CHAPTER SEVEN
Another perfect starry night…
To the self-proclaimed Shinigami, the beauty of that night sky was so picturesque, it seemed almost mocking. How could something be so perfectly calm and tranquil, when there was a war going on? A war that went beyond the Earth? A war that no one could see the end of?
He stood on the balcony alone, leaning slightly over the railings, gazing at the almost-full moon.
"Can you tell me?" He asked it out loud "Can you tell me why such irony exists?"
Irony. That was a word Duo's life seemed to revolve around on. In fact, the whole world seemed to be full of irony.
"We have war in order to achieve peace, we sacrifice people so other people can live, those who choose to die with honor…true honor…are usually those most easily forgotten…Dreams should only be for those who have the right to dream, yet they are always the poor innocent souls who have no way of making those ideals come true. Those who can achieve their goals are only the ones willing to inflict ruthless treachery… The kind-hearted will cry, but no one cries for them. The ones who build machines and send them out to battle are hailed as heroes, when they're really just cowards hiding behind the shield of metal and ammunitions…The real heroes will go unnoticed, because they are alone, they are unrecognized…why is it…why is it that the weak and the wrong end up as the winners in the end…?"
"Those are some pretty deep questions Duo" Came a voice behind him "I didn't think you, of all people, would be so troubled by such things…"
Duo spun around, only then did he realize he have voiced his thoughts aloud. He found Wufei standing at the entrance to the balcony from the living room, holding two cups. He held one out to Duo.
"Here" He motioned for him to take it "I don't want you to get sick again, you don't know how hysterical Heero can get"
"Heero…" Duo murmured as he took the warm cup with both his hands "Now there's another piece of irony for me…before I couldn't sleep 'cos he was in my room, but now I can't sleep because he's not there…"
"What was that?" Wufei took a step closer.
"Nothing!" Duo quickly hid his pained heart behind a wide, unnatural smile "Why are you up this time of night?"
Wufei shrugged "Just…couldn't sleep…"
"You?" Duo exclaimed "I never imagined you'd be bothered by sleeping troubles, I mean you have all those meditation techniques I'd think that if any of us would couldn't find inner calm it would not be you!"
Wufei sighed and sat down on one of the plastic chairs placed in a corner of the balcony "Just shows how much you really don't know…"
Duo grunted "Well, excuse me for that, but like it's really all my fault?"
Wufei didn't know what to say, it was true, he hadn't always been completely open with the others, but then again, he really had no need to, what was the point of opening up anyway? He preferred to stay discrete.
A breeze blew through, it was fairly mild and gentle, but it still managed to send a shiver down Duo's back. He pulled his shirt closer around him and brought the cup to his lips for a sip.
"Wow…this is SO nice!" He said in amazement "What is it?"
Wufei shook his head "If I ever wanted to poison you it'll be only too easy, don't you even try to identify what it is you're consuming before you actually consume it?"
"Uh…nope!" Duo smiled sheepishly "Well, I know you wouldn't do that do me anyway…Trowa might" He added and giggled, remembering the mysterious supply of "drugs" he seemed to own "But I'm sure you wouldn't"
"Humph…" Wufei snorted "Fool..." He placed his own cup down on the floor "Well, lucky for you your assumptions are right, this time anyway. Anyway, this belongs to Quatre, so there's no problem…"
At Quatre's name, Duo frowned. He had thought about the little blond many times over the last few weeks, in which Heero had seemed to spend most of his time with Trowa, going out on errands with him, having meals with him, doing chores with him, or just generally being around him. It seemed the only time he wasn't with him was at night, in bed.
Duo couldn't be sure of how either Trowa or Quatre felt about Heero's behavior. They could definitely sense there was something weird going on between Heero and Duo, and they've noticed the change in Heero's personality, but neither has discussed it openly with Duo or Heero himself. Quatre seemed to assume Heero was looking to Trowa for the feeling of security, in the want of someone who can understand his dilemmas so thoroughly, and he encouraged their time together. And Trowa seed to be just as willing to help, in his own way. He never said very much to Heero, but was always there to listen to whatever he had to say and to comfort him, to advise him.
And as for me…Duo thought…I don't even know…when I see them together…it's not that I'm jealous of Trowa, not really, but it's more like I wish I was the one Heero was turning to, I was the one he could speak to…that I was the one he could feel closest to…
He smiled bitterly…What happened…where did I go wrong?
"What are you thinking about?"
Duo jumped at the sudden intrusion of Wufei's voice "Umm…nothing…"
"Right…as if!" Wufei stared straight at him "You stand there with all these weird looks passing over that over-expressive face of yours, and you expect me to believe that nothing was going through your mind?"
