"Love you," Satoshi murmured, tired but not in a bad way.
Daisuke smiled and kissed him. "As I do you. Whatever happens."
He placed his head on Satoshi's chest, listening to each breath, each heartbeat, aware that inside this beloved body the demon still resided. Dark touched his mind, questing, careful. He had taken his partner with him on this emotional ride, had pulled him along as both men had explored their relationship again, and he hadn't had any qualms, nor had he been embarrassed. Dark was infinitely older than him and he knew these emotions.
He didn't come out, Daisuke mused, following the line of Satoshi's rib cage to one narrow hip.
Neither did I, Dark teased. Our triggers aren't emotional any more. You two are in control
You could force me, I know that. So could Krad
Dark sighed. Yes. I could. I won't
Daisuke felt his lover writhe underneath his ministrations, felt the rousing interest despite the intense encounter just now. He smiled and kissed a semi-aroused nipple, drawing a little protest.
"Dai…"
"I know, I know." Not that he was in any shape right now either.
Young people… Dark laughed. Need more vitamins?
Oh, shut up!
A grin was his answer.
Satoshi stroked over his head, yawning. They both needed sleep and Daisuke didn't feel like moving any time soon anyway. Dark enveloped him in a warm embrace, just like Daisuke was holding his lover, and Dai drifted off.
All his guards were down. He was adrift in the warmth resulting from
the sudden emotional flood that had nearly floored Krad. The demon had
never experienced anything like this before. This need, this yearning,
this primal desire. Satoshi had simply surrendered to Daisuke, had opened
up, had drawn the other man in, and Krad had watched in astonishment.
Now he still watched, gazed at the blue spark that represented his
host, feeling the pleasure radiate off it, the emotional warmth and depth.
He had never experienced Hikari Satoshi this way. Back throughout the first
possession there had been nothing but anger, pain and fierce coldness.
Now… it was different.
He moved closer, drawn to the positive waves, the sheer energy set
free.
What had this been? What had he felt? Krad was confused; utterly confused.
"It's called sex," a familiar voice told him, sounding sleepy and annoyed
in one, as if someone had woken him.
Krad blinked. What…? "Dark?" he asked out loud.
There was a displacement to his left and suddenly he was facing his
other half. Dark tensed immediately, apparently caught as off guard as
Krad.
"What the…?" the kaitou muttered, ducking into a defensive stance.
Krad blinked, confusion rising. "You…" His eyes narrowed and wings
bristled behind him. "What are you doing here?" he snapped.
"I could ask you the same thing, Krad!"
The two so different but still alike beings glared at each other until
a subtle wave of warmth reached Krad and his eyes widened. The echoes of
whatever had happened with Satoshi were still coming in.
"What is this?" he murmured.
Dark frowned, straightening a bit. "You don't recognize it? It's called
afterglow. You get that after good sex. And damn, if they didn't have good
sex just now." An insolent, cheeky smile crossed the kaitou's lips.
Krad's brows dipped deeper.
"Don't tell me you have no idea…" Dark teased. "I doubt all your hosts
were as creepy as Satoshi." At the continued silence, Dark grew uneasy.
"Krad… you never… I mean… what did you do all the time when we weren't
fighting?"
Krad evaded the dark violet eyes, unease rising inside him with ancient
memories. He felt his counterpart's presence close in, but he couldn't
move. Part of him was yearning to experience more of what had just touched
him, the warmth and love and tenderness. The sheer energy of affection.
Another part reminded him of what had been, of the pain and the loneliness
that wish had brought him.
"Krad?"
He looked up, caught off guard, and found himself mesmerized by the
familiar eyes. Dark looked almost sympathetic.
"I always envied you this closeness," Krad said softly, wings folding
around himself like a protective shield.
"Uh… what?"
"With your hosts. You were part of them, despite the fact that our
existence was a curse to the male family members. They accepted you."
Dark blinked. "Uhm, yes… Some more, some less."
"They never tried to banish you," the demon went on. "They never suppressed
you, they never tried to… exorcise you."
The handsome face in front of him lost color. "What?!"
