First off, NO FLAMES PLEASE! If you don't like the story, then don't review. My weak heart cannot take the abuse of flamers.
I do not own Naruto nor will I ever…I do wish that I did though!
There will probably be some grammar mistake so don't hate me for it, please.
Since this fic is the character's inner thought, their personality might be a little different then how they act.
Lastly, please review. I live for reviews!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I notice that I spelled the name of the village wrong. Thank you, Xoni Newcomer for bringing this to my attention. So the village name is Konoha, not Kohana. Sorry for the mistake!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How I Really Feel – Chapter Three Neji
Protect the Main House with your life.
It seems that I did everything but this. All these years of pain and frustration, only to realize that most of my problems lies within me. Destiny is it predestined or do we shape it? I still do not know. Destiny. How can one word change me so much from the boy I use to be?
Hinata-sama, you were the one that took the weight of my anger, you who did no harm to me, you, the only one to show me respect from the Main House. You took everything that I threw at you without any harsh words for me. You took every intentional push or shove without activating my cursed mark. Why do you hesitate? Was it because you and I was each other's very first friend?
…How did everything change so much?
Do you remember, Hinata-sama, when we first met? You were with your otousan and I'm with mine. I remember that I said you were cute. You really were cute, Hinata-sama, not that you aren't now. You were shy then too, Hinata-sama. I remember that I couldn't see much of you because Hiashi-sama's legs covered half of your body. Do you remember that when you finally talked to me that we became quick friends?
That was the same day that I got my curse. It was odd what happen after that day. You and I were closer then ever. I looked out for you, and you looked out for me. We played together, we sang together, and we practically hung out with one another all the time. It was…fun. I remember that I hardly ever trained during those times.
Back then; I hated training because it meant that I wouldn't get to be with you, but then otousan told me one day that he and I would get to spend a training session with you and your otousan. I was so happy. My father told me that I must protect the Main House with my life. I agreed because I knew that I wanted to protect you most of all, Hinata-sama. At the moment that I agreed, I hear my otousan scream in agony beside me. I then did not know what my curse did once activated so I sat beside him confused and worried.
Back then, no one ever did mention on why I had the marking on my forehead. I never knew that I was a bird in a cage.
I never really paid attention on the difference of the Main House and the Branch House. The only thing I ever thought about was when I would get to see you once again so that we can go play out in the garden. I thought that serving the Main House was normal. I served you your meals, I walked you home from any play area, I made sure that bullies never harmed you, not that you had any. I thought much on what I did. I only thought of whom I was doing it for. In a way, I was a bird singing in a cage, not knowing that I was held against my will.
I remember clearly now that you never did like me serving you. You looked sad really when I did these things. The only time you were happy was when we would play, Hinata-sama. You smiled a lot back then. I notice that you don't now though.
I was always happy then, Hinata-sama. I had no care in the world at all, but eventually that all died on that day. The day my otousan died.
That was the day that someone told me of the true meaning of the curse that I bare. I was shocked. I was angry. I was empty. How could my family betray me? My own ojisan sacrificing his niisan to save his own life! It was then that the Main House had a place in my heart, a place that never existed before, my black half of my heart and you, Hinata-sama, were unlucky enough to be place there as well. My cage was being rattled and I was getting agitated.
Our hangouts cease, out conversation time eliminated, our everything…gone. You needed to be erase from me at all cost. I didn't want to have a Main House brat hanging around me at all. For a six year old, I could be very harsh. I shoved you, I pushed you, I yelled at you, yet you still came to see if I wanted to play. You were looking inside my birdcage, seeing if I would sing once again.
During serving time, I dropped things on you, forgot to pick you up when you left somewhere, and I stopped protecting you altogether. It was easy for me to do so since you were a part of something that I hated so much.
I did this for so many years. I had no room for laughter, I had no room for joy, and I had no room for you.
You tears made me laugh, you fear gave me strength, and the hopeless look in your eyes made me feel powerful. I wanted to prove that you are weak, or should I saw I wanted to prove that the Main House is weak. By picking on you, I proved to myself that I was better, stronger then the Main House.
You came to me less and less and I didn't care; yet you took it so hard.
You cried more and more each day, the happiness in you dying every passing minute. You grew weaker, while I grew stronger. I was picking at the lock on my cage.
You trained with your otousan each day, and I left the dojo and went to the woods by myself. No one was there to train me on our bloodline limit, so I trained myself. The day your otousan replaced you with Hanabi was the happiest day of my life. I and everyone else left you behind as the loser you are to be stepped upon by others. You were no longer needed.
I went to the academy to become ninjas after that day you were replaced, and you came to the academy a year later. We didn't see much of each other during those times since we were both busy with school, sensei's and missions. Then we finally see each other again on that day. The day of the Chunnin exam. You came back to my cage, halting me on my mission of being free.
I finally notice you when you went to that Uzamaki boy. You were handing an ointment for him when he fought that dog boy from your team. How I loathed you so much, Hinata-sama. When the scoreboard showed our names, I couldn't hold back my grin when I saw your horrified face.
