December 26 ½: Scarlet Tide

Remus stood by the window gazing out over the trees. It was quiet except for the occasional burst of wind that would vibrate the window. He was content, so content in fact he didn't notice Sirius enter the room until he wrapped strong arms around his waist.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked placing a kiss on the other teen's neck.

"Lots better."

"You look healthier. You were all pale and coughing up your lungs and—"

"You don't have to describe it again."

Sirius looked at Remus' face. "What are you looking at?"

Remus ignored him. "Can you see thestrals?"

Sirius was caught off guard. "What?" Remus untangled himself from Sirius' arms.

"Thestrals. Great big skeletal horses with leathery wings. Kinda frightening but they have their own sense of beauty."

Of course Sirius had heard of them, but seeing them? He had learned about them a couple of months ago and was fascinated of the fact they were the ones who pulled the presumably horse-less carriages. The only thing about them that creeped him out was that you had to see someone die to see them. "No, I can't see them."

"Every now and then a thestral comes around here. Every Christmas."

"Why?"

"Why?" Remus laughed but did not smile. "I have a theory but unless they start talking I'll never know for sure." He stared back at Sirius who seemed bewildered.

"So you can see them?" Sirius asked as his eyes trailed Remus' form move to his bed.

"I suppose you could say that." Remus responded. "First time I saw it I was eight." Remus chuckled at bit, "Scared the shit outta me. It came up behind me and licked my hand. Oh, I probably flew ten feet into the air." For the first time that night he smiled a true smile. "Named him Rome and he knows it too...I think." His eyes were once again out the window and seemed to be following something. Sirius followed his gaze and wondered if the thestral was there.

Sirius cleared his throat noticeably that caught Remus' attention. Cautiously Sirius asked the one question that had bothering his mind excessively. "Who...who did you see die?"

Remus was so startled by the question that he flew backward and fell off the other side of the bed. He peeked over the edge with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," Sirius apologized even though a smile was pulling at the sides of his mouth. "You don't have to answer that." He looked away quickly and started for the door.

A slender hand grabbed his own. Remus led him out of the room, down the stairs, and grabbed two cloaks from the hangers. He threw one over himself and the other over Sirius. Remus opened the back door, grabbed Sirius' hand again, and led him around the house to a bundle of trees. They stood there for awhile; wind whipping their hair into their faces. Sirius was about to say something when he felt something brush against him. He recoiled into Remus.

Remus smiled and took the hand he was holding and brought it forward. Sirius' hand collided with something—not particularly soft but not terribly course. Remus' hand moved Sirius' down, picked it up, and followed the same path.

It was the most bizarre and most extraordinary sensation Sirius had ever felt. Something that was so clearly there and palpable, but yet not. He could feel the bones and hair and used his imagination to come up with a mental representation. He closed his eyes and let his sense take him away.

Remus' voice snapped him out of his reverie. "Do you want a ride?" Sirius looked at him incredulously.

"You can ride these things?" He felt a puff of breath on his hand from the invisible horse.

Remus nodded. "Just like horses," Remus replied hand moving in the air in a scratching motion. "'Cept they have wings. It may be a little awkward for you since you can't see him—"

"I'd love to."

Remus' eyes brightened. "Alright, I'll help you up." The tawny-haired guided Sirius and kept murmuring directions on how to mount the thestral. In due time, Sirius was on, blue eyes clamped shut and adrenaline pumping. Remus slipped behind him and wrapped his arms around the other boy. "You better put your feet behind his wings." Sirius turned around awkwardly and gave him a blank look. "Sorry. I forgot you couldn't see him." Remus let go of Sirius and placed his feet where it was best.

"You don't know how awkward this feels," Sirius commented, "and looks." He glanced down—flying in midair it seemed.

Remus smirked, "Thestrals have an amazing sense of direction. Tell them any place in the world and they'll find it. You, uh, better hold on. And close your eyes." Sirius grabbed a handful of mane and squeezed his eyes shut. Remus whispered, "Parc D'Espirt," and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius and rested against him. Sirius felt a lurching feeling and almost fell off. It was a little fast for him and he started feeling sick. All of a sudden the speed died down and Sirius took a chance to glance down only to abruptly close them again.

"Awfully high." His voice was slightly high-pitched. Remus just incoherently muttered something into his back. A little nervous Sirius started humming a seemly perfect song at the moment. He felt, rather than heard, Remus laugh.

"'Flying Without Wings?'" Remus placed his head on Sirius' shoulder and Sirius could feel amber eyes staring at him. "You do know that you /are/ flying /with/ wings?"