Krad had no idea why he was talking about this, about his existence
– you couldn't really call it a life -- about his past. The warmth around
him made him dizzy with need, made him want to go to his host and wrap
himself around that soul, be there.
Instead he walled himself off. He was a demon, a curse, evil. He had
never been anything else. The Hikari had made sure that he understood his
role and position, had taught him that lesson early on. Through pain and
coldness, through deprivation of human warmth.
"Krad?" Dark coaxed gently. "What happened to you?"
Golden eyes fell on the dark-clad figure, took in the balanced, peaceful
appearance, jealousy rising inside him again. Like he had always been jealous.
No, not always.
They had been one entity once. Residing inside the Black Wings, powerful
and aware, but not really sentient. Krad only remembered always feeling
the echo of another being with him, taking joy and security from that existence.
Then the sealing had backfired and he had been torn out of that unity,
had been flung into a human body he had no idea of, and he had been alone.
He had been forced into a world he didn't belong to, a world of humans.
Still, the hatred hadn't started right away. He had been curious at first,
like a child. This had been new, oh so exciting and new. Amazement had
been his first emotion. Wonder and child-like curiosity. He had wanted
to explore and he had wanted to see where he had come to be.
His first host had accepted the entity now bound to his very blood.
He had loved him… After his death, the problems had started. The future
Hikari had seen him as a curse. There had been no welcome, just wariness.
Then the hosts had become aware of his powers, of their own, improved abilities
when he emerged, and so the abuse had begun. He had been nothing but a
tool, locked away when not needed, called out when the time was right.
All he had felt was distance, coldness and growing hatred. Theirs and finally
his, until that hatred had permeated his very soul and turned him into
the creature he was today.
It had continued for decades, turning into centuries. He awoke in each
fourteen year-old male, then was pushed back into oblivion. It tore at
his very self, flayed him alive.
"Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't found you," Krad murmured,
evading the shocked, wide eyes of his other half. "Early on I felt your
call. I knew you were there and I wanted to meet you. So I searched, and
I found you. I found you and your host…"
And Dark had been accepted. A curse, true, but one that ran in the
family and was part of their lives. Almost normal. Dark was part of the
family, the Niwas, the thieves who had always tried to steal the Hikari
art.
"You had what I wanted… what I couldn't have. So I decided to take
what I could. The host body. Be my own, have no master…"
"They were never our masters," Dark whispered, horrified.
With Krad's words, images poured in, giving him a taste of the hell
his other half had gone through. It was like remembering his own past…
without having ever lived it.
"Yes, they were!" Krad snapped, eyes glowing with the ancient pain.
"They dictated my life! They used me for their purposes as long they needed,
then threw me away! I never… they never…" He stopped abruptly, emotions
flaring.
Dark reached out, trying to touch him, but he stumbled away, emotions
boiling up. No friends, no partnership, just himself. His own survival
had taken priority to anything else. He had tested the boundaries, had
hoped for the day a host would be too weak to resist him. He had found
it in Satoshi, or so he had thought. A child given to him, actually. His
stepfather had made the deal, promising Krad unlimited use of this human
form if he did as he wanted.
"So that's why…" Dark murmured, voice filled with disbelief. "That's
why you fought me…?"
Krad screwed his eyes shut. "You were what I could never be. You had
what I could never even dream of. I hated you for it. I hated every Niwa
for their kindness. I hated their existence. It could have been me. I could
have been bound to them, but I wasn't. I hated you, Dark. I hated you…"
His voice shook.
Dark closed the distance, fingers brushing over the white wings that
lay tightly around the slender form. He felt the tremors easily and Krad
hated himself even more for his weakness. All his shields were collapsing
and his worst enemy was there to witness it.
"I understand," the kaitou murmured. "Now I understand…"
Another echo touched them and Krad bit his lower lip, curling his hands
into fists. Dark just stayed by his side, the simple touch relaying more
than words. For the first time, Krad felt nothing toward his other half
but gratefulness. He was reminded of a time he had nearly forgotten, a
time when they had been one and the same. Those were memories of a time
that could never be again. They had been torn apart – twice now. Each time
both had suffered; each time Dark had been the one who had easily caught
himself, blossomed and gained.
