CHAPTER FIFTEEN
So…cold…
Heero shivered as he sat on the window ledge, hugging one knee to his chest. Again, he had accompanied Relena to one of her formal 'gatherings', and it was very much the same as that last one he attended, only this time she had instructed the waiters to keep the wine and other such drinks away from Heero, so even now, by the end of dinner, he was still very much sober.
And feeling very much alone…
Relena frolicked among the guests there, greeting everyone with that winning, yet somehow not quite genuine smile of hers, shaking hands, answering questions, saying all the 'right' things…
Right…but by whose standards…?
He hated the crowd, he hated being among these people. They were just so fake. They had regarded him with an air of indifference, he was nobody to them…but when they learnt that Relena Peacecraft is the woman on his arm, their attitudes had taken a hundred-and-eighty degree turn. Suddenly, he was important.
That ledge, hidden by layers of heavy velvet curtains, was practically his sanctuary…
The evening breeze that came through the opened window was surprisingly chilly considering the season, but he made no move to close it.
Who gives a damn…?
"Oh Heero! There you are!" Relena appeared from among the crowd "I've been looking all over for you! What are you doing hiding here?"
"Nothing…" The reply came in a listless monotone.
"Well come on! You can't sit here on the ledge all night!" She linked her arm into his "You looked like you were thinking about jumping off"
Now there's an idea…Heero smiled bitterly "What do you want?"
"Come dance with me!" She tugged "They're playing our song!"
"Our…song…?" Heero repeated, racking what memory he had "Which…one…?"
"Don't you remember?" She laughed at his look of bewilderment "The one they were playing the first time we danced together! Back at St Gabriels the night Oz attacked…and you saved me! We were dancing that evening and this was the song that we danced to!"
"Oh…?" He followed her to the dance floor, the scene she described stirred something within, he badly wanted to know what it was trying to tell him…
He felt Relena steering him in the steps of the dance, and slowly they started to come naturally…I've done this before…it feels so familiar…
So familiar that it's almost…eerie…
His pulse started to increase, his mind was racing…I'm so close…I feel as if I'm almost there…my memories…my past…I can almost reach out and touch them…but…
He felt Relena's head rest against him chest, listening to his heartbeat.
"Oh Heero…" She breathed.
He ran his fingers through her auburn hair in an absent movement, as if he was searching through them for the answers he desired to find…
Who was I…?
Who am I…?
The world seemed to be spinning around him…
* * *
"Aren't we there yet?!"
"Didn't you ask me that just five minutes ago? You know the geography as well as I do! Quit asking me!"
"Oh come on! Can't you make this thing go any faster?! There's no traffic up here!"
"Duo, this is a carrier, not a Gundam, I'm pushing the limits as it is!"
"Awww….."
The American boy crossed his arms and whined, if he had it his way, he would get off this carrier in his Mobile suit and make a beeline for home. Why is it every time I'm in a hurry I'm forced to travel at a snail's pace…?!
Okay a flying snail, but a snail nevertheless…
"Hey, Wufei" He called to his companion "How 'bout letting me take over the piloting…?"
"In your dreams!" Wufei gripped the controls possessively "Take a nap or something!"
Duo pouted "You expect me to sleep at a time like this?! I'm positively bursting with anxiety right now!!"
"Humph" Wufei sneered "If you'd just listened to me earlier you wouldn't have to go through all this you know…"
"Yeah yeah, I know, you've told me off enough already!!" Duo turned to look out the window "I just keep thinking about how Heero might react when I get back…if what you've told me is true, well, I can't wait to see the look on his face…I'm sooooooooo excited!!!"
"Save that excitement for after we get back? Please?! Let Heero endure it, spare me, okay?"
"Whatever you say!" Duo shrugged good-naturedly "Well anyway…are we there yet?"
Wufei sighed. This is going to be a loooooooong trip…
* * *
Where am I now…?
Heero blinked in the darkness. He couldn't figure out how he ended up in this room, the last thing he remembered was been held by Relena on that dance floor, his ears filled with the sound of her voice calling out his name, and then, suddenly…
Why am I here…?
A door opened, letting a stream of light into the room, and he could make out Relena's silhouette under that frame. She entered the room and shut the door behind her.
"Oh Heero…" She rushed over to him "My poor Heero!"
"What happened?" He asked.
