December 22 1/2---Twelve Pains of Christmas
Sirius, James, and Remus were relaxing in the library/study room. That day was full of excitement and new places, just as James and Sirius predicted. But it did include exhaustion and ache. For Remus, though, it was nothing; nothing compared to tomorrow.
"I think Notre Dame was my favorite." Sirius remarked while rubbing his feet.
"Eiffel Tower." James said simply.
"Notre Dame."
"Eiffel Tower."
"Notre Dame!"
"Eiffel Tower!"
"Would you two SHUT UP!" Remus smacked both of them in the arms and then rested back on the arm of the couch. He had more things on his mind than what place was the best and most entertaining.
"What's the matter with you?" Sirius asked.
"You and him and everything else in this godforsaken planet."
"Oh."
"Wait," James said, "ME? Why me? I'm the good one." He punched Sirius playfully in the arm. "He stupid, me smart." Remus rolled his eyes.
"I should warn you guys, tomorrow will be a lot different."
"Why?"
"Because a lot of people, and I mean a LOT of people, are coming. Several will drive you insane. Over the years the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' has become the 'Twelve Pains of Christmas.'"
"Really?" Sirius laughed. "What are the twelve?"
"Twelve:
The Parents
My parents are at their absolute worst Christmastime. They are all snuggly, lovey, and want to be around every minute of every day. It gets quite sickening after awhile...like two hours is enough to make you hurl.
Eleven:
Decorations
Every year, we have some crappy tradition of putting up holly, mistletoe, and other shit around the house to get in the 'spirit' of things. It just gets me in the spirit of death and destruction.
Ten:
Cards
Christmas cards.... Worse than lines for detention. I have to write out about fifty of them, all saying different things. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, blah, blah, blah... Hell, more than half are coming over anyway!
Nine:
Charities
Usually every year we get charities knocking on our door. They assume 'rich' means 'give.' Their stories are pretty sad and make you want to help, but nine times outta ten they're con artists. We've learned our lesson.
Eight:
Philip and Claire
Little buggers are what they are. Nine and twelve years old. Philip is the one that pounded on our doors yesterday. They will annoy the hell outta anyone, even their parents, who I totally feel sorry for. They will destroy your possessions so keep them locked up.
Seven:
The Bournes, Rosseaus, Ames, Dorsets, Blancs, and Laurents
Friends of the family. No friends of mine though. Most of them don't like me. They think I'm selfish and egotistical. I suppose I do come off that way around people who treat me like I'm dirt.
Six:
Hangovers
We already have experienced one today. Enough said.
Five:
Nicolas Stoker
Nicolas is a bachelor—acts and appears that way. He thinks woman are scum and says he won't ever marry. He tries to be my buddy and tell me all these nasty things women do, and when I disagree he gets all pissy and tells my parents /I'm/ the anti-feminist. He's an asshole.
Four:
Playing Piano and Singing
Carols... I have the role of the pianist and soloist. That was what I was arguing about with my parents yesterday morning, even though it resulted into something more. Quit looking at me like that Sirius. Yes, I can play piano and sing...only by force though. I'd never do it without someone forcing me, like my parents.
Three:
Presents
I don't like shopping. End of story.
Two:
Zoe and Brigitte Lefebvre
Two of the most obnoxious girls alive. They are supposedly in 'love' with me. You wait; they will be around me as much as possible. They are insufferable, unendurable, intolerable, unbearable, agonizing, awful, horrendous, insupportable, unspeakable, unacceptable....That's all the words that I can think of...
One:
Lara Michel
No girl on this Earth can make me put a rope around my neck quicker than she can. She is convinced I like her, she likes me, and we are an item... Afraid not Missy. Lara and Brigitte and Zoe fight over me like I'm the last man on Earth. I'm not boasting, mind you, I just think it's stupid."
"That's quite a list." Sirius commented. "Sounds fun."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Sure, fun."
Sirius, James, and Remus were relaxing in the library/study room. That day was full of excitement and new places, just as James and Sirius predicted. But it did include exhaustion and ache. For Remus, though, it was nothing; nothing compared to tomorrow.
"I think Notre Dame was my favorite." Sirius remarked while rubbing his feet.
"Eiffel Tower." James said simply.
"Notre Dame."
"Eiffel Tower."
"Notre Dame!"
"Eiffel Tower!"
"Would you two SHUT UP!" Remus smacked both of them in the arms and then rested back on the arm of the couch. He had more things on his mind than what place was the best and most entertaining.
"What's the matter with you?" Sirius asked.
"You and him and everything else in this godforsaken planet."
"Oh."
"Wait," James said, "ME? Why me? I'm the good one." He punched Sirius playfully in the arm. "He stupid, me smart." Remus rolled his eyes.
"I should warn you guys, tomorrow will be a lot different."
"Why?"
"Because a lot of people, and I mean a LOT of people, are coming. Several will drive you insane. Over the years the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' has become the 'Twelve Pains of Christmas.'"
"Really?" Sirius laughed. "What are the twelve?"
"Twelve:
The Parents
My parents are at their absolute worst Christmastime. They are all snuggly, lovey, and want to be around every minute of every day. It gets quite sickening after awhile...like two hours is enough to make you hurl.
Eleven:
Decorations
Every year, we have some crappy tradition of putting up holly, mistletoe, and other shit around the house to get in the 'spirit' of things. It just gets me in the spirit of death and destruction.
Ten:
Cards
Christmas cards.... Worse than lines for detention. I have to write out about fifty of them, all saying different things. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, blah, blah, blah... Hell, more than half are coming over anyway!
Nine:
Charities
Usually every year we get charities knocking on our door. They assume 'rich' means 'give.' Their stories are pretty sad and make you want to help, but nine times outta ten they're con artists. We've learned our lesson.
Eight:
Philip and Claire
Little buggers are what they are. Nine and twelve years old. Philip is the one that pounded on our doors yesterday. They will annoy the hell outta anyone, even their parents, who I totally feel sorry for. They will destroy your possessions so keep them locked up.
Seven:
The Bournes, Rosseaus, Ames, Dorsets, Blancs, and Laurents
Friends of the family. No friends of mine though. Most of them don't like me. They think I'm selfish and egotistical. I suppose I do come off that way around people who treat me like I'm dirt.
Six:
Hangovers
We already have experienced one today. Enough said.
Five:
Nicolas Stoker
Nicolas is a bachelor—acts and appears that way. He thinks woman are scum and says he won't ever marry. He tries to be my buddy and tell me all these nasty things women do, and when I disagree he gets all pissy and tells my parents /I'm/ the anti-feminist. He's an asshole.
Four:
Playing Piano and Singing
Carols... I have the role of the pianist and soloist. That was what I was arguing about with my parents yesterday morning, even though it resulted into something more. Quit looking at me like that Sirius. Yes, I can play piano and sing...only by force though. I'd never do it without someone forcing me, like my parents.
Three:
Presents
I don't like shopping. End of story.
Two:
Zoe and Brigitte Lefebvre
Two of the most obnoxious girls alive. They are supposedly in 'love' with me. You wait; they will be around me as much as possible. They are insufferable, unendurable, intolerable, unbearable, agonizing, awful, horrendous, insupportable, unspeakable, unacceptable....That's all the words that I can think of...
One:
Lara Michel
No girl on this Earth can make me put a rope around my neck quicker than she can. She is convinced I like her, she likes me, and we are an item... Afraid not Missy. Lara and Brigitte and Zoe fight over me like I'm the last man on Earth. I'm not boasting, mind you, I just think it's stupid."
"That's quite a list." Sirius commented. "Sounds fun."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Sure, fun."