"Why are we even talking like this?" Krad asked after a while, finally
turning to look into those warm eyes.
Gods, he hated Dark. He hated him for being able to feel like this,
for being compassionate, for having all of this. All this warmth…
Dark shrugged, the usual cockiness coming to life again. "No idea,
but it's neat, he?"
Golden eyes narrowed. The kaitou chuckled.
"I guess we gained more than we thought from this second separation.
I mean, I felt you somehow before, each and every rebirth, but I never
thought I could hear you or even see you without our hosts turning into
us."
Krad shivered with unease. Dark was his other half, but to be this
close… in a place where there was no chance to really run, to fight, to
hide…
The hand that had been on his shoulder returned and squeezed it. "Maybe,"
Dark said gently, "you should try again what you did when you first became
aware of yourself inside a human form. Be gentle. Be curious. Be there.
Don't force anything. It's how this works."
"It's too late for that," the demon muttered.
"No. Even someone like you can relearn."
Krad glared at him and Dark grinned carelessly. "Take your cues from
Satoshi. He learned to love after his own far from happy past. He and Daisuke
together. Just… take it slow." He looked around. "Now… how do I get back
to my own host?"
Krad smirked with some of his old malevolence. "Maybe you're stuck
here with me."
Mock horror flickered over the other's face. "No way!"
The smirk grew into a faked evil smile. Dark suddenly saluted him,
chuckling, then dissolved. There was a faint echo of him, a presence that
gave Krad a sense of not being alone, though. He smiled briefly.
'Thank you,' he thought.
Then he turned and looked for his host, seeking the blue spark, the
source of such affection and warmth. It wasn't directed at him and he felt
like the parasite he was for enjoying it nevertheless, but he couldn't
help himself. Satoshi looked so vulnerable, but there was strength in that
vulnerability. Strength taken from his lover. Krad studied the resting
form, not coming too close to disturb him.
Mine, he thought and pride weaved into his musings. Mine to protect,
to hold, to be with. My host. Not just an abuser, someone who would use
him… and not a victim, a sacrifice.
Maybe there was a chance. Maybe he could one day experience even a
sliver of what Dark had, of that envied closeness.
Suddenly the blue spark morphed into Satoshi's body, the two men facing
each other across the expanse of Hikari's mind. Blue eyes met golden ones.
Satoshi had his hands in the pockets of his pants, gazing out from under
the long, light brown bangs, his face giving nothing away. He still radiated
warmth and satisfaction, and it was intoxicating.
"What do you want?" he asked, voice cool.
The answer was so simple, so plain. He wanted Satoshi. He wanted this
mind, this body and this soul. Not as a parasite but an equal; symbiosis.
He wanted life.
Krad remained where he was. They hadn't talked at all in the last days.
He had tried to be as non-existent as possible, gather his own thoughts,
sort through emotions he had never thought he could feel, and find a solution.
There was none he could see.
Satoshi was his existence and his life, he gave him what he needed.
To hurt him would only hurt Krad in turn. There was no ulterior motive
to use this body for.
"You," Krad answered levelly.
Satoshi smirked and looked around the shapeless world. "My defenses
are down…" he taunted, spreading his arms in invitation.
Krad glared at him, aware of the implications and furious about it.
Mine to protect.
Mine.
"No," he simply answered the unspoken challenge. "Not today, not tomorrow.
Never."
Satoshi tilted his head, thoughtful. "Don't expect me to believe you,
to trust you."
"I don't."
Mine to protect. Should this thing that had nearly destroyed them twice
return, he would kill it. Satoshi was his. No one would take him from Krad.
No one.
Satoshi turned away and Krad felt a pang of loneliness. He wanted to
be close to that source of warmth, but he had no idea how without accidentally
hurting his host. So he stayed away, back in Satoshi's mind.
They would need time. A lot of time. Maybe all their now forever entwined
lives.
Mine to protect.
He would hold himself to that oath, whatever it took.