"I...umm…well…" Duo stammered.
Just then, as if by cue, Trowa's flute started its song.
Duo and Wufei stopped to listen to the melancholy tune, momentarily mesmerized by the haunting melody. Duo closed his eyes and listened intently, there was something magic about it, he had to profess…it was this sound that had drawn Heero away from him…
"I think…" Duo spoke up after a while "I think Heero has a crush on Trowa"
Even saying the words felt painful, voicing the thought was almost like an admission to himself that it was the truth and he could only learn to accept it.
He expected Wufei to give him a glare, and chide him for thinking just a pointless thought that probably only weak females would trouble themselves over.
But he didn't, the response that came was:
"I think you have a crush on Heero"
Duo nearly dropped his cup "Wha…what…what are you talking about!"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about" Wufei replied "You have a crush a Heero"
"What?!" In his rush to deny Wufei's claim Duo just made it even more obvious "I…don't! Why would you think anything like that anyway!? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard you say Wufei, and you weren't even trying! Gee…what would you think of next anyway? Hahahah! That's just so…hilarious!"
He laughed with exaggerated enthusiasm, but as he turned away from his companion the laughter turned to a choking fit, and it took a long while before he calmed down. He looked back up to the moon, feeling both embarrassed and distressed, part of him felt like crying at the pain of discovery, but he held it back.
Wufei had watched him through all this without a word. At last, when Duo had finally calmed down, he rose from his seat and made his way over to stand beside him.
"You don't have to hide it you know" He said quietly "Not in front of me"
Duo glanced beside him, Wufei did not make eye contact with him, he was also staring out at the moon.
"I know how you feel towards him" Wufei went on "Back before he lost his memory, you always did everything in your power to get the shadow of a smile out of him, lame as your methods may have been they were obviously out of genuine care…"
Duo listened; he hadn't realized Wufei had been so observant. He didn't even realize himself how much trouble he had gone through just to get Heero to seem a little happier…
"Then when he did get hurt and go through amnesia, you lost sleep over it, you worried and you fretted. And there's the whole sleeping arrangement…" He smirked at the blush which came into Duo's cheeks "Well, anyway it was pretty damn obvious okay?"
Duo sighed "Well it seems like you know everything then" He marched over to the corner and plopped himself into the chair that Wufei had sat in only moments ago "But what difference does it make anyway?"
"Of course it makes a difference you stupid fool!"
"Huh?"
"Do you plan on hiding these feelings and avoiding him forever?"
"Me? Avoid him?!" Duo's eyes widened "What do you mean?!"
"I mean, do you plan on not talking to Heero for the rest of your life…or however long it is we live here together?"
"Not talk to him?!" Duo couldn't help but wonder if Wufei had abruptly lost his mind "Hang on a sec here, the point is Heero wants Trowa, not me, he's the one not talking to me! What do you mean I've avoiding him?!"
"Oh really?" Wufei challenged "Do you ever give his a chance to talk?"
"Chance?"
"Yeah!" Wufei nodded, then tilted his head "Let's see now, whenever you see them together you back out of the room, whenever you two are alone together you find an excuse to leave, when we're all in one room you do all you can to avoid eye contact with him by looking at everywhere else but in his direction…I bet you can tell me just how many stains there are on the ceiling…"
"Twenty four…" Duo said monotonously "I'll never figure out how we got so many stains up there…"
"Not we, Duo…you" Wufei reminded him "Anyway…basically you've cut off communication between the two of you, how do you expect him to talk to you when you so obviously do not want to talk to him!?"
He had never thought of his conduct this way. All this time he thought he was trying to make Heero less uncomfortable by allowing him more time alone with Trowa…has he actually been unwittingly pushing him away?
"But…" Duo put in stubbornly "Heero has a crush on Trowa…"
"No he doesn't" Wufei stated "He may feel drawn to him, but it's only because Trowa is the only one who knows the effects of amnesia, but he understands the relationship between Trowa and Quatre, and he's not about to intervene on it…"
"So…what are you getting at?"
"I don't know how Heero thinks, before he got sick he just seemed to shut everyone off so no one could really read his thoughts, and after that mission he just became a total maniac, which is even harder for me to understand, but…I do know a look of need when I see one…"
"A look of need?" Duo frowned.
"He needs you Duo, and I can't see why you fail to notice that"
"He…what?" What did Wufei just say? Duo couldn't comprehend; did he just tell him that Heero needed him? It couldn't be true.
