"Hello?" I answer the phone impatiently, wondering why it has to keep ringing non-stop. I know they're concerned. They're worried more than ever now that I'm not taking care of myself enough for the two of us.

"Hey Haley." Her cheery voice sends me spindling backwards, wondering just what the hel1 it is that I'm even attempting to be chipper for. The basket of laundry resting on my swollen abdomen leaves me wondering no further. I'm doing it for him. "You doing okay? Holding up on your own alright?" She's called me every day this week. At least three times a day. The last two days are the first I've spent alone since that night almost two weeks ago.

"Yeah Peyton. I'm fine." I must not sound too convincing though because she questions me further.

"Are you sure?" She pauses momentarily, then continues rambling on. "Because Jake's at practice right now and Jenny and I haven't had any lunch. We could come over and grab something to eat with you... just to get your mind off... things."

"No. I'm fine. Really Peyton. I kind of need some time to myself anyways." I mutter quietly, hoping she doesn't catch on to the tone of my voice. I just want to be alone. I want to be left to my thoughts. Alone to deal with what was once a perfect world that was shattered in a matter of minutes.

From: hscott23usmc.us.gov

To:

Subject: Thanksgiving Dinner

Sent: November 15, 2006 11:26 am

Hey Brooke!

What's up for Thanksgiving Dinner? Are we still going to Karen's? Or are we doing dinner out somewhere? If we're at Karen's I want to help get some stuff together. There will be quite a few of us there... anyways... just wanted to find out any new info you might have. When are you guys heading home? Luke said your last day of classes are the 17th? That's cool that you get that whole week off. I have classes right up til Tuesday.

How's the little "girlie" doing? She keeping you going? I'm so glad I didn't get morning sickness like you have. I never would have been able to handle it.

You guys wanted me to watch Alex December 16th through the 20th for you, right? That's fine. It's not a problem at all. Where are you guys going anyways? A little getaway before Baby #2 appears?

Luke told me about him asking why your tummy was getting fat. That's too funny hun! Is he still excited about a little sister? Or has it hit him that he won't be the baby anymore?

Let me know the plans for Thanksgiving and that weekend though. We'll have to do something together.

"Tutor-Girl"

Later that night, after dinner is fixed and cleaned up I pick up the telephone, hoping to make the problems go away somehow. I called to talk about our Thanksgiving plans. But like I figured, the conversation turned off of that and on to me. "Brooke, you've got to talk to her." I plead with my best-friend's girlfriend, hoping she'll be able to stop her best friend from pestering me every four hours.

"Listen Tutor-Girl. She's just worried about you. We all are." I sigh loudly, hoping to get my point across to her.

"Listen Brooke. None of you understand." I shout, raising my voice slightly more than I originally intended to. "You'll never be able to understand. Lucas is with you. Jake's with Peyton. Karen's got Keith and Deb had Dan." I finally allow the tears to fall freely. It's the first time I've allowed this to happen since the night those two Marines appeared at my front door. "I have no one. No one except my unborn son, who at this point, I almost wish I didn't have to deal with." I feel my body racking with the sobs but I continue on regardless.

"He's only going to be a constant reminder of his father. I'm NEVER going to be able to move on with my life and enjoy myself. NEVER." She allows me to talk without cutting in and for once in my life; I actually miss her mouthing back to me.

The light tapping on the door pulls me from my daydream. It's become a routine- like they don't expect me to be able to pull myself off the couch and out of my slumber to answer the door. "Haley, sweetie. Are you okay?" It's Karen. Part of me is relieved to hear her voice. The other part is dreading it. Obviously Brooke had Lucas call her to come check on me. I wipe away the remaining tears, forcing myself to put on a strong front for her.

"Uh... yeah. I'm fine." She sits down beside me and wraps a free arm around my shoulder, offering me the comfort she thinks I need. That's all it takes. My worries, my fears, everything- it all comes out. I just spill my guts to her, knowing she won't judge me for it or try and make it all go away. She lets it be. She doesn't try and make it better. She doesn't try and make me get over it. I can be me with Karen. We talk for hours and finally when it seems to be near midnight her gentle voice takes over. "You probably need to get some rest sweetie." I nod knowing she's right and appreciating the fact that she doesn't tell me to do it for the baby. She's the only one who doesn't remind me about the baby. Instead, she wants me to take care of myself for me. Not for the baby. Not for Nathan. We say our good-byes and I head to the bedroom, pulling the laptop down on top of me once I'm changed into one of his baggy sweatshirts and my pajama bottoms.

I keep writing to him. Partially for myself. But more to prove everyone else wrong. They've all given up hope. Given up on the fact that he's really okay out there, just misplaced from his unit. By writing to him, I'm able to keep going day to day. It's something I have to do. For myself. For Nate. For our son. Wherever he is out there, he's going to pull through for this one. He promised me that much before he left. And for now, I have to do this for him.

To: nscott23usmc.us.gov

From: hscott23usmc.us.gov

Subject: Nothing??

Sent: November 15, 2006 10:45 pm

Ugh... I hate this Nate. Is this you not responding because you're mad at me for not telling you about the baby sooner? Or are you just not in a position to respond right now? This guessing game is going to drive me nuts. I'm probably just paranoid. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't just ignore news like that...

Your mom called yesterday. She had the baby. Friday afternoon I guess. The doctor kept them both at the hospital until Faith was breathing on her own... Faith, that's what they named her. Faith Trinity Scott. It has a nice ring to it!

Your parents invited me to have Thanksgiving at their house, but I don't know... I think I'm going to Luke's with him and Brooke. I don't know your parents that well... except for your mom. I'd rather do that whole family thing when you're around... I hope you understand!

The baby is moving around a lot now... he keeps playing kickball in my stomach. Its fun though... just sitting and feeling him move, knowing he's a part of you and me. I'm still playing around with different names... but I'm waiting on you to find out what you think. I came up with Mason Kyle and Collin Michael. Although, Nathan Michael does have a nice ring to it!!! We could always call him Natty!

We have two weeks of classes after Thanksgiving until Christmas break. I'm looking forward to that. As much as I love my classes, the baby is really wearing me down. Between him and work and keeping on top of school stuff, I'm overwhelmed. I think I'm going to have to take the spring semester off. I don't see how I can do it any other way... with the baby due in the middle of March. I just can't see starting the semester then having to take a leave halfway through... anyways, it'll all work out. With any luck, you'll be home before it's time to make that kind of decision!

I've got some cleaning to do before I fix some dinner for myself.

Love you Nate!

Hales