A/N: Okay, I have had SO many IM's coming through asking me about the
conversation between Alex and Haley... so I'm going to clarify for everyone,
so you guys all understand what's going to be happening in my next few
updates! Here is the original text that I posted and after that, I'll give
you the non-"kiddie talk" version!
Kiddie Version: "Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "An, Aud Ay-yeh, Daddy telled me donna tiss Mommy and div her a mond. I on't know what dat is dow. Mommy won't not tell me and Daddy say it a prize." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.
Adult Version: "Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "And, Aunt Haley, Daddy told me he's gonna kiss Mommy and give her a diamond. I don't know what that is though. Mommy won't tell me and Daddy says it's a surprise." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.
There you go! Figure it out! Anyways, thanks for all the replies. Keep 'em coming!
To: hscott23usmc.us.gov
From:
Subject: Not Fair!
Sent: October 30, 2006 9:18am
Hales,
We're going out tomorrow night... you and me! I know you can't be drinking but I don't care. I need some quality girl-bonding time. Jake's taking Jenny to some Halloween party she got invited to for pre-k and I don't much feel like tagging along. I already ok'd the plans with Karen and you've got the night off. So, we're gonna hang out and do something.
I promised Brook we'd do a three-way call with her though, so she doesn't feel left out. Her Halloween is gonna suck majorly. Sounds like the morning sickness is really cathing up with her. I still can't believe they're having another baby already... I thought for sure they'd be more careful and wait until they were finished with school. I don't know... she seems really happy though, don't you think?
Did Luke tell you he's going to propose to her? Before Christmas? He's great to her. I still feel bad about stealing him away during high school. How could I have been so low as to do that? I mean, it was so obvious that she was still in love with him after they were broken up.
Listen to this! One of my professors offered me the application for a big Art scholarship. I'd get a free-ride with the rest of my tuition. All I have to do is submit my pieces to the campus newspaper for publishing. That doesn't sound too bad! Jakes' trying to get on the basketball team, just to stay involved with other people. I think it's awesome. He's got tryouts next week.
Anyways, I'll give you a call later tonight about the plans for tomorrow. Right now, I've got to finish up some homework. Peyt
"Remind me again why we're doing this?" I prompt inquisitively. It's insane. Absolutely insane. It's like we're setting ourselves up for self- pity. "Why aren't you with Jake and Jenny?" I thought it seemed strange when I received her e-mail. But now, after I've seen her, something's just not right.
"I needed a break." She states plainly, leaving everything to my imagination.
"A break from what, exactly Peyt?" She's not the type who ordinarily needs a break.
She taps on the wooden frame in front of us, signaling the bar tender over. I glance up at her, knowing better than to question anything she's about to do. "I'll take a mudslide. And a virgin mudslide for this not-so- virgin." She orders up, throwing the bartender a glance that shoots his glance from her to me, taking in my not-so-virginal figure.
"She's four years old Peyt. Why wouldn't you want to do the whole trick-or- treating thing with them?" It almost baffles me. Makes me wonder if they're suddenly having problems that they're hiding beneath the surface. Four-years old. The prime age for enjoying Halloween.
"She's Nikki's, Hales." She mocks my tone humorously taking a sip of her drink.
I don't know what's gotten into her lately, but something's got this girl flustered. "Am I going to have to wait until you're fully intoxicated or are you going to get on with the reason we're here?" I don't mean to be so impatient with her, but the whole pregnancy is starting to wear down on me. Between my hours at the café and schoolwork, the little time I do have for sleep just isn't cutting it."
She groans upset, knowing that I'm not going to let her out of this one. "I think you know where you should be right now Peyton."
"I know where I should be. I know where I want to be..." She turns her stare back to her drink unwilling to look me in the eye on this one. "I just don't know how to be there anymore Haley."
"What are you talking about Peyton?" I'm confused by what she's trying to tell me. She and Jake have been great together. As far as I know, there aren't any problems between them.
