Disclaimers: All characters, places and events are the sole property of the Tolkien Estate. I receive no money for this piece of fiction, only the satisfaction of writing about the land and peoples that he so beautifully depicted.
Warnings: Themes of a violent nature are depicted in this chapter, so be warned.
A/N: I am quite proud of this chapter and hope you will all enjoy it as much as I did writing it. It took FOREVER, as it is filled with much angst and turmoil, so it was quite the challenge, but I truly liked the way it turned out. Enjoy!
Title: Smoke and Mirrors Chapter 34/?
Author: Lovethosehobbits
Archive: Sure, just let me know where.
Smoke and Mirrors Chapter 34
Frodo was completely stuffed with the grand meal that Sam had provided. Merry and Sam watched him as he had taken his last few bites. His head lolled forward, his eyes almost closed only to jerk himself upward suddenly as consciousness pulled him back. Merry had eaten well, and was now quite exhausted as well. But Frodo appeared beyond mere exhaustion, exhibiting a fatigue brought on only by emotional stress. Sam finally had pity on the hobbit and removed the tray, wiped his mouth and taking enough pillows from behind him to lay him in a reclining position. Frodo made as to fight off sleep, mumbling that he was fine and preferred to stay awake, but Sam would have none of that and with very little effort, managed to get Frodo supine and comfortable.
"Na' a baby, Sam. Na' tired," Frodo mumbled.
"Of course yer not, Mr. Frodo. But no harm in a short nap after such a heavy meal, " Sam said soothingly. "You look as you could use one yerself, Mr. Merry, if you don't mind me sayin' so, sir," Sam said turning to Merry.
Merry chuckled. "I suppose I could use a nap, Sam. And let's drop the "sir", shall we? If nothing else I've learned on this journey, it's that we're friends through and through. You've taken such good care of a person I love dearly, I could never think of you as any less that a friend for that," Merry smiled and yawned widely.
Sam blushed a deep crimson, "Why Mr. Merry, I was just doin' as I was meant to do for Mr. Frodo," he said shyly.
"Were you, Sam? I think not. You are his dearest friend, Master Gamgee. He has never thought of you as a servant, surely you realize that?" Merry said. Sam blushed and looked down, and Merry realized that Sam had never really considered that. "Oh Sam, you do know that, don't you? He loves you, as you love him. I don't believe he would or could ever live without you---not as a servant, but as a dear friend, and the closest thing he's ever had to a brother or family, other than Bilbo, of course," Merry said fervently.
Sam's face changed to one of adoration. "I do love him, Mr. Merry. He's like that, you understand. He makes you love him with his kindness and generosity. I grew up in his shadow, but he never made me feel as if I were beneath him. He always treated me like we was family, like you said, sir, a brother."
"Yes, I know that, Sam," Merry murmured. "I think I shall go check on my Pip. He's to get his leg out of that contraption today, and he's very excited. It will be very hard to keep him abed until Saleth thinks he is ready to put weight on it. Aragorn was amazed at how fast the bones had knit and has had a child set of crutches at the ready for him to use, knowing how impatient Pip can be. Very far sighted, the King is." Merry climbed down from the bed and walked out and down the hall to Pip's room. Pip was indeed, out of the contraption. But some healer had had the foresight to sedate him, knowing of the Took's desire to be about immediately. Merry smiled, crawling into bed next to his cousin, and immediately surrendered to sleep.
Sam continued to watch his master sleep. After awhile he heard soft footsteps behind him and turned to see who had entered the room. His mouth dropped open in wonder and awe as he looked upon the radiant personage of Queen Arwen Undomiel. He sank to his knees before her. Arwen placed a hand lightly on Sam's shoulder, "Master Samwise, please do not bow before me. It is my honor to be in your presence," she whispered. Sam arose. The Lady was smiling gently at him, a twinkle in her eye as she surveyed the flustered expression on Sam's red face.
"My Lady, it is good to see you once again," he stammered.
