at me. I turn my eyes back to the road, waiting anxiously for the next rest stop on the side of the highway, pulling off as soon as one comes into sight.
I open her car door and bend down, finally forcing her to look into my eyes. "What's going on sweetie?" I ask quietly.
She breaks down, leaning in to my arms. "I... I don't want to do this today Nathan. I'm not ready to face your parents yet. I'm not ready to face that this is all happening."
"Haley..." She turns away from me abruptly, brushing her own tears away. "C'mon Haley." I try not to let her frustrate me, but it's hard to communicate when she won't even look at me. "What's really going on? My mom already knows we're married. Neither one of us has cared what my dad had to think for the past two years."
She finally turns to me, the tears no longer running down her face. Instead, she looks angry. "Your mom is pregnant Nathan. You told me yourself." She drops her head on to my shoulder and I'm glad that she's finally opening up to me. "I don't want to see that... I don't want to know that she's the lucky one... the one who's having a baby with the person she loves and know that I'm not having the same kind of luck. My husband is going to Iraq. Going to Iraq and quite possibly never coming home." I hold on to her tightly, allowing her to get all of her built up feelings out. "I want what our friends have Nathan. I want a family. But most of all, I want to know you're going to come home."
I had no idea that this was how she felt. That scared that I wasn't even going to come home from Iraq. I honestly don't know how to reassure her. Partially because of my own built up fear. But for her, I have to be strong. "Haley. Sweetie. I'm going to come home. I'm going to come home and we'll have all that." She slides over on her seat, motioning for me to get in next to her. I take her into my arms and momentarily we're both quiet. "All you have to do is say the word Haley. I'm not going to deny you anything you want. You know that. I know that. Hell, we both know that."
We sit a few more minutes quietly, myself holding my wife. I offer to get us drinks and she agrees, asking for an ice tea. When I return to the car, I'm happy to see that she's no longer appearing as scared as she did before. I hand over the iced tea and make the offer I've decided upon. "You want to turn around? Go back to the apartment for a few days?"
I watch as she shakes her head at me. "No. Let's just go and forget about all this crazy stuff. I know how much your mom wants to see you anyways." With that, I pull back out on to the highway and our discussions change from work to family to our niece and nephew as quickly as the wind.