"It's not just me and him anymore Hales. We're talking family here." I don't understand why she's so upset about this. "I don't do family well. In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have much of one. I don't know how to do that." She takes another guzzle of her mudslide, setting the glass back down and turning her head back to me.
"Peyton, you guys already are a family. You, Jake and Jenny."
"Yeah, we are." I give her a blank stare not knowing what the hell that means. "That's the way it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to be as complicated as it's become this last week."
I can feel myself losing my patience with her. Peyton drunk and me pregnant don't mix well. It's like a chemical reaction gone bad. "Look Peyton, I'm exhausted. I've been carrying a full load for the past three months. What is going on that is so bad you feel the sudden need to get drunk?" I spit out, almost instantly regretting my poor choice of words.
Almost instantly she sobers up, her face expressing a sullen look. "I need you to go with me tomorrow afternoon. To the free clinic. I'm getting an abortion."
"Peyton... come on. Have you thought this over?" She doesn't wait for me to finish but rather nods her head quickly.
"You can't talk me out of this Haley. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it. I'd like you to be there for me." She asks quietly, as if she's suddenly terrified of the whole idea.
"Does Jake know about this?" I hate to question her, but maybe, with a little reinforcement she'll realize the situation she's in isn't half bad.
"What Jake doesn't know won't hurt him." I can see her eyes glaze over with tears as she disappears into a far-away land. Rather than questioning her anymore I stand from my position at the bar stool and try to console her. "He doesn't want more kids right now."
He obviously has no idea that she is or suspected she was pregnant. Because the Jake I know would never have said those things. "When did you guys talk about this?"
"Last week." Her answer is simple yet it fills any possibility of misunderstanding. "When I first found out, I made a nice dinner for the two of us. Jenny was at her grandparents for the night. It was just us. I tried to hint at the idea that I might be pregnant. He told me we weren't ready for that, that Jenny was more than enough to handle. Someday, he told me, someday. I can't do it to him Haley. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to Jenny. And it's not fair to me."
I decide that rather than bucking her on this I need to be supportive. "I realize that you don't agree with what I'm doing. No one would and I don't even think I agree with it. It's not fair that Jake's here, that Jake could help me through this when you don't even have your husband by your side, a husband who would be so grateful to know about that baby. I just..." I can see her beginning to break down so I engulf her in hug, trying to let her know that no matter what I agree or disagree with I'll be her support. "I just can't do it to us Haley. It'll tear us apart and I can't lose him again."
From: hscott23usmc.us.gov
To:
Subject: Emergency
Sent: October 31, 2006 11:19pm
We leave the room somberly, neither of us speaking. I know I shouldn't have done what I have, but I didn't have it in me not to. I glance up at my friend as she walks gingerly, each step a little more careful than the last as the pain sears through her body. I can tell it hurts. Anyone could. Her hand is placed strategically on her abdomen as if to fill the void of what used to be. "You okay?" I question quietly although deep down I already know the answer. No one can ever walk away from something like this and be okay.
As we open the door to re-enter the waiting room, he's sitting there, his head in his hands, waiting for us as I knew he would be. Oblivious to everything around her, my heart sinks enough for both of us. He stands immediately, pulling her to him and allowing her to finally break down. "I'll catch up with you guys later, okay?" I give her one last hug without pulling her away from him. I hand Jake the pamphlets from the doctor. They'll give him the information he needs to keep her safe.
"Why'd you do it Peyton?" He asks his voice rough and void of any emotions. Completely not the Jake Jagelski voice I recall. I'm too weak to fight him, to staggery to even attempt to go over this with him right now.
"It's what was best for both of us." I'm still in his arms. That's a good sign, right?
"I never wanted this for us Peyton." He pulls me back closer to his body and for once, even though I hate to admit it, I'm glad he's here. "I never meant for it to be this way."
"It's not... not anymore." By the time we make it to the car we're at least having a conversation with each other, trying to make some sense about what has happened- or ended- over the past two hours.
"Damnit Peyton." He shouts, slamming his fist against the steering wheel once we're finally settled in the car. "Why? Why couldn't you just tell me about this?" He must not remember our conversation from last week. My heart sinks upon realizing this. Obviously what we are together is not enough.
