First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE! If you don't like the story, then don't review. My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.
I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!
There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.
Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.
Lastly, please review. I live for reviews!
How I Really Feel – Chapter Two Naruto
I'm a loser. I'm a loser and a demon, the two traits that create me, Naruto Uzamaki. I'm not handsome like Sasuke. I'm not intelligent like Shikamaru and I'm not calm like Kakashi-sensei. I'm just a dobe.
A dobe, huh? I never really believed that I was one, but after hearing so many people call you that for so many years, you begin to believe it. How can these villagers call me useless, a demon, and a dobe when they don't even know me? Is it my fault that I was sacrifice to hold the Kyubi? Did I hurt anyone from this village myself? I believe not, yet that of which I hold in me did. Why is it that I'm the one who suffers when it is me who is protecting them from the Kyubi's wrath. It's lucky for them that my will is strong, for if it wasn't then they would have died by now.
The Kyubi. Why was it me that had to take on the burden of this problem? Why was I hated for things that I did not cause? Is it because everyone needs someone to blame for life's disappointments? Am I something that you can hurt and ignore until you get bored of me? Am I just something that people use to walk on and spit at?
It's sad for me to know that I can count all the people who care for me on one hand. Iruka-sensei, you look out for me for years now and although I love you, I can never convince myself that you love me. I know you care for me, but love? A part of me feels that maybe you had to care for be since you were my sensei and all. Now that I think about it, you cared about all your students, but thank you anyway. I know that you would never force yourself to care for anyone if you didn't want to.
Shikamaru, you are the laziest bastard I have ever met. I can't believe that you out of all of us pass the Chunnin Exam. Who would have known that that would have happened? Well, I knew that you would pass. You are the most intelligent person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and that is including pervert-sensei and the Hokage! You and I, we connect on a certain level. I can even say that we are friends, although not as close as you and Choji are. When I woke up on the day before the last Chunnin exam, you were the one beside me with a basket of fruit. Man was I surprised. I never did thank you for that. The confrontation with Gaara in Lee's room was also unbelievable. We sure work well together, Shikamaru. I honestly would follow you in battle anytime as your follower.
Tsunade-sama, or should I say Hokage-sama, but I would prefer to call you ba-chan. The day that you kissed me on the forehead made me feel…special. I never felt that way before. It was like a kiss that you would receive from a loving older sister, not that I would know. You gave a feeling that I always wanted to feel, affection. Sure, you hit me, I call you names and we argue, but that is what people who care for each other do, I mean, look at Sasuke and me!
Speaking of Sasuke, he and I have a very strange friendship. I hate him and he hates me, yet we look out for each other. Somewhere deep, deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside of us we have a small spot of love for one another. I guess that love can be described as a brotherly love. You can say that he and I are best friends seeing as though we don't have that many guy friends, especially Sasuke. With each day, the enormous hate that I have for him is disappearing. Don't get me wrong, I hate him for all the stupid things that he does, but the hate for him that I use to have for him about Sakura is fading quickly. Now that I look at her, the feeling I once had for her seems fake. Maybe it was her looks that I like. Lee-kun and I must have looked like complete idiots to go after a girl like her. She is okay towards you Sasuke, but nasty towards anyone who goes against her precious Sasuke-kun. Just look at her friend and her…well, her ex friend. What kind of person breaks off a friendship for someone you don't even know. I would have kept my friend if I were in her shoes seeing that I use to yearn for companionship at that young age. I guess I can understand why you ignore her like you do. She is annoying once you look pass her face. I protect her and comfort her all the time yet all I get for it is either a hit on the head or her famous question, "where is Sasuke-kun". She needs to focus on her training and her attitude. I can't remember a time where she actually helped us a great deal in any of our missions, can you? At least TenTen helps Neji's team, but Sakura seems useless. I'm not trying to be mean, but she is. I bet with a little more focus training, she can be as strong as us, but she chooses to be besides you, drooling and daydreaming. You can take so much before you start to loose respect for someone. You have to admit that once she realizes the error of her ways that she can be pretty nice. Her visit to Lee proves that, however, I will always remember how she treated me. It was actually worst then everyone else. You and I know that she is smart, but she is quite dumb and insensitive when it comes to people who have crushes on her, but who am I to throw stones. I am the most insensitive jerk of them all. The one person who cares for me the most is the one that I ignore.
