This chapter begins to lay out events important for other chapters. I touch on some subjects that could be potentially difficult for some readers. Please understand that my story is no way a reflection on personal beliefs. This story attempts to raise issues that I have found and added to my story for depth. If you have an honest concern about a representation then please feel free to address it with me; however I try to make it a point to show a multitude of perceptions through the different characters.
All that said enjoy the first chapter.
It was Sunday morning and unlike most girls her age who would be sleeping in, Mina was not one of those. She looked at the clock and grumbled. It was 5:30 and that meant that she needed to get going to get everything done before church that she had to do. More important she didn't want to know what the consequences of her actions would be if she wasn't up.
She rolled out of bed, changed into black leggings and pulled a sweatshirt over the t-shirt she had slept in. There was no need for real clothes yet because she would just end up washing them and needing to repack them. So instead she grabbed her baseball cap and maneuvered her thick mane of blond into a loose ponytail coming out the back of the hat.
After a quick trip to do the morning necessities Mina quietly made her way into the kitchen. Her younger sister, Ruth, was already up and pouring a bowl of cereal since she was the earlier riser of the two. Seeing Ruthie made Mina laugh about their relationship; the two of them were night and day. Ruth was 3 years younger, but she did everything Mina didn't – volleyball, cheerleading; she was the high school sweet heart while Mina was the mysterious artsy loner type.
Even their complexions were different. Ruth had short chocolate brown hair, green eyes and a much shorter and stouter athletic build - all which she acquired from her step-father. On the other hand, Mina had blue eyes, blond hair and was stunningly tall with a slim frame that verged on delicate and refined. Despite these astounding differences the two sisters were the best of friends and Mina wondered what she would do when she no longer lived under the same roof as her sister.
Mina watched Ruth until she was done pouring her cereal and starting to chomp away over the Sunday paper. She noticed that the younger girl still hadn't noticed her presence which was a perfect last chance opportunity. Mina quietly snuck up behind her and poked Ruth quickly in the sides, trying to break the intensity which the girl was applying to her morning ritual.
Ruth whirled around, startled with her hand grasping her chest. "Mina! How dare you? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" she hissed quietly.
Mina simply smiled and grabbed Ruth in a warm hug. "Just messin' with ya, while I still can! Besides I have to give you three months of teasing in 48 hours. You know you're going to miss me when I go off to college next week!"
"Gee thanks Mina. And don't be so sure about that missing you part. I can see it now," Ruth exclaimed, raising her hands in a wide sweeping gesture. "You go to college and then life will get so much better. I'll get your allowance, your old room and then I'll get to wear all of the clothes you leave behind and use everything else you leave laying around. Come to think of it then I won't have to put up with your teasing and neither will the guys I date. Heh, you going away is the best thing that could ever happen!" Ruth exclaimed joyously, shoving another spoonful of cereal into her mouth and blatantly ignoring Mina with a smug grin of satisfaction on her face.
"Geeze thanks," said Mina.
"Well you asked."
"True," said Mina, now grabbing a cup and pouring coffee into it, the only thing she ever wanted for breakfast that early in the morning.
"Ugh, Mina. How can you drink that stuff?" asked Ruth, pointing to the black sludge Mina had in her cup.
"Ruth, one day you will learn that coffee is the drink from the Gods, and you too will need it to get you going in the morning."
"Sure. Whatever," said Ruth, grabbing her now finished bowl of cereal and placing the dish in the sink. "Are you ready to get started?"
"Yeah, ready when you were." Mina quickly downed the rest of her coffee and placed the cup next to the bowl. She quickly slammed the door shut and then both girls headed out the back door towards the barn.
X
Mina hated having to do the morning farm chores, but she knew that it had to be done. Her parents did the job when they were younger, but when she and Ruth had reached an appropriate age they each began to learn the ways of rural town life in Arkansas. Mina's step-father, Jack, had wanted them to learn to ride and so he bought two horses; but it didn't come without the need to groom and feed them every morning. For as long as Mina could remember she had been up at the crack of dawn taking care of the horses while Ruth fed the cows and chickens.
Mina was repeating the ritual of brushing her horse, Midnight, a black stallion. Jack had originally gotten her a pony which she had named Jasmine in the attempts to train Mina. The horse had to be put down because of a bad leg though when Mina was 15. In its place she had chosen the huge black stallion - firstly to annoy her parents, but mostly because he called to her.
Their first meeting had been magical. The former breeder and owner of Midnight expected him to bite her the minute she had approached his stable. However Midnight just stuck his head out and allowed the girl to pat him. The owner had thought her even crazier when she asked to ride him because he had just been broken. Again Midnight had let her saddle him and the two were off and running across the field. The connection was instantaneous and Mina had to have him; she felt like she was the wind on him and he was her escape route and a companion in all her sad times throughout high school as she survived the torment and torture of her class mates and family.
When Mina finished grooming Midnight she quickly saddled him up and took him out for a quick jaunt in the fields behind the house. She was going to miss riding him, but after Tuesday she no longer needed to run away from her present life and imagine herself somewhere else. Her destiny was about to take flight as she headed far away from small town USA and into the arms of city life as she started her freshmen year of college. She felt like the world was her oyster, and no longer would she need Midnight to pretend to carry her towards it. She was finally going to live the dream.
It was the sound of the morning bell form the house that caused Mina to whirl around and bring Midnight back to his stable. Once she had returned him she put on his horse blanket and gave him some extra oats because she knew it would be her last chance to spoil him for awhile.
X
Mina ran for the house as quickly as she could. She knew that if she didn't show up that her step-father would be testy, and she didn't like to go out of her way to push his buttons. Sometimes it wasn't something that could be ignored. Mina had done an excellent job of avoiding him for the last week though, doing her chores in order to stay out of his hair. Unfortunately Sunday breakfast required her presence whether she liked it or not as it was "family bonding time."