"You passed out" She explained simply "The doctor said something about an old wound that hasn't quite healedl, perhaps from the last time you went out to battle"
I don't remember been injured…
"But don't worry Heero, he said that overall you were fine, and just needed to lay down for a while, the dance floor was perhaps a bit too stuffy or something…" She went on. Suddenly she leaned towards him and nuzzled at his neck "Just watch Heero, I'll create a world where there will be no more need for you to go out to battle, I won't let you be harmed in anyway ever again!"
He drew his breath sharply, detecting the intrusion of one of her hands under his shirt, he had no idea when his jacket and tie were taken off, but they were gone. Her fingers searched along his back and shoulders, her other hand working at getting his first button undone…
What are you doing Relena…?
He tried to back up, but found himself trapped by a wall, only then did he realize they were situated on a double bed. His eyes widened and he gasped again her lips came down against his bare chest, her hands finding their way lower and lower…
Stop this…
He swallowed hard and placed both his hands against her shoulders, trying to force some distance between them, but it was in vain, his arms felt weak and tired, while she was vibrant with strength, advancing over and over…
"Oh Heero…." She sighed in his ear, rolling the name over her tongue "Heeeeeerrrroooo…."
His eyes had adjusted to the dimness of the room, and he could see that the straps of her evening dress had fallen from her shoulders, revealing a disturbingly large part of her pale breast, he jerked his head to one side and squeezed shut his eyes. She failed to notice his resistance.
"Heero…Open up to me Heero…" He continued to feel her breath on his chest, as well as her body rubbing up against his own "I know you're not as cold or have such a lack of emotions as you pretend to have…I've always known…and I've always believed that I could be the one to help you discover these emotions…let me help you Heero, let me love you and stay by you…you're my source of strength and comfort, have I ever told you that? Oh Heero…"
What is happening? What is she trying to do…?
Heero's heart filled with a strange sensation, it was almost fear. All his senses were sharply stimulated, and his body felt as if it was on fire…
Like that nightmare…
The flames visualized before his closed eyes, his body tensed up with a sense of pain that wasn't really there. His mind spun and he felt that he may pass out again. He couldn't open his eyes and his ears filled with the sound of his own heavy breathing.
He was burning…
Why am I letting this happen? Why can't I do anything to stop this…?
He continued to feel Relena's hands searching along his body, searching…just as he was searching his mind…
Help me…
His heart felt like it was ready to explode, it was filling up with so many images and sounds that seemed so near and yet still out of reach. He lost the power to move, or to speak, soon he couldn't even feel Relena's existence anymore, and was only vaguely aware of his own hands which dug into the bed beneath him as if trying to break through the surface…
To break through…I have to break free…
Oh God…
Help me…
* * *
"Oi! We're back! We're back! We're baaaaaaaaack!!!!!!"
Duo's voice could be heard long before he and Wufei had reached the house. It was already approaching the early hours of morning and all was quiet around them. But he didn't care that he was breaking the silence, his excitement was uncontainable.
Trowa stepped out of his room, running his hands through his messed-up unibang, drowsily making his way to the door. But he didn't need to worry about opening it, Duo had barged in long before he made it to the living room.
"Nice entrance" He commented "How did things go?"
Duo didn't seem to hear him, he zipped down the hall, narrowing missing a very-sleepy-looking Quatre along the way, and into his room.
"Whoa…what's gotten into him?!" Quatre stood, shaking.
"Heero!" Duo's voice rang out "Heero where are you?!"
"Uh-oh" Trowa muttered, looking over to Quatre.
"What do you mean 'uh-oh'?" Wufei asked suspiciously "Oh heck, don't tell me he's on a date with her again…"
"Well…not a date exactly" Quatre's sleepiness had vanished "But he's kinda…out…"
"Out? Where!?" Wufei demanded.
"Oh…see…umm…right…howshouldiputthis…umm…" Quatre's hands twisted the side of his pajama top in nervousness "Like, well, the other day…umm…"
"Quit mumbling! You sound like a girl!" Wufei yelled, impatient "Just spit it out will you?!"
By this time Duo had come out of his room and re-joined the group "Guys, I can't seem to find Heero…where is he…?"
"Umm…like…yeah…see…" Quatre still remained tongue-tied, desperate, he turned to Trowa.
"He's living with Relena"
Trowa's quiet response seemed to slice the air.
