Disclaimer: This stuff, aka the characters and the entire star wars
universe, does not belong to me. It belongs to George Lucas and associated
companies.
"Now Gentle or Not-So-Gentle Beings of the Galaxy, we bring the top story of the evening, the disappearance of one of the 'Orders most conflicted characters, Jacen Solo. Before any of our most intelligent viewers go and begin to feel sorry for this morally tormented young man it should be noted that when we remarked that young Jacen was conflicted we meant that in the sense that he is conflicted because of the sheer number of authors who have no clue how to write his character.
"We can't yet tell you exactly where Jedi Solo, the male one, was for his missing piece of time, however we can tell you where he is now. To enlighten you on the actual topic we here at HNNN are, now presenting you with an exclusive interview with Jacen Solo that should explain it all in his very own words. He is being interviewed by our very own T'm Br'k'w.
HNNN: Thank you for joining us Jedi Solo. The entire galaxy was left somewhat bewildered by your most recent disappearance. Can you shed any light on your disappearance for us?
JS: Well to be honest T'M, I was a bit disappointed. My past disappearances haven't been that pleasant. I've either been left suspended in a dangling plot thread or left to the implied terrible pain of torture. I was actually quite distressed when I was informed by my newest author that I would be "disappearing again. I even tried appealing to the highest power.
HNNN: Oh yes, as a powerful Jedi Knight of the Skywalker line and the hope of the New Jedi Order, you must be very in touch with the will of the Force.
JS: The Force? Oh no, I was referring to the Great Flanneled One. He promised me the position of protagonist after they disposed of my younger brother for having the wrong name.
HNNN: Um, alskdhfsogis asodigfhsgihasdf ,a sdoifhasdihf. We apologize for the momentary difficulties Beings, it appears that our last question was censored. Perhaps it's best not to ask why asldkhfsod asodufosdj.
JS: On to the next question, perhaps, before some permanent editing is done?
HNNN: That might be best. Jedi Solo, can you comment on how your disappearance has effected your quasi-semi-maybe-possibly girlfriend, Danni Quee? Some individuals who have asked to remain anonymous have gone on record as saying that they were glad that you had disappeared as long as you took Ms. Quee with you.
JS: [Frightened look suddenly appears on Solo] That was never in my contract. Frankly she terrifies me. She's like a stalker that won't go away. Why do you think, I consented to this disappearance? I made it a clause in the contract that she had to disappear to a separate location. Tenel Ka, My lovely queen, where have you gone? Come save me, please! I know we haven't had the chance to spend that much time together since the academy, but please have mercy. Rescue me before They doom me to a life of torment, I mean marriage, to her.
"Well there you have it folks. The true reason for Jacen Solo's disappearance all of this time, escaping Danni Quee. It should also be noted that at this point in the interview a woman with blonde hair happened to shift in the audience and it sent Jedi Solo into such a severe nervous breakdown that he was immediately rushed to the nearest med center.
"Word on his condition is scarce at the moment, but he is scheduled for a major, apocalyptic death duel with the Supreme Overlord in the next few days. The only med tech that would speak to us had only this to say when asked whether Jedi Solo would be up to the fight or not: "It depends, does the Supreme Overlord have blonde hair and green eyes? If not we're good to go. If so, well...The Great Flanneled One had better okay another Protagonist."
"And that Ladies and Indeterminate Beings concludes our update for the evening. We hope you enjoyed watching HNNN tonight and will continue to make HNNN your only viewing station. Until tomorrow night or brutal death and disembowelment by the Yuuzhan Vong, Goodbye and Goodnight from everyone one here."
Please leave a review and let me know what you think of this chapter!
"Now Gentle or Not-So-Gentle Beings of the Galaxy, we bring the top story of the evening, the disappearance of one of the 'Orders most conflicted characters, Jacen Solo. Before any of our most intelligent viewers go and begin to feel sorry for this morally tormented young man it should be noted that when we remarked that young Jacen was conflicted we meant that in the sense that he is conflicted because of the sheer number of authors who have no clue how to write his character.
"We can't yet tell you exactly where Jedi Solo, the male one, was for his missing piece of time, however we can tell you where he is now. To enlighten you on the actual topic we here at HNNN are, now presenting you with an exclusive interview with Jacen Solo that should explain it all in his very own words. He is being interviewed by our very own T'm Br'k'w.
HNNN: Thank you for joining us Jedi Solo. The entire galaxy was left somewhat bewildered by your most recent disappearance. Can you shed any light on your disappearance for us?
JS: Well to be honest T'M, I was a bit disappointed. My past disappearances haven't been that pleasant. I've either been left suspended in a dangling plot thread or left to the implied terrible pain of torture. I was actually quite distressed when I was informed by my newest author that I would be "disappearing again. I even tried appealing to the highest power.
HNNN: Oh yes, as a powerful Jedi Knight of the Skywalker line and the hope of the New Jedi Order, you must be very in touch with the will of the Force.
JS: The Force? Oh no, I was referring to the Great Flanneled One. He promised me the position of protagonist after they disposed of my younger brother for having the wrong name.
HNNN: Um, alskdhfsogis asodigfhsgihasdf ,a sdoifhasdihf. We apologize for the momentary difficulties Beings, it appears that our last question was censored. Perhaps it's best not to ask why asldkhfsod asodufosdj.
JS: On to the next question, perhaps, before some permanent editing is done?
HNNN: That might be best. Jedi Solo, can you comment on how your disappearance has effected your quasi-semi-maybe-possibly girlfriend, Danni Quee? Some individuals who have asked to remain anonymous have gone on record as saying that they were glad that you had disappeared as long as you took Ms. Quee with you.
JS: [Frightened look suddenly appears on Solo] That was never in my contract. Frankly she terrifies me. She's like a stalker that won't go away. Why do you think, I consented to this disappearance? I made it a clause in the contract that she had to disappear to a separate location. Tenel Ka, My lovely queen, where have you gone? Come save me, please! I know we haven't had the chance to spend that much time together since the academy, but please have mercy. Rescue me before They doom me to a life of torment, I mean marriage, to her.
"Well there you have it folks. The true reason for Jacen Solo's disappearance all of this time, escaping Danni Quee. It should also be noted that at this point in the interview a woman with blonde hair happened to shift in the audience and it sent Jedi Solo into such a severe nervous breakdown that he was immediately rushed to the nearest med center.
"Word on his condition is scarce at the moment, but he is scheduled for a major, apocalyptic death duel with the Supreme Overlord in the next few days. The only med tech that would speak to us had only this to say when asked whether Jedi Solo would be up to the fight or not: "It depends, does the Supreme Overlord have blonde hair and green eyes? If not we're good to go. If so, well...The Great Flanneled One had better okay another Protagonist."
"And that Ladies and Indeterminate Beings concludes our update for the evening. We hope you enjoyed watching HNNN tonight and will continue to make HNNN your only viewing station. Until tomorrow night or brutal death and disembowelment by the Yuuzhan Vong, Goodbye and Goodnight from everyone one here."
Please leave a review and let me know what you think of this chapter!