"I tried Jake. Last week. At dinner." He exhales loudly at my revelation, allowing himself to finally place some blame.
"Oh man..." He drops his head into his hands, and then sits up suddenly, drawing me closer to him. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I don't respond though. Instead, I allow the tears to fall. There's no use holding them in. This is just something we're going to have to work though. I just hope that someday, he'll be able to forgive me for what I've ruined.
After leaving Peyton in Jake's care I had to work a shift at Karen's. Now, my feet and back are killing me. The pressure is unbearable. I pull out a pair of Nate's old pajama's- flannel pants and one of my own tanks and slide them on quickly, ready to drop in bed and end the day on a good note. It's a routine I've become fairly accustomed to. Like every other night, I pull his laptop off the nightstand, hoping there's some word from him. As the internet page loads I try not to get my hopes up, knowing I'll only set myself up for disappointment. Scanning over the e-mails and finding none from my husband I slam the cover down, not wanting to deal with any of the other messages.
"He's out there baby boy. Somewhere, Daddy's out there, protecting us." I rub gentle circles around my swollen abdomen, trying to relax my son before I attempt at getting some sleep and preparing for the day ahead of me. Before I can do this though, it's story time.
I talk quietly, as if the silence is going to help put the baby into a deep sleep of his own. It's more for me though. Reliving the good times puts me at ease, hoping he'll make a safe return soon enough. "Your daddy was my first real boyfriend you know buddy? And you want to know how he won me over? Everyone knew I was the person to go to when you needed help with school work. Daddy was no exception little man. He came right to me when he was going to flunk his classes and be dropped from the basketball team. But he didn't do it because he wanted me. It was more to get back at your Uncle Luke. That's what it was all about then. Getting even with Uncle Luke for taking over Daddy's sport."
Eventually I grow tired and the baby has long since stopped his movements, ensuring that maybe, just maybe I'll get a decent night's sleep. I whisper quietly, staring out the window at the stars that cover the sky. "Please, send me something, let me know you're okay there." I plead, ultimately know it's not going to do any good. "We love you Nate!"
Kiddie Version: "Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "An, Aud Ay-yeh, Daddy telled me donna tiss Mommy and div her a mond. I on't know what dat is dow. Mommy won't not tell me and Daddy say it a prize." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.
Adult Version: "Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "And, Aunt Haley, Daddy told me he's gonna kiss Mommy and give her a diamond. I don't know what that is though. Mommy won't tell me and Daddy says it's a surprise." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.
There you go! Figure it out! Anyways, thanks for all the replies. Keep 'em coming!
To: hscott23usmc.us.gov
From:
Subject: Not Fair!
Sent: October 30, 2006 9:18am
Hales,
We're going out tomorrow night... you and me! I know you can't be drinking but I don't care. I need some quality girl-bonding time. Jake's taking Jenny to some Halloween party she got invited to for pre-k and I don't much feel like tagging along. I already ok'd the plans with Karen and you've got the night off. So, we're gonna hang out and do something.
I promised Brook we'd do a three-way call with her though, so she doesn't feel left out. Her Halloween is gonna suck majorly. Sounds like the morning sickness is really cathing up with her. I still can't believe they're having another baby already... I thought for sure they'd be more careful and wait until they were finished with school. I don't know... she seems really happy though, don't you think?
Did Luke tell you he's going to propose to her? Before Christmas? He's great to her. I still feel bad about stealing him away during high school. How could I have been so low as to do that? I mean, it was so obvious that she was still in love with him after they were broken up.
Listen to this! One of my professors offered me the application for a big Art scholarship. I'd get a free-ride with the rest of my tuition. All I have to do is submit my pieces to the campus newspaper for publishing. That doesn't sound too bad! Jakes' trying to get on the basketball team, just to stay involved with other people. I think it's awesome. He's got tryouts next week.