"As it is to see you, Samwise. I see that Frodo rests. I have need to speak with him, but it is not pressing and I will return later," she spoke gently, her voice like a soft breeze rustling new leaves, to Sam's ears.
"Aye, my Lady. I can send word, if you like, when he awakens," Sam offered.
"Thank you, Samwise. You should rest now. He will need your strength ere the day is through," she said as she lightly touched Sam's forehead. Suddenly, Sam felt drowsy and could only nod in agreement with this ethereal vision. She helped him up upon the bed where he curled protectively beside his master. She smiled softly as she covered him. She then turned to look upon Frodo. His brow was furrowed as if he was caught in a dark dream, causing him anxiety. She lightly touched his brow smoothing away the etchings of the oncoming nightmare and leaving him in peaceful repose. A light smile now graced his lips. Content, she smiled and left the room, closing the door silently behind her.
Some time later, Sam awoke. He felt remarkably refreshed as he watched the slow rise of his Master's chest while he slept calmly beside him. He rose slowly, so as not to disturb Frodo's slumber. Arrangements needed to be made to bring hot water so that when Frodo awoke he could bathe. He smiled at the peaceful look on Frodo's face as he turned to leave the room, closing the door behind him.
Frodo awoke some hours later to Merry gently shaking him. "Come on you lazy hobbit, or you'll sleep the whole day away," he grinned. Frodo smiled sleepily up at him and stretched with a small groan.
"I had the oddest dream. All about me it was dark and I began to feel the dread that always overcomes me before a nightmare takes me," Frodo's eyes had gone distant, his voice quavered. Merry frowned in concern for his cousin. "But this time, I felt that someone else was there with me," Frodo smiled and looked up at Merry with hope in his eyes. "It suddenly became warm and light, the darkness dispelled and I was lying in a meadow filled with the most wonderfully fragrant flowers. How could that happen, I wonder?" Frodo said in awe.
"I don't know, Frodo, but I am very glad it did," said Merry with a grim smile.
"I am, as well. I shant look a gift horse in the mouth. It was a most pleasant sensation, one I have not had in an age," he smiled wistfully. "So what are you doing here, Mer'? I thought you were done torturing this old hobbit for the day and had gone to torment Pip instead," he said with a smile that did not quite reach his eyes.
"Torture! Torment! Here I am, trying to make you all the better and you say such things! You wound me, cousin," Merry said with an exaggerated and dramatic stagger, placing his hands over his heart.
Frodo laughed heartily at this and Merry came back to the bed. "We are going to do some simple exercises that Saleth showed me to make you strong enough to get about. Then, perhaps, I can show you the outside of this sickroom, for once," he smiled.
"Wonderful! I am getting rather anxious to be about again. And to see the sun and flowers sounds like a delightful idea. But Merry dear, Aragorn has told me I have been up while I was feverish, I doubt I need the exercises," Frodo said with confidence.
"Oh yes Frodo, you gave them quite the merry little chase and a few bruises as well..." he began to say.
"Bruises! What did I do Mer'? Did I hurt anyone?" Frodo asked anxiously.
"You were delirious, cousin, and no one was permanently damaged. But, my sweet, you must remember that most of what propelled you about was adrenaline and you, quite probably, will be unable to walk or move around much without some proper strengthening of your muscles first. You have been in bed for quite some time, you know," said Merry.
"Nonsense, and I'll prove it to you now. I believe you are taking your duties far to seriously, Meriadoc," he said as he pushed back the comforters and began to swing his legs over the side of the bed. "Now, step back and give me some room, and I'll show you that I am perfectly able to bear my own weight," Frodo said with force.
"Fro', I don't think this is such a good idea..." Merry stammered worriedly, but he did as Frodo asked and stepped back. He held his arms out and to either side of his cousin, preparing to capture him should he fall. Frodo had lowered his legs over the bed and his feet now touched the floor. His back was turned to Merry, and he was grateful for this small favor, for he had to clutch convulsively at the counterpane to keep from falling. The room pitched to and fro and he had to swallow many times to keep from vomiting. His legs were visibly trembling and, much to his chagrin, his vision began to gray then all went completely dark.
