It didn't come.
Krad remained where he was, in the background, like he had in the days passing after their reunion.
--You're mine-- a voice whispered.--I care for you, Satoshi--
No longer cold and smooth and so sadistic sometimes, but still lacking true warmth. It was like Krad tried but failed.
--I protect what's mine--
Satoshi felt tears gather in his eyes again and his hands curled into fists.
--I won't hurt what's mine--
And with these last words he quieted down, like pulling a blanket over himself. Hikari rolled onto his side, wiping away the wetness in his eyes.
His curse.
His nightmare.
His horror.
And the very being he had protected, who had saved him at a terrible cost from the attack, who had bled and hurt for him.
On shaky limbs he made it out of the bed what felt like hours later, feeling sick to the stomach. Memories of Krad's broken form, helpless, vulnerable and mutilated swam before his inner eye.
Did he really care?
There was a knock on the door and Daisuke's voice could be heard.
"Satoshi? You awake?"
His lover's head poked through the open door and a genuine smile lit up his features.
"Hey."
Satoshi tried to smile, but he knew it came out wrong.
"Uh… you okay?"
"I'm not sure," he whispered.
"Krad…?"
"Back." He touched his chest, feeling this tightness again, this need to vomit. But it came as much from old as new memories.
Why would he protect his tormentor? Was he such a sick creature? Stockholm syndrome? he mused. Krad and he were one. He hated him, but he also couldn't but protect him. Like Krad had sacrificed for him in turn.
'Because I'm the host,' he thought dimly. 'Because he owns me.'
--No, Satoshi. I don't own you-- the voice in his head begged to differ.
--You claim me as yours! You treat me like a possession! You always did!--
--You're my host. My responsibility. Mine to protect--
Hikari slumped against the wall and heard Daisuke's outcry. "I'm okay," he murmured.
--We can't live without each other-- Krad whispered. --I won't force my mind on yours. I'll leave control to you-- His voice turned pleading again. --I just want to live… to have meaning outside the curse…--
He had no answer for it; he didn't really understand it either.
"Satoshi?" Daisuke's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "You shouldn't be up and about. You're still weak. You hungry? How about I get you some of Mom's soup?"
He nodded without thinking. Daisuke smiled and helped him back to the bed. He placed a loving kiss on his lips.
"Good. Be back in a flash."
Satoshi groaned softly. When had everything become so bad so fast?
"Hikari."
He blinked at the voice and his eyes widened as he discovered Dark still in the room. He hadn't even felt the energy discharge of the transformation. The kaitou grinned a little.
"I asked Daisuke for a moment. I think you could use some company right now."
"No, I don't. I have enough as it is."
"Well, yes, maybe you do. He's behaving?"
Satoshi pulled his mask on, suppressing the shiver that wanted to race down his body. Dark came closer, his violet eyes holding the dark blue ones.
"You know he's dependent on you, right? He can't exist without you. Just like I depend on Daisuke. You two are our life lines." His voice was soft, almost hypnotic. "We can leave your bodies, but never for long. Krad tried; he nearly died and pulled you with him. We're all locked in a cycle, Hikari Satoshi. We each depend on each other. You and Daisuke, me and Krad."
"Do you trust him?" Satoshi asked hoarsely.
A smirk. "That bastard? Nah. I know myself, and he's me." The smirk disappeared and made way for a suddenly very serious expression. "But I trust him to protect you."
"Like an investment… a favorite toy to use…" he murmured miserably, cursing himself for the show of weakness. "I'm nothing to him. Nothing at all."
"No, wrong. You're a partner. Krad's gotta get used to that, like you do." Dark shrugged. "He isn't going anywhere and neither can you. We can't change what happened, Hikari."
"I don't have any choice anyway," Satoshi told him, voice fatalistic.
Another shrug. "Neither do Krad or Daisuke or me. We're stuck with each other. Our destiny, our fate.. and we still got a job to do."