As Mina entered the house, her step-father, Jack Russell, was sitting at the kitchen table while Mina's mother was preparing the last of the pancakes. Mina didn't particularly hate the man, but there seemed to be very little that she liked about him the longer she had known him. Sure he cared and provided for her, but she was treated so differently from her sister Ruthie. Mina never won his affection as she would have had liked. She had wanted him to be a real father, but it never happened. Once Ruth had been born any of the affection she had been receiving was shifted to his youngest child. Jack Russell practically doted on his youngest. The result was that Mina had grown incredibly close to her mother for Jack never really understood her like her mother did.
Mina tried not to think about that though as she sat down. Ruth quickly uttered a short prayer of thanks for the grub and the nourishment of it to their bodies. When the prayer ended and Mina slipped her hand from Jack's she couldn't help but feel a chill run down her spine. She just brushed it away though and quietly began to eat her stack of pancakes in a fairly dignified, but quick manner to get read on time. Nothing but being a lady and following the rules would be tolerated in Jack Russell's household as Mina knew all too well.
X
Jack Russell, his wife and his youngest daughter sat in the car waiting. It was five till 9 and Jack knew that if they waited any longer that they wouldn't get any parking at the Baptist Church. The church had grown up so fast in the last few years as the community of the small town of Cabot, Arkansas had expanded. It was almost an ordeal to try to go to a worship service, but one that he felt that was completely worthwhile for his and his family's spiritual well being.
Jack looked at his watch again. "How much longer do you think she'll be?"
"There's no telling Jack," said his wife, Sarah Coleridge-Russell. "She was just about ready when I yelled to her before coming down."
Jack looked at his watch again and could hear the proverbial hands of "Time" ticking away. He sometimes hated his step-daughter's errant behavior and wished that he could instill better values in her. God he had tried, but then she never seemed to be bent or allowed her will to be broken. She would stand just as defiant as before. In fact, in the 16 years that he had been a step-father to Mina he had never been able to reach her in a way that his wife, Sarah Coleridge-Russell could.
"Would you please go get her?" asked Jack in a flustered manner. He hated being late to places, especially church.
Jack's wife, Mina's mother, stepped from the car and ran in to get her errant daughter. She knew that if Mina didn't hurry than there would be consequences to face and she really didn't fancy seeing her husband's temper. He had never been abusive to any of them, but then it was not the most particularly pleasant experience either.
Sarah Russell-Coleridge was nothing but beautiful as she stepped form the car and Jack couldn't help but appreciate his wife. She had short blond cropped hair, a lithe figure for her 41 years, stunning blue eyes and more importantly a great ass that was contoured perfectly under her Sunday red Chanel skirt. A white shirt that modestly splayed her cleavage and the red heel stilettos completed the look. Moreover Jack loved the fact she had class – her only other accoutrements were her gold cross pendant and Rolex. Now Jack was a man of God and never swore, but he had to admit she was a goddamn beautiful specimen; one of the few blessings in life he felt like he had truly been given.
Sarah rushed inside and decided to giver her daughter thirty seconds to come down the stairs before yelling at her. She stared at her watch in much the same manner as her husband. She tapped her foot on the cold kitchen tile. Tick tock tick tock. Tap tap tap. Tick tock tick tock. Tap tap tap. The rhythm was kept up for another fifteen seconds that seemed to last for eternity.
As she waited Sarah wondered how she could have produced two seemingly different children; why could her youngest already be done and in the car while the oldest ran late? One would have thought that after 18 years that the oldest would have learned not to piss her step-father off after the number of shouting matches she had been in. Apparently the promise of college did not bring instant maturity.
Sarah had finally had it. If Mina took any longer than there would be hell to pay. "Whilemina Jocelyn Coleridge if you do not get your bottom down here right now... well I don't care if you're supposed to be leaving for college or not in two days time! If you make us late for church you will be finding your own way to that college of yours!"
Sarah tapped her foot again and crossed her arms impatiently. She only had to wait another thirty seconds though before she heard a loud "Ooof" at the top of the stairs and then the clambering of her oldest child. Whilemina Jocelyn Coleridge practically tumbled down the stairs in her black Anne Klein dress, kitten heels and coral colored cardigan. Sarah, her mother, had to admit that she was pretty and pulled together quite well, although with her daughter appearances were always deceiving.
"Are you ready now?" Sara asked pointedly.
"Yes Mama," Mina replied quickly. "Sorry for running late. I couldn't find my shoes! I accidentally packed them!"
Sarah sighed. "Mina, I told you to try to be more organized. You know that your father is waiting out in the car for you and you know how he gets whenever we are late places!"
Mina merely acquiesced and nodded her head as the mother-daughter pair headed for the garage. She hadn't meant to get so excited about Tulane, but she finally felt like it was her way out of this tiny state. She was so caught up in packing that she managed to pack thing she still needed. She sighed because she knew that another reprimand was coming.
Both Mina and Sarah climbed into the car simultaneously. Mina lowered her gaze from the rear view mirror because she knew that Jack was staring back and looking at her.
"Why are you always late Mina?" he barked. "How is it that your younger sister can act so much more mature and responsible then you? How does she manage to have the same amount of chores as you and then still get ready? You can't keep this up in college Mina, else you're going to fail out."
"I'm sorry, papa," said Mina. "I know that I need to try harder and I promise you I will."
"Good," said Jack. He didn't feel like wasting time on her this morning. She really was nothing more than a nuisance. He put the car into drive and backed out of the garage, trying to hurry so that he could get the best space in the parking lot closest to the church. It was important to be close to God and parking the vehicle as close as he could let Jack do that. For the parking space determined how miraculously blessed owner and car would be; and Jack could never let it be seen that he wasn't a pious man.
X
Sarah watched her daughter in the backseat from her side view mirror. She glanced back and stared as Mina smoothed her skirt and sighed. Sarah could tell she was upset. She knew Mina tried hard and perhaps that was why her annoyance over the situation in the garage dissipated rather quickly.