Hinata-chan. How come I never notice you before? You aren't someone that can be forgotten easily. Your white, beautiful white eyes can never be erased from my brain. Your frantic touching of fingers because of your shyness is quite cute. Your modesty, your kindness and your personality are unforgettable so why is it that I never notice you until now? Was it Sakura? What am I saying, it must be because of her. My life used to concern only her. Nothing else was important to me besides being Hokage.
Hinata-chan, I never notice what a lovely name you have. It's very unique and pretty. Sakura is a common name, but in Kohana, you don't see a lot of Hinata. Now that I see you standing on a hill by yourself looking at children playing, I can see what a wonderful person you are. You're beautiful, strong, caring, loving, everything that I would want in a wife. Maybe we can go out sometime when Kohana is out of danger.
You look so sad standing there, Hinata-chan. Who is making you so unhappy? Is it Neji? Your family? Is it a certain guy, because if it is then I will hurt him for you, Hinata-chan? You are destined to be happy just like I am destined to be Hokage. Don't be sad. Smile. You always look so beautiful when you smile; sadly, I notice that you don't smile much. Not that you frown or anything. You have this look that states uneasiness or that your uncomfortable. A face that holds a mask, a mask just like mine. Your neutral mask holds back the sadness that you feel. My happy mask holds back my sadness also. Both Sasuke and Neji have cold masks to hold back their pain and a few others have masks as well. Sakura-chan, Lee-kun and Ino-chan don't have masks. They don't know the pain that we feel. They have loving families, friends, and acceptance, not like you and I, Hinata-chan. We work hard, we study hard, we practically kill ourselves to be better than what they name us, but we never get praised. No one pats our heads, kisses us on the forehead or yell out a "good job" to us, do they Hinata-chan. All we get is the silence that follows with the wind. Your eyes show me that you understand me Hinata-chan. You're always there for me. You give me ointments, you give me small complements and you gave me your friendship. They are like the energy that I need to be better. You make me feel strong, Hinata-chan. You make me feel powerful. You are the reason why I wanted to beat Neji up so badly. Were you happy, Hinata-chan that I got revenge for you? Were you proud of me?
I see you at night sometimes. I see you sit under one of the trees in our training ground and looks sadly at the moon. On rainy days, I see you cry, your tears mixing with the raindrops. When it rains, I always feel sad knowing that this would be the time that you would cry. You are the only person that I know who cries only when it rains. Don't cry, Hinata-chan. Smile. If you have to cry, come to me. I'll make those tears go away.
I'm crying right now. Seeing you look painfully at those children makes me remember both our pains. Look behind you Hinata-chan. Know that I know how you feel. Come and let us hide in the woods till nightfall so that we can wait for the rain to come. Let us cry together and ease our weary souls. Let us forget our pride and our masks and let us cry till our bodies hold no more water. Let us be free of our lives for one day. Let us be free from the villagers. Let us be free.
You never called me a demon. You never called me dobe. You never looked hatefully at me. You always looked kind, Hinata-chan. You don't make me feel like a demon or a dobe. You make me feel like Naruto. You make me feel like a human, and not many can make me feel that way, not even Iruka-sensei.
I'll protect you, Hinata-chan. I'll make sure that baka Neji won't hurt you ever again. I'll make sure that the curse of the Hyuga family will change. I'll make sure that I will grow strong and be Hokage so that I can finally deserve someone as precious as you. That is what you are to me, Hinata-chan. You are one of my most precious people, and I will never let you go. I'll wipe those tears away. I'll make you smile with one of my corny jokes. I'll open doors for you, I'll spread my jacket over a puddle on the street so your shoes don't get dirty and I'll hold you close to me when you feel like crying.
Lets leave together and walk to the woods, Hinata-chan. The sun is almost gone now. Lets sit near the tree you always sit at and comfort one another. Let us change our fate. Let us heal together.
Let us finally get rid of our masks forever.