Anyways, I'll give you a call later tonight about the plans for tomorrow. Right now, I've got to finish up some homework. Peyt
"Remind me again why we're doing this?" I prompt inquisitively. It's insane. Absolutely insane. It's like we're setting ourselves up for self- pity. "Why aren't you with Jake and Jenny?" I thought it seemed strange when I received her e-mail. But now, after I've seen her, something's just not right.
"I needed a break." She states plainly, leaving everything to my imagination.
"A break from what, exactly Peyt?" She's not the type who ordinarily needs a break.
She taps on the wooden frame in front of us, signaling the bar tender over. I glance up at her, knowing better than to question anything she's about to do. "I'll take a mudslide. And a virgin mudslide for this not-so- virgin." She orders up, throwing the bartender a glance that shoots his glance from her to me, taking in my not-so-virginal figure.
"She's four years old Peyt. Why wouldn't you want to do the whole trick-or- treating thing with them?" It almost baffles me. Makes me wonder if they're suddenly having problems that they're hiding beneath the surface. Four-years old. The prime age for enjoying Halloween.
"She's Nikki's, Hales." She mocks my tone humorously taking a sip of her drink.
I don't know what's gotten into her lately, but something's got this girl flustered. "Am I going to have to wait until you're fully intoxicated or are you going to get on with the reason we're here?" I don't mean to be so impatient with her, but the whole pregnancy is starting to wear down on me. Between my hours at the café and schoolwork, the little time I do have for sleep just isn't cutting it."
She groans upset, knowing that I'm not going to let her out of this one. "I think you know where you should be right now Peyton."
"I know where I should be. I know where I want to be..." She turns her stare back to her drink unwilling to look me in the eye on this one. "I just don't know how to be there anymore Haley."
"What are you talking about Peyton?" I'm confused by what she's trying to tell me. She and Jake have been great together. As far as I know, there aren't any problems between them.
"It's not just me and him anymore Hales. We're talking family here." I don't understand why she's so upset about this. "I don't do family well. In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have much of one. I don't know how to do that." She takes another guzzle of her mudslide, setting the glass back down and turning her head back to me.
"Peyton, you guys already are a family. You, Jake and Jenny."
"Yeah, we are." I give her a blank stare not knowing what the hell that means. "That's the way it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to be as complicated as it's become this last week."
I can feel myself losing my patience with her. Peyton drunk and me pregnant don't mix well. It's like a chemical reaction gone bad. "Look Peyton, I'm exhausted. I've been carrying a full load for the past three months. What is going on that is so bad you feel the sudden need to get drunk?" I spit out, almost instantly regretting my poor choice of words.
Almost instantly she sobers up, her face expressing a sullen look. "I need you to go with me tomorrow afternoon. To the free clinic. I'm getting an abortion."
"Peyton... come on. Have you thought this over?" She doesn't wait for me to finish but rather nods her head quickly.
"You can't talk me out of this Haley. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it. I'd like you to be there for me." She asks quietly, as if she's suddenly terrified of the whole idea.
"Does Jake know about this?" I hate to question her, but maybe, with a little reinforcement she'll realize the situation she's in isn't half bad.
"What Jake doesn't know won't hurt him." I can see her eyes glaze over with tears as she disappears into a far-away land. Rather than questioning her anymore I stand from my position at the bar stool and try to console her. "He doesn't want more kids right now."
He obviously has no idea that she is or suspected she was pregnant. Because the Jake I know would never have said those things. "When did you guys talk about this?"
"Last week." Her answer is simple yet it fills any possibility of misunderstanding. "When I first found out, I made a nice dinner for the two of us. Jenny was at her grandparents for the night. It was just us. I tried to hint at the idea that I might be pregnant. He told me we weren't ready for that, that Jenny was more than enough to handle. Someday, he told me, someday. I can't do it to him Haley. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to Jenny. And it's not fair to me."
I decide that rather than bucking her on this I need to be supportive. "I realize that you don't agree with what I'm doing. No one would and I don't even think I agree with it. It's not fair that Jake's here, that Jake could help me through this when you don't even have your husband by your side, a husband who would be so grateful to know about that baby. I just..." I can see her beginning to break down so I engulf her in hug, trying to let her know that no matter what I agree or disagree with I'll be her support. "I just can't do it to us Haley. It'll tear us apart and I can't lose him again."