She could never really be mad or annoyed with her in the way Jack could; she and Mina were practically best friends - a relationship that Sarah didn't share with her youngest. Perhaps the reason was that both mother and daughter were the spitting image of each other. The only real differences were their height; Mina was taller than her mother by about an inch – something that Mina had acquired from her absentee father.
Despite the relief Sarah felt now that Jack and the rest of her family were on their way to church, she was worried about the service and the next 48 hours till Mina left. Sarah knew that Mina would be fidgeting through service and it would be hard to keep her husband from noticing. It seemed that the closer Mina got to leaving, the worse things had gotten in the house. Sarah was sure Mina was avoiding both parents, particularly as Jack had been irate the last few days over the stupidest things Mina had not done something completely right. Sarah had to admit that most of it was stupid, but she would ultimately go and get Mina to redo parts of her chores, becoming the middle man, thus cutting out Jack. Lately it had felt like Mina was more of a problem then a blessing and she had to wonder when that change occurred.
Sarah knew that it had not always been that way with Mina. It was not that Mina was ever disobedient; far from it. She had been happy though and had once believed in the faith and glory of Jesus Christ and his ability to wash away ones sins. However, around her daughter's 15th birthday, about the same time she acquired her horse Midnight, things had changed. Sarah could never pinpoint why though.
From that point on, Mina had pushed boundaries and tested limits, and it had been all that Sarah could take to keep her reined in and in church on Sunday at First Baptist of Cabot, Arkansas. Mina rebuked the pastor's words and said that most of it was a load of garbage. Sarah had told her to shut it and never to say those things around Jack because she feared what would happen if he heard her. Sarah had made it perfectly clear at that point that Mina would continue her church going regardless; so here she was in the back seat. She still hoped that maybe the Grace of God would rub off on her some and wipe away the sins that Mina was bound to commit once she moved to the Big Easy, a city whose motto was "Laissez les bons temps rouler!" or Let the Good Times Roll.
Sarah sometimes thought her daughter's difficult behavior the past few years was a product of growing up in Arkansas. If Sarah had had a choice she wouldn't have raised Mina in Arkansas, but both hers and her ex-husbands families lived in the state. Sarah wondered about Mina's natural father sometimes, due to the regret she felt about Mina. Her first husband, William Coleridge, had been her high school sweetheart. He had split up with Sarah in Jersey after he found out she was pregnant back in 1979 at the ripe age of 22. She and Mina's father had both graduated from the same college in New Jersey and when she had graduated show joined the professional ranks of housewife. After becoming pregnant though and then the split, she needed a definite career change. So she had returned to Arkansas, husbandless and without a job as a pregnant embarrassment to family and friends. All of whom were convinced she clearly had done something to run the wonderfully charming William away.
Luckily, someone upstairs liked her and a job had opened in the Civilian Personnel Dept. out at the Little Rock Air Force Base, only a short distance from Sarah's and her husband's families. While the future had still looked bleak, at least Sarah had been able to provide herself and Mina a home proving she wasn't as daft as they all thought she was.
Life took another interesting turn however and eventually Sarah had met a nice man. She married Jack Russell, her current husband and Mina's step-father when Mina was two. Her husband had been stationed at the Air Force Base and had since then received assignments that kept him there for the better part of a decade, after which he retired to run a catering business. Mina liked him alright, but for Sarah it had been a sound future and a chance at love; perhaps not true love, but a woman couldn't be picky who was strapped with a two year old. In addition it provided a safe future for her and opened doors that otherwise would have been closed to Mina, like Tulane University in New Orleans. An extra parent helped to make sure that she would have a future of the kind that Sarah Coleridge did not. The only cinch was that it forced Sarah to stay in Arkansas all those years and Mina had had to grow up there because of it.
It's not that there was anything wrong with the state or with the people in Arkansas; it's just that it was a small state, with no more than two million people and very few real cities. Sarah and Mina lived forty minutes from Little Rock which had a variety of cultural institutions like the symphony, ballet and even an art museum. However the culture was insular and that had been difficult for Mina for so many reasons. Mina had always marched to her own tune, but no where in Arkansas could fulfill it.
When other kids played volleyball and sports, Mina had been insistent upon ballet lessons and trips to the art museum. When other kids were going to the movies, she was at the symphony or in the youth orchestra playing her cello. Such activities had always kept Mina at a distance from other people, and she had not been included in a lot of high school circles and had very few real friends. It had meant a lot of heartache and struggle, and left Mina feeling rebellious and stubborn – ready to escape from a place that she didn't understand the importance of.
Despite all this, Sarah recognized the real issue at hand – Mina was bound for bigger and better things than this tiny state could ever give her and she was proud of her daughter for that. Having Mina grow up in Arkansas had been like keeping a beautiful peacock in a gilded cage, and now it was time to open that door and allow her daughter to spread her wings. She just hoped that her daughter always remembered where home was and who she was when that door was opened. She and Jack had tried to instill the right values in Mina, although sometimes she wondered whether they had stuck or perhaps were just too traditional for her liberal minded daughter. However what Sarah would never tell Mina was that she had faith and hope in her daughter; Mina would not be like a new bird in flight that had to come crashing down before learning to fly.
Sarah tried not to worry too much about her daughter leaving for New Orleans on the rest of the ride to church. They had very little time left together and she just wanted to enjoy what was left. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at her bubbly blond daughter who merely stared out the window and they started down the road. Sarah hated to admit it, but she knew that she was going to miss that girl.
