Ranma ½: Game of Pretend

*Disclaimer: * Ranma ½ and all related titles sole and exclusive ©Takahashi Rumiko; Kitty TV; Viz Communications LLC.

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Part Five: Woes and Worries

Ranma ½: Game of Pretend

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'Ranma, what did you think of our new English professor?' Akane asked pleasantly as they walked home from school. Akane was in a good mood: For once, they had not been late to school, and they had escaped the fathers that morning. So Akane was in a particularly favourable mood toward Ranma.

'Who? Mr Schorr? More like Mr Snore,' Ranma said, smirking.

'Ranma!' Akane said chastisingly, though she hid a giggle with her free hand. 'You shouldn't be saying bad things about our teachers…'

'Ah come off it, Akane,' Ranma said easily. 'I can see ya smiling.' He pulled a face and imitated Mr Schorr's heavily accented monotone: "'Now class, we will begin with lesson 5-1 with communities and how to give directions….:"' Ranma's impersonation was surprisingly accurate and the two burst out laughing.

In a few minutes though, they both stopped, looking at each other, realising that they had just shared a friendly moment, and feeling very uncomfortable about the fact.

Did…did that just happen? thought Ranma, as he paused and looked at Akane. Did we just get along for a moment there?

Ranma…Akane said to herself. What if we were like this all the time? So friendly and nice to each other. She too looked back up at Ranma, her gaze never wavering, and his eyes never leaving hers.

But all good things must come to an end, and the end of Ranma and Akane's good moment came in the form of a small black, squeaking creature that ran into their path just then….

'P-Chan!' Akane cried happily, scooping up the animal in her arms. 'Oh P-Chan, I've missed you so!'

Ranma snorted impatiently. 'Akane, why do ya' always carry that animal around?' he demanded. 'I gotta be cuter than that creature.'

'Ranma!' Akane snapped, her good mood with Ranma disappearing quickly. 'Why do you always beat up on P-Chan? The adorable little animal's done nothing to you…Have you, you cute little P-Chan?' The pig squeaked contentedly as Akane held him close and stroked his small back.

'And it's not all about looks,' Akane continued. 'You might be cuter than P-Chan (I'm not admitting to that), but P-Chan's always there for me, he always listens and he never talks back! And he's not an idiot,' she added as an afterthought.

'Yah, maybe 'cause the pig can't talk at all?' Ranma said. What is it about that stupid git that makes Akane all girly and sweet? I'd like ta' see her that way more, but turning into a girl all the time is bad enough, I'd never transform into a pig.

'Ranma…' Akane said dangerously. 'I've had it about up to here with you and your ridiculous comments about P-Chan. There's no reason why he's not perfectly harmless…!'

'You don't get it, do ya', Akane,' Ranma said, exasperated. 'How can you be so stupid? I practically told ya a gazillion times why yer beloved "P-Chan"—here he made a face and drew out the name in a high falsetto—'ain't so beloved after all!'

Akane stared at him disbelievingly. 'You're speaking in riddles again, Ranma,' Akane said, her voice quiet and dangerously calm. 'Now, I won't allow you to talk that way about P-Chan again.'

'Yeah?' challenged Ranma. 'How're ya gonna make me do that?'

'Oh, you'll find out,' Akane said threateningly, walking quickly down the sidewalk with long strides. She clutched P-Chan even closer. 'I don't know why you hate P-Chan so…but I'm not going to put up with it.'

'Fine! What do I care?' he called after her. He walked slower behind her, though she continued to quicken her pace. She didn't reply.

Akane, still angry, threw open the door to the dojo only to be confronted with the Father Fear Team.

'Where's Ranma?' Soun asked his daughter.

Oh no, I forgot…! Akane panicked slightly. It was only the third day of her and Ranma's scheme, it couldn't fall apart now!

'He, um, he saw a friend on his way home,' Akane lied quickly. 'He's coming soon…see there he is, now I need to start studying, I have a lot of work to do…' Akane slipped past the two men and ran to her room.

Shortly, Ranma also came in, muttering slightly to himself. 'Ranma,' said Genma. His voice was laced with curiousity. 'You've got a funny look on your face.' He paused, scrutinising his son. 'Did you and Akane fight again?'

'Huh…?' Ranma replied, nonplussed.

'She just stormed here, carrying a small black pig,' added Soun, looking at Ranma suspiciously.

'Son, you know the deal,' Genma said, now more-than-slightly threatening. 'If you can't live with Akane for a week without fighting…then you get married. Now.'