"What…did…you…just…say…?" Duo's eyes seemed hollow as he asked this question, trembling, he grabbed Trowa's shoulders and shook him "You're joking with me, aren't you Trowa?" He shook harder "Dammit Trowa tell me you're just screwing around with me!!"
"Duo!" Quatre jumped to his rescue "Calm down! It's true! She came around just after Wufei left for the mission, we tried to stop them but…"
"You tried to stop him?!" Wufei roared "Then why did he still go with her?!"
"We…couldn't…restrain…him…" Quatre stammered "We tried but…we couldn't stop him…"
"What, she kidnapped him or something?!" Duo's eyes bored into Quatre's, his voice trembling.
"No…he went…willingly…"
Willingly…
Which could only mean…
"You lied to me!!!"
Duo gave an anguished cry, he let go of Trowa and lunged at Wufei, beating his fist against his arms "You lied to me! Why did you do that?! Why did you tell me all those lies?! I may have been able to accept this if you gave me time! Did you think it would be fun to mess around with my feelings?!!! Why did you make me believe Heero's heart belonged to me when it didn't? Why Wufei?! What the hell are you trying to achieve by that!?!" He could feel hysteria coming on, and he knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't help it, the force of the blow was just too much to bear…
To bear it the first time, that was bad enough…His fists clenched…nails dug into flesh…But to have been made to believe the chance was still mine…and having it taken away all over again…
That feeling was higher… thus the fall had to be harder…
Why did you do this to me…?!
"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!" His voice broke upon the final cry, unable to contain his emotions any longer, he drove his fist into Wufei's stomach, causing the Asian boy to double over in agony.
"Duo!" He coughed out "I wasn't lying to you!"
"DUO!" Quatre screamed "Stop it! You're going crazy!"
Yes, I am crazy! How can I take this? Why did you do this to me?!?!?!
"What do you expect me to do?! Just swallow this as it is?! Damn you people! You don't know what I'm going through here!"
"Duo…I don't think he really wanted to go…" Trowa spoke up again.
"What?!"
"That's right!" Quatre nodded defensively "He didn't look like he really wanted to go, I think he was just pressured by her…"
"And you let him go?!" This time Duo turned upon Quatre "You could see that he didn't want to go yet you LET HIM GO?!?! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?!"
"I…" The blue-green eyes from beneath those blond locks filled with tears "I don't know! I couldn't think of any way to stop him…"
"Well that's just handy!" Duo yelled. Although the part of him which still retained logic knew it was unfair to take it out on Quatre, or Trowa or Wufei, he couldn't help it, he couldn't help but feel he had been toyed with "How could you guys do such a thing?!"
Quatre didn't respond, his tears spilled over and he covered his mouth with one hand.
"Stop it Duo!" Trowa suddenly raised his voice, protectively putting an arm around Quatre "You're losing all reason here, it's not our duty to keep him here, nor do we have the right to restrain him against his will. Face the facts, you're the one who drove him away in the first place, don't blame it on Quatre!"
It was you who drove him away in the first place…
Duo's hands came up against his head, and he squeezed as if trying to crush his own skull "What have I done? What have I done…?!"
As the four of them stood in silence around their living room, gaping at each other, a faint voice was suddenly heard.
"Heero! Where are you going? What's wrong Heero?!"
Quatre's eyes widened "It's…Miss Relena…" He uttered in bewilderment.
"Heero?" Duo's gaze shifted to the front door "He's here…?"
They had little time to wonder, almost immediately, the front door crashed open, and Heero stormed in.
At least…I think that's Heero…
Duo stood breathless and transfixed as he fixed his gaze on the figure that had just entered, his features were identical to that of Heero's, though his hair was in terrible disarray, giving the impression it had been blown at from all different directions, he was dressed merely in his suit pants and a light shirt, of which only three of the buttons were done up, he didn't even have shoes on.
But his appearance was hardly what caused Duo and the rest of them stare in shock horror, it was the expression he wore. His eyes seem to be darting about the room with no particular purpose yet there was an intensiveness there that rendered everyone motionless and spellbound. The look wasn't unfamiliar, but it hasn't appeared for so long…
Not since…
"HEEEEERRROOOOO!!!"
Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei jumped at the sound of Relena's high-pitched scream, and Heero seemed to suddenly be shaken out of his trance. Without so much as a look at any of his friends, he tore past them and down towards his own room, the entire house seemed to vibrate as his door was slammed shut.