He stared at the ceiling. Yes, the job. It seemed endless work, tracking down all the artwork, sealing it, but it was strangely fulfilling because it went so completely against his family's own destiny.
He had recovered from the attack, his body had regained its strength,
and life went back to being as normal as was possible with a demon bound
to your soul. Satoshi was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for
the searing pain, the moment Krad tore out of him and annihilated the human
he shared a body with.
Nothing of the like happened. Actually, Krad felt different inside
him than before. It wasn't just because he didn't try to influence him,
didn't whisper in his mind. It was the whole… perception of the entity.
He seemed weaker, still healing from those terrible injuries. But it was
slow. He had been injured and beaten by Dark in their prior fights, and
it had never taken him this long.
Still, Satoshi couldn't let his guard down. He knew it was straining
their relationship, but Daisuke was strangely accepting of the fact. That
hurt Satoshi more than an outright break-up would have.
There had been no more planned thefts – at least of which he knew –
and daily routine was starting to annoy him. He spent as little time as
possible outside, did all his work through the internet, email and over
the phone, pulling away.
He felt cold and lonely.
Just like before.
Gazing around the apartment, the furniture had an oppressive air to
it. All the little mementos, the pictures, the memories hidden deep within,
all reminded him of what he had lost.
I hate you! he raged, but the entity inside him didn't react.
"I hate you," Satoshi whispered, staring at his own reflection. "Hate
you…"
There was a brief curl, like a wince, and the presence retreated even
further. Hikari was intrigued, looking at his alter ego, noting the wounded
look. Yes, he was still injured. And Satoshi's negative emotions didn't
seem to help the progress.
'You don't heal because I don't let you?' he wondered.
He didn't care. Really. Absolutely not.
Everything had been destroyed within a few days. Everything he had
built and had lived for. Everything he and Daisuke had created. Krad was
his curse and while it was necessary to keep him alive, Satoshi couldn't
care less in what condition.
Then why did you protect him so fiercely? a voice whispered sharply.
Why do you even worry.
I don't! I hate him! He destroyed everything!
The sound of a key turning in the lock startled him and he whirled
around, staring as the entrance door was opened and Daisuke stepped in.
His lover shut the door after himself and looked at him, the key dangling
from his hand.
"Sato?" he asked, voice soft, quizzical, almost lost.
"What do you want?" Satoshi asked, voice shaking more than he wanted
it to.
Daisuke just looked at him, those dark brown eyes filled with emotions
Satoshi had tried to chase away.
"Stop running," his lover finally said softly. His voice seemed to
echo in the cold room.
"I'm not."
"You are. Despite everything, you are. Stop doing that, Sato!"
Daisuke approached and Satoshi backed away, stumbling back without
even realizing it. He wasn't that weak!
His lover's gaze bore into his soul. "What does it take to make you
understand that we can only face this together?"
"Dai…"
A warm hand cupped his face, the sensation seeping into his cold skin,
his soul soaking it up like dry earth would soak in water.
"I love you, you idiot. You can't push me away. Not with running away,
not with isolating yourself."
Lips descended on his, forcing the warmth deeper into him, and Satoshi
reacted with a soft sob. He curled his arms around the familiar form, felt
the solid body press against him.
"I need you," Daisuke whispered.
"But…"
Another kiss. "No 'but'. Just 'together'."
Satoshi surrendered to his lover, moaned as nimble fingers slid under
his loose shirt, undid more than just physical bindings and swept him away.
He had never been able to understand how Daisuke could be so open, so forgiving,
so.. emotional – until he had gotten to know him. Daisuke lived and loved
with all his power. It was his strength, his own magic. It had healed a
broken soul that had been abused and used, and it had fused them together.
Blunt teeth scraped over his collar bone and he gasped, arching into
the contact of lips, teeth and hands. He needed Daisuke. He needed him
to live, to breathe and to survive.
Surrendering to the whirlwind of energy and strength, Satoshi sank
back and let passion and need take over.