Crap! Ranma said to himself. Why did I haveta be th' one ta come up with such a dumb plan? I forgot about it! I gotta come up with somethin' fast, or Akane'll be Mrs Saotome Ranma! 'N-Naw, we weren't fighting,' said Ranma easily. 'I just…saw one o' my friends from school, while we were walking home. Akane said she had a lot o' work ta do, I guess that's why she came home,' Ranma finished, unknowingly—but luckily—corroborating Akane's story.

'What d'you reckon, Tendo-kun?' Genma asked Soun after Ranma had slipped away also.

'Ah, every couple has lover's spats,' Soun said, letting the two escape further suspicion and punishment.

For the time being, that was.

**

'La di da di da,' a girl sang softly to herself.. She was sitting in front of a mirror, combing her long, thick hair. Mousse, who was lying in wait around the corner, winced. Whatever else Shampoo's talents and attributes, singing was definitely not one of them.

'Mousse!' Shampoo exclaimed in surprise when she saw him. Mousse leapt up and presented her with a bouquet of flowers.

'The loveliness of these flowers pale next to your face,' Mousse said chivalrously. He snatched Shampoo's hand and made as if to kiss it, but Shampoo snatched it back.

'Flowers make Shampoo sneeze,' she said, and unfeelingly dropped the bundle to the floor. She walked past Mousse without looking back. 'Shampoo have work to do.'

'Shampoo--!' Mousse called after her. 'I heard that Ranma and Akane are married!' This was a complete lie, but he had heard that they would be getting married within the next four days. Some sort of silly deal or challenge—just the sort of thing a pedestrian like Ranma would do.

Shampoo paused, turning back, and Mousse's heart rose with hope. However, she only arched an uncaring eye-brow and said, 'So? That no stop Shampoo. Shampoo can keep secret.' She smiled devilishly and went outside.

Mousse sank down onto the vanity. 'Why does nothing I ever do work?' he asked no one in particular.

'Poor boy,' a passer-by said, hearing Mousse talk and seeing no one else in the room. 'Talking to himself.' He shook his head and continued on his way.

'Can't anyone help me?' he continued musing to himself. He was now pacing the floor. 'What's so great about Ranma anyway? I'm a better fighter, I'm better-looking—I've definitely got prettier hair—I'm not a cheater.' He ticked off the points he had just made on his fingers.

'Sorry sugar, but I have to disagree,' said a female voice. Mousse looked up and saw a figure he recognised vaguely as being a certain Kuonji Ukyou. 'Ranma's better-looking, and unless my memory's wrong, he's bested you in every fight.'

'So what?' Mousse said unhappily.

'So, of course your little Shampoo is going to go after my Ranma,' Ukyou said, shrugging. Suddenly, her manner changed and she became stricter, angrier. 'You better keep Shampoo away from my Ranma, okay, sugar?' she demanded, glaring at Mousse. 'He has enough problems with that uncute Akane character, he doesn't need to be dealing with this broken-Japanese-speaking wench.'

'Don't insult my Shampoo!' Mousse said, leaping up.

'Don't get your cockles up, sugar,' Ukyou said mildly. Mousse's shoulders sagged and his face fell.

'So what did you come here for? Are you going to laugh at me some more?' Mousse said, sinking back down on a chair in despair.

'I was actually wondering if you'd seen Ryouga,' Ukyou said, colouring slightly. 'I-I didn't have a chance to give him his change yesterday when he ate at the Utchan, and I've not seen him since.'

'Ryouga? That pointy-toothed kid?' Mousse said. Ukyou nodded. 'No, haven't seen him,' he answered promptly.

Ukyou sighed.

**

'Oh P-Chan, I still don't understand what Ranma could have against you,' Akane sighed. She was lying stomach-down on her bed, various notebooks, pencils, and text-books scattered on her desk. As promised, she was done with her work, but she was concentrating on Ranma.

P-Chan sqealed in what Akane took to be a sympathetic manner. Akane lazily stroked the underside of the pig's chin with a finger as she sighed again. 'I hate Ranma,' she said, in the tone that meant she didn't hate him at all.

Ranma, however, had walked into Akane's—no, Akane's and his—room at this rather unpropitious moment and caught the latter part of Akane's sentence. 'What, Akane, didja look in the mirror and finally realise that I been tellin' th' truth all along?'

'Harty har har, not funny,' Akane muttered, though Ranma chuckled heartily at his own joke.

'Ah Akane, lighten up,' Ranma said easily. He was actually in good spirits. 'Listen,' he said on a whim. 'Do ya wanna go out with me?'

'WHAT?' Akane fairly yelled, jumping up so that the unlucky and unwary P-Chan fell to the floor, squeaking madly. Did Ranma just ask me to date with him? she said to herself. Did Ranma just ask me to go out on a date with him? No, he must be lying, he has to…

'Not like that!' Ranma protested, putting his hands up in self-defense. 'I didn't ask if ya wanted to date with me, I was on'y wond'ring if you'd like to get a burger or somethin' at WcDonald's.'