X
Whilemina Jocelyn Coleridge, often known as Mina for short, tried not to fidget as she sat in the church pew. It was difficult though when she didn't agree with many of her Baptist preacher's over explicit viewpoints concerning touchy issues such as homosexuality and for that matter traditional family life. She was tired of hearing how men were the breadwinners and women should "honor and obey" their husbands; let alone hearing about how homosexual men and women were living in sin. Often she thought that he failed to miss the most important point: "Ye who judge the sinners commit a worse sin. Let no man judge another better than himself." Perhaps her own absurd distortion of the Bible into something that was merely a guide for spiritual living and not an absolute rule book enabled her to tolerate the thought of practicing religion. Given a choice in the matter she was sure she might go Buddhist, but instead tolerated her mother's belief in doctrine by appearing in church on Sunday.
Mina had to admit that she was sometimes overly bright for her own good and so that was why she was trying so hard not to fidget and to keep her mouth shut. If she could just make it the ten more minutes till noon and the end of the service when the Baptist preacher let them out early so that they could all beat the Methodists to the restaurants.
She sighed and began twirling a lock of hair, making a mental check list of things that she still had left to do before leaving Tuesday morning. A) Pack B) Pack C) Pack ... she repeated the word like a mantra and thought about what she could take and should leave behind.
Before she knew it the pastor was asking the congregation to stand up and sing the last hymn, "I'll Fly Away." Mina stood up and sighed in relief. She had to admit that she always liked the old southern spirituals that the church sang – in fact the singing was perhaps the best part of the service. If she could spend every day worshipping God like this than perhaps Christianity wouldn't be so bad.
When the last chord of the hymn was struck on the organ and the clock chimed noon, thus announcing the end of the service, Mina knew that she had made it. She had survived the last possible bit of torture her parents and the state could inflict on her. She no longer had to listen too about how she wasn't contributing to the state by staying in Arkansas for university or of "how expensive" Tulane is and how "could her parents afford to send someone like her to a school like that." Mina had to admit that being a Newcomb girl and going to Tulane, or the Harvard of the South as it was sometimes known, did have its disadvantages – this being the only one. Perhaps if people weren't so swamped in gossip it wouldn't matter; but hey, she had to admit – there really wasn't much else better to do in this town. Little Rock was the closest thing to a safe haven and it was 45 minutes the opposite direction.
Thankfully Mina praised God she had survived 18 years in this hell hole and was relieved when she exited the church – the last time that she thought she would ever have to see that building again.
X
"Mina... Mina! Hey Mina, wait up for me!!"
Mina turned around to see her best friend of 15 years chasing after her as she exited the building. She had to smile as she saw John McAlister running up to her. His brown hair and soft brown eyes belied the hardness of his stern jaw, taut smile and burly frame.
"Hey Josh!" Mina said half heartedly. She tried to be happy, but she was a little sad because she knew that she would be leaving him in less than 36 hours. He had been her anchor so many times in the storms that she faced and the possibility without him was something she had not even fathomed yet...
Josh hugged her as he always did, but this time it was just a little tighter in preparation for her leaving. He had not wanted her to go away, but he knew it was for the best. Arkansas had very little to offer a girl like Mina and she had to follow her dreams and find herself somewhere else, unlike him who had always belonged. "How are you doing?" he asked gently.
"Okay," she replied demurely. While Mina might be excited about leaving, he knew that she was going to miss part of the life where she grew up. Home was home, no matter how much she tried to deny it. "How are you doing? I'm surprised your mom let you come out after me; she'd normally be nagging or yelling for you if you were."
"Nah. Mom is cool. She understands that you're leaving soon. So she's a little more lenient than usual. I give her about 3.5 seconds..."
As if on cue a voice could be heard in the distance. "Josh! Honey!! Hurry up!!"
Mina giggled. It was nice how some things were always the same.
"So you still want me to come over this afternoon?" Josh asked quickly trying to hurry up.
"Sure," said Mina dropping her voice to a whisper. "Who else could I possibly get to be my box bitch?"
Josh feigned hurt. "Oh honey, I thought it was the great sex we had last week! I thought you wanted me more than that!" he exclaimed much louder.
"JOSH!!" yelled Mina. "I've got to go! And besides lover boy... I'm just not your type!"
"No honey, no you're not," said Josh. "I prefer them without such cute pert boobs... and well ya know."
"Oh yes, yes I do," said Mina, giggling again with her sunshine blond hair now flapping gently in the afternoon wind.
Josh whispered, "Just remember... until we leave for college; some things should remain in the closet."
"Not a problem monisseur!" Mina replied cheekily. "Now you better get on before your mom calls you again. I don't care how close we are to almost absolute freedom – if your mom has to call you again, then it won't be a pretty thing!"
"C-ya later then!" he replied. He kissed her quickly on the cheek and then ran off only to turn around and wave to her, barely missing a light pole in the process.
X
The family rode home together promptly after the ending of church in order to have lunch. For Jack Russell church had been particularly good that day. He had been to United Baptist Men instead of Sunday School and then got to help greet the visitors and take the Offertory during the church service. Jack always liked expressing his faith through responsibility to his community and church. Perhaps that was why he was known to those who truly knew him as a kind and devout man, never one to bask in his own glory and pride; although very few knew about his impatience and temper which he managed to stealthily control outside his home.
His physical appearance generally accorded with his humbleness and other wonderful traits – he had mousy brown hair, stood at 6 feet tall, had a plain stern face, and was muscularly built to throw punches when needed. While he was not handsome, he was not without his charms, such as his good heart and his traditional Baptist home values of strength of family; he liked to think that that was what got him such a beautiful wife as Sarah Coleridge nearly 16 years ago.
What Jack Russell had failed to realize at the time was not only was it his charming "home-town" values so to speak that won Sarah Coleridge over, but it was his ability to provide a sound home for her and her child. Yes Sarah Coleridge had and did love him; however there was more at stake in their marriage then perhaps either party would have admitted to at the time. Both parties were ultimately too naïve to realize that underneath it all that part of their marriage was a complete farce when they first met.