From: hscott23usmc.us.gov
To:
Subject: Emergency
Sent: October 31, 2006 11:19pm
We leave the room somberly, neither of us speaking. I know I shouldn't have done what I have, but I didn't have it in me not to. I glance up at my friend as she walks gingerly, each step a little more careful than the last as the pain sears through her body. I can tell it hurts. Anyone could. Her hand is placed strategically on her abdomen as if to fill the void of what used to be. "You okay?" I question quietly although deep down I already know the answer. No one can ever walk away from something like this and be okay.
As we open the door to re-enter the waiting room, he's sitting there, his head in his hands, waiting for us as I knew he would be. Oblivious to everything around her, my heart sinks enough for both of us. He stands immediately, pulling her to him and allowing her to finally break down. "I'll catch up with you guys later, okay?" I give her one last hug without pulling her away from him. I hand Jake the pamphlets from the doctor. They'll give him the information he needs to keep her safe.
"Why'd you do it Peyton?" He asks his voice rough and void of any emotions. Completely not the Jake Jagelski voice I recall. I'm too weak to fight him, to staggery to even attempt to go over this with him right now.
"It's what was best for both of us." I'm still in his arms. That's a good sign, right?
"I never wanted this for us Peyton." He pulls me back closer to his body and for once, even though I hate to admit it, I'm glad he's here. "I never meant for it to be this way."
"It's not... not anymore." By the time we make it to the car we're at least having a conversation with each other, trying to make some sense about what has happened- or ended- over the past two hours.
"Damnit Peyton." He shouts, slamming his fist against the steering wheel once we're finally settled in the car. "Why? Why couldn't you just tell me about this?" He must not remember our conversation from last week. My heart sinks upon realizing this. Obviously what we are together is not enough.
"I tried Jake. Last week. At dinner." He exhales loudly at my revelation, allowing himself to finally place some blame.
"Oh man..." He drops his head into his hands, and then sits up suddenly, drawing me closer to him. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I don't respond though. Instead, I allow the tears to fall. There's no use holding them in. This is just something we're going to have to work though. I just hope that someday, he'll be able to forgive me for what I've ruined.
After leaving Peyton in Jake's care I had to work a shift at Karen's. Now, my feet and back are killing me. The pressure is unbearable. I pull out a pair of Nate's old pajama's- flannel pants and one of my own tanks and slide them on quickly, ready to drop in bed and end the day on a good note. It's a routine I've become fairly accustomed to. Like every other night, I pull his laptop off the nightstand, hoping there's some word from him. As the internet page loads I try not to get my hopes up, knowing I'll only set myself up for disappointment. Scanning over the e-mails and finding none from my husband I slam the cover down, not wanting to deal with any of the other messages.
"He's out there baby boy. Somewhere, Daddy's out there, protecting us." I rub gentle circles around my swollen abdomen, trying to relax my son before I attempt at getting some sleep and preparing for the day ahead of me. Before I can do this though, it's story time.
I talk quietly, as if the silence is going to help put the baby into a deep sleep of his own. It's more for me though. Reliving the good times puts me at ease, hoping he'll make a safe return soon enough. "Your daddy was my first real boyfriend you know buddy? And you want to know how he won me over? Everyone knew I was the person to go to when you needed help with school work. Daddy was no exception little man. He came right to me when he was going to flunk his classes and be dropped from the basketball team. But he didn't do it because he wanted me. It was more to get back at your Uncle Luke. That's what it was all about then. Getting even with Uncle Luke for taking over Daddy's sport."
Eventually I grow tired and the baby has long since stopped his movements, ensuring that maybe, just maybe I'll get a decent night's sleep. I whisper quietly, staring out the window at the stars that cover the sky. "Please, send me something, let me know you're okay there." I plead, ultimately know it's not going to do any good. "We love you Nate!"