"Yeah, but I can't see them, so I'm flying without wings." Sirius opened his eyes and made sure he didn't them wander downwards. "So what's this Parked Sprite?"

"You'll see."

"But I wanna know now."

"We're almost—"They were thrown downward and the sickness that had occurred earlier came back. Sooner than they expected and much to Sirius pleasure they stopped. He felt Remus slide off first and then Sirius scrambled off as well, going in ankle-deep snow.

"Fantastic." He said sarcastically while trying to shake out the snow in his shoes. Remus walked away and Sirius hastily followed. While walking Sirius tripped over something buried in the snow. Cursing to himself he brushed off the blanket of snow to see what he tripped on. It was a stone—a very flat, engraved stone.

Sirius read aloud, "Jean-Baptiste Dorset—Repose en paix—1898 to 1935." Sirius turned to Remus who was watching him closely. "Were you aware that we're walking on dead people?"

"Quite aware." Remus continued striding through the snow.

"What does 'repose en paix' mean?" Sirius asked catching up to his guide.

"What do you think?"

"I dunno...Rest in peace?"

"Very good."

For the rest of the walk they said nothing out of respect. Sirius could tell Remus had been here before by the way he expertly wove in and out of the tombstones. Sirius was right beside him when Remus started answering all of Sirius' unasked questions.

"You're wondering why I brought you here." He sighed. "I trust you...so I'll tell you everything." He sighed one more as in for preparation.

"First of all you asked who I saw die and that's why we're here. The who and why will come later. I was seven when it happened—exactly eight years ago from today, the 26th of December. I never told you, but that was the day I was bitten, so I'm not as fond as Christmas as you are. And let's just say I was lucky." He stopped walking and faced another snow-covered plaque. Sirius looked down at it but the name wasn't visible. He swooped and once across the stone and immediately saw 'Lupin.' He wiped the rest of the snow.

"Who is Romulus Lupin?" Sirius asked trying to read Remus' blank look.

"My brother."

Sirius gaped at him dumbfounded. "Brother? You had a brother?"

"You know the mysterious boy in the hallway?"

"No way...he's your brother?" /Now why didn't I think of that? Kinda obvious./

"Bingo. That's why everyone was a little hesitant about it. He was the shining star in the family and would've been the only one who would've amounted up to something. But he died when he was only fourteen."

"Alright...so I now know the who, but what's the why?"

Remus at down in the snow and brought his knees to his chin.

"That Christmas we had the whole family and a bunch of friends over for a big party. Next day everyone was tired so we laid around all day. My sister told stories to me all day as well and I didn't mind until she started telling a story about werewolves. 'Scariest things in the entire world. Humans who'll transform into wild beasts and hunt down and kill any living thing that comes their way.' That's what she said but with more brutality.

"She knew I was scared so she kept going. Renee said that there was one in out backyard and came scratching at the back door every full moon, trying to get in and eat us. And it would do so that night. All the while my brother was listening and tried to tell me that it wasn't true and not to believe her. So I took his advice—except that he happened to be the one that was wrong.

"That night I tried to ignore my sister's whispers of 'he's going to get you' and 'I hope you made out your will.' I went to the back door several times to make sure it was locked and Renee saw me once. 'He's out there, Remus, watching you—waiting for you.'

"Next thing I know the door is being opened and I'm being pushed outside. I looked back at her and saw her locking the door. I started screaming and pounding on the door; telling her to let me in—she just smiled, waved, and walked away. I continued pounding, hoping that someone else would come, but they never did. I didn't know what to do."

The truthfulness in those words was what shocked Sirius the most. How could such a thing happen—and to a nice, innocent boy? What did he do to deserve it?

"I hid behind the bushes for awhile. I was so cold I could barely think and I thought definitely couldn't move. But I heard something moving toward me and I bolted, surprisingly enough. Turned out to be nothing, but it jolted my memory and I remembered why I was so scared.

"I was outside for about two hours and no one realized it—everyone except my brother. My sister later told me he tore through the house looking for me. When I heard him unlock the doors and call my name it was the happiest moment—until I saw something in the corner of my eye. Romulus saw me and walked over to me. He said something but my mind was concentrated on the slowly approaching shadow. I...I tried telling him, but when I finally got my mouth to open—it attacked him... I saw one pool of blood and fainted—obviously not for very long. I woke up because of this continual drip on my face.

"My brother was holding me so tightly—so scared. He was bleeding so much, he was in pain but he picked me up after awhile and walked toward the house. We never made it in time—"

Remus' voice had a constant cracking when he talked. Although he was not crying, he obviously found great pain in his words. Remus may not have been crying, but Sirius had a steady stream running down his cheeks.