This is not to say that Jack Russell did not love Sarah Coleridge though when the two married, because if one asked Jack Russell about his devotion to his wife there could be no question that that was where his heart was. It had not started that way though; it was infatuation with the long legged stunning 25 year old caught his attention and had caused her to marry him in four months. Love did grow though, but it just took time – and this is what happened in Sarah's and Jack's marriage. It was a solid love built on traditional values in which both parties knew their place.
Case in point was that while Jack allowed Sarah to work, he was the primary bread winner and he made the brunt of the decisions in the family. The only time that Sarah was remotely uncompromising was when it came to her daughter. Jack had come to accept that, although it had taken time for him to realize that while he provided Sarah an amazing life, that it would not and could not be enough for her daughter. It had taken him even longer still to accept that Sarah would not idly stand by and allow Jack to make decisions for Mina. In so many ways he could say he knew the bubbly blond headed child that was nearly a woman, but in so many ways he could not. She was an unfathomable mystery and that coupled with the allure of Sarah Coleridge had made her impenetrable.
Jack could say that more than once had he desired to put Mina in her place. He felt like the girl-child did not understand her place in the line of family. He tried so hard to instill the good values of home and faith into her, but he knew that the flame of the devil still burned within her. He felt like Sarah only fueled that fire by adding heaping coals onto it. He could never confirm that though and he ultimately knew that Sarah was loyal to him first and foremost. He had seen to that throughout their years of marriage and made it perfectly clear that that was her first priority and duty.
Yes, Jack Russell never worried about his wife disappointing him; only her daughter who traveled in circles that condemned God by not truly working in real jobs, like musicians, and with men that were in league with the devil.
Perhaps it is for this reason that Jack Russell had to go upstairs to check on Mina. He never trusted another male in the house, even if they were Mina's own friends. Also by some force of nature it was love that drove him; albeit delusional and perverted, but love none the less. It was only when he arrived at her room and stopped to listen however that everything he feared was confirmed.
X
After lunch Mina found herself wading around in the sea of things which once would have been her room. Normally Mina's room looked like a tornado went through it; however it was as if a whole hurricane had hit in its place as she tried to pack.
There were bags and boxes everywhere and a whole wall was already stacked with many of the purchases for her dorm room – like a new comforter and an ironing board that had been bought before leaving. Her mom knew that once everyone got down to New Orleans that they would be invading Target, Wal-Mart and all the other stores that carried household necessities that children had forgotten or simply opted not to bring because it was cheaper to buy them rather than to send them by air-mail. Mina was fortunate enough that her mother could drive her down and that New Orleans was only 8 hours away. Many other kids from places like Portland or New York had to fly down and pack much less than she was bringing.
Mina gathered up the rest of her tank tops and began to stuff them into the black duffel bag her mom had bought her. The bag was meant to hall everything and anything, while taking the abuse of a thousand air plane flights. "Lifetime warranty guaranteed, regardless of what happens" is what the label had said on it. Perhaps that was why Sarah Coleridge had bought it for her; rarely was there anything that Mina owned that lasted longer than 2 years.
Mina sat on her bag, jumping up and down as the tried to get the bag to collapse some more. Her waist length blond hair flounced around, falling into her face and obscuring her view of the entryway. Perhaps she wouldn't have felt like such a fool if she had seen Josh coming through the door and laughing at her.
"So the impenetrable Mina has been reduced to jumping up and down to get her bags closed. Honey I thought that you had hired help to do stuff like that."
Mina blew up on her hair and smoothed a couple of the wry locks out of the way. "Well it's not like Rosie would do this for me," Mina said, referring to the family housekeeper. "I don't blame her for not coming into my room for the last 2 weeks; just look at it. Besides, she's only here during the week and helps with the meals and some of the cleaning – not my pack mule. Also, why do I need her, when I have you?" she asked with a devilish grin.
"Touche, dear. Touche. Where is the best place to start with all of this and what do you need a hand with?"
"The books would be a great place to start," Mina said pointing to a stack. "There's the box for them over there."
"The books it is," said Josh as he started to go through them and load them into a crate.
"So Mina," he asked, "do you really think that you won't miss anything about Arkansas at all?"
Mina shook her head vehemently. "Very little. There's nothing much more for me here. I've progressed as far as I could in the orchestra and in dance; there's little else left in terms of that. It's not like Arkansas also has the strongest program for music and art majors. Also there's only the Arkansas Arts Center; I feel like I need something bigger and I want something more."
"Mina you didn't answer the question. You told me why you were leaving, which I've heard a thousand times. Yada Yada ... it's too small.... Yada yada... the people are too narrow minded; etc. You've gone on and on about everything that is wrong with this place for the last three years. I'm just wondering why you can't see the good. Is it really so bad that you won't miss anything?"
Mina glared down Josh. They had had this conversation before and it had almost resulted in an argument so many times. He failed to see why she couldn't stay and what was wrong with the place; the irony of it all was that he should have known better than anyone the problems this narrow minded little town held.
She shook her head as she let the terrible lie slip from her mouth. "No, no I won't miss anything here. There's not anything here for me. You of all people should know and understand that."
"What are you implying Mina?" Josh asked the edge now apparent in his voice.
"You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about all of the reasons that you haven't told anyone your little secret. The reason you haven't told anyone about your "real" significant other, despite the fact that you pretend to live in a world where I'm your girlfriend, and if not, almost like one."
"Mina, don't go there," said Josh.
"You can't even come out Josh. You can't even come out of the closet and say that you're gay or homosexual or whatever you want to call it. The people here won't accept it and they would have made your life a living hell. You can't even tell your own parents about it," she yelled.
"That's enough," Josh yelled, silencing her. "Mina, for someone who is so incredibly bright, you are so stupid sometimes. Yes, I might not be able to talk about that stuff and about being gay openly, but that hasn't stopped me from living my life or taking advantage of those things that this place has to offer. One day Mina, you're going to regret it... you'll wish that you had not taken for granted everything that you have had in front of you!"