'Oh,' Akane said in a small voice. She blushed. Here she was, thinking that Ranma had actually asked her out on a date—not that it was so necessary, since they were practically married… still, it would've been nice to be outside with Ranma as a date. But this was good enough.

'Sure,' she replied, recovering from her moment of embarrasment. 'Let me—Let me just get ready, I'll be out in a moment…' Ranma left the room, and Akane ran a brush through her short hair, thinking of putting it up but on second thought letting it down.

'Sorry, P-Chan, but I've got to go,' she said to her pet. 'Stay here, all right? I'll be back soon.' Akane ran downstairs and called to Kasumi, 'Ranma and I are going outside, tell Father for us, please?' She found Ranma waiting by the door, and he let her go first before following, shutting the door behind him.

The night was slightly chilly, but not too much, and Akane was comfortable. They walked in silence for a little while, before Ranma broke the silence.

'So…Akane,' he said, trying to start a conversation. She looked at him expectantly, and he searched his mind for a topic. 'Nice weather, right?' Geeze that's lame he said to himself.

Akane turned back to face forward. That was lame, she thought, but still smiled, happy at his efforts to at least attempt to make friendly conversation. 'Yeah,' she murmured in agreement.

When they got to WcDonald's, Ranma himself pulled out a wad of yen and insisted on paying for their orders.

Ranma's acting so weird…Akane thought, before another doubt came to her mind. 'Ranma, where'd you get the money from?' She seemed to remember that Ranma and his father were in a constant state of insolvency, though there were rumours of 'Genma's secret stash.'

Ranma grinned. 'Ah, it's amazing what one can do with nimble fingers,' he replied, with a wink. Akane giggled—somehow, Ranma had filched some money from either his father's hidden stash or from one of the other members of the household.

Oh well, I'm not complaining, Akane said to herself as she and Ranma sat down—at a safe distance from each other, of course—to enjoy their fast-food meal. But all I want to know is why? Ranma never pulls this kind of stuff.

Ranma, for his part, had nothing on his mind. He was his usual simplistic self, not bothering with thinking over-much. He had only wanted to go outside of the Tendo dojo, and had wanted company, so on an impulse he had asked Akane. I hope she doesn't get any ideas from this, he thought, slightly panicked. Just 'cause I asked her to come outside with me doesn't mean I wanted her to go out with me. Well, it didn't really matter, he rationalised to himself. They were practically married.

It was, indeed, very surprising how much Akane and Ranma thought alike, but never realised it.

**

Much later, after all had gone to sleep, Ranma woke up at a slight, but audible, squaking noise. He growled softly. It was that wretched P-Chan again! Ranma got up out of his futon and carefully creeped over to Akane's bed. He held a bat, carefully positioned, and was about to bring it down on P-Chan's little head when Akane woke up.

She was still in the clutches of sleep, and she looked at Ranma bemusedly. 'Ranma?' she murmured sleepily. 'What're you doing with a bat?'

'It's that P-Chan again,' he muttered. He would never admit it to her, but having him sleep in his, Ranma's, fiancee's arms was unbearable.

Akane looked up at him with the innocence that comes from deep sleep. 'Well, would you rather take his place?' she asked him, yawning.

Ranma coloured furiously. 'N-No! I'm not like that, Akane!'

'Okay then,' Akane said, settling down to sleep again. 'Now, please be quiet Ranma, I want to—' But whatever Akane wanted was lost, since she had fallen deeply asleep once more.

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A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers. You help make my day! ^_^ Anyway, sorry for the delay in turning this chapter out. I've had monster amounts of work (tenth class…yuck), and I've not had time to write anything at all. Plus, I've been kind of stuck on what to do…

Oh yeah, did you all think it was okay to have that insertion of Mousse-Shampoo-Ukyou? In the real Ranma ½, all the characters always make an appearance. (And if you're wondering about Happosai, then…he died. No, I'm joking, it's just that I haven't seen/read enough Ranma to have gotten to the Happosai part yet.) Anyway, I feel it's not Ranma-ish enough if it's centred on only Ranma x Akane, so I tried to enter in the other couples. Guess you'll have to read on to find their fate.

So, Ranma and Akane have finished their third day of pretending to be married, in order to not be married. (On a side note, did you all understand that sentence? That's like the entire premise of this story, so I just want to make sure it makes sense…) I've got the next chapter completely written, all I need to do is make a few adjustments and you'll see chapter six up by this time next week! Thanks all for reading I hope you enjoyed!