"What in the name of Eru are you doing out of bed!!" came a thunderous cry from behind both Merry and Frodo. Merry jumped and turned to see who it was that was so upset and at the very moment, Frodo lost his tenuous hold on consciousness as his legs folded beneath him. He slipped to the floor, hitting his head on the corner table on the way down.
"Frodo!" cried Merry. Aragorn rushed across the room. Frodo's face was very pale and drenched in sweat. Aragorn gently swept the ringbearer up and placed him back in his bed.
"Stubborn hobbit," he muttered, but could not mask the concern in his eyes.
"Oh, this is all my fault. I was ready to catch him, and then you came in and startled me. Is he all right, Strider?" Merry asked anxiously.
Aragorn was examining Frodo's head. "He'll have a bump on his head but that is all. He was lucky," he shifted his eyes over to Merry. "Merry, he is still far too weak to try and stand." Aragorn chided.
"I know that, but he insisted he was fine and being a Baggins, set out to prove me wrong," Merry replied defensively.
Frodo's eyes fluttered open, "Wha' happen?" he mumbled.
"Exactly what I told you would happen you silly old Baggins. You are not strong enough to stand, and you will do your exercises with me or I will personally break your legs to keep you in bed!" Merry said fiercely.
Aragorn could not squelch a smile at the tone of Merry's voice and the look of rebuke on Frodo's face. "I am sorry, Merry. I thought I could do it," he said wanly.
"Slowly, Frodo. It takes time to rebuild your body when you've been ill. Listen to your cousin," Aragorn said gently.
"Very well, I will try to be more patient," Frodo sighed.
"Are you up to a few easy exercises, or do you think you've had enough excitement for the day?" Merry asked sarcastically, giving Aragorn a quick questioning look. Aragorn gave him a small nod and rose.
"I think I can manage," Frodo said, but he sounded groggy.
"I will be down the hall if you should need me, my friends. It seems Pippin has decided he has totally healed and is refusing to use the crutches I have provided for him. Why are all hobbits so very stubborn?" he asked with a smile as he left the room.
Merry sat Frodo up against the headboard and placed pillows all about him so that he was comfortable. Frodo was beginning to look a bit more alert and curious as to what Merry had planned. Merry crawled up to face him. "All right Frodo, you are going to push against my hands. Let's just see how strong you really are," he said.
"This is silly. That's not going to help me walk," Frodo said but raised his arms so that his hands were straight out in front of him, palm to palm with Merry's.
"Ah, but it will, cousin. You don't just use your legs to walk, you'll need your arms to get out of bed and help steady yourself, after all," Merry noted that Frodo's arms were trembling with exertion as he pushed against Merry. Frodo's face was slicked with sweat and his breaths were rapid at even this small effort. Finally, he dropped his arms to the bed and slumped back against the pillows.
"This is humiliating. I'm as weak as a bairn. The slightest effort leaves me winded and covered in sweat, how am I ever to have the strength to walk?" he despaired.
"Frodo, it will get easier, I promise. Let's try your legs and then we will take a bit of a break, all right?" Merry said cheerfully.
Frodo groaned. Merry moved to the end of the bed and bent Frodo's right leg. He held the hobbit's foot flat against his chest. "All right Frodo, now push with your leg. See if you can't kick me off the bed," Merry grinned. Frodo struggled to push against Merry but finally fell back again, panting. "That was good, cousin. Now we'll try the left, shall we? Then we'll be done," he encouraged. Again he placed Frodo's foot against his chest and Frodo struggled to push against Merry. He was completely covered in perspiration by this time, his nightgown plastered against his body. Merry marveled at how stubborn his cousin was. He was obviously exhausted, his whole body trembling, but still he pressed as hard as he could, against Merry's chest. Finally he collapsed against the pillows.