Josh was just about to get up and leave when Mina's door suddenly slammed open. There stood her step-father, his eyes wide and fuming. "How dare you?" he screamed. "How dare you come into this house and corrupt it with your filth! Get your homosexual sinning ass out of my house and don't come back! You are not ever welcome here again!"
"Jack!" yelled Mina. "He's not done anything! Don't treat him that way!" Mina stood up to defend Josh, but the damage had already been done. It was as if her father had confirmed the very thing that Mina had been saying.
"Mina, it's too late and it doesn't matter. Enjoy life down in New Orleans," he said as he walked out the door.
Mina whirled around to face her father. "How could you? How could you?" she screamed again. "He has been my life! He's the one who has made this hell hole of a place livable and this family tolerable for the last 15 years! What gives you the right?"
Jack stared her down. "Don't you ever talk back to me, young lady. I don't care how old you are or that you're leaving tomorrow. I am the man of this house and you will do as I say. Josh is no longer welcome here and you will no longer speak to him. Do you understand?"
"Screw you," said Mina, standing defiantly against him, proud for defending her beliefs and her friend.
She didn't even see it coming, the hand of her step-father lashed out across her face. It hit her so hard that the backlash knocked her to the floor and she tripped over her box, hitting her head on her night stand.
Jack stood there, amazed by what he had done. Never in his entire 15 years around his step-daughter had he ever been abusive. He had never hit a woman till now. He stared at his hand in awe and shock and fled, leaving an unconscious Mina unaided on the floor.
What he had failed to notice though was that there was a pair of eyes watching quietly from a slit where the bathroom door was left open. Once the person behind the door was sure that Jack had disappeared she quietly slipped out to check on Mina. Ruth Russell had heard the entire conversation and knew that something had gone terribly wrong. She never figured that her step-father would ever be pushed into becoming a physically violent man, but then Mina had provoked him. Despite this she hoped that her sister would be okay.
X
An hour later Mina awoke to the feel of a warm rag on her head. She tried to force her eyes open, but when she did her vision was fuzzy at best and all she could make out was a view of chocolate brown.
"Shh, it's okay Mina," a voice said softly. "I heard what happened. Are you okay?"
Mina slowly nodded her head as best she could, although she longed to cry out "no." She knew that doing so would only exacerbate an already bad situation. She only had to survive one more day in this house and it wasn't worth it.
"I'm fine Ruthie," she whispered. "Is there any bruising?"
"No," she said, soothing the rag over her sister's head. "You we're lucky. Why did you do it Mina? You know how Dad is about homosexuals."
"He's not my father," Mina whispered, making it pointedly clear that a man who ever did that to her would not be her father. She didn't know her father and never would; but it would never be that man. "It was Josh, Ruth. It shouldn't have mattered."
"It shouldn't have Mina, it doesn't; but God says it's a sin. Just please, keep your ideas to yourself till you leave; please don't make it worse," Ruth begged.
"I'll try, Ruth. For you, I'll try," she whispered.
"Let's get you into bed. You can finish packing tomorrow Mina."
Mina slowly nodded and Ruth helped her up. The covers of her bed were already thrown back from when Mina had gotten out of bed that morning to feed the horses. She slowly climbed in and Ruth pulled the covers back over her.
"Just sleep, it will be better in the morning."
"Sure, Ruth." She grabbed onto Ruth's wrist before the girl turned away. "Ruth, please, don't mention this to Mama," she added almost as an after thought.
"I won't. Sleep well."
Mina merely nodded and then curled up in a ball. As she kept her eyes closed and tried to sleep, the tears began to fall. She whispered to no one in particular, "I was wrong, Josh. I'll miss you." That was Mina's last thought as the pain of hitting her head lulled her into a dreamless sleep.
X
Mina awoke the next morning to the sound of birds chirping in her window. She slowly rolled over, trying to ignore the rest of the dull throb that was left in her head. A quick glance at her clock told her that she indeed slept well past breakfast (9:00 am) and that there would probably be hell to pay for that. Of course, if there was going to be hell, than Jack would have gotten her out of bed already. Perhaps Ruthie had done her a favor and told a good lie.
There was a knock on the door that caused Mina to startle. She had not expected anyone to come in.
"Who is it?" she asked cautiously. If it was Jack...
"It's just me," said the sweet voice of her mother. Sarah swung her daughter's door open and merely gazed awash at the sea of clothes and things left to be done before her daughter headed out tomorrow morning. She cautiously walked through the room, watching where she placed her foot as she carried the tray of breakfast to her daughter.
"Ruthie said that you weren't feeling well this morning and that we should let you sleep. I offered to check your temperature, but Ruthie said that she had done that too. She said the best thing would be to let you sleep until you woke up and then that you needed to take it easy. She went ahead and did all of your chores for you. The only thing left is for you to take Midnight out for a workout later. She figured that you would like to do that though since it's your last day here."
"Would you please tell her thank you for me Mama?" asked Mina quietly. Mina remembered to say a small prayer to Ruthie for being so incredibly smart and such a wonderful sister.
"Of course I will. Or you could just do it yourself. She'll be back in time tonight for your celebratory departing dinner."
"Where are we going by the way?" asked Mina.
"That's a surprise dear," winked Mina's mother.
"Oh," was all that the poor bed ragged blond could offer.
"Mina dear, I thought that you would be more excited about all of this. I know that you've been wanting to do nothing, but move to New Orleans. Could you please at least put on a smile for me?" asked Sarah.
Mina pained a fake grin for her mother. The whole situation with Jack, and then to top it off with Josh; she had to find a way to apologize to him before leaving.
Sarah couldn't help but note how the smile never quite reached her daughter's eyes. She figured that she must be sad about leaving and that finally it had caught up with her. "Mina," her mother offered slowly, "If you're that sad then we could invite Josh along to come with us."