"What…was…that…" Quatre asked in a hushed tone, peering around nervously, their original fight temporarily forgotten after what just happened.
"Arr…." Trowa blinked and looked at the opened front door "Was…was that…Relena…?"
His query was resolved right away, a second later, Relena stumbled through the doorframe, desperately trying to catch her breath and looking every bit as frazzled out as Heero did.
"Heero!" She called again, seemingly ignorant of anyone else's presence in the room "Heero! What is it?! What went wrong?!"
"Miss…Relena…?" Quatre spoke up cautiously "Are…are you alright?"
She didn't even seem to hear the question, after a few deep breaths she trudged through the living room and on to Heero's room. They could hear her piercing cries of "Heero! What is it?! Talk to me Heero! Tell me what's wrong!" accompanied by the banging of her fists against the door.
"What the heck is going on here?!" Wufei whispered sharply "What on earth is she doing?!"
Duo couldn't stop to think of what Relena's actions were trying to achieve, the only thing in his mind right then was the look on Heero's face when he had entered…
His eyes…that glare…the iciness of it all…I haven't seen it in him since…
Omigod…
His breath was caught in his throat as the thought came to him…
Not since…
"HEEEEEERRRROOOOOO!!!!" Relena gave one final scream, and then, all that could be heard was her gulping sobs and her footsteps as she made her way back to the living room and flopped down on the couch.
It took a long time before any of them were able to react. It was Trowa who was the first to finally approach her.
"Relena, what happened?"
She looked up at him, sniffled, and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand.
"I…don't know what's…gotten into Heero" She managed to say between sniffles "He…I don't get why…but…everything was going fine, and he was…happy and all that…"
"What were you doing?" Trowa interrupted calmly.
"I was…we were…at an evening party…and…" Here Quatre handed her a tissue and she blew into it "It was all going great…we were dancing and…and he seemed so…happy…and at peace…"
Duo bit his lip and turned away, hoping she'd spare him anymore details as such. As anxious as he was about the situation listening to her descriptions still caused a pang in his heart.
"So…" Trowa prodded her on.
"Well…I…I tried…to…to…" Her stuttering was becoming unintelligible "I tried to…"
"You tried to do what?" Wufei asked impatiently.
"Tried…to…to…to kiss him!" She finally blurted out "I…tried to kiss him…"
"And what did he do?" Asked Duo, his throat felt tight.
"He…he…." She broke into a fresh flood of tears "I don't know what got into him! But he just seemed…seemed to…to snap all of a sudden! Like there was this sudden flash in his eyes and he totally went stiff…" Here she choked, and there was a flurry of activity in getting her a glass of water before she went on "He…he just suddenly…pushed me away…really hard! And his eyes seemed to dart all over the place, I don't know what he was trying to find but it was really freaking me out! I haven't seen that look in his eyes for ages! It was like he wanted to kill someone right there!"
Just like I thought…Duo could envision her descriptions…No question about it…
"So what happened to you guys after that?" Quatre asked.
"I…by the time I was able to recover…he had…he was already gone…I don't know what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go but he just jumped on to a motorcycle and drove it away…I tried my best to follow him, but he was too fast for the limo, and when we got here…he threw the motorcycle down in the middle of the road to block it and…"
"You had to follow him on foot?" Trowa finished for her.
She nodded "I don't know what's gotten into him! He wouldn't talk to me! Why wouldn't he talk to me?!" Grabbing a cushion she buried her face in it and started her wails again.
Heero…
It's happened…
It's actually happened…
It's finally happened…
Trowa slowly got up from the couch; he stood still for a moment before turning to face his friends. One by one, he met their eyes. A strange feeling of tension seem to hang in the air, yet the realization had come to them, like shattered fragments which had suddenly come together.
This is it…Trowa held his place.
Finally, in that quiet, tranquil tone that was so uniquely his, he gave voice to the thought that had dawned upon them all.
"I think he's remembered"
A/N: Voila! IT HAS HAPPENED! (I'm not sure if you all see this as a good thing BUT anyway…) I guess now it's bye-bye to the happy-weird-emotional Heero and back to the omae-o-korosu-Hn Heero eh? I hope I don't screw up his character now 'cos I'm still kinda into the amnesia-style Heero…hehehe…
Ah well…At least the chapter's shorter…
Thanks for reading! Love ya!
BaiBai!