"No...more...Merry," he panted, his face red and sweaty from exertion.
"All right, Fro'. Not bad for a first try. I brought us a little something as a prize for all your hard work," Merry smiled mysteriously. Frodo grimaced. In their youth, Merry had always ended up getting them both into trouble whenever he had that look. Still, Frodo had to admit, he was curious about this 'prize'.
"What is it, Merry?" he said with dread, but smiling slowly.
"Oh, it's a delight. Something you'll truly enjoy," Merry grinned evilly again, as he climbed down and scooted under the bed. There was a clinking noise and much bumping to and fro. Frodo was now very curious and sat up straighter trying to look over the edge of the bed. All he could see were two rather large hobbit feet that were moving back out from under the bed. Merry popped up and held in his right hand a beautifully etched decanter of a clear liquid. In the other he held two man-sized wine glasses. Frodo's eyes were almost as wide as his smile.
"Merry, what have you got there, you little thief?" he queried with a wide smile.
"I am not a thief," Merry said indignantly. "I simply borrowed it for this special occasion," he smiled deviously. "Frodo, do you remember that wonderful cordial that Lord Elrond served us in Rivendell? And how we all got so horribly drunk on it?" Merry asked with a grin.
"Oh, Merry is this it?" Frodo's eyes shown with delight. "It had the most delightful taste, like apples and light, if one could taste light, that is, and no nasty headaches or retching the next day. Sam said he felt like he was drinking sunshine. And none of us could drink very much of it, it was so powerful," Frodo gasped elatedly.
"This is the very same. I nicked it off of Aragorn's very shelf," Merry said proudly.
"You didn't! Oh, he will boil you in oil if he finds out," Frodo giggled.
"But he won't, dear cousin. I replaced it with a decanter of water. He'll never figure it out, unless of course, he decides to have a drink. But what are the odds of that happening anytime soon, I ask you? We are quite safe, once I bar the door," Merry said smugly. He handed the decanter and glasses to Frodo who laughed even harder as Merry secured the door then climbed up and sat next to Frodo against the headboard. Once they were both quite comfortable, he poured them both a healthy portion and set the decanter on the table. They looked at each other laughing, and raised their glasses. "To health, happiness and long life for you, my dearest cousin," Merry said seriously.
Frodo smiled sadly back at Merry, "And to you, Mer'...and to you." They clinked the glasses and took a long swallow. Almost as one their eyes closed as they savored the light flavor and smiles broke out on their faces.
"Just as I remembered it," said Merry.
"Actually, I think it tastes even better. Perhaps the act of pilfering it makes it somehow, sweeter," Frodo said with a chuckle, already feeling a slight buzz in his senses.
"Merry moved so that he sat opposite Frodo, their knees touching through the counterpane. He watched his cousin closely as he said "Frodo?"
"Hmmm?" Frodo was quite enjoying the cordial and Merry retrieved the decanter topping of the older hobbit's glass. Frodo's eyes grew round, but he only smiled all the more. Merry did not refill his own glass, however.
"I think it is now time to listen to your story...your nightmare," Merry's eyes watched Frodo's face as he said this. Slowly, a look of utter despair and fear filled the ringbearer's eyes. A flash of anger soon followed.
"Is that the real reason you are plying me with alcohol, Merry? Was this just a ruse, if so I am not amused!" he panted angrily, obviously having a hard time holding his liquor. The exercises and overall strain on his body along with the last meal having been many hours before, were causing the powerful cordial to drunken him much faster that if he had been in better health. Merry had known this, of course, and now had to face the irate person before him.
"Frodo, I brought the decanter here as a celebration for all your hard work. Yet, I would be lying to say that was the only reason. I wanted you to relax a bit, hoping it would ease the telling of your story. I am sorry if you feel you have been deceived in any way," Merry said sadly.