Mina looked at her mother wide eyed for a moment before quickly shaking her head. "Josh is busy with his family tonight," said Mina, trying to come up with some excuse. She knew that having Josh over after what happened last night would be the worst possible thing that could happen. She also could count on the fact that Jack expected her to make sure that Josh never came over again. Never had he been one to take care of such situations; he merely gave orders and then delegated the responsibility down the chain - just as he had when he was a colonel in the Air Force.
"Oh, well okay then sweetie. Why don't you eat some breakfast and then get cleaned up?" her mom suggested. "Try to pack a couple of more boxes and get some of this straightened up in here a bit. You know that your papa will be upset if you leave this room a mess before leaving. I suspect if you do that either Ruthie will inherit all you leave laying around or it will be off to Goodwill Donations for the needy. I know that you wouldn't want that now would ya?" her mom winked.
Mina let out a real giggle. "I think donating it to Goodwill would be the lesser of two evils. If Ruthie ever got her hands on anything of mine..." Mina play growled.
Sarah joined in with the giggle. Both of her daughter's were fiercely protective of their things and personal space. Luckily both had always innately understood this about each other and stayed out of each other's ways and things. Her daughters had been wonderful in that respect and had never really fought as children, something for which Sarah was thankful.
"Well eat up dear before it gets cold," Sarah said, pointing to Mina's toast and scrambled eggs.
"Sure Mom. Thanks," said Mina gently.
"No problem. Just don't be too long. It's going to be a long day."
Mina merely nodded as her mom left the room. She merely sat in her pink pajamas and wondered how she could possibly make it another 24 hours in this house with her step-father. "You have no idea," she whispered to herself when she was sure her mom was out of ear shot. "No idea."
X
The day went by much faster than Mina actually thought it would and by 2 o'clock she had all of her boxes packed up and in the garage except for a few last minute things that she would need. That left her the rest of the afternoon until dinner free to do what she wanted.
There only seemed to be one logical thing and that was to apologize to Josh. She couldn't leave things as they were yesterday before going to New Orleans. She had to do something about it; even if Jack found out. She would pay the price for it; pay the price for Josh because he was worth it. It didn't matter what the Bible or some stupid Baptist preacher had to say about homosexuals. Josh was a wonderful person who believed in the Grace of God and Mina couldn't deny him. Sexual preference didn't matter and Mina refused to let her family make decisions for her about whom her friends would and should be.
Mina did the only thing that seemed reasonable. She wrote the sincerest apology note that she could and then put on a pair of jeans, her boots and ran for her horse. She would have to hurry to get the letter to Josh's before her step-father came home. Heaven forbid if he saw her going to Josh's house.
Mina saddled Midnight in five minutes flat and was off across the dried brown August fields as fast as the wind would take her, hoping and praying that God would be with her.
X
Jack Russell could not have been happier. His Monday had been surprisingly good. He always liked the beginning of the week because it made him feel refreshed after the pastor's sermon on Sunday. Yes, Monday was the second of God's holiest days.
Jack drove his car up the windy mountain road towards the plateau where he and his family lived. The little road had luckily been paved about three years prior which made the drive so much smoother. Jack loved racing his BMW up the hill and letting it go full out without worrying about the paint being chipped any longer.
As he zoomed up the hill towards his house he couldn't help but notice the black stallion that was racing out across the fields. He caught the shiny head of blond hair flowing full out in the wind like the horse. He instantly recognized the pair and from the direction she was going he knew exactly where the girl-child was headed.
It didn't take but a second for Jack to go from 100% happy go lucky to completely livid. How dare she defy him and go behind his back. He had made the status of hers and Josh's relationship perfectly clear to her and he expected her to obey. There was going to be hell to pay later that evening.
X
Mina reached Josh's house in about 20 minutes which was a record for her. Normally it took her close to half an hour, but she had been riding full out to hopefully have a chance at seeing Josh.
She dismounted her horse and tethered him to a nearby oak in Josh's front yard. She didn't see her best friend's car or any other signs that someone would be home in the two story colonial farmhouse, but she had to try.
She ran up the front steps and rang the doorbell several times. After waiting for five minutes she had not received an answer and Mina didn't have the time to loiter. She walked back down the front drive and pushed the letter into the mailbox. She looked sadly at the house where she had spent so much of her childhood with her best friend. She would miss him and was upset in leaving their relationship like it was. There was hardly anything she could do about it though for time was of the essence in making sure she beat Jack home.
X
When Mina returned home she knew she had no way out. She touched the hood of the silvery car as she climbed off Midnight and found it cool to the touch, meaning that Jack had probably been home for the better part of an hour. He must have arrived just as Mina was leaving. She wanted to curse that man for being so unpredictable on the one day she didn't need him to be.
As she stepped into the barn she was thankful he was not there. Even when she entered the house they did not have the showdown she expected. He simply barked an order at her to get ready, which was enough to warn her not to cross him anymore at the moment. Mina slipped away gratefully, but promised herself if he came near her she would stand on her own two feet and not cower before the mighty Jack Russell as so many others had.
X
Mina did as her step-father ordered and was promptly ready to leave for dinner at 6 o'clock. She didn't let any harsh thing he had to say to her faze her as her family drove to the restaurant. She was strong and defiant. A new point had been made in Jack's and Mina's relationship and she was painfully aware of the place he was trying to put her in. It was not going to happen and she made a quiet stand of resistance over the dinner table to make her point.
Dinner was at an Italian restaurant named Zaffino's. Her parents were relatively animated and her step-father sipped a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon, taking in the flavor and aroma. Dinner passed on by relatively quickly, with lots of small chit chat and no one being any wiser as to what had happened except for Jack. Mina could only assume that her step-father had not told her mother because she had yet to say anything about the incidents. Mina's mom always had her two cents worth to add and increasingly it was following onto Jack Russell's rules and advice on how to live.