This is the day that the Main House will finally fall.
I loved how you shivered from my insults, Hinata-sama. You eyes betrayed your feelings and you should know by now that you cannot hind anything from me. I can remember telling you that you cannot change your weakness. I almost had you until Naruto Uzamaki opened his big mouth. I bit your finger the moment you touched my cage.
You looked different after his statements, but it matter not to me. The battle will begin and I wanted to end it quickly so that I can move on to the exam. You hits were slow and sloppy so of course I landed a critical hit on you quite easily after a few of your punches. I knocked you down, yet you wouldn't stay down. Each time you fell, you came back up.
Your words angered me, Hinata-sama. How can someone like you change yourself? I would have killed you that day if it weren't for our senseis. With you and everyone else in from of my cage, I just gave up escaping.
Naruto. He was angry for what I did to you, Hinata-sama. He vowed on your blood that he would defeat me. Oh, how I laughed inside that day.
A loser will always be a loser. He would never win against me.
That day he and I fought was like the day that you and I fought, boring and wasteful. He was below me, just like you were. When I hit him with the sixty-four strikes, I smiled. The look on Naruto and your otousan's face made me happy. I bet your otousan was seething because someone from the Branch House learned a Main House technique. The look on Naruto's face was more rewarding. I clearly won this battle.
Who would have known that I would lose that day?
He said that he would change the Hyuga family for me. Was he joking? He, a nobody, changes the Hyuga? Yet, I can't but think that he might be able to do this. He did after all change Hinata-sama for those few minutes that we fought.
When I was taken away, Genma-sensei told me something I did not realize.
A caged bird will keep on trying to escape it's cage until it is finally free.
That day, Hinata-sama, your otousan told me the true of what happen to my otousan. He gave up his life willingly so that he can change his destiny. My otousan did what he felt was best for him that day. I was happy. The truth was finally revealed. You otousan kneeled to me, Hinata-sama. I knew that I had to forgive him.
And now, all I have is regret. Regret because I know that nothing will ever be the same as it was back then. Inside, I never really hated you, Hinata-sama. I just hated what you represented.
I miss a lot of things, Hinata-sama. I miss playing in the garden with you, I miss talking to you, and I miss you.
Things will never be the same. You fear me and I fear what you will say to me. Now I see you walking away with Naruto towards the woods. You two make a nice couple, though I will never say that out loud to anyone. He understands you, Hinata-sama. You both experience pain that I would never understand no matter how much I think I do. You both will heal each other, while I'll try to think of ways to make it things up to you Hinata-sama.
I just hope that you will forgive me, since you always did mean a lot to me…my little omouto.
And I hope that you forgive me too, otousan.
Protect the Main House with your life. I'm sorry that I didn't follow through with my promise. I promise that I will now.
You meant the most to me, otousan. For the four and a half years that I've known you, you were the world to me. I wanted to be everything you were. To have you taken away was the greatest downfall of my life. You are the protector of our family. You were supposed to be here for okasan, and me but you died instead.
Since I know the truth now, my pain has lessened somewhat, but I always had a question in my mind every time you told me those special seven words.
Protect the Main House with your life.
If I'm to protect them, who will be protecting me? I'm strong, yes, but even a king needs his knights. I'm asking you now father, who will be protecting me with you gone?
Am I to be forgotten? Am I getting the punishment for hurting Hinata-sama? Is this your doing, otousan? Are the heavens angry that I was such a fool?
I don't want to be forgotten. I fought to make a name for myself in the Hyuga family.
I don't want to be forgotten.
If I were to die, who the Konoha know who I am?
I don't want to be forgotten.
I want to make a name for myself. Not as a Hyuga, but as Neji.
Protect the Main House with your life.
I will, otousan, but I also have other things that I need to do. I'll protect the WHOLE family. I'll change the Hyugas alongside Hinata-sama and that baka Naruto. The three of us will change our destiny and change ourselves.
The three of us will change for the better. We will work harder for our lives, otousan, and do you want to know why that is?
We do not want to be forgotten.
PLEASE READ- This fic is only the thoughts of the characters of Naruto. Technically, there is no real plot to the whole story. Sorry if I didn't mention this before.
- HOWEVER, I was thinking of making another fic after this one that has a plot and character interactions that is based on this fic. I was thinking of making the story a drama/romance thing where it will be the aftermath of this fic (so that means Naruto and Hinata will go out and the other characters will do whatever I decide for them to do). Do you think that I should do it? Please tell me yes or no in your review. Also, give me some ideas on who I should couple with who (note that Naruto and Hinata WILL BE TOGETHER).
- Oh, and I'm sorry if some of the Japanese words (there's only a few) are wrong. I hope the word "otousan" is right for father and "omouto" is right for little sister. I got this from someone so I don't know if it's right. Tell me if it isn't.
- Thank you for reading! Please review!