"Oh Merry, what am I to do with you?" Frodo sighed. "Perhaps....perhaps this will make things easier, and I truly have come a long way, so a celebration really is in order," he smiled wanly, but his face was pale and the hand holding the glass had begun to tremble. He tipped the glass up and drained it, holding it out for Merry to refill. Merry's mouth dropped open, a look of surprise filling his eyes, he retrieved the decanter and filled Frodo's glass.
"Easy there, Frodo. It's been awhile since you've indulged in spirits and you are still on the mend. Plus, save some of this wonderful drink for me!" Merry looked at the decanter then at his glass seemingly trying to decide something. "Oh bother," he said, and in one gulp downed the remains of his glass. This caused Frodo to burst out in raucous laughter.
"Well, I do have to catch up, cousin. I simply can't let a Baggins best a Brandybuck; it can't be done. Frodo's eyebrows shot up and his mouth formed a small "o" of surprise.
"Ho, we'll juss 'ave ta see habout tha'cussin," he giggled helplessly.
"Some other time, silly hobbit, we have other things to challenge us this night," Merry said with an attempt to look serious, which failed miserably.
Frodo sighed. "I suppose you arre righ', deerr swee' Merree," he slurred. His eyes took on a bleary, far away look and he held his hand out to his cousin. "Don' le' go, alwight?" he said, butchering the sentence.
"Never love, I am always with you," Merry said and meant it.
Frodo took another deep swallow of the clear liquid, smiling as he looked at the decanter, then back at Merry, then refilled his own glass this time. Merry watched the shaking hands pour most of the drink into the glass leaving the decanter on the bed. Merry picked it up, noticing it was about half full, and returned it to the table. When he turned back, Frodo was watching him closely.
"You will hate me when I am done. You will never want to be near me again," he said slowly and without a slur. Merry felt a chill go up his spine, listening to the voice that sounded nothing like his beloved cousin's.
Merry swallowed hard, "That is simply not possible Frodo, and you should have more faith and trust in me after all we've shared all our lives," he said angrily. Frodo looked down at his hands.
"This is differen', you will ssee," he said again in that low, eerie voice. Merry just sat there. He took Frodo's hand and looked deep into his eyes.
"We love you, we all love you and nothing, absolutely nothing, shall ever change that," he said vehemently. Frodo's eyes misted, he cleared his throat and gulped a little more of the clear drink.
"Let's juss ge' thiis o'er with," he muttered. "When the dream begins I am in a col', col', place. I always think tha' the fire has died or I have fallen ou' 'o bed and am lyin' on tha' floor. Then I realiss I am lying on a floor, but it is most definitely no' my bedroom," he said with a bitter chuckle. His slur became less and less noticeable as the adrenaline began to work on his nervous system. Merry watched Frodo's face carefully, the large blue eyes were wide and oh so far away, 'haunted' he thought. ' They look haunted', and he shivered. "I can hear many loud voices all around me...orcs fighting over my belongings. "One of the larger orcs bears down on me and begins slapping me, demanding information I cannot give, for I do not know of what he speaks. The chamber is so cold and ripe with the stench of many unwashed and forever unclean, bodies. The smell presses into my senses, overwhelming me so that I retch violently. Merry? " Frodo looked up at Merry beseechingly, " I cannot get that scent out of my mouth, my nose or off my skin. It is always with me now, and I feel tainted and filthy. Even food has not the flavor it once had for me. The Ring also took all taste, memory and feeling from me. By the end, I was just an empty shell. But the orc smell, the horrid taste of their drink, it lingers on my skin like an oil, and try as I might, I cannot seem to wash it away." Frodo slowly turned away. It was as if he no longer even saw Merry there in front of him, lost so deeply in the agony of recollection that he was physically absent from the room. The large orc drags me over to a wall and, after placing shackles on my wrists, pulls me up into the air hanging even with him. Constantly he barrages me with questions. "Where is it you little slime rat?" " Frodo's voice sounds so much like an orc that Merry jumps at the sound. "He asks me and I tell him I do not know of what he speaks. That he has already taken everything...everything. I have failed in my quest. All that I have ever loved or known, all of Middle Earth, will now pay the price of my failure." Frodo is gasping now, his eyes very wide as his face contorts into a rictus of grief and guilt, and Merry realizes that Frodo is " there" now, reliving possibly the worst nightmare he has ever had. But Merry is helpless to assist him, for he is frozen in place facing his cousin, feeling as if he too, is locked in this dream and is unable to rouse his limbs to pull his cousin to him and comfort him in a tight embrace. So he listens, petrified at his own inaction, and desperate to retrieve Frodo before insanity finally lays claim to him.
