Title: Explode
Author: Heath Wolff
Beta: None
Pairing: H/D
Warnings: Pre-slash (implied really), Language, Teen Angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and any other thing associated with it. Nor do I own 'Explode' by Nelly Furtado.
Vera's face burnt as a memory of bedroom fun
With a lighter and some hairspray
Smoking in the girls' room
Not worse than Shelley's rape behind the McDonald's
By a man she thought was fine, didn't tell anybody
Or maybe back then we just thought she was getting some
Now we look back and see she didn't know how
We never thought that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage wasteThe reminiscent memories of his not so distant past were debatable. One part of him enjoyed and cherished his teenage years. Another part wanted those years to burn and die in Hell. So it was a mix feeling. He could not choose between forgetting and remembering. It was hard to forget as well as remember. But it was the past and he would try to learn from it. At the risk of history repeating.
He could hear in the background of his musings the music of the younger generation. The pulsing beat of the bass could be felt underfoot as a woman belted out the fast pace lyrics. They spoke of teen hardship and the things they did to ignore their troubles. Troubles that would always haunt them.
As we explode
As we explode
Typical teen angst. How they had the feeling of oppression. The way adults manipulated them for their own purposes, always claiming it was for the best. Rebellion coursing through their veins while saying nothing. Keeping silent forever more. Wishing to grow old so the cycle could renew itself. Nothing was different from then and now, absolutely nothing.
In slight amusement, he watched a young woman in her mid-teens dance without a care. No worries while she danced in her wild way. It was not his first encounter with her, she was always around. He enjoyed watching her black tinted redhair shine in the sun. He never spoke, she made no attempt. They did their own thing and it broke no balance.
Sometimes he wondered why she danced. Always in the same place and same time. A corner coffee shop part of a local chain. Maybe she danced to forget her teen angst. Perhaps she did it to express herself the only way she could. Possibly the girl moved in her own ritual because it was her artistic right. There were many reasons he could fathom, but none were confirmed.
Then getting drunk in the bushes by the road outside the Kmart
Rolling around in them to see if you would get prickled
Slip the acid on your tongue rooftop mall parkade
We couldn't get enough
Then count the stars and the ten million woes
Just you and the universe judging each other
We never knew we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste
Now here he was observing the girl, listening to her music, and drinking his coffee. This was his way of escape. Sure, it was not glamorous, but it made him happy in a way. Just to sit on the outer porch, in the sun and be free.
Often he asked himself: was it normal to find pleasure in simple things? And his answer was always the same: yes. Life was never normal for him, not even when it was suppose to be. Something always made him stand out andbe different. It was awkward and he despised it so much. At one point in time, he would have given anything to be normal, maybe his own life. After awhile he became accustom to it, but he still hated it. It constantly made him lonely in life even if he had people surrounding him.
He was even alone right now. That was until someone sat next to him. Not turning to identify the person, he spoke up. "Tell me, if you could change the years where you chose your path, would you? I personally believe when as a teen, you make all the important decisions. Those years shape you into youradult life. It is where you become vulnerable to others and the influences they bring. Becoming a leader, a follower, or an outcast."
As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
"Personally? No, I would not," his new companion answered. "If I did I would be completely fucked. I can tell you my bastard father had a strong influence I followed for the longest time. Almost worshipped him. Everything happened to me for a reason and depending on my right or wrong choices, I became who I am today."
Smiling he nodded in agreement. Still not looking over he gave his reply. "I would not change it, but I am debating whether or not I want to forget it. People told me in my youth the world did not revolve around me, but with all the death, betrayal, hardships, and tears, I beg to differ. Maybe it's all the shitty stuff I would rather forget, not that any of my better memories bring me joy. Some were sad.
"For the longest time people saw me as an immortal being begging to be worshipped. I've been hated because of it and loved falsely because of it. With all the fucked up hero shit, it's a wonder I'm sane."
His companion chuckled lowly. "Was it that bad? Part of you must have enjoyed it."
"I'd be lying if I saidit did not," he responded with his own bitter laugh. "But something kept my head down on the earth. I know somewhere I could have had a bastard personality."
It's a fight, it's a fight and you finally belong
Got a shiner now and it's more than a battle scar
More than a battle scar, such a good, good story to tell
At lunch break, lunch break, lunch break, lunch break
Such a good, good story to tell
You bully, you break, you bully, you break
You fake, you fake, you fake, you fake
You smoke, you toke, you want, you flaunt, you hit
it and you're in it and it's spinning
And it's wild
We never thought that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste
"Life is a bitch as they say."
Snorting, he agreed. "It's the only thing that can screw you over so many times, you'd be a slut."
"I'd say it rapes you, life that is."
It was then a young couple passed. They looked about fourteen and the young man was spouting endearments and 'I love you's' over and over again. His girlfriend gushed in a sickening manner and cooed nonsense.
He scoffed loudly and sneered. "They are too young to understand love."
"You sound bitter about it," the man next to him commented.
"Just one of those things. Love and friendship was always a hard topic for me. Got a lot of people close to me killed. I might have dumb luck, but others are cursed." Shrugging he leaned back to watch the clouds in the sky go by. "But I am in love with someone wonderful. It's just taken me years to find it."
"You know," he began before the other could say anything, "every night I find myself counting the stars. I lose count after about ten, but it makes me feel at peace. See that girl dancing? It's her way of finding peace. Sitting here also helps me. Even recalling the past beings me some type of closure. But counting the stars, it brings joy as well."
He could feel a smile on the other man. "Watching my only love does that, that peace of mind your speak of fondly," he said. "But watching that girl makes me wonder about her life. The way she moves tells a story. A story that says 'I don't give a damn about you. Just leave me alone to fucking dance.'"
As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
As we let go
A bark of laughter erupted from his throat as he agreed. "Only the bold, only the bold."
The watched in silence as she spun around and jumped. Her hips swayed to the fast beat before she turned to face them. She caught his eye and he could see her grin for a distance. After she continued her wild dance as the song ended. Bowing to them, she picked up her things and left.
"As we explode, we leave the waste ofour teenage years behind," he finally concluded. "So many battle scars with so many good stories to tell. Say goodbye to the best fucking years of our lives."
Once again his companioned laughed. "Come on Harry, let's go count your stars."
Finally looking to his boyfriend, he gave a bittersweet smile. "Of course Draco, of course."
We're counting the stars
We're gonna go far, we're gonna go far
We're counting the stars, we're counting the stars
We're not very far, we're not very far
And it's you and me in the open air
It's truth or dare, we don't care
We're counting the stars, we're counting the stars,
we're counting the stars, we're counting the stars
A/N: I was angsty at the time I wrote this. Don't worry about "Beware! Criminal" I'll be updating it soon. I just ran out of author juice.
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