In suddenly dawned on Mina as she sat there where the allegiances in the family were. If you weren't with Jack then you were out. She knew her mother would never disown her over something like that, but then again she did realize her mom and sister both thought of her as 'the black sheep in the family.'
Yes, she was definitely black. She looked at the way her mother and her sister Ruth carried themselves at the table. Both sat tall and stern, but with their heads just ever so slightly lowered. Rarely did they make direct contact with Jack in conversation. They were afraid of him somehow, yet Mina had never been, not even after what he had done to her. She stood tall because her pride, confidence and self-assurance in who she was demanded it. She'd be damned if a man took it away from her and told her how to live her life. She would never be her mother and settle for second best; she would never give up her dreams or be forced into a situation where she needed a man. She was stronger than that; better than that.
Dinner eventually finished with the situation of what happened with Josh never brought up. As she stared at her mother and sister she knew that she had lost part of them over dinner with her realization. She wished she wasn't, but then that was how life was – children grow up and do their own things. For Mina that meant leaving Arkansas despite all of the good things there. She didn't belong in the community or with her family any longer and freedom was frankly not coming fast enough for her.
X
Jack Russell couldn't leave his step daughter as she was after dinner. She had been too quiet and that was not good. It was not enough that he had accidentally hit her; he had to make sure that he instilled the wrath of God into her before leaving. He wanted to make it perfectly clear that even though she would be in New Orleans that he was still the Master of the family and that until Mina was married off, preferably the sooner the better, that he would be in charge.
He didn't regret what happened yesterday although he had initially been horrified by himself. He was convinced that it was Mina's fault and someone had to teach her. God might not condone violence, but he had used it to fell his enemies at Jericho in the Old Testament. Great battles had been fought in order to bring God's word to the kingdoms of the world. People sometimes had to suffer for the Grace of God and there were some rules that just had to be upheld. One of these was that the women in the family knew their place and that the man was in charge. There could be no doubt about that before Mina left and she had to know her place. Jack wanted to make it poignantly clear that if Mina should do anything to muck this up then there would be hell to pay for it.
Jack approached Mina's room and knocked. He waited a moment, expecting a response to come back, but after a minute there was none. He thought that Mina must know it was him and therefore was just ignoring him. He decided to go on in, but she was not there.
Jack then knew that there was only one other place that she could be – out with Midnight in the barn. Things could not have gone better if Jack hoped. He was going to be able to do this with no
one being the wiser for it.
He marched down the stairs and into the stable, and there was Mina standing outside the stall of her horse. She was nuzzling his nose and feeding him carrots, much to Jack's dismay. That horse was too spoiled and cared for; he would have to make sure to get rid of it the minute Mina left for college. It was nothing but a hassle anyways and he had no desire to take care of it.
Mina never heard the footsteps of her step-father coming up behind her. She felt his presence before she even had a chance to turn around and respond. Jack cornered her against the fence, not allowing her to have any room to escape. Mina was pinned without anywhere to go.
"How are you doing this evening, Mina?" asked Jack quite sharply.
"Fine," Mina whimpered. She had never been afraid of Jack, but after her experience with him last night she knew not to push back despite standing strong. She merely let him have his way with the situation and hoped it would come out alright. She knew she had been lucky before and she didn't want to find out what other things he was capable of.
"Mina, let me make something perfectly clear to you. I don't care that you are going to be out of this house in less than 12 hours and on your way to New Orleans. I control the money in this house and I'm the man of the house. If you should do even the slightest thing to embarrass me or this family while you are down there then the plug will be pulled immediately and you will no longer be a part of this family. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir," said Mina while standing perfectly bone still. She was afraid if she moved that he would strike her. She merely held her ground and did not whimper, for to show fear was to allow him to gain an entrance.
"Good. Now that we understand each other, I suggest you hurry and get back into the house soon. Your mother is going to want to leave early in the morning because the two of you have a long drive ahead of you. She wants to beat the traffic into Little Rock and I don't want you to be the thing that is holding her up."
"Yes, sir."
"Goodnight then Mina," said Jack has he turned around and walked off.
Mina let out the breath that she had been holding, relief filling her. She thanked the Blessed Lord and Virgin Mother while she was at it that she had been so lucky and that a second incident like yesterday afternoon had not ensued. She was so glad that she was leaving tomorrow morning and getting away from Jack because their relationship was becoming dangerous. A new boundary in their relationship had been crossed and Mina did not want to think about the new possibilities that had opened since Jack had laid a hand on her.
X
After spending another hour with her horse Midnight, Mina went back into the house. All of the lights were turned out and she knew that everyone had gone to bed. She quickly made her way upstairs and peaked into Ruthie's room. She kissed her little sister on the cheek and whispered a good night to her, praying to the Lord that he would protect her from Jack. Mina had an inkling though that Ruthie would never have those problems. She was the adored golden child and of Jack's own blood so she would most likely never lay a hand on her.
Mina made her way to her room and changed into a pair of blue boxer shorts and a t-shirt. She climbed under the covers and prayed to the Lord to protect her and give her safe and warm dreams of happiness. She prayed for her to get to New Orleans safely and for her to hopefully escape Jack Russell, because she knew that he was a dangerous man. She also prayed for Josh and his own forgiveness for her behavior.
Why her mother and step-father always thought her devoid of God, Mina would never understand why. She always said her prayers even since she was a little child. What her parents failed to understand was she just didn't believe in God the way they did. She preferred Christ and his love of the New Testament. Long ago Mina decided that God's will was not so absolute that there were places in heaven for all his children. God meant for the world to be imperfectly perfect otherwise his children would never learn. It was with that thought that Mina comforted herself as she drifted off to sleep. She was an imperfect child of the world and was glad for that, for shortly it would embrace her with open arms.
Hope you enjoyed. Again if there were things you felt were difficult, please wait for some of the later chapters to come out for they will begin to add more depth and perceptions to these issues of Christianity, homosexuality, small town life vs. city life and other points I have begun to address.