"He can't possibly…he…he…" The memory was painful "That night he shut the door on me and pushed me away…"
"He was confused, that's all"
"But…"
"Look, the guy doesn't know who he is or where he's from, I'm amazed he hadn't felt this way earlier"
"So was he…" Duo mumbled.
"He may have shut you out then…but anyone could see he needs your concern now more than ever…"
"How…can you tell?" Duo still wasn't convinced.
"Everything's a lot clearer when viewed as an observer, Many a times he seemed like he wanted to say something to you, but you'd always be either starting off…at the ceiling or wherever else…or acting really loud and stupid, making it impossible to talk to you sensibly"
"I've done that?" Duo shook his head in amazement "I never meant to…"
"No one intentionally hurts those they care for, but they can care too much and hurt them anyway…"
"So you think…I should talk to Heero sometime?"
Wufei glared at him "After all I've said you still have doubts about that?!"
"It's just that the last time I wanted to talk to him…that was when he shut the door on me…"
"You have nothing to lose by trying again Duo, you can't be frightened of doing something again just because it hurt the first time. If you're going to avoid it, it's just running away, don't tell me you're so weak, because if you are, you have no right to call yourself Shinigami"
Duo looked up at Wufei and kept his eyes fixed on the dark haired boy's face for a long long time.
"What's with the staring?" Wufei was getting uncomfortable under the gaze of those cobalt eyes.
"Chang Wufei…" Duo grinned at him "I never thought you could be so…sensitive …"
Wufei looked away, embarrassed "What are you talking about? I just hate to see people act in such pretense that's all!"
"Right…" Duo stood up and patted his shoulder "But thanks anyway!"
"You can thank me by taking the tension out of the air; I swear I could slice the air with my sword"
"Whatever!" Duo hopped inside "I'll see you in the morning!"
"Or mid-afternoon at this rate" Wufei muttered, noticing the time. He shrugged to himself, and turned back to the moon.
That was so weird…what I was saying…that was so unlike me, but this situation really has gone far enough, it was either tell him or suffocate…
What is happening to us? He wondered…We've all become so…different from what we usually are…Heero's not the only one affected by his condition, we're all in this together…sheesh! I sound like Quatre!
I just wish those two would figure things out soon, I'm so sick of the way they're behaving! Hiding from their emotions…what weak attitudes! Come out of it!
Just come out of it!
All this time, the melody of the flute continued…
* * *
For the first time since Heero had left, Duo has managed to sleep peacefully. He trusted that what Wufei had said was the truth…it had to be, Wufei would not lie to him, he would not tease him for the sake of it…
Heero needs me…The more he thought of it, the more he believed it…It really is my fault…I've been avoiding him…not the other way around…
That afternoon, he found Heero sitting alone in his room, and he entered.
"Hey…" He greeted softly.
"Hey!" Heero looked up in surprise "What…are you doing in here?"
"Just came to talk to you, we haven't really talked for…how long?"
Heero's eyes lowered "I…I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore…"
"Fool…what made you think that?!"
"Well…that night…I shut you out, and immediately I realized how wrong I was to do it…I mean, I was confused alright, but after closing the door I felt even more messed up…I realized….I realized…" He trailed off.
"What is it?" Duo questioned gently.
"I realized I had just pushed away the best friend I had…"
"Oh…" Duo was slightly disappointed. Best friend…it wasn't exactly what he had hoped for, but it was a start.
"And then…you just never tried to talk again and I…I just thought…you didn't want to be with me anymore…"
"You silly thing!" Duo reached out and ruffled his hair "I'll always be here for you!"
"Really?" Heero looked up, his eyes were shining.
"Of course! You can't get rid of me that easily!"
Heero smiled "I never want to…I never did…"
Duo knelt down next to his little lost friend and held both his hands in his own "I know you feel overwhelmed by the situation, but like I've always said we'll all be here to help you…you know that whenever you need someone to lean on, I'll be there…"
Heero laid his head on Duo's shoulder "Really? Even after I said…"
"Yes!" Duo nodded eagerly "You're the only one who can make yourself remember, but the rest of us will do our best to give our support! Trust yourself! Trust me!"
"I can trust you…but I don't know about myself…" Heero's voice seemed to shake "I'm so unsure…so…insecure…"
Duo gazed lovingly at the other boy. Again Heero seemed like such an innocent little child, and he wished with all his heart he could do more to help him.
"It will come to you!" Duo promised "I know it will! Everything will be fine!"
"I trust you…" Heero said again, he gripped Duo's hands, and smiled up at him.
But the smile still held so much uncertainty, and the grip seemed so weak…Duo knew there was still a long road to travel before things would be really be "fine" again.