"He dropped to his knees and stood me up. He said, 'Go inside, lock the door, tell mother and father and everyone else I love them.' He hugged me as tight as possible. He smiled at me, even though he was sobbing. I turned to leave and came face to face with glowing yellow eyes and snarling sharp teeth. Of course, as you very well know, I didn't get out unharmed."

Unconsciously, Remus grabbed his right shoulder. Sirius laid one of his on top of Remus' with tenderness.

"The wolf would've killed me, but somehow my brother got me away—I don't know how because the pain occupied every part of my mind. The last thing I remember was my brother telling me he loved me—and then...he died.

"That's not how the story is supposed to go. Remus is the one who is supposed to die."

After everything was said Remus never shed a single tear. Sirius thought of how strong he must truly be and how he can hold all his emotions in without driving himself insane. And here is Sirius, who had no relation to Romulus, crying a thousand tears. Sirius had no idea what to say or if he was to say anything at all. What Sirius didn't expect was that there was more to the story.

"I woke up a few days later in a hospital—alone. I was seven years old and no one was there. I cried for my family every night. They never came. My aunt, Sophie, and Uncle Pierre came, however. They got me out of the hospital and took me to their home.

"One day later was my brother's funeral. I saw my parents for the first time. They disregarded me like I was scum of the earth. I never felt so alone in my entire life.

"When they did finally speak to me, it was not a 'how are you?' or a 'thank god you're alive and okay.' It was more like 'why didn't you just die instead of burden us even more?'"

"You've got to be kidding me," Sirius interrupted. "So all this time I've been here they've been putting on an act?"

"No, Sirius," Remus sighed. "They are nice people. They haven't said nor done anything to me since that day my aunts, uncles, and the Lefebrves yelled at my parents for being idiotic and selfish. My parents think I don't remember anything from that day, but I remember as if it were yesterday." Remus trailed off looking rather depressed.

Sensing that there was more, Sirius said, "Anything else?"

"Unfortunately," Remus looked deep in though, "Mum and Dad were really upset and needed to take their anger out on someone—to put the blame on someone. That someone just happened to be me. After the burial my dad humiliated the hell out of me.

"He took me to the front of the crowd and got everyone's attention. He had a bruising grip on me so I couldn't run, but I still tried. Very loudly and very clearly he said, 'The reason you are all here today is because of the person in front of me. Because of his stupidity and lack of common sense he put himself and Romulus in death situations. If he was not outside—Romulus wouldn't have gone looking for him or have gotten killed. How can such an innocent face like this really be a monster—at killer?' And he left, with me weeping on the ground and the crowd in an uproar. No matter how many people said to ignore him—that I wasn't a killer and it definitely wasn't my fault Romulus was dead—I couldn't forget what he said. So for years I blamed myself.

"It was the hardest thing going back home. No one talked to me. But one of the maids, Alexandrie, took me into her care. She let me watch her clean and cook, and when she wasn't busy she taught me English. She was the one who would come and get me after each full moon and heal all my wounds. I sometimes like to think of her as a second mother, which in a way she is.

"Something snapped between my parents a year later. They started including me in the family once again. They pretended it never happened, that they never had an older son. Just two children, one daughter, one son. Even to this day they try to hide the fact that they /did/ have an older son.

"Everything got ten times better when I was accepted into Hogwarts. My parents were so happy. That day was sort of the turning point in our relationship and we became really close. And what do you say? We lived happily ever after, and what not..."

"That was quite a story, Moony," Sirius said standing up and pulling Remus up.

"I thought it was," Remus replied brushing off the snow.

"It's all true, right?"

"Every word—nothing left out."

"I have one question, though," Sirius stated hesitantly. "Did you ever tell anyone about your sister being the one who locked you outside in the first place?"

Without answering Remus started retracing the path they took awhile ago. It was getting late and a light snow was starting to fall. Sirius took Remus' silence as a no and left it at that. It wasn't until he ran to Remus' side that he realized that the amber eyes had silent tears flowing from them, creating a river down his cheeks. Sirius threw a comforting arm around his lover as they walked back to Rome, who thankfully was still there.

After mounting, Remus looked back at his brother's grave and said quietly, "Repose en paix, mon frère. Merci d'avoir donner ta vie pour la mienne. Je t'aime." (Rest in peace, my brother. Thank you for giving your life for mine. I love you.)

And for a fleeting second Sirius could have sworn he saw a real life form of the boy in the picture. The famous auburn hair, brown eyes, and soft smile. But if was so brief, Sirius couldn't be sure he actually saw it. He looked behind him to see if Remus saw it as well—but he was sound asleep.