"They whip me, but although I feel the burning of the strikes, my mind is on the Shire. All whom I love are being tortured unimaginably by the orcs, who seeing the effects of the torture, laugh with glee and are spurred on to increase their efforts until, one by one, all have perished. Middle Earth, Buckland, Tookland, the Shire.... it is burning and all that was green and good is now covered in ash and darkness as Sauron regains his new body and holds dominion over all," he croaks this, gasping out hysterical sobs in between words. He reaches a shaking hand towards the decanter, which breaks the spell cast over Merry. Merry retrieves it first and fills Frodo's glass to the brim. The one who actually saved Middle Earth, swallows it all in one large, convulsive gulp then holds out the glass for more. Merry hesitates, then fills the glass once more, then refills his own, setting the almost empty decanter back on the table. He reaches out to Frodo to offer some small comfort but Frodo bats him away," I do not deserve your sympathy. Stay away. I must finish this before I can no longer tell this tale," he says angrily.
Merry draws back and Frodo continues, his eyes never once losing the unfocused, far away look of something too dreadful and too horrible for any other living thing to imagine. "A small orc then decides that the whipping is not enough, it is not getting them the information they seek. He brings a brand and begins pressing it to my legs, feet and back. It is agony and I scream long and hard, but deep down, I know I deserve it. For, because of me all is lost. It is then that I pray they will simply cut my throat and allow me to finally die, but they are insistent; pouring a foul drink down my throat when I lose consciousness. It rouses me enough for them to continue their torture. Even the hot brand gains them no information, and they remove me from my shackles and begin kicking me viciously until, at last, I can no longer draw breath. At last they toss me aside and I am claimed by darkness." Frodo has spoken in that eerie, unnaturally flat voice. Hurriedly detailing his torture so as to be rid of its presence in his mind and soul. However, the tale is still not done and Merry is crying silently as he knows he can do nothing until this sweet, innocent is finished with his story. Frodo again drinks the contents of his glass in one deft, gulping motion. By all accounts, he should be unconscious from the effects of the libation, but memory of the ordeal has acted as a wicked and vile stimulant, and he now shows little effect of the cordial. Merry knows that later, the full effects will be realized once the adrenaline has left his system, but for now, he pours him the last of the once sweet drink. He wonders if Frodo will ever again be able to drink of this elven vintage after this night.
"I finally realize that Sam is not there and I despair. I know he would not willingly leave my side and must have been killed. His loss fills me with such sorrow I cannot even express it." Frodo looks suddenly at Merry, "But, Merry, there is even something far worse. Worse than knowing you have destroyed the world as you know it and that your very best friend, whom you have known and loved, all your life has been tortured and killed. What could possibly be worse, you say? For I see it in your eyes." Frodo's eyes have taken on a feral glint of madness as he says this and Merry is becoming more and more frightened for the sanity of his dear cousin. "They have taken the Ring." Frodo says in a low, desperate whisper, very unlike his own voice. He looks at Merry with abject self loathing and guilt at the thought of the Ring being of more value than all of Middle Earth or the simple love and friendship of his devoted and gentle gardener. "You see why I cannot tell Sam. The Ring had completely entwined itself about my soul, my heart and my very body by this time. It spoke to me day and night with no pause. It spoke lies and twisted good into bad until I was completely under Its spell. I could no longer feel the old Frodo Baggins inside of me or remember anything of what he once loved or dreamed, for I was no longer that person. I was the RingOwner, not the Ringbearer. It was mine. I had fought so long, struggling against Its evil, but It was unrelenting ---the whispers filled my thoughts constantly until that was all I could hear. So, my dear Merry, I grieved more for the loss of the Ring than even for the countless lives that would be lost or for my dearest Sam." He broke down into deep racking, convulsive sobs as he spoke this last.
"Oh Frodo," Merry gasped as he pulled him tightly against him. "Such horror I would take from you, I would have borne for you, my poor dear cousin. You fought It better than anyone else could have, even Elrond and Gandalf. You could not help but eventually be poisoned by It, my dearest. But It took longer to poison you than It would have any other. Do you know why?" Merry pulled Frodo away so he could look into his face. Frodo looked up, a glimmer of hope at forgiveness for his vast sins, upon his beautiful face. Merry smiled gently down at him, "Because my dearest of hobbits, you have.... not had Frodo, but have a wonderful innocence and love of all things inside of you. It could not break through that sheer goodness until the very end, don't you see? You're pure and gentle nature still lies here within you," he gently poked Frodo's chest. "You really did win over that evil thing in the end, Gollum just helped you along a bit, is all. Gollum didn't have the innocence, purity or love of all life even from the very beginning. So the Ring easily took all of him until It was the only thing he had left or desired. Even down to his last moments, as he fell to his death, he did not care that he was going to die, he felt only joy because he had the Ring and then it was far too late for him. You still had your own thoughts and feelings, they had just been pushed very deep down inside of you by the Ring's constant taunting and promises, but they returned to you once It was destroyed, and are still here Frodo. I know this because after the Ring was destroyed, Sam told me you remembered the Shire and all the good things the Ring had masked from you while It held you captive. You were so very happy that all would be safe because of the Ring's destruction and regretted not once, knowing you had given your life to do it," Merry's eyes were damp, tears coursed down his face as he smiled down into Frodo's blue, guilt ravaged eyes. "I have never been so proud, so very proud of you, in all my life, Frodo Baggins," he whispered fervently and placed a loving caress upon Frodo's forehead.
"Proud? Of me?" Frodo asked weakly.
"Yes, my dear. You saved us all. You carry guilt and shame on yourself, but you have no reason to feel either. You got the Ring to Mount Doom, and It was destroyed, it matters little by whom. You suffered greatly at the hands of the Orcs, but that is no cause for shame. They did that to you, you fought them and that takes courage. You have always been so hard on yourself, cousin. And I have always aspired to be more like you, more so now than ever," Merry said smiling. The look on Frodo's face was so comical and confused that Merry burst into gales of relieved laughter.
"But Merry," Frodo said so quietly that Merry had to lean down to hear him, "The Ring...I didn't care about anything after I realized the Ring had been taken...I was so cold-hearted... so vile and shameful," he sobbed.
"Frodo, it wasn't you. It was the influence of the Ring. Even you could not fight Its effects forever. You are a good person." He cupped Frodo's face in his hands, looking deep into the red rimmed and grief filled eyes. "It was the Ring that was evil, you have not changed, except to allow guilt and shame to claim what is left of your life," Merry said firmly.
"Oh Merry, but I have changed. I am empty now without that evil token. When It fell into the fires I felt as if I had had my soul cut from me and thrown in with it." He looked up at Merry, "I almost jumped in, the pain and loss were so great." Merry shuddered.
"I am so very glad, cousin, that you did not. For the world would be so empty without you in it, and I simply don't think any of us could have borne it. Sam especially." Merry was weeping openly now as he held his cousin tightly to him. "We will fill the void within you with love, and stories and pranks until you beg us to stop," Merry chuckled and wiped his face.
Frodo smiled a little, "What of the dreams, Merry? Each time I have them I feel I die a little. I do not believe I can bare it much longer," he said slowly and sighed.
"Do you remember my Aunt Aster, Frodo?" Merry asked.
Frodo looked up at Merry totally confused at this change of subject, but nodded. "Yes, she was an odd one, Merry, but I always liked her. She seemed to understand me better than all the others and she didn't deal strictly in 'natural hobbit sense,'" he smiled at the memory.
Merry smiled, "She was all that, Frodo, and she had some very interesting ideas about dreams and nightmares. She said to me once, after I had had a particularly horrible dream three days running, that I needed to take charge of the dream." Frodo raised his eyebrows and smiled quizzically at Merry. "I know, I know...my reaction was much the same as yours," he smiled. "But it actually seemed to work a bit," he paused.
"But Merry, how is it possible? When in a dream, the dreamer is so completely at the mercy of his subconscious?" Frodo sounded defeated.
"Well, here's what she had me do. Mind you, I don't know if it will work every time or even at all, but it's worth a go, don't you agree?" Merry looked hopeful. It was contagious and Frodo began to feel a glimmer of hope as well.
"I would try anything, cousin," he said.
"Before you lie down to sleep at night repeat over and over to yourself, 'It is but a dream and all of my friends will be there to protect me. I am not alone, I have hope. They are there for me.'" Merry said this in a low whisper.
Frodo looked up at Merry, obvious doubt in his sad eyes. "It sounds silly and I'm sure it won't work, but I shall try it," he said glumly.
"No Frodo, No. You must believe it. You must believe it will work in order for it to protect you. Picture all of us standing by you, fighting the orcs, giving you aid on your journey as we should have much longer and further than we did," Merry said with a pang of guilt.
Frodo hugged Merry to him. "You stayed with me as long as was possible, no guilt Merry, all right?" he said quietly.
"All right Frodo. But now, I am here. So are Pippin, Sam, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and even Lady Arwen. The new Fellowship, if you will, and we want to be with you in there," he thumped Frodo's forehead. "There's a battle to be waged and won. We can do this, if you believe it," he smiled at Frodo with confidence.
Frodo looked at Merry and his face grew determined. "Yes, we will prevail. Good over evil. There is hope, there is always hope," he said over and over to himself, feeling stronger each time he said it. He drank the last of the fine elven cordial and slumped back against the headboard. He looked at Merry and realized they were both quite drunk, but the seriousness of the situation had seemed to sober them considerably. Now they both began to relax, and suddenly feel the effects of the cordial reasserting itself over their bodies.
"It's done, Mer'. I told it. I didn' believe I could do it," Frodo slurred, whether from exhaustion or inebriation, Merry was uncertain.
"Yes, Fro', you did it. Here's to my brave, brave cousin." He raised his glass to Frodo's, which was empty. This brought a scowl to the ringbearer's face, and a smile to Merry's. "You have out drunk a Brandybuck after all, you silly Baggins." he mumbled. Merry poured half of his glass into Frodo's, causing a smile to light up his face. They clinked their glasses and downed the last of the rare Elven vintage.
"Fro', I'm goin' ta fine so'more," and as Frodo burst into raucous laughter, Merry climbed from the bed and stealthily made his way back to Aragorn's chambers.
To be continued…
And now thanks to my reviewers:
digitaldreamer- You are too funny! Yes, I too love angsty hobbits, one of my favorite topics. But there is alot of comfort coming later in the story as well.
Lindahoyland- Not much Aragorn in this chapter, but I hope you liked it anyway. I have plans for him to be in most of the fic, he and Frodo are my personal favorites for LOTR fanfiction. Ah, sigh no plushies...but I'm sure they're out there somewhere.
Kali- So glad you could read my fic!! I hope you'll continue to do so, and don't forget to review Hint Hint....
Thanks you guys